HI All,<p>Just being sarcastic of course. How many here believe that if our spouses choose to conceal some information that we should know about than that is classified as lying? Well, i sure do. <p>Ok here goes the story for LIE # 150...
My h went outside to get something out of the car when ow calls and asks for _______...(like this by the way - "______ there!?" I said, "no may i take a message"... she said, "he knows why i'm calling, i emailed him so he knows", I told her that my h no longer reads emails from her, just deletes them upon seeing them so he didn't get it. I told her she could call back in 10 min.<p>I told my h when he came back in and what she had said,... At first he acted like he didn't have the foggiest idea what she wanted, then he goes, "oh i think i know why she' calling" - i said, "why?". He walks over to me slowly, gets on his knees and says, "last month i gave her $250.00 to help her with her rent". You can imagine my hysterics at that point!! He thought she was calling for money for this months rent.<p>When she first got pregnant h gave her $100.00 for winter clothes for the baby... she thought she should shop early and get things out of the way. Yea, at 2 mos. pregn, whatever. she just wanted $$$$$$$$$, the sly whore. So our Pastor told him not to give her $, i told him of course too, and he agreed not to do that anymore, she is just guilting him into it. Oh i am stteeeammmed!<p>I don't really know where i am going with this except that i am pissed. I can't believe that i am still here in this stupid state with this stupid idiot! And to top it all off, i asked h where she moved... she lives EVEN closer, like maybe 2-3 minutes away!!! and my h wonders why i am going insane! Don't know why, but i wanted to share this following email from the sly slut and get feedback about it...
**********************************************
This is the email from the slutty whore:.<p> Since you haven't bothered with checking-in on things, once
again I
have to do everything myself. Speaking of which, are you going to help
with<p>any of the preparation that needs to be done before the baby gets here?
There are a lot of things that still need to be done, I can't really
bring
him home without a few key items. So, are you going to help with that
or do<p>I have to do all of that myself too?
You need to cut the crap, the silent treatment stuff is not the
right<p>way to go. If you want to play the games - play them with yourself,
not
with
our son. He doesn't deserve this ****.
If you are so arrogant and stuck on yourself to think that I
want you<p>back in my life - you're WRONG! All I want is for you to take care of
your
responsibilities toward this boy. If you think because of the
situation
that
you have some excuse to shun me and this child, and throw the entire
thing
on
me, you're wrong. There is no justification for being a bad father,
for
casting your responsibilities on to someone else expecting him to play
daddy<p>when you are perfectly capable of doing it yourself.
I know that you have someone in your life that will never
understand
where I'm coming from as a Mom, what needs to be done, or anything
beyond
her
own needs. If she thinks that I want you back, she's wrong. But I do
require you to take care of our son's needs, and so does the state.
Jacob
deserves to have a good life, he's a baby.
There are only about 3 more months before he gets here, you need
to
contact me. You need to help me with getting things in order before he
gets<p>here. I don't care what any of your people say about this situation -
YOU
NEED TO HELP! You know the number, you know the address, there is no
excuse<p>for you not to pitch in.
Be a man, and do right by your son. He's the only one that hasn't been
tainted by this situation.<p>[ January 06, 2002: Message edited by: mnca6713julia3 ]</p>

Looks like one of the letters ow sent h! Boy oh boy! H has never given any $ to ow....she was the one giving him mini loans throughout A! <p>She also wrote to me and him seperately and yelled about calling her to see what baby needed, about how awful he didn't come to hospital for birth or bring baby any gift to hospital! He never brought our son a gift! But I got champagne and roses and a diamond necklace! Ow got nothing...and was ticked off.<p>At least you know it's been pretty much no contact! Ow called H and begged to know why they couldn't be friends or was I threatened about that.<p>H should set up new account and delete the one ow knows about immediately.<p>I've changed mine and now have peace from her invasions on IM and e-mail. Should have done it long ago.<p>Good luck honey. Prayers coming at you today.<p>love
Debi

