For those who I chat with you know what TAH stands for. For the rest of you it's my pet name for exOW. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Anyway my son and I went to Staples tonight around 8 PM. As I pulled up I saw TAH car but I was like screw it my son needed certain things to finish his project. I went in the store and saw her immediately she didn't see me and I didn't tell my son she was there. I was with my OS who is 11 and is afraid of TAH because of her stupidity. As we picked up the items we needed I saw TAH walk to the end of our isle and look at me and OS. I totally ignored her. She must have told her children who we were because her D and sons kept walking to the end of the isle where we were. OS and I went to check out after all of this I still didn't say that TAH was there. (I wanted to protect my child at all costs.) While we were waiting in line TAH walks by with OC in her arms and sucks her teeth at me. I laughed and kept going, my son said Mom isn't that OC? I said yes. Nothing happened no arguments or anything. TAH walks out the store with her 4 children following her. I still try not to pay any attention to her. OS and I leave the store get in our car and pull off while TAH is getting OC and her other kids into the car. I end up leaving the parking lot before she does. <p>About an half hour later the same cop who arrested me on the false harrasment charges calls my house and tells me TAH says I called her a Fat mother F---- and a B----. Those of you who know me know that I don't swear never have and hopefully I never will. I tell the officer what happened, I told him I'm sick of this and ask him what I can do to protect myself? He tells me he didn't come to my house because he knows this is bogus but must file a report anyway. I told him to make sure he reports my side of the story this time. He listens to everything again and says he will. I can't believe she is so desperate she will make up anything to try and keep OC from around me. What she does not realize is that my H decided today that me and our children were more important. He said I can't keep seeing you guys get hurt over a mistake I made. It's 3:40 AM here. I'm so amped I can't sleep. I can't believe taht TAH is so pitiful she would try to make something up! She told the officer that I cussed in front of her children. I told the officer that my son was with me and he deathly afraid of TAH I asked him why would I hurt my baby that way? I decided to file a civil suite against exOW for Slander. I'm going to talk to a lawyer in the morning. If I have a lot of typos excuse them I'm really pissed that TAH is trying to pull this crap. But just to let you all know I kept praying for strength and I personally feel great! I just want to talk to someone to know my options. I refuse to let her get away with this! When the officer called me my son ran downstairs to my parents house and told my mom what was going on. (I own a three family house with my parents.) He was so upset! Some of you who remember my post form the beginning know that my son developed major problems because of my H affair. Even after I told him I was o.k. he kept hugging me and telling me he loved me. I told H I can deal with her attacking me but to hurt my baby I can't deal with that! I can't deal with the fact OS is being hurt by this, he is really smart and loving but he was really hurt by H actions. I don't think a lot of exOW's realize how much the children are hurt. Anyway I will let you know what happened tomorrow.<p>
Tee<p>[ April 02, 2002: Message edited by: UNSure919400 ]<p>[ April 02, 2002: Message edited by: UNSure919400 ]</p>

False Accusation is the last stage before Supernatural Promotion. Seems to me like a breakthrough is in store for you. It's like the enemy's last desperate attempt before you get your miracle... Keep the faith. Keep walking in Love. Keep a right spirit before God. Faith works by love...<p>I love your H's attitude of not wanting to see you keep getting hurt over HIS mistake. Wow! What a way for a WS to recover! <p>OW sure does have an active imagination, doesn't she??? Poor thing! She was seeing things in the courtroom, now she's hearing voices?!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] LOL! Unsure ya gotta laugh at this... Not at her but at the enemy. He's losing... You're winning. Praise God! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

People lie on you when Satan has a hard time getting to you...

