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#809841 03/26/02 04:02 PM
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I have decided to file for divorce. Today, my babysitter quit because my h was rude to her (again). I can't continue to live this life. He is obnoxious to everybody - most of all me.<p>Two nights ago, H went to bed at 9:45. I went up to my room (we've been in separate rooms for some time-he did move out one week then came back the next) at 10:45 and went right to sleep. We hadn't been fighting or even arguing during the evening. At 2:30 a.m., H came in my room and woke me up and yelled and screamed at me for a half an hour. My heart was about pounding out of my chest I was so startled. After berating me and calling me all sorts of ridiculous names and accusing me of being a worthless, nonsupportive, etc., etc. he went back to his room. I laid awake for a while, then 15 minutes later, he walked by my room and stomped down the stairs muttering to himself, then came back up and yelled at me some more. This time, when he went back to his room, I laid awake for a long time, and then finally when I started to go back to sleep, I happened to open my eyes, and he was standing in the doorway smoking a cigarette, just watching me in the dark. <p>I now firmly believe that my husband has emotional problems that I cannot even begin to deal with. I think possibly the custody/visitation battle over oc triggered a latent problem of some kind. I don't know. All I know is that I can't live like this anymore.<p>In addition, somebody (I'm SURE it was ow) called the local C&Y and made allegations against us. A C&Y investigator, w/o my knowlege or permission, came and inspected my children at their daycare. They found allegations to be unfounded, but I had to take children to a physican and have Doctor verify nothing was wrong with them. I am finished with this game. I concede. Ow wins. I will have nothing more to do with pursuing any matter related to oc, and I am proceeding forth with divorce.<p>H does not know yet that I am going to file for the divorce. But I toldhim a month ago that his constant mistreatment of me has to stop and it has just gotten worse. <p>I think my life will be a living hell before he is done with me.<p>I feel so foolish that I ever thought this would survive an oc and an affair (sorry to those newbies who might get scared by me saying that, but this is just my take on MY situation.)<p>More later,
-cd

#809842 03/26/02 04:48 PM
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CD, I just sent you an email. Please read. I may soon be joining you on the divorce bandwagon. I totally agree with you. Unhappy wife

#809843 03/26/02 05:05 PM
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CD,<p>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CD}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<p>My heart is literally breaking for you right now! I am so sorry to hear this frightening news! I don't know what else to say! Keep yourself and your boys safe! I will pray for you!<p>Love and hugs<p>Tigger

#809844 03/26/02 05:09 PM
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CD,<p>It sounds like you are not dealing with a h or a marriage that is safe for you right now. You must do what is best in the long run. I pray that you are able to make these decisions with the least bit of resistance, but from what you are saying that won't happen. Please be careful!!! Maybe you need to make all the arrangements before you tell him about your plan. Oh, girl, I will be praying for you. Good luck and I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Keep us posted so we can be here for support and know you are okay. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

#809845 03/26/02 10:14 PM
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Dear CD,<p>You have helped so many people on this board, I wish there was something that we could say or do to take away your pain right now. Like others said, though, be very careful. I am afraid for you to be in the house with your H acting so strangely. <p>Please make sure you are not alone when you tell him your plans and be prepared to have someplace to stay until he leaves the house.<p>You have definitely fought the good fight and as sad as I am for you now, I know that you did everything in your power to make things right. You have been through an awful lot with the OW and her demented family. Now, you need to take time for you.<p>My heart and prayers are with you now. I hope you find your way to happiness for you and your boys.<p>love,
heavenly

#809846 03/27/02 12:54 AM
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Oh God. cd, this has gone from bad to worse. Have you been keeping in touch with Bystander on a regular basis? What does he say? I know he is in the middle of a move and probably cannot post or be in contact with you right now as much as usual but you must call him as soon as possible!<p>cd, a horrible, horrible chill went through me while I read your post and I am very worried about your husband's extremely bizarre behavior. Heavenly is absolutely positively right. You need to have someone with you or better yet, be far, far away from him when the papers are delivered.<p>Is there a shelter for abused women in your town or a safe house you and the kids can go to? It doesn't sound as if tonight is too soon to do this, cd.<p>Your husband seemed so right with everything in the beginning of this mess. I wonder what happened to him. cd, it sounds as though he has lost complete touch with reality and is making you the scapegoat. Do whatever you must to protect yourself and the kids immediately.<p>I am so sorry to sound like an alarmist, but this has been such a strange and difficult time and his behavior is very irrational and erratic.<p>Please tell me what I can do for you. Please call Bystander tonight.<p>Love and big prayers for your protection and guidance.<p>Catnip =^^=

#809847 03/27/02 08:23 AM
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CD,<p>Im now sitting in the same divorce boat so in that respect I am with you. My H has gone nutso, so I am there with you too. And I am there with you in prayer and in heart. I hurt with you. I am so sorry this has turned out the way it has, for all of us. God will watch over you.......you did right by Him, now trust Him to take care of you.<p>Love
bw

#809848 03/27/02 11:45 AM
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Nah, OW did NOT win, IMHO. YOU WIN... You win back your sanity, that is... {{{{HUGS}}}} <<<<PRAYERS>>>> <3<3<3LOVE<3<3<3 ((((SUPPORT)))) Hang in there, woman!

