Hello,
This is weird. I found out that yes there is a CS case opened. ANd she named my H as the father. The stated opened it in the middle of June because she is receiving assistance. However, she has not completed and send the CS papers back yet. And I know the CS will be close soon if she does not send the papers. And yes it will affect her state aid. She has not attempted to get in contact with my H to get the information she needs. She does not know anything about my H except his name. However, she does know where my H's friend lives that introduced them annd can easy get in contact with my H if she wanted too. I did talk to the friend and she has not talked to OW since Nov. 2001.

And, why not send the papers back saying she does not know the information if it is going to affect her state aid? I do not understand why she is waiting.

And, I was wondering if we should just wait until the state finds my H.

My friend told me that she probably is not sure of the father and what if the paterinty comes back that my H is not the father. How that would make her look.

And should I file for CS or not? Just to make sure we do not get screwed?

Dawn

Hello,
I really hope someone will see this by tonight because my H just called and he is taking the computer tomorrow to his friend's house to get it work on. I will not have a computer for three days!

I think all my emotions are coming back now and I am getting depressed.

Dawn

P.S. I will be on tonight to chat! I really need some support!

WOW you have been busy this after noon,
I think I would just call and ask her what she plans on doing.
Straight to the point and find out what her plan is.

I am confused,
I know I am not a BS but if you get desperate and just needs to throw some thoughts out there.. I have several messenger, so if you want email

<small>[ July 10, 2002, 08:38 PM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

mof5,
Thanks. I am very confused on what OW is doing. She needed to get support from the state. Then why not go after the father for CS? And since the state opened a child support because she is getting assistance why would not fill out the papers right way? If she does not do it soon she will loose some of her support from the state.

Dawn

I dont know most states will not allow support to continue if there is a father, they will step in and if she has stated the process, then something isnt right.
could it be that they said there would have to be a test.. for dna and she doesnt want to!????

I don't know what state you are in, but here's what happened to us in AZ...

The OW did not pursue us for CS at first. Then, she took maternity leave and went on state assistance. Due to state law, she had to disclose that my H was the father, and the state served my H with paternity papers and we had the test done through them. She was removed from the process.

However, because my H waited and chose not to pursue the issue himself, he now owes the state the entire amount of support she received (like $400/month for about four months), as well as owing her back child support from the time she got off assistance until now. If he had chosen to pursue the issue as soon as the baby was born through the CS office (in my county it was through the attorney's office), he wouldn't owe the state and the amount he owed and has to pay would be much lower.

I HIGHLY recommend that you look in to these matters before sitting back and waiting for her to make the calls. I thought it best at the time to let her come to us, now I regret it and wish we had pursued the issue from day one.

Worst case, if you go after the test and it is positive, your H has to pay child support. But if you wait, at least in AZ your H would then owe the state a lot more than he would pay in CS alone.

Take it from someone who got screwed!
EJ

EJ,
I am in WI and here the laws state that she could only get CS for the date child support case was opened.

Dawn

Hello,
What do you think? You think maybe OW thinks the baby is not my H but there is still a chance so she put his name down. And maybe she honestly does not know who the father. I mean she admitted before she met my H that she would go to the bars and pick up men and sleep with them and never see them again. Of course, OW said she had changed her ways and no longer does that. She even made my H feel sorry for her because she cried and said that she no longer does that and she acted all depressed about it. Now, I am not sure if that was just to get my H to have sex with her or not. However, on February 8th, my H caught her at the bar hanging all over a different man. Now she said she was not suppose to get her period until February 13. And according to OW she was still going out with my H on February 8th.

Dawn

Hello,
Well, I just wanted to say OW did send the child support papers back and said my H is the father.

I wish that my H would call OW and asked her what is going on. He just wants to wait until they find him.

She did not name anybody else. Is there stil hope? If she was unsure who the father is why did she not give anybody else name?

Dawn

<small>[ July 22, 2002, 10:42 AM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Wishful thinking?

Before we knew for sure, we were thinking the OW may have convinced herself the baby was my H's. She had slept with two other men that month. Your xOW may want the baby to be your H's, so she kind of decided it was.

