I haven't been here is awhile. My H and I are divorcing. OC is 1-1/2. Yesterday he says that OW is ready to move on with her life. It just sent me into a rage. After all she put us through (me, my two sons, my H... extended faily... etc.) now she thinks she can just move on to some single guy who wants to marry her an raise OC. My sons have met OC and know they have a sister (my boys are 7 & 8). How do you tell them this "sister" is now gone?<p>I am just so outraged at "adults" who screw around with childrens lives. I wish I could sue her for emotional damage to our lives. <p>Any OW lurking here... please think more of your children that to use them as pawns in an emotional game (Obratti & others... I know you are not in that crowd).<p>As always... taking care of all the ones who didn't deserve this mess...<p>Carolyn

Goodmorning Carolyn,
I am sorry to hear of what's going on in your life.<p>We hadn't heard from you in a while. Now you come back with this news.<p>How are you doing emotionally? Are you ok?<p>Sweetie my prayers will be special for you today.<p>Please take care of yourself and come here to vent if you need to. Someone will always listen.<p>love
Debi

Hi<p>I just wanted to let you people that are dealing with an oc, my heart goes out to you.<p>I used to think that an A was the worse thing that could happen to a M. But, when I read your stories, I realize that it is not. Having an oc is the icing on the cake. I can't imagine the pain. I am so very sorry for what you have to go thru. You didn't ask for this, yet you have to deal with it.<p>Keep strong, you are better people than you really realize.<p>Again, I am so very sorry for your heartache and pain.

Carolyn<p>Your post just serves to reinforce my resolve to keep any OW/MM/BS issues separate from the little ones. MM and his W are trying to have a baby. She has already expressed to me that she would like my son to be a part of her child(ren)'s lives. If that is what she wants, then that is how it will be, regardless of any "turns" my life takes. We have progressed so far from the walking wounded we used to be. I was carrying on as if there wasn't a care in the world. Thank you for reminding me of the fragility of the situation. I must always be mindful of how my actions will affect others (BS, MM, & their future children).

Carolyn,<p>I was saddened to read this post. I know that I didn't post often to you when you did post here, but I do remember most of your story. I can only imagine the pain that you feel right now.<p>Lately, I haven't posted much, due to some things said before. I just felt the need to post to say that I will be praying for you, and that I hope you keep us updated to your current situation. <p>I am sorry that your road has taken this turn.<p>Love,<p>Tigger

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by takingcare:
<strong><p>1. My H and I are divorcing. OC is 1-1/2.<p>2. Yesterday he says that OW is ready to move on with her life. It just sent me into a rage. After all she put us through (me, my two sons, my H... extended faily... etc.) now she thinks she can just move on to some single guy who wants to marry her an raise OC. <p>3. My sons have met OC and know they have a sister (my boys are 7 & 8). How do you tell them this "sister" is now gone?<p>4. I am just so outraged at "adults" who screw around with childrens lives. I wish I could sue her for emotional damage to our lives. <p></strong><hr></blockquote><p>1. Dearest Takingcare

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by takingcare:
<strong><p>1. My H and I are divorcing. OC is 1-1/2.<p>2. Yesterday he says that OW is ready to move on with her life. It just sent me into a rage. After all she put us through (me, my two sons, my H... extended faily... etc.) now she thinks she can just move on to some single guy who wants to marry her an raise OC. <p>3. My sons have met OC and know they have a sister (my boys are 7 & 8). How do you tell them this "sister" is now gone?<p>4. I am just so outraged at "adults" who screw around with childrens lives. I wish I could sue her for emotional damage to our lives. <p></strong><hr></blockquote><p>1. Dearest Takingcare<p>I cannot tell you how sorry and sad I am to hear this after all you have been through trying to save your marraige and rebuild it after all the damage that was done...and you were responsible for none of it. You fought the good fight, TC, and I for one admire you. You are leaving your marriage knowing you did everything humanly possible. I am hoping that somehow, sometime and some way you and your husband will be able to turn this all around and find your way back to each other with a renewed understanding and commitment. I am so very sorry...divorces are like death, but after what you have been through, the affair and the OC were a death of monumental proportions...this might feel more like a beginning.<p>2. I am completely outraged with you. Had the selfish slut walked away and never looked back, you and your husband might have been able to heal yourselves and your family would not have been so effected. This is one of the horror stories we have been hearing about lately (Gabi, Gem) on this site when couples involve themselves with the OC...the OW is always part of the equation, spoiling for trouble. No happy endings. I have always maintained that if a spouse chooses to allow the wayward spouse home, the number one stipulation should be absolutely NO CONTACT under any circumstances...the only way contact works is when a couple is completely commited to each other and the OP is compliant. That rarely happens...rarely.<p>3. Devastating tragedy...not only have they lost their sister, now they are loosing their family and home as they knew it. All because of this, all because of OW. I'd hate to have her karma.<p>4. You can. There are attorneys out there, especially in Texas, who are willing to sue people like this for Personal Injury, and Lady, you have certainly been personally injured.<p>I hope you will keep your heart open and stay strong. You have to take care, Taking care...know we are here for you. Please let us know how things continue to play out...I am rooting for a reconciliation...now that the snake is slithering out of your lives.<p>Love<p>Catnip =^^=

Thanks to all of you for your ongoing support. I guess I come back & "lurk"... sometimes posting... in the hopes that my story can assist someone else who is where I was a year or two years ago. I wish my husband had not made so many decisions on his own and had made the decision for us to jointly face the OW and OC situation. I was too passive about standing my ground and telling him that enough was enough. He continued contact. <p>I was the one who insisted that the OC be made a part of our childrens lives... that it was not ok to wait until they were 15 & 16, or 21 & 22 and then surprize them with this knowledge. Of course, I knew this could happen all along that she pull child away from them. <p>Obratti.. I truely wish there was a way for you to go ahead and raise your son without MM waltzing in & out in the future. There is just always that cloud that may or may not exist with potential children the MM and his wife may have & how to carry forward. It really is difficult. Unlike children that come in a second marriage when all is "clear cut". I really wish there was a handbook on how to proceed. God bless you. <p>Catnip... I wish I could hold any hope for being together again, but I feel at this point that I have no respect for him. Of course we will co-parent and interact. I realize that I will not remarry.. since I do not want anyone coming into my children's lives as a parent. They deserve my full attention. Anyway.. what a limbo for me. Oh well... once they are grown I will still be under 60! Ha! <p>I think I am doing well. My laugh has slowly come back (I think I started losing it years before he had the affair). My boys are good. I am at peace. I think the major wave of sorrow was months ago... once I faced the facts of what was happening. But it is like a death. And just like losing someone who had been sick for a long time... you don't know whether to be glad they are out of their pain, or cry for your loss. Maybe both at some point. Life will be different in the future... but isn't always different every day? <p>Debbie, Tigger, Obratti, Catnip... all of you are such good women. This board is a miracle!<p>Take care... Carolyn

There are tears in my eyes for your defeated marriage... but I smile for your hopeful new beginning.<p>Wishing you all the best of luck.
Z.