Dear mnca,<p>There must be a school where some women take classes in "Maximum Guilt 505". That letter she wrote to your H really hits him at his most vulnerable point -- a man who is not being a man and living up to his responsibilities.<p>Gem is right though. The silver lining in this cloud is that obviously your H has been doing his best to keep the contact minimal. Give him credit for that.<p>I have been in your situation exactly. My H would give the OW several hundred extra dollars each month secretly. She was a master at extracting money from him.<p>My H's first child in our marriage was also the OC. I remember so clearly the devastation I felt as I watched while this woman was making plans to have the baby that should have been ours. And I wanted my H to shut her out of his life completely, walk away and forget she and the OC ever existed.<p>It made me feel better to finally understand that his concern was really over the child only -- not the OW. Sounds like that is your H's concern too.<p>I would probably crack too in the face of the kind of pressure she is putting on your H. But understand that what he is feeling is OBLIGATION. He has been forced into this situation by a woman that he now understands is manipulative. Everything that he does for that OC is being forced by her.<p>What a terrible way to live -- with an obligation hanging around your neck and pulling you anyway it wishes to take you for the next 18 years! <p>My H once told me that all the time he was doing things for the OW -- giving her money, visiting the OC -- he felt nothing. The kid was cute and he treated her like a cute kid, but he never really bonded with her the way normal parents do. The shine had long ago fallen off the OW and he dreaded her whining and complaining. But, he told me that he was willing to do anything that she wanted just to keep her away from us. <p>That was the hardest pill to swallow -- that the OW had so much power over him. But, as police officers (mine is too), these OW can really damage their futures. <p>Meanwhile, I thought he had these warm and fuzzy feelings of love for the OC. Women think so differently -- you cannot assume that men feel the same way we feel. The only person who had this fantasy about the OW and OC was me. My H was with me, he was trying to make things right and I started to focus on minimizing the impact of this OC on my life and building a better future with my H.<p>We eventually had two children of our own. When you have your own children, mnca, then you will see the difference. Like Gem's case, there is a huge difference between the joy over a child who is wanted and welcomed into a real family than one that is being forced onto an unwilling parent. Your OW is the loser here. You are holding all the cards to happiness. I hope your emotions will soon allow you to play them.<p>It's a tough road, but I think you will make it. I am praying for you.<p>love,
heavenly

I am also a wife whose husband recently had a child with his exmistress. I hate to say it, but I agree with what that email said. Both parents did wrong by the child by having an affair, what's wrong with the H sharing the rsponsibility?

Julia,<p>I'm sorry you're going through this. At least your exOW is smart enough to at least use OC to try and get your H involved in her life. exOW in my case can care less about OC she's never once said I need you to be in OC life because she needs a father. She made it clear she wanted my H and would do anything to break us up. My H has never sent her any extra money, he pays his CS on time and that's enough as far as I'm concerned. Pray and ask for strength to get through this. <p>Emily,<p>Your new here why don't you share your story. I don't think any/most woman on this board feels that H's shouldn't take care of his financial obligation to OC. But each case is different a lot of WS's asked exOW's to get abortions or put child up for adoption. A lot of exOW's have babies as a last ditch effort to keep the WS (wayward spouse). A lot of us have been verbally and physically attacked by exOW's. I know it's a woman's choice and our H's should have protected themselves. But as a BS's (Betrayed Spouse) my only obligation is to my family and my children, I have no obligation to OC, if her not being a part of our lives right now is better for my children so be it. I happen to be one who supports my H if he want's contact. At this point he chooses no contact because of exOW fatal attraction actions. But I know and feel that our marriage must come first in order for us to remain married. Good luck in your situation.<p>Unsure<p>[ January 02, 2002: Message edited by: UNSure919400 ]</p>

Julia,
This is my opinion...but it worked for us. She gets nothing...NO THING...until DNA has proven that oc is your h. That should only take about a month after oc is born. We had the kit and everything ready as soon as the oc was born.<p>In the meantime, h writes a letter or calls with you there and tells her there will be no further contact until oc is born AND dna proves the child is his. PERIOD!!! <p>Ditto on the fact that h is obviously not talking with her. Our exow sent emails and letters like this and all they did was make me feel better because it proved h was being honest and having no contact with her.<p>She is getting desperate and this is good...hang in there girl!!!

Oh and yes, h believe that if they just dont tell...it is not a lie. My h is beginning to learn that it only prolongs the inevitable. He is learning that conflict avoidance just means more conflict in the long run.

Dear Julia,<p>Its called LYING BY OMISSION.<p>Your H has no responsibility to this child but child support and whatever else the state requires. He has no obligation to help her get ready for crap. That is her responsibility. Its the price you pay when you get knocked up by someone elses H. A lot of the times it is simply the price you pay for getting pg by anyone who is not your H.<p>He is the father (?) of the child. Not her H. Hs do the things she is wanting him to do. Not just a bio dad.<p>I absolutely agree with Tryin. Not a dime until the dna.<p>As a man, as a H, his obligaion is YOU, not this child who doesnt even exist yet! She sure is presumptuous. She has 3 months left? Anything can happen in 3 months.<p>Still praying for ya sister<p>Love
bw

