My H and I had a falling out a week ago.Things haven't been the same since then. Very tense and cold.Before that we had had a few months of progress and a lot of openess and talking.Therapy was helping.He was opening up about oc and ow. Now he just left this mornign with just a few words ,camera in hand.I have no idea if he's going to see them or not. He was starting to include me, but now it seems a sthough everything is back to sqaure one. If it wouldn't be for my children's heartbreak ,I think I would end this. <P> I spoke to the 700 club as I have in the past, the counselor told me to hold strong and do what I can to keep hi away from ow.She said that since the ow is an atheist and my H isn't Christian , the devil would love to see them together. Two lost souls raising a child. I shouldn't be surprised that when things are going so well, the devil strikes agaisn.Knocking me for a loop. THe 700 club also told me to "walk by faith,not by sight" and "greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the world" I am trying to hang on.The evidence that I found points to my H and Ow sleeping together. I was shocked and heartbroken.He doesn't know about all of the evidence I have found ,but his reaction to what I showed him was defensive and angry. Accusing me of setting him up. God please help me!

Blue,<P>I sorry things aren't going the way you want them too. I just wanted you to know your in my prayers and thoughts. I hope you feel better.<P><BR>Unsure

I am sorry that things are hard for you right now. I will be praying for you too.<BR>Keep your faith and your chin up. Easier said then done, I know.<BR>I don't know how I will be on OC 2nd b-day... I will try to not be too emotional. H has a court date the day after so most likely we will be dealing with that. <BR>You are right, just when you get a grip on everything, the old devil likes to come in and shake things up...<BR>Praying that you will stand firm....<BR>Hugs,<BR>Twiisty<BR><P>------------------<BR>sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up....

BlueOO:<P>I don't know your story, if your OC is 2 you must be dealing with this a long time. I am 7 mo. DD, and the ups and downs are the hardest part of the whole thing. It seems WE know what we want & how to get it, but our WS cant seem to stay focused.<P>On one of these threads, someone was talking about how they were trying to handle things. She said she was trying to put the past in the past, and concentrate on being a good friend & playmate to her H. I thought that was very wise, & I wrote a note & hung it on my dresser (out of my H' view,) & it said "be a good friend, do what good friends do." That includes not just doing fun stuff, but the kind of talking & empathy that friends show each other.<P>I know by now you've probably tried everything, but if you haven't tried acknowledging to him that you know this is difficult for him, and your there to help him sort out what he wants to do, might help. My H is always touched when I tell him I know this is hard for him...Having a baby out there he thinks is his, & not knowing her, seeing her, being in her life. My H loves kids, so it IS hard for him. Sometimes his eyes tear up when I tell him I know this.<P>I try to offer my support for what ever direction this situation takes. What ever HE wants,... cause even though I want him to take into account my wishes & feelings...in the end the decision is his & the OW as to how it will all work out. Its my choice how I want to react to his decision, but I cant make it for him.<P>One book I read called "How to get your man back from the other woman." gave some information I have always remembered too. It said..."once the affair is discovered, the other woman generally starts to put pressure on the man to leave his family, or complains & cries because she cant see him or talk w/ him etc...this will eventually get on his nerves, so if YOU can be the pleasant one, who do you think he is going to want to be with?" This may be easier said than done. Certainly for me I havent ALWAYS been able to do this, but they are goal I keep shooting for, and alot of times I succeed.<P>Just like grief, not everyone recovers in the same way or the same amount of time. Sounds like your H is still torn, keep hanging in there for him, if you still have the patience & desire...let him know hes too valuable to lose & you wanna help him work things out so he can be happy too.<P>It doesnt seem fair that the hurt ones seem to be the ones doing all the work putting or keeping a relationship together...but more often than not it works out that way. I guess their head are just too screwed up at the time to think straight.<P>Hope this helps you feel better :}

Just an update for anyone interested. I went to therapy Friday. I told my therapist about H cell bill not having one call to ow's cell number. Her bill had 28 calls to him.Only 15 of those were answered. She said that thatis in keeping with what he has been telling you.That I have to believe that nothing is going on sexual with them.She said his bill in not one of someone in an affair. THat a few hairs isn't enough for me to assume he's sleeping with her. She also said that when we were there together ,she saw a man who loved his wife that there was so much energy between us. And also the fact that he had opened up to much to me and was realyy trying should make me feel much more secure.She said that I should apologize for over reacting about the hair in the shower and tell him I was afraid of what could happen. She told me to be vulnerable to him.Not one of my strong points. So I sent an e-mail to him and kept it brief.Stating I was sorry and afraid ,but I wanted things to get back to the way they were. He didn't mention receiving the e-mail,but I know he did.He has been slowly opening up to me again.Why then do I feel so depressed and sad? I have prayed daily about this daily asked God to guide me on his path ,should I stay in the marriage, help me to see His plan for me. Ihad peace after I sent the e-mail so I assume it was the right thing to do. I prayed before I sent it for peace if it was His will. I guess I will stop rambling now.....

blue,<P>I know this is so hard...to learn to trust them again. I am so very guilty of acussing H of such stupid things. We dont even deal with ow, but one little thing makes me think he micht do it with someone else. Mostly I think because I feel I was so duped the first time and I dont want to be stupid about it. We went thru a few weeks ago a night where I was laying into him about an address I found in his email account. He swore up and down he had no idea who this person was or how it got in his address book. Long story short he was right and I felt horrible. I did apologize and he looked at me so sincerely and told me that he has been good and he has done nothing and he loved me so much but it hurt his feelings that I was so convinced he was lying. He understands why but it still hurt him. It is real hard and before the A I was one of the most trusting people in this country...too trusting. Our oc will be 2 towards the end of this month. I think praying is the best way to handle such a thing. It seems to be the only thing to keep me calm and your 700 club is right about Satan would love to see them together. THat would dramatically increase his odds of 3 more souls. If you and H do well, that could win him to the Lord eventually and possible oc, and if its Gods will somehow that could all influence ow. Heck no the Devil doesnt want that. Hang strong blue.