</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mom of five:
<strong>... If I were that mother I would be very angry and offended and come out fighting if someone dared to suggest I was not able or capable of raising my children with or with out a mans help...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not to be picking at your opinions, Mo5--you're okay with me--but from my experience as a single OW with only ONE kid to raise--not only was I incapable of raising my OC without MM's financial assistance, I was not IN a position to be angry or offended or fighting when I needed that assistance...

IMHO, I was just fortunate and blessed and that MM and his W did not want contact, nor did they ever attempt to interfere with any of my parenting decisions whatsoever... They paid CS for 15 years and I gladly received it, needed it, and used it for OC's needs.

If they did try to take OC away from me, I know for a fact that they could have provided a much better, more (financially) stable environment for the OC. It didn't mean I didn't love my OC, but love doesn't pay the bills...

I don't know what you do for a living but if you really could take care of 5 kids by yourself, financially?!?! WHEW! All I can say is GO GIRL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hmmmm... let's see? My OC is now almost 20 years old and I'm probably just now making the salary that MM was making back when I met him!?!!! And I know his wife was rich because he drove her Porsche to work and told me such... So here I am 20 years down the road and still "incapable" of providing for OC what MM could or would have been able to... Heck, it took me 10 years (1/2 of OC's life) to find a good, godly man who was willing to marry me and coparent OC!! That's 1/2 of OC's lifetime of being with a single mom struggling to make ends meet! OC didn't ask for any of this! *I* didn't expect to face such a financial struggle either!!!

<small>[ August 05, 2002, 05:42 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

jtigger
the child is OW's and MM . That does not give any one the right to think that OW can not take care of her child and forego her rights to please someone else. I didnt say HE should lose out on the child I said they should get used to sharing. I think you just like to argue. Makes you feel better I suppose. I dont think the woman or the man makes a better parent. I am sure both could equally do a good job. But Why should a woman give her child up if she doesnt want to just because the bs does not want to look at her.
I was a single mother for two years with 4 children and I paid all my bills and loaned my husband money on many occasions. Has it always been easy...NO but doesnt make me incapable of giving my children every thing they need and providing them a home and love and food.
CS will help take care of that child, thats what it is there for.
Can you say BTDT you would not have been offended if someone tried to take your child just because they didnt want to have to deal with you.
ALL I said was BB should start thinking realistically. The courts do not take a baby away because ow job stinks and she is divorced.
How many of you as women have been divorced in your time .. wouldnt you have been angry if someone could take your kid away for such reasons.
I again stand by what I said. If She and her husband are going to be in that baby's life, they should find a way to work things out for all.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 05, 2002, 07:32 AM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mom of five:
<strong> Can you say BTDT you would not have been offended if someone tried to take your child just because they didnt want to have to deal with you.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would have been shocked! MM didn't really want ME so I knew he wanted nothing much to do with OC!!! It was strictly a short-lived PA so the emotional connection doesn't really apply to my situation... It's difficult for me to imagine myself in this scenario and give a straight answer to your question.

But I think you are sorta putting words into butterfly's mouth here. She never said that xOW was a bad mom, in fact, she said in spite of the struggling, she DIDN'T think it meant she was a bad mom just that "they would rather raise the OC"??? What's wrong with that?

If and when they find out the paternity of the child, I wouldn't be surprised if xOW would be willing to give the baby up, esp. if she is struggling as much as butterfly described here...

It's different than my situation was--or yours--but it didn't sound to me like butterfly simply doesn't want to "deal" with the xOW??? It sounds more like more stability they could offer the OC--that is, if it is even her H's OC... If it's not her H's OC, then it's a non-issue!

<small>[ August 05, 2002, 07:58 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

BTDT

This is an old quote of BB
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I would rather raise the children myself
>than to give her anything. Could we get custody of the kids, if she tried to
>get child support from him? Is there any way to protect my family and our
>finances. Does anyone have any advice? Please
>help us, we have no one to talk to about this.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now this does not seem a good reason to take on these children. I just dont think she should set her self up for dissapointment.
This woman may very well be willing.. but not all women are able to do that and that is just a fact of life.

Butterfly: I still say there is no such thing as being "setup." To setup means to conspire against or deceive. A man and a woman having unprotected sex is not a conspiracy going on behind someone's back! For the sake of everyone in your situation, I hope the child is not your husband's because it sounds to me as if no one really has the child's best interests at heart! If it is your husband's, I hope that everyone will do the right thing. While I know that women secretly wish to hold on to a man with a baby, still he has to take full responsibility for letting it get that far! Many men that are married will not stay with a woman because of a baby!

lucious

I am sure many women get pregnant on purpose, just as I am sure many are shocked and suprised they are pregnant.

who cares, makes no difference in the end does it.

My point exactly!!

***But Why should a woman give her child up if she doesnt want to just because the bs does not want to look at her. ***

But why should he have to give her custody.
You still didn't answer my question. What gives the mother the right to claim custody in the first place ? Is it something like possesion is 9/10s of the law ? Why is it the father has to fight for custody and it is automatically given to the mother ?

***I think you just like to argue. ***

Argue no, debate yes.
It embarrases me that we as women scream for equal rights, then expect preferential treatment.

You cant have it both ways, Your fighting for the H's to have no contact and not take care of a child he helped make and now your fighting for the right of that same husband to keep a child and have full custody. Just for the sake of debating.

SO tell me why would a man get custody of a child he has not been concerned about during her nine months of pregnancy, A man who would prefer nothing to do with the child in the first place and wants to keep the dirty little secret quiet... But wait if we are fair the poor MM should just be given the baby and to heck with the mother who gave birth and has been caring for the child because after all this would be so fair to women all around the world. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> The mother should give her child up just for the sake of womens lib!!> You are really stretching to make sense on this one.

Tigger,

The question was about getting custody of a child for the sole reason that they dont want gossip to be out in the public and they dont want to give OW money. I hardly see those as valid reasons.
And if neither parent is a bad parent, then they should share custody of the child, YOU can not make a case for one parent over the other for custody based on likes or dislikes. BOTH parents have the right to share in custody of that child, That my dear is equal rights.

So you just keep on being embarrassed,
I have nothing to be embarrassed about. I take care of all my children with the help of my husband . And would be taking care of all children with or with out the help of husband or OM. why dont you debate with lucious she will probably enjoy it more.

<small>[ August 05, 2002, 02:43 PM: Message edited by: mom of five ]</small>

<<<Your fighting for the H's to have no contact and not take care of a child he helped make and now your fighting for the right of that same husband to keep a child and have full custody>>>

No MO5, what I'm debating for is for men to have the EXACT same choices as women do regarding reproductive rights.
There is a case in PA right now that the court put a temp injuction on a woman to keep her from aborting her child. The child's father wants to raise that child, alone. Now lets hear the women's rights activist start howling about how that is infringing on her rights.

I am sorry I thought we were discussing a whole other subject. Please forgive me.