Tee,
Stay strong. well, I am sure there were other people in the store. Some stores have a security camera recording everything. Maybe the cashier will remember you.<p>ex-OW seems so desperate here. It will be only a matter of time before the truth comes out. And her true colors will come out too. She is only harming her childern. I do not understand why she is not putting her childern first. ex-OW does not sound like a very stable person.<p>Keep the faith. <p>Dawn

I believe it is the eighth commandment that states "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor".<p>When someone lies or slanders against another, they are violating this very important commandment. If this commandment is in the Big Top Ten, I am assuming God thought it pretty important too. TAH is bearing false witness against you to the police and the courts and Lord knows who else. This is serious stuff in the eyes of Our Lord. When someone deliberately lies against someone saying they did or said something they did not, then they are breaking one of the Big Top Ten...and if it is up there with Thou shalt not Kill, well, then, I pretty much think her [censored] is grass.<p>Oh yeah...it just gets me that we have OW's coming here all the time snorting about their spawn and how they are so innocent and deserved to be loved when things like this happen tiame after time after time after time and OUR children are the ones who are traumatized, deeply hurt, made to feel insecure through all this discovery/recovery between the parents after the OP has had a field day barreling into a marriage (with spouses' willingness, cooperation and their own aggresive behavior, I know) but the OP just doesn't care...they just don't care at all about our kids, us or who they hurt or what happens to any of us.<p>I don't want to hear one more word about the poor, innocent OC's that need love, contact, invovlement, protection and MONEY. Spare me!<p>When the playing field has been leveled, we will consider the OC's when our own children have been loved, protected, cared for and are not vicitmized by interlopers who have changed their lives forever...and just plain don't care about them or the impact on them.<p>AAAAarrrrrrggggghhh!<p>Catnip =^^=

Meow!!!
I 2nd that Catnip!!!<p>Bravo! <p>Hang in there Unsure... TAH doesn't know who she's messing with!

BTDT, Dawn, Catnip, and Stacie Thank you very much for your support! <p>I wanted to respond earlier but I was on the phone all morning with the kids school. My OS ended up getting into a fight today in school. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] He has so much anger and it's all directed at TAH. I've told him he has to be upset wiht H too because of his part in all this but now after everything TAH has done how do I correct him when I'm feeling the same way. <p>BTDT- After I calmed down I was able to laugh at this. I was acutally cracking jokes with my SIL tonight. <p>Dawn-I told the Officer exactly the same thing. he knew it was a bogus charge he said to me if this had merrit I would have came to your house. You are right she is gettign desperate.<p>Catnip- LOL!! Thank you for posting. I wish I could express myself the way you do. I agree with everything you said. I don't have to ask H to end contact TAH is going to make him feel like he has no choice. My 8 year old came to me and my H and said I am feeling angry and sad about what's been going on these last few days. He said he was angry at TAH for ruining their visit on Sunday. And sad that he wasn't able to spend anytime with OC. It really pisses me off the my kids say and do adult thing becasue of this situation. <p>Stacia- Thank you girl. I'll look for you online.<p>I talked to two lawyers today. I could file a civil suite against TAH but my lawyer said he wouldn't reccomend me doing it. He said to wait until I get a little more ammo. I was also told that there was nothing I could do about her pressing false charges against me. I was told if I saw her to get a clerk and explain the situation or to leave the store. Again I'm suppose to make changes because of her. The only way something will be done is if she physically attacks me. Oh well thanks again all.<p>Tee<p>[ April 02, 2002: Message edited by: UNSure919400 ]</p>

Tee.....<p>Getting caught up...stay strong dear sister! Keep the faith!<p>Sending hugs and prayers your way and keep in touch.....I will try to look for you...Dinobon has an MRI tomorrow...but hopefully things will settle soon and I can catch up...I miss all of you all desparately!<p>Hugs and prayers to you dear sister...
Twiisty

