Hello yall. I feel like a broken record here. I am having such a bad day. I have about 3 3/4 months to go before ex OW has this baby. Now I am thinking that this baby his my H when before I wasn't. When I talk with H about my feeling and how I am hurting we just get into a fight and he gets defensive. How did any of your H's handle you or handling you and your out bursts and rage? Or am I the only one that has them and can't let this go. I feel like I am getting worse instead of better. At first my H said he wanted something to do with OC if it was his, but now he says he doesn't at all. In the beginning I wanted this OC and now I don't. I wonder if that's why my H changed his mind. I feel like screaming, I wish this would end. Sorry I just wanted to vent.

Hello,
what you are feeling is normal. It was last October that OC was born and in the beginning I was pretty sure that OC was not my H. I found out that my H lied when he had sex with OW. OW has not done anything yet about getting the DNA test done and it has been 8 months now since OC was born. And I hope OC is not my H. My emotions are still all over the place.<p>Dawn

DBH,<p>I understand the pain and anger you are going through, but your outbursts are seen by your H as love busters(LB here on the boards). When you get angry, and try to talk to your H about this pain and anger, he sees it as an attack on himself, and that's why he gets so defensive, and you end up fighting. Use this board to vent your anger an pain. No matter how many times you tell your H that he's hurt you, and it makes you angry, he will always see it as an attack! <p>Have you forgiven your H for his A? Have you both looked into the principles on this site? They are amazingly helpful, even if just one person in the relationship use them! <p>If you still feel the need to tell your H how you feel, don't do it when the pain or anger is so raw, and approach him in love, not anger or hurt. If he sees the love in your actions and face, he just may react differently, and be willing to talk about what's happened, instead of being defensive.<p>I hope that I helped you out some. As for the OC, leave that alone until it is born, and you've gotten the DNA results. Right now, you have the opprotunity to rebuild your M, and make it that much stronger, if this OC is in fact a genetic match for your H.<p>Tigger

I agree with Tigger, use this time without visitation issues to focus on rebuilding your marriage.<p>This is a prime opportunity to learn how to Love each other again and how to rebuild trust. <p>The only way to get started on that is through true forgiveness. And that comes without holding the actions of the affair over our spouses head. When we remind them how bad they've hurt us it is received as us trying to punish them. In turn pushing them away.<p>Try working on your forgiveness as a first step to mending the gap between you and H. To truely forgive is to stop blaming the other person and to let go of the resentment. It's hard. What helped me is to yell scream and shot on MB forums and not at my H. Give it a shot.<p>Z.

Just checking in to give you a hug and see if you have been following Jules27 and zebrababy's latest threads with their new developments (being OC was NOT their H's)?! Don't pay a dime until you guys know for sure!!! As for your H not wanting visitation, might be the best thing for your marriage. Pray about it. Prayer is effective.<p>As zebrababy said, you can file a CS case yourselves, through your court system and the court will pay for DNA testing. You need to know for sure before you allow OW/OC to traumatize your marriage for another single day. Good luck to you in your MB efforts! You can make it!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Go over the Policy of Joint Agreement and maybe fill out the emotional needs questionnaires and love buster questionnaires together so you can start working on your recovery plan. With or without OW/OC in the picture, these are great relationship tools for improving your communication. God bless you!

Well yesterday was 3 months since dday. I took ya'lls advise when talking with my H. I didn't attack him,I didn't get angery,I didn't get emotional. I was just talking to him about this situation calmly. It ended up the same way, it always does, fighting about it and him turning it around. I can't believe no matter what I do I'm the one that ends up more hurt than when we started the conversation. Is it not his job to try and make things better???? I think it is...Well just wanted ya'll to know that I tried and it didn't work.