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#812665 06/22/02 08:44 AM
Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 922
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You were the last person I thought about as I drifted off to sleep and the first person that came to my mind this morning. Your message and that of Jules yesterday made me so happy.<p>But, on the other hand, what I could not get out of my mind is the levels that people will sink to be devious and manipulative. I don't speak in generalities. I usually confine myself to my own experience and those that I know. The world is too full of different types of people with different outlooks to paint everyone with a broad brush.<p>But the simple truth here is that your x-OW put you and your H, and most sadly of all, your children, through absolute hell for no other reason than trying to tie your H to her life, long after he wanted to go. After my relief and joy for you, I am outraged for you. <p>If the xOW was having an active sexual relationship with her live-in, how dare she make the decision to finger your H without really being sure. <p>You have been through hell and, with God's help, you managed to rebuild your marriage to new heights. But what if you had walked out on your H immediately and broken up your happy family over a lie? Yours and Jules situations are the models for -- don't make any sudden decisions until all the facts are in and all the raw feelings have calmed down.<p>My heart cries for you thinking of the times that you held that baby in your arms trying your best to accept that child into your life while all the time your heart was breaking. My heart cries for all the tears, fights, uncertainty, and pain you have endured.<p>And surprisingly, my heart cries for your H who was led to believe all this time that the child was his, and now the OC will simply disappear from his life. While that may be a tremendous relief, it has to be a confusing emotional time for him too. And last, but probably most important, your children who had revealed to them details of adult life which never had to be known.<p>I pray for your complete release from all the emotional turmoil that this situation caused your family, without bitterness. I also hope this is a lesson for all newbies to be shared with their spouses -- take absolutely nothing for face value. There are so many unscrupulous people waiting to pounce on unsuspecting and naive ones.<p>Knowing you so well from your posts and remembering the path you travelled to get to the point of happiness you are now, I am also doing the happy dance all over my house for you. <p>You are a gracious, open, kind, generous and beautiful woman. I hope your H remembers that every day of his life. I hope he celebrates the gift God has given him -- you. <p>Please keep me on your e-mail list (rosepell@ivillage.com) and send an update now and then of the abundant happy times ahead. Check in occasionally but concentrate most on keeping your marriage strong. Know that you will be missed on MB. You have been very dear to me, Z. You have helped me keep it together when in my deepest depression. We have laughed and cried together. Now, I only want to hear your laughter all the way from GA!<p>Sent with much love and blessings,
heavenly

#812666 06/24/02 09:52 PM
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 785
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Oh my heavenly,<p>How I adore you. You have always, and especially when I read this post ... brought tears to my eyes. Your words are always so eloquent and filled with feeling and emotion. How I wish I could verbalize with your tone and compassion.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
But the simple truth here is that your x-OW put you and your H, and most sadly of all, your children, through absolute hell for no other reason than trying to tie your H to her life, long after he wanted to go. After my relief and joy for you, I am outraged for you. <hr></blockquote><p>I too am outraged... but my spiritual self will not let me hold on to that. I feel like I claimed a victory the other day. She now is burdened with the fact that the "real" daddy may or may not want anything to do with her after her horrid lies. That poor child will suffer for her mother's choices in life and that saddens me more than her mother could ever anger me.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>If the xOW was having an active sexual relationship with her live-in, how dare she make the decision to finger your H without really being sure. <hr></blockquote> <p>I think in her own mind she wanted it sooo bad she convinced even herself that it was his. She's young, dumb and selfish. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>You have been through hell and, with God's help, you managed to rebuild your marriage to new heights. But what if you had walked out on your H immediately and broken up your happy family over a lie? Yours and Jules situations are the models for -- don't make any sudden decisions until all the facts are in and all the raw feelings have calmed down.<hr></blockquote> <p>This very point was brought up my discussions with H. At that point in our lives we were so far apart emotionally that even with the revelation of the truth we probably wouldn't have made a go at our marriage. We would have both chaulked it up as a lost cause. It's truely God's work that we stayed and struggled through this whole thing. OC or not we both had some hard work to do on this marriage.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>My heart cries for you thinking of the times that you held that baby in your arms trying your best to accept that child into your life while all the time your heart was breaking. My heart cries for all the tears, fights, uncertainty, and pain you have endured.<hr></blockquote> <p>But you know what Heavenly, without those fights and tears ... we may not have ended up where we are. It might have been a blessing in disguise.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>And surprisingly, my heart cries for your H who was led to believe all this time that the child was his, and now the OC will simply disappear from his life. While that may be a tremendous relief, it has to be a confusing emotional time for him too. And last, but probably most important, your children who had revealed to them details of adult life which never had to be known.<hr></blockquote><p>Thankfully my children are young and probably won't even remember all this crap that went on. Yes my H suffered... and I believe he is suffering his own guilt right now. (see my post under my thread)<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I pray for your complete release from all the emotional turmoil that this situation caused your family, without bitterness. I also hope this is a lesson for all newbies to be shared with their spouses -- take absolutely nothing for face value. There are so many unscrupulous people waiting to pounce on unsuspecting and naive ones.
<hr></blockquote><p>I too hope newbies learn from what we've all been through. Had we been able to afford DNA from day one... we would have had it done. Unfortunately it wasn't in the cards. But we learned later we could have filed our own CS case with the state and they would have paid for DNA. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
You are a gracious, open, kind, generous and beautiful woman. I hope your H remembers that every day of his life. I hope he celebrates the gift God has given him -- you. <hr></blockquote><p>Thank you for your kind, loving words. yes, he cherishes me everyday... with or without the news of OC! For that I'm lucky. But take note newbies ... It all comes with hard work from both sides.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Please keep me on your e-mail list (rosepell@ivillage.com) and send an update now and then of the abundant happy times ahead. Check in occasionally but concentrate most on keeping your marriage strong. Know that you will be missed on MB. <hr></blockquote><p>See my post on my thread ... I ain't going anywhere!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>You have been very dear to me, Z. You have helped me keep it together when in my deepest depression. We have laughed and cried together. Now, I only want to hear your laughter all the way from GA!<hr></blockquote> <p>You know some people say cyber friendships aren't real. I think the friendships we have here at MB are very very real. I don't care what anyone says ... I can love you guys even if I never lay eyes on you. <p>Heavenly... you have been there for me too. Many many a night I came to this board crying out for comfort and you were there with your soft words to ease me through. I will always cherish that. I cried for you during you loss as if it was my own. And I love you for smiling with me during my triumph. That's what friendship is all about.<p>For you I thank God. May he continue to bless us all.<p>Z.<p>edited for typo<p>[ June 24, 2002: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</p>

#812667 06/25/02 03:28 AM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 3,303
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I have to jump in here and just say that there is so much valuable information to be gained here in MB cyberland for anyone new to all this trauma. We live and we learn! Everyone has so much to offer from such a wide variety of experiences. Praise God for God--getting us all through personal pain and on to triumph!!! He is so good!!! His mercy endures forever.


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