[QUOTE]Originally posted by catnip:
"I don't want to hear one more word about the poor, innocent OC's that need love, contact, invovlement, protection and MONEY. Spare me!"<p>Ah, would those "interlopers" include your very own spouse? I'm sorry here catnip, I have to comment; yeh, it's me again.
Why do you work so hard to forgive the one who owed you loyality and faithfullness and lash out so viciously at the OC who owes you nothing? I am not trying to be hurtful but only honest as I see it.
As everyone already knows, I'm a WS and very recent ex-OW. I know that some OW/M can be really rotten as described in the story you are responding to. I would hope that is an exception. Please, don't preach about God from one side of your mouth and from other, condemn a child that your H created, all the while you are living with that childs father/mother trying to forgive. If anyone IS innocent it's a child who did not deceive you or lie to your or ask anything from you. Your spouse alone deceived and betrayed you. So much anger that is misplaced.
I would never put my ex-OM in a positon that would create hurt for his 2 children with W. Yes, we got into an extramarital R, we created a mess of our lives. In our fear of what reality would be with all our "baggage", we've decided not to pursue divorces, as such, we must put our lives back together and have commited to do so with as little pain as possible and inflicted only on ourselves as we get out of A.
Of course now that I've learned I'm should tell my H to truly recover from A, I understand that the pain may spread. I don't think most WS realize that recovery involves spouse. Anyway, I don't mean to go off track. I chose not to let OM into my child's life so I've asked for nothing despite his offers, in part because I don't want to him to hurt his family and also because I don't want to hurt my H and son.
All I want to say is, if you believe in God as you seem to and have the capacity to forgive the one person who made promises to you, then why can you not see that the anger that you feel toward OC is misplaced? It is sad to me when ANY child is hurt as you describe, not just the ones born of the M. OC are children and they ARE innocent. If anything OW and your H should be source of your hatred if you feel it.

I have a friend, the father of an OC, who says that there is no such thing as illegitimate children, only illegitimate parents. He found out about his son, and his son about him, when the boy turned 21 and the mother told him. She had deliberately set out to get pregnant by my friend to "have a lifetime memento of their great true love." She never told her H, and had another child by him after this one - they had two before this wonderful love came her way. Her H found out when the OC told him...<p>The result: a shattered young man who went through years of rehab for drug and alcohol abuse. Her H divorced her and refuses to acknowledge the other children because he can't be sure they're his. Her other kids will have nothing to do with her, because of the years of lies and the huge upheaval because they can't trust her that their father is indeed their father. My friend's wife divorced him, even though this pregnancy had been generated before they even met. <p>I agree, don't hate the child. It's the parents who are illegitimate. Even when one of them happens to be your own spouse.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by juststartingover:
[QB]"I have a friend, the father of an OC, who says that there is no such thing as illegitimate children, only illegitimate parents....I agree, don't hate the child. It's the parents who are illegitimate. Even when one of them happens to be your own spouse."<p>JSO:
You have said it very well. I'm one of those people you speak of and I have never tried to play the victim or place blame on anyone. I take responsibility for my choices in life. However, I would like to add that, at least for me, that I never had been in any other R except the one with my H, we'd been HS sweethearts. So, I could have never in my wildest dreams imagined what the fallout of an A would be like. Love is so blind and in my case, Love it is/was! Nonetheless, I am an adult and I can take the blame that is dished out by the BS's. Although naive, I deserve it to some degree. As does the OM. Although intentional hurt was never in any of our plans. We are the adults. But, leave ALL the innocent children out of the blame game. Dont try to compete with a child. They should always come first no matter if they are children of M or A.

