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Joined: Oct 2000
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blue00 Offline OP
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I haven't posted fro awhile. I was getting very few respones so I quit. H seems closer to me but I have discovered more crap. H put ow on our company's cell plan.So now I have full access to both of their cell bills. She in the last 2 months has called my H at least 30 times per month. Only getting through a small percentage of the time. On the other H only called her a handfulof times both months. Also I found out that he has given her additional money above and beyond his normal mothly fortune to her.I have access and am an equal on all of our business accounts. H eknows that I check these accounts.H e continues to see the oc about every 2 weeks without me. Also ow bought another car, old one was fine, and now has a note for 200 dollars a month. Everybody swears up and down that she has a serious boyfriend. A number appears several times on her bill to a man so I guess that's him.I wonder what he would say if he knew the ow was calling my H daily to chat. After 4 years with this freak of nature is wearing on me. This has to end so how.

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Dear Blue,<p>I am so sorry that things are continuing to be this way, what with the money and the phone calls from OW. I wish I had some advice to give, but I am at a loss. I will pray that you will know the right thing to do.<p>Love,<p>Tigger

Joined: Jun 2001
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My H and exOW work for the same police dept. They do not work in the same division, but do have to have some contact. However, my H has been looking for another job for well over a year and will be switching to a new dept. by Christmas. We also found out that exOW will be changing jobs to another dept...different from H, so...
I am not sure what you can do. It sounds as though the OW works for your H. Is this true? If so, you are in a sticky situation. She could press harassment charges if she gets fired. I do not know what to tell you except get another cell phone for your H where she doesnt have access. She doesnt have to talk to him about business does she? If not, she doesnt need the new number.
I wish you luck.

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blue,
Is it possible to have all contact go only through you or are yuo not able to be a part of oc's life. If not i still would demand all contact go only through you and be only about visiatations with oc I would also start demanding that visits be ate your home or if you can't handle that then visits should be in a public place with your hubby and oc only.

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blue00 Offline OP
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I have offered to have oc ,who is 2, visit our home, h refuses saying that ow would refuse. Oc doesn't work for us.We just got a new cell plan and he got one for her.

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Blue, I to dont know what to say thats why I usually dont respond. I to will be praying for you to do what you need to do for blue. I'm sorry but there is no way I could deal with what you have been dealing with. Please take care.
with love flowerseed

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Blue,<p>I know that your husband's culture/beliefs has a lot to do with the way he excuses away his behavior. Would it be too intrusive to ask you tell us his ethnicity? Maybe that will help us understand and thereby offer better advice.<p>OB1

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blue00 Offline OP
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He is eastern European.

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Blue,<p>I apologize as I do not know my geography well. I am trying but I get even more messed up with north, south, east, west...lol. Sad isnt it.<p>Why in the world does he have ow on a cell phone plan????????? Is he paying for her cell???? That is too much blue. I do not have any advice but I think I would be having a 2 yr old type tantrum. Plus ow has no choice on where oc is. Do you have an agreement thru the courts? If not I would definatly get one. They are mother and father. They do not have to be "friends" and any of that other bs they come up with to still be in contact. I am friendly with all kinds of people, but I do not associate with them intimately. I think putting her on your cell plan is pretty intimate. If you go thru the court with standard visitation he gets oc every other weekend etc etc. She has NO choice. Why does he care what she wants as far as if this child is around you. If she didnt want that then she shoulda had a kid with someone who was single with a capital S! He was a package deal. Duh. He was married. What was/is she thinking? What is he thinking? You are his wife. NOt her. It matters what you want, not her.<p>I am so sorry if this sounds harsh, I do not mean it to be. I feel so much for you. I am so sorry you are dealing with this Blue. You shouldnt have to. I will be praying for you guys...<p>Love
bw

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by blue00:
<strong>I have offered to have oc ,who is 2, visit our home, h refuses saying that ow would refuse. Oc doesn't work for us.We just got a new cell plan and he got one for her.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ January 20, 2003, 10:27 PM: Message edited by: whatif? ]</small>

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blue00 Offline OP
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My H won't do it.The ow could just pick up and leave the country at any time. She ahs threatened many times. My H would be devastated if he couldn't see the oc.

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Blue you guys don't seem to have a poja!<p>I cannot imagine the pain of your H still calling ow or seeing oc on HER terms! I'll BET if H told her oc can and will come to your home that ow would not move! How would she afford all the luxuries your H affords her then?<p>I will pray for you and all of us here.<p>love
Debi

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Dear Blue,<p>Basically what it seems you are saying is that there is nothing you can do because H refuses to do anything for fear of ow moving. So what if he never rocks the boat? Will she stay here forever for oc's sake? No. For HER sake? Yes. If any of this were for oc's sake she would have no problem to begin with. Now what if she still wants him? Does he still have to have a relationship with her in order to see oc? What if she decides that he does? This woman has way too much control over your H. I do not know what to tell you to do. I doubt you want to hear what I think. I think all this stuff is probably obvious to you, but I think it sounds like he is still in the fog. Honey I pray God will give you the wisdom and guidence you need to make decisions and peace when you do.<p>Love
bw

Joined: Aug 2001
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Well, I agree that ow does have control over your lives, and I know how painful that can be. OC is not due til April but OW already has control over my husband. He has given her money and "quells" her (his word, not mine) whenever she needs him. I have left him for now, but I do empathize with you. I probably took the wrong route because I called my husband a coward and told him he was weak. And that he needed to stand up to this evil, evil woman. I think it sounds like your husband is weak too. <p> As I have posted before, YOU have to come first. If OW does not agree with your husbands terms than that is her own fault. She is not going to go anywhere, those are only threats, we have all heard 'em before. <p> I wish my husband was strong in the Lord because if he was, he would put me first above all earthly things, above OW, OC. <p> Keep praying for H to be strong in the Lord, to be wise in making decisions that affect you both, to have clear vision of God's will for the success of your marriage. <p>My prayers are with you and him.


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