Hello Everybody! I'm really glad these boards exist. I found out last weekend that my husband has been having an affair with a co-worker for the last 4 months and that she is 14/15 weeks pregnant. I am shocked and devastated. We have a 14 month old baby girl together and have been married 2 1/2 years. My H stayed in TX when I moved to East Coast 7 months ago for my job with the baby. He stayed to save up money, fix/rent out our house.. etc. Well, I'm dealing with a lot of anger and resentment that has no started to overshadow the hurt. Down in my heart I know the child that the OW is carrying is completely innocent and deserves to live. But I don't want it to be born. I'm ashamed to admit it. Right now me and my H are seeing if we can salvage this marriage. I love him with all my heart and he says he wants to be with me and our daughter and that he loves us. The OW is undecided about keeping the baby, she is doing everything in her power to keep my H with her. She is in the process of divorcing her 2d husband. It's a huge, nasty mess. In my heart I want us to give our marriage a second chance regardless of whether or not she keeps the baby. But I just don't think I can deal with the constant reminder of his betrayal. Everytime she would call, or we would send out the CS check... everytime we went to pick up that child, it would be a slap in the face. I don't know what to do... I guess it's not all that uncommon. Reading everyone's posts I see that I'm not the first and won't be the last woman this will happen to. I just don't think I can be with my H knowing there's a child out there that is a product of a lie. Please give me your opinions/ideas, my life is in turmoil. Right now he is still down there because I have told him that he made this mess, and that he has to fix it. And I don't want him up here until he gets his priorities straight, and his emotions figured out. And if she decides to terminate the pregnancy he owes it to her to be there. It's unfair that we should be put into situations like this. Please help... Am I a horrible person for not wanting this child to be born???

Sugar,<p>Hi I'm glad you found this board its a great place to vent and receive support. No you are not wrong for feeling this way. We all have and I try not to wish bad on anyone becasue I beleive it might come back to you. But it didn't stop me from wishing there was no baby and some other bad things. <p>You have only known for a short while so you don't have to make a decsion right away. Find out what your H wants, does he plan to be involved in OC life? Did he stop the affair or is it on going? Knowing the anwser to these things can help you make a decsion. Is he still moving to the east coast or does he plan on staying in TX. It can work out but it's hard, the hardest thing I have ever been through. And you are right having a living reminder of the affair is hard. I thought looking at OC would be a remind me of the affair. But I was able to look through that and see her for the cute kid she is. It's hard I still get upset when I think aobut my H fathering a child by someone else. Take your time and make a decsion but do not agree to something you know you can't do. Good luck I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. The boards are normally slow on the weekend hopefully you will get more advice.<p>Unsure

You are still in a state of shock and this isn't the time to make a final decision. And, of course, no one can make a decision for you.<p>My advice is to look at everything in your marriage, not just the affair and child. Were you truly happy in your marriage before all this mess? Was your husband really there for you? When he tells you now that he is sorry for the affair, etc., is he sorry because he got caught and his life's a mess, or because he is truly repentant and is a changed person. My experience was that I was not happy...my husband was a good provider financially but basically did his own thing, even after our 2 kids were born. I tried to get him to realize that I wanted a partner in my marriage and parenting, but he never "got" it. He just thought I was nagging him to be home so he could help with the kids. I hung in there for 8 months after I found out about his affair and child, but I came to realize that he is the same person he was before the affair and if I stayed in the marriage it would not be any better. It could only be more difficult with the OC to deal with.<p>Give yourself some time and get into some counselling right away!