Catnip, et. al. -<p>The OC are innocent and do deserved to be loved – just as children conceived in a marriage. Really, do you honestly think that OC do not deserve to be loved? Do you honestly believe that they are not as innocent and pure as children conceived in a marriage? I have been visiting the board for over 4 years and have pretty much kept my mouth shut but you are feeding your own anger and it is most definitely misplaced. This post burns me to no end!!! Go back and read what you wrote – it’s disgusting! <p>I am sitting here thinking about MY OC and all that he is going through both medically and emotionally (asking where his Daddy lives) and I’m thinking "My God, does the W of MY OC really *hate* my son?" I understand that she does not have to open her arms to him and welcome him as her own and I most certainly can appreciate her anger toward me. I find it interesting that many betrayed spouses can forgive their WS but can not forgive the OP. I am finally seeing the light…it is easier, much, much easier to continue to harbor the anger than it is to actually forgive and let go.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by catnip:
"Oh yeah...it just gets me that we have OW's coming here all the time snorting about their spawn and how they are so innocent and deserved to be loved when things like this happen tiame after time after time after time and OUR children are the ones who are traumatized, deeply hurt, made to feel insecure through all this discovery/recovery between the parents after the OP has had a field day barreling into a marriage (with spouses' willingness, cooperation and their own aggresive behavior, I know) but the OP just doesn't care...they just don't care at all about our kids, us or who they hurt or what happens to any of us."<p>Catnip,
Did it ever occur to you that your H chose to risk hurting you and your children when HE entered into an extramarital R? I'm not here to defend myself as OW but as a WS, my OM had no role in advocating for my H or M! I wouldn't have listeined anyway! That was MY job and I chose NOT to. I chose to have an A because truth is, I wanted a relationship with him. It is that simple. By same standard, OW in your case most likely didn't even know you or your kids. I'm sure your H didn't spend his time with her talking about you and how badly he felt to be jeapordizing your M. I am not trying to pour salt in your wounds. But after my initial response to you regarding your shameful attitude toward OC, I decided I needed to speak up not to defend OP's and A's, but to shed some light on the nature of them. OP's do not have a "good time barreling" into any M, believe me. If you really want to think that someone "just doesn't care", as a WS, I can tell you that I was the one that didn't care. It was MY job to care and I didn't. The same goes for your WH. It was HIS job not his OW's. I would say either you face that and live with it or move on for goodness sake!

There are many OW with OC who would not do such silly imature things such as make false statements, But i AM SURE THIER ARE MANY WHO WOULD, JUST AS THIER ARE MANY W'S WHO WOULD DO THE SAME, It Isnt the Oc's FAULT what choice did that baby have to be here. The two people who produced that child have an equal responsibility to love and care for that baby.
And Yes they need as much love as the other children in your lives. If My husbad did not treat this child as he did the other children or was not able to then he would not need to be in this childs life. How could they not need as much love as another child. I find that a very disturbing thing to hear. I think if a marriage can be fixed thats wonderful, but I dont think treating a child as if he/she were nothing is going to endear your spouse or any one else to you. I think I should thank my childs step mother today. I dont like her she doesnt like me, But we love that baby.

The fact is, everyone, the OC deserves love, as all kids do. But, not necessarily the love of the BS, or the children of that family.Biology does not begat love. No, it is not the child's fault whose parents he/she has, but by the same token, because of the child's parents, he/she is not guaranteed love by both parents. In my case, the OW knew my children, knew my H would never leave the marriage, knew he did not want a long term relationship with her.AT the outset, she knew he was married.She admitted she wanted the child at all costs-and no, she did not care if it hurt me, hurt her lover, my H, and hurt my children. She did not care, because she wanted the child. NOw, she had every right to do that, but to expect her child now is entitled to my life, my kids, etc. is not correct-she gets a whopping amount of CS, and I wish I got the same. NO, I don't merely blame the OW. I still resent, even hate my H for his part in it. But I certainly also hate and blame the OW. And unfortunately, the child is a constant reminder of the selfishness of both of the parents. For that reason, I will not have contact with child, and I will not change my mind on that. That is how I feel.<p>[ April 09, 2002: Message edited by: unhappy wife ]</p>

uw<p>I can certainly respect that, you are right, but some of these threads seem to have hate for the child and I dont think any one can blame a baby. In my case, OM said he had a vasectomy turns out, He lied, doesnt excuse the A. But it is why there is a child.
I dont believe I alone am responsible for this baby, I think we did this together after a relationship that lasted several years. But you cant force any one to love a child, many children are not loved by thier parents...a sad fact of life. I think if financially your husband is doing his part, and that is all you are able to do, then that is what is best for the child.
Because I am sure she is surrounded by many people who love her.
I am lucky that my D's Father has a great need to love her as well and he and I are able to work out our differences concerning daughter. he and I came up with how much, because I dont really need money and he didnt want to part with the amount the courts would ask him to pay. I gave him a choice, he and his wife after a year chose to love her. Of course you have to be concerned about other children, I find children children love unconditional. my children love and are very accepting of baby, she is thier sister. His adult children are split, one loves her and tries to be part of her life. one doesnt.