#809849 03/27/02 09:15 PM
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CD,
I'm so sorry for your pain, and worried for you and the kiddos. Not to scare you, but this change in personality is really frightening. Has he lost touch with reality? Could it be schitzophrenia? With recent murders and suicide/murders of mentally ill parents in mind, please be very careful to protect yourself and your children.<p>Prayers for your family,
J

#809850 03/27/02 09:48 PM
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CD,<p>I'm sorry that you are going through this. This is my greatest fear that after beating this OC stuff something else will break us up. Do what's best for you and your children. Him standing there looking at you is scary. Good luck and try to keep your spirits up.<p>Unsure

#809851 03/28/02 10:07 AM
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CD,
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I've been lurking for quite a while, but never took the time to reply to the posts...everyone elese's comments/views were sufficient.<p>But this can't be repeated enough....please get some immediate support for your plan. And execute it soon...today even. He has to be stopped in his tracks, and it does sound like he needs psychological attention, but he won't come to that realization until he's alone and has to deal with his own demons.<p>You and your babies are in my prayers...your husband also.
MM

#809852 04/01/02 08:48 AM
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Oh, CD. We just got back from Russia last night and I logged on to see who had replied to my message from Russia and I find your posting.<p>I am so sorry that things have come to this. Please believe that you did everything that you could to save your marriage. You get to walk away without any guilt.<p>OW did not win. It was never really a contest. Your husband LOST. He lost the chance to rebuild his family.<p>Take care of yourself and your four wonderful boys. You will be in my prayers.<p>Love,
MJ

#809853 04/03/02 08:22 AM
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CD, I have also had an a** full of my H's crap and have told him I want to separate.He was out of the country for 10 days. During that time I realized how happy I was without him.I found myself again. I was so peaceful and just giddy.I couldn't ignore it. I will not go back to being oppressed adn involved in all of that ow/oc crap. I am happy for the first time in years. At first H was ok with it.Then I guess he thought I would snap out of it.Not this time! He was shocked that I wouldn't and haven't slept with him.He is statrting to pout now. He should have thought of all of that while he watched me deteriorate over the last 4 years. I enjoy life now. It's over!

#809854 04/03/02 11:27 AM
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Blue!!!<p>I can't tell you how happy I was to read your post. You have been coming here for so long with the same dilemma day in and day out. I never thought you would ever get through this one way or the other and you'd be stuck in limbo forever. I am so relieved you have made a choice and seen what life can be without this emotional abuse your kept enduring.<p>If there would have ever been some inkling of recovery, I never ever would say this, but in your particular case, the obstacles you had to overcome were enormous and the constant humiliation was unimaginable. I wish your husband would have gone into recovery with you much sooner than now...four years is much too long a time to endure this horror.<p>Blue....you have finally figured out that when you stop beating your head against the brick wall, it feels oh so good. You are in my thoughts and prayers today...better days ahead, Blue.<p>I am so sorry it didn't go as your had originally desired...you were a strong, strong woman to stay in this as long as you did. The one great thing about this is that now you know deep inside you did everything humanly possible to restore your marriage and now you can move ahead without regrets.<p>Catnip =^^=

#809855 04/04/02 09:50 AM
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Dear Cd,<p>I am very sorry to hear this. My heart is breaking for you right now. <p>You have fought every obstacle to make things right. I wonder what happen to your h. Just know that you and your children are in my prayers. I hope your h gets professional help.<p>Please take care of yourself.<p>with love mina

#809856 04/04/02 07:55 PM
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cd I am so sorry to hear this.
You have put up with more than I dare to say.<p>I wish you peace....<p>
MINA!!!!! I have prayed for you and wondered how you're doing?
I hope you're in a beter place now.. Please let us know..<p>
Maryjanes Blessings and love to you and the boys!!! OMG it's been a long time coming and I do wish you the best!<p>love
Debi

#809857 04/12/02 05:21 PM
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Hi there! It's been such a long time since I've posted, and I feel your pain and happiness, too. I, too, feel I am at the end of my rope and am ready to be happy again, without H. Just when did you get that contentment and peace. That's the reassurance I'm looking for b/c I feel so discontent and unhappy w/ myself and my H. When H isn't around or out of town, I am happy and at peace. The reality of the OW and OC still is there, but the anger, the lies, the secrets and the distance and insecurities w/ each other isn't looming around me. I am so ready to let go of H and feel I've put my all into healing our marriage, but I still second guess myself....when do you know you're doing the right thing? He threatens divorce almost weekly and I'm sick of being on an emotional rollercoaster. Can I please get off of this ride now?


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