Thanks for the responses, guys. I do feel secure knowing that h is making strides in not having contact with ow. But i still can't believe he gave her rent money for December (at least before today i thought it was for the month of November. December was just last month! I am so pissed that i am planning on going shopping today and making a $250.00 purchase EXACTLY, and i will too. I know i sound childish... h has brought me to this.<p>Lately i have thought of calling her doctor or clinic and telling them all the details of how she got pregnant and how she is a woman making life a living hell for people. What do you think? <p>Emilylang (or should i call you Bonnieb)-
Obviously you are not a betrayed spouse -especially a recent one. My h owes this malicious, ugly whore NOTHING - at least not for another 3 months. She lied to him and told him she was on the shot when she was not on it at all. I don't know about you, but when i have not been on any type of pill, i knew in the back and front of my mind that it was very possible to get pregnant. She knew what she was plotting. She is a evil, evil, evil person with no regards but her own. I am glad that you agree with the email, agree with it all you want, Bonnie. The ow also wrote that i am only concerned with my own needs - yea you are damn right i am because they come 1st! Do you understand what that means? Until my needs are satisfied (which they are not), the babies needs come next. That is the way God commands it - whether children are born the way God would be pleased (h and w) or illegitimate. If you can't handle that, take it up with the BOSS. <p>God Bless,
Julia

<applauding loudly> can you hear it Julia?<p>You go girl. You are number one according to God. Above legitimate and illegitimate children. I think some conveniently try to forget this.<p>Marriage is sacred. That's why it's in the 10 commandments. There is no commandment that says "thou shalt not forsake your children".<p>I think God made the priority quite clear. Thanks for reminding us all.

Julia...<p>I had to log on because my computer was smoking. Now I know why.<p>Outrage is a common emotion of mine, especially when I read crap like the OW wrote to your husband. Sometimes there just aren't the words to adequately describe the enormous crust of some of these people. Just be glad it was only a grand total of $350...my husband forked over $4000 within one month of the 'news' from OW of the impending birth. She whined, compliained and demanded he oblige her and guilted him and presented veiled threats that she would announce this news to me if he did not comply. Desperate to recover, he did as commanded so he could be the one to tell me.<p>All the husbands 'omit' details we feel are crucial, (we have the desperate 'need to know' thing going on) They are overwhelmed by what they have done and are afraid of the disasterous results of any new information, a desperation to distance themselves from the OW and keep her happy so she won't hurt you and to protect you in their misguided way...after the horse is already out the barn door, of course, but it's their lousy attempt to run a kind of damage control.<p>The early stages are the tougest because everyone is confused and the husband struggles with misplaced guilt and feels that they should do something to make things right with everyone. They don't see that this is intentional, a ploy, a manipulation or whatever. Even if it were an accident, these women have all the choices for everyone concerned. <p>Not one dime goes to the OW until DNA is proved for obvious reasons. She would have to pay her rent if she weren't knocked up...why all of a sudden is it so important her rent is paid now?<p>Julia, she is running an effective number on your husband. Your husband needs to learn that according to Retrouvaille priests, the man in a case like this has absolutely no responsibility to anyone except his wife. No XOW, no OC. The only thing he is responsible to the OC for is financial assistance, nothing more...and that is only AFTER the DNA comes back positive. If he pays beforehand, it could be construed as an admission of guilt. He should not do this...for legal reasons.<p>You and the marriage are your husband's ONLY responsiblity and should come first and foremost at all times. It's the foundation, the bedrock.<p>I agree with Heavenly that your husband is trying to extract himself from this person. This XOW is showing your husband what a demanding shrew she is. Not very attractive. So often they do it all for us by making us look good to our husbands by comparison. Who wants to be with someone who is so obviously plotting to make your life a living hell?<p>Hang tough, Julia and stay strong. Try to understand your husband is scared to death this woman is going to try to hurt you and any chance he has at recovery with you. I know, I know, he was certainly a party to all this, but she is the opne who holds all the cards and gets to make all the choices. We have such an imbalance in our legal system.<p>Catnip =^^=

Bravo!!! @ Catnip

You know what I did my Husbands other woman was lieing all the time she even told me she was pregnant when she wasn't. She calls me up tells me she is having my husbands baby I told her well good I am glad it is also my husbands baby in your eyes because I will see you in court I won't have you raising that baby. Well after that I never heard another word about a baby again.

Julia,<p>read my post...and get a restraining order until DNA is done. Tell your H to read my post..your OW sounds just like the OW in H's life (notice I said H's, and not mine..she was HIS mistake)..
that woman laid the biggest guilt trip on my H, all the time knowing he was NOT the father. She is probably getting money from other men as well.
you H is not resonsible to pay a dime until DNA is done, it can be done immediatly....
And for your sake, go back and delete the name of your OW from your post...this can get you into some legal messes...I understand the high flying emotions..but she can really cause problems for you..not H, for that. Huggs..MC

Mycross, thanks for the tip. <p>OW has not bothered us for the last few days so that has been nice. The last time she called she said she is going out of town for awhile [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] so that is answer to prayer right there - even if the leave is only temporary, i'll take anything i can get.<p>I am still trying to work on convincing my h to move with me to CA (my hometown). He seems to be a little more receptive, but is still not willing to compromise really. Who knows...<p>Julia