Yesterday I did something I had no clue that I would be able to handle, but I did. My H and I met with OW and OC at her parents home. H held baby first then back to grandma, OW then she asked if I wanted to hold him. I really didn't think I wanted to, but I did and I felt nothing like I thought I would.I mean I thought I would feel some sort of maternal excitedness or something, but really nothing. My counselor said for me to let my true emotions surface, but I can say I felt really indifferent a/b this child. It was like I was holding an aquaintance's child (which OW is/was); not one of my friends or cousins baby...it was a very weird feeling. I didn't tear up, cry or get a huge lump in my throat or anything....Is there something wrong with that or wrong with me? Can some of you tell me about your experience meeting OC? My counselor says I was just detaching myself from the situation. As for my H, he reacted pretty much the same way, but that's normal for him....he's the KING OF DETACHMENT!!!! Today I really wanted to spend some time with H to talk more indepth a/b the meeting, but alas, the golf game couldn't be rescheduled! Funny how life just goes on as usual for him....Can anyone shed any light on these feelings or non-feelings that I'm having?

mbm,
I think I understand how you are feeling. My first visit with 3yr.old OC went the same way. I was very nervous about meeting her, and at the first few meetings was a happy pleasant child, but I also just didn't really connect. I have yet to see the other OC other than a photo and I am definately not looking forward to that. I guess some women have that maternal instincts towards all children, unfortunately I am not one of them. I still am in the stage of looking at the OCs and resenting the reason they exist. Also being that they are the spitting image of their mother doesn't help. Please BonnieBB, don't blast me for that.
Tina

I can understand how you felt. I feel much the same around my H OC. But, I don't think you should feel any other way. We can't force ourselves to have maternal feelings and really, in these circumstances we have no need to. I try to think of my OC as friends. I don't really feel one way or another but am of course kind to them. Strangely, I don't think too much of the affair when I am around them, actually more when they go home and I think about it. If you want to be in their loves, just give yourself time and don't feel that you are supposed to feel any particular way. As adults we have the responsibility to be nice and look out for any child we may be around, but that doesn't mean you have to feel a certain way inside, in my opinion.

mbm626,
How did I miss this one?
Our first visit was not as hard as I thought. We actually had fun with it. To tell you the truth I was the one who consoled baby when he cried a bit. I actually brought him outside because H was nervous. I explained all over again that it was just a little exercise for the baby....<p>How I felt? Hmmmm....I felt as if baby were a part of H and son and not ME. Not baby's fault or mine. I began a little club w/him in my mind. I thought "We're the innocents here and I will do what I can to make things happy for you when we come to get you" I felt somehow he sensed it too. I fed him and changed him.<p>H also fed him and got to change him after he did what babies do when finished w/a bottle.....it was sooooo funny! H gagged his way through!<p>We took a dozen pictures holding him to save. We were right in thinking ow would never allow another visit. She just went nuts the next day calling H and demanding visits be at her house and I was never to call to set things up again!<p>Said he'd never be allowed to view someone else as Mommy!<p>Hey, H never kissed him and told me he didn't feel what he felt for our son. Just telling you how it was. It was so long ago I hardly remember....<p>love
Debi