Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#805925 11/16/01 02:12 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 921
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 921
If you could do this all over again, and NOT know about your mate's OP, would you want to know?<p>Do you think it would be better not to know?<p>I just wonder.

#805926 11/16/01 02:31 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 921
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 921
Here's the reason that I ask.<p>I LOVE my boss. He's an AWESOME guy. A great boss, a great husband and dad. Does tons of charity work, gives to the needy. I mean he's pratically a saint. <p>There is NO question in my mind that he loves his wife and kids.<p>BUT-
When he travels on business he occasionally drinks/parties too much and he occasionally picks up women. So much so that the secretaries jokingly refer to him as the pedophile. I'm talking this 45 year old man is trotting 19 year old hotties back to his $500/night hotel room.<p>I would NEVER tell the W. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER. I asked my newly engaged best friend "if it was your H, Would you want to know." MUCH to my suprise, she said no. Said as long as he uses comdoms she'd he happy to pretend that it doesn't happen.

#805927 11/16/01 02:46 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 92
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 92
Yikes. I think I would want to know.

#805928 11/16/01 03:02 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 35
P
P51 Offline
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 35
Katie,
While your boss may have some admirable qualities, I think you might need to reconsider the "awesome guy" sentiments. Taking "19 year old hotties" to his hotel room is adultery. Adultery is simply put the most inconsiderate, selfish and hurtful act that one human can commit against another. It is devastating to a family, and I don't say that lightly. Perhaps I'm coming across too harshly as a betrayed spouse, but today I feel like calling a spade a spade. Adultery as I heard it quite accurately put on this forum is "soul murder". I'm not saying that you should go to his family, but at least this man needs to confronted with his actions. That in itself could prevent his wife being on this forum someday soon because in his careless indulgence in worldly pleasure he has impregnated some "19 year old hottie".

#805929 11/16/01 03:25 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 179
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 179
I agree, he isn't an awesome guy at all. An immature a-hole? YES!

#805930 11/16/01 03:57 PM
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 104
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Oct 1999
Posts: 104
My answer to your question is YES, I would want to know. I prefer to make my choices and decisions based on the facts. <p>And I agree with the others...your boss is no saint!

#805931 11/16/01 04:04 PM
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 505
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 505
Your friend hasn't been married yet...isn't in the situation and can't really know how she'd react or what she would or wouldn't want to know.<p>Pre-A...I would have told you I would have cut "IT" off and sent my H on his way....<p>AND now post d-day, I can tell you that THAT was the FARTHEST though from my mind...<p>I sometimes wish I'd never found out...but you know what...I prefer to know...because now that the 'problems' are out in the open...they can be worked on...before they were the 'elephant in the room.' He and I both knew they were there...but we never 'really' talked about them...now we have no choice...

#805932 11/16/01 04:08 PM
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 903
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 903
If the OW in our situation had not gotten pregnant, I probably would have not known.
Would I still want to know? YES!!!
Any violation of trust deserves to be addressed and worked on. Marriage is trust. That trust was broken and I would want to know so I can figure out what the problem was and what went wrong in our marriage.
I would also want to know so I could make informed decisions about what I chose to do next.
In my case, I would want to know.
Hugs,
twiisty

#805933 11/16/01 04:12 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 92
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 92
Hi Katie, I guess I can see where your curiosity lies. I have to admit, I have been lurking the tow forum for the past couple of days..and I posted some things that I guess, pist them off, although I tried to be gracious about it, they still called me names...and told some other bs to get off their soapboxes. I had to get a good chuckle. It made my day [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] ) oh yeah, does anyone know where I can find out what all the acronymns mean. THANKS !!!
mm - married man
bs - bystander?
w - other woman or wife?
oc - other child
ow - other woman

#805934 11/16/01 04:18 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 921
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 921
mm-married man
bs - (bitter spouse on TOW sites) betrayed spouse here
W-wife
TOW- the other woman
oc - other children
ow- other woman

#805935 11/16/01 04:32 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 921
K
Member
OP Offline
Member
K
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 921
Aren't any of you guys curious about the other side of this coin.<p>I'm not advocating that you lurk on OW sites. But if you could ask the OW questions would you?<p>There were always things that I wanted to ask MM's wife.<p>[ November 16, 2001: Message edited by: Katie Scarlett ]</p>

#805936 11/16/01 04:39 PM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 92
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 92
Do you post there also? just wondering..I did. But I consider marriage builders my "home". I always get in a pissy mood after lurking there though..

#805937 11/16/01 11:10 PM
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 1,169
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 1,169
Katie,

I am going to answer that with a question.<p>Would you want to know that you are being exposed to an STD or find that out later?<p>Possibly when it&#8217;s to late. In this day and age we can&#8217;t run around and screw like dogs and get away with it.<p>So my answer is yes I would want to know and then some. The ow knowingly had has a STD and I am sure theres alot more of them just like her that have no problem giving her gift to whoever she can [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p> With love, flowerseed

#805938 11/17/01 12:17 AM
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 195
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 195
yes yes yes i would want to know!!!!<p>
for many reasons... if my hubby was playing me for a fool...i wanna know<p>his workplace all knows about it i must be the laffing stock when i come to the office
AIDS!<p>sounds like this guy gives a bit TOO much hehe<p>could his charity work be a way to rid himself of guilt you think? or is it phisical work where again he is out there meeting potential 19 year olds?
just a thought [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

#805939 11/17/01 12:38 AM
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 253
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 253
Yes, I want to know. There was a point before the affair that I felt like I didn't care if he was having affairs or not. I really felt that it wouldn't bother me at all because I didn't love him or desire him any longer. Well, shocker....I did love him, it was just buried under alot of crap! He's really helped me to heal by being honest with me, being remorseful, really trying to meet my needs and vise versa.<p>I feel that our marriage is getting better and stronger since d-day. We were on our way to a divorce...we were totally stuck. I *almost* feel like thanking ow. I prayed for something to change our relationship and something did! I just wish that God wouldn't have hit me with such a big one! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

#805940 11/18/01 12:34 AM
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 967
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 967
I would DEFINITELY want to know. This is the age of AIDS and rampant stds. My H had an affair with my former best friend and lied about it for 6 years. Now I'm pregnant and I have to be tested for stds. It's not worth hiding it. A marriage with lies isn't really a marriage in my opinion. I would tell her anonymously if necessary.


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 115 guests, and 49 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
cbm800, Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P.
71,728 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,546
Posts2,322,790
Members71,729
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5