The ow's mother has lived with her since the the oc was born.Oc will be 2 next month. Aboout 3 weeks ago ow's mother went back home to her country for good. Now ,the ow expects my h to take up the slack for her mother. Yesterday she called him late in the afternoon to tell him that she couldn't get to the daycare in time and would he go pick her up. He called me on the way to her city about an hour and a half a way, to tell me waht was going on. He came home late and was excited because the oc ran up to him when he picked her up. She usually ignores him because he doesn't see her that often. After that He went to ow's apt to wait.Obviously he has a key. <P>Now ,how am I suppose to react to this. Yes ,it's a step that he even called me, but this isn't going to float. We had already discussed the fact that he wouldn't be helping and enabling her to continue to need him. Now he says he will go in those cases when she will be late. THe ridiculous thing is that the ow works 3 hours away and has the oc in daycare where they live. Why? To drag my h in. This has got to change. It isn't going to work. Regardless of how everything else is between us, this will bring us back to square one. My therapist wants me to try and get my h to come to a session with me. I don't know if he will.

Dear Blue:<P>Your situation is so difficult because your husband, like mine, puts you low on his list of priorities.<P>While we have no contact with the OC and probably never will, my husband rarely considers my feelings, my needs, or anything to do with me.<P>Unlike you, I am determined to begin again alone, without my self serving spouse, and start a new life. In fact, I am looking forward to it. It finally came to me that I had done all the work, made all the effort, worked the hardest at recovery without much effort from him and that even if he is not cognizant of my worth, I am.<P>When my husband spent the past month mean as a snake and refusing to look at me or speak to me, shifted all the blame for all his deeds onto me in an attempt to live an illusion and build a case against me, I realized it was either his or my survival. I chose ME.<P>When the husband continues to intermittently disrespect you after three years (in my case), refuses to fight for you or the marriage, is unwilling to acquiesce to you in any manner or displays old behavior that indicates no change will ever be forthcoming, we are spinning our wheels with someone like that and are doomed to a life (we only have so many years here) of history repeating itself.<P>He almost had me suckered into this marriage again. He was so wonderful and so loving and focused on me for almost two years, but that's as far as he could take it. His own self interest reared its ugly head and his needs and desires came first. He made me the 'bad guy' and laid on me a major bum rap. This is something I absolutely cannot tolerate and I am mad as hell.<P>Now, all of a sudden he is being sweet and compliant again. Because he is scared. He knows he is loosing his support system, that he played the game too long, that he has pushed beyond the scope of what I will endure, that he has crossed the boundaries...he is loosing the life manager who takes care of the details, the bullshyt and the fallout. He is loosing his laudress, his cook, his housekeeper, his income source. Oh my! What WILL he do???<P>Blue, you come here with the same old story, different day, like I did. Complaining about the same stuff time after time, like I did. Someday, when you have had enough, like I have, you will take steps like I have to save the rest of your life, too.<P>The only reason my husband got away with being a jerk in the past is because he was faithful to me. Now that this is gone, I refuse to put up with his reckless, thoughtless behavior any longer, because it just ain't worth it to me.<P>I hate living with someone who so completely disregards me, gives no thought of what he is doing to me or cares. He doesn't care how he hurts me and makes no attempt to temper the hurtful behavior and there is no more room for anymore chances. There is a statute of limitations here and I have run the gauntlet and fought the good fight and lost (or won, depending on perspective) so I can move on without any guilt whatsoever, knowing I did everything I could. <P>So can you. You must decide if you even want to live like this anymore and start doing something to make what time you have left on this planet positive and spend time with people worthy of you.<P>Get strong and stay strong.<P>Catnip =^^=

Well/ I just spoke to my H about therapy, he agreed. Not only did he agree, but it's the first time I have actually felt compassion from him. He was hugging me and saying I understand. He didn't try to defend himself or justify his actions, he was just listening. I am in total shock. Normally he would put me down for the therapy and tell me that it's all in my head, but it was acomplete turnaround. Last night while I was waiting for him to come home ,I prayed and begged for understanding. I told God that I couldn't take it anymore and asked to please have some peace and understanding. I couldn'tt ake it anymore. I am not going to put all my hpoes in this ,but I haven't seen him behave this way since all of this happened.