You may still be in the clear. But believe me when I tell you it is worth finding out ASAP. The heartache of wondering is so powerful. While finding out the baby is for sure my H's has been hard, it was harder for me not to know and just wait for the other boot to drop.

Good luck!!!
EJ

EJ,
Thanks. Did your OW have DNA tested on the other man? You did she say the baby was your H? I am not even sure if OW had sex with anyone else because she claims that she only had sex with my H. But everyone said if she was so sure she would have done something on her own and not let the courts open a child support case. After all, she is on welfare and she claimed that she did not want child support. However, if you are getting assistance the state will come after the father.

Dawn

<small>[ July 22, 2002, 02:12 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Please, please request a DNA test when you are served with the papers. You can contest paternity. If you test through the state it can take more than a month for the DNA results to come in. If you do it privately the tests can be back within 1-2 weeks. My results took almost 2 weeks to come back. You don't want to get stuck paying CS for a child that is not his.

Tiffany

Dawn--

The paternity results indicated that my H was the father, so there was no need to go any farther than that with testing.

The XOW was on state aid, which is how she filed paternity on my H. I think she wasn't going to come after him, and now the joke's on her because my H is a very involved father (to her dismay). So, she just completely controls visitation at this point, but we are fighting...

H let the state handle things, and got screwed where if he had pursued it he wouldn't (STILL) be waiting for the state to get their act together. Meanwhile, while we wait to meet with our case manager, the dollars are adding up that we owe. ACK!

I very strongly encourage your H to pursue testing himself--gets the emotional drama of wondering over and gets the process moving if he is the father. Just my experience!
EJ

Tiffany,
My H is going to have an DNA test done! It is that OW just has said from the beginning that OC is my H and now the state is involved she never gave anybody's else name.

You have the same name as my daughter.

Dawn

EJ,
we were posting at the same time. So, OW only named your H has the father and no one else? I know someone that gave a couple of different names because she was not sure and they tested everyone at the same time.

I have been trying to get my H to do something and when he did OW hung up on him and now he does not want to do anything.

Your OW sounds a lot like mine.

Dawn

<small>[ July 22, 2002, 09:23 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Yes, OW only named my H, even though there was a strong chance the baby was someone else's (my H slept with her once, she slept with others that month). But, proof that it only takes once, the baby was his. Oh well, moving on, right?

I have spent the last two weeks trying to make my H do something to get this process moving, but he insists (and our MC agrees) that not rocking the boat is the best thing for the baby. They're right, but I get selfish sometimes and want what's best for me, D*#&#@! It kills me that we want contact, but I haven't even met the baby yet. My son keeps asking when the OC will be able to come to our house, and I don't know what to tell him.

I'm glad to hear your H is moving forward with the paternity test--saves a lot of wondering, which is what I did for four months!
EJ

EJ,
My H won't do anything. He is going to wait until the court finds him and then get the DNA test done.

Dawn

Well,

Rest assured that you are not alone in your struggle of waiting and wondering. I suffered hard those four months, and cried hard for the last three weeks since we found out. But, things seem to be moving in a slllllooooowwwwww but positive direction.

Hang in there, I know how much it sux to wait!!!
EJ

EJ,
Thank you. I do not feel so much alone and your OW sounds a lot like mine. So, maybe there is a chance that OC is not my H. And maybe she just got it in her head that OC is my H. Though, I think she is embarrassed of what she has done. She did not even tell her parents when they questioned her about who the father is.

Dawn

Dear Dawn

There have been two cases here just this month where the paternity tests came back negative...it CAN and DOES happen. I am praying yours will be one of them.

While the waiting is torturous and the wondering borders on psychosis, I am relieved we did not know for sure for several months after D-Day because it gave us time to focus on each other and the marriage and reconnect, bonding together against the outside forces that were so daunting at the time. I knew that the liklihood of my husband having a positive DNA was probable but I still took that waiting time to work on the marriage and get close to him again. This scared him and upset him as much as it did me.

You'll know soon enough then the courts will be in your face if the results come back positive...and if they come back negative, rejoice and be glad.

Honey, it sounds like the OW is such a tramp that the odds could be in your favor. I sure hope so and will pray that it turns out to be negative.

Catnip =^^=