Ok, I feel like I'm in that aweful movie Groundhog Day.

Everytime I think I have cleared all hurdles with regards to this damn affair, it comes crashing in my quaint little world like a tornado!

I hope I write this clearly so everyone can follow along.

Wednesday night/Thursday morning my husband's cell phone rings at 1:30am. He's in a coma as usual so I reach over him to answer it. The caller hangs up. I shake my H to ask him who's number is ***-***-**** that shows up on the caller I.D. He says he's not sure, but someone from that number paged him earlier and he returned the phone call from his cell and no one answered. I make a mental note and doze back to sleep. The next morning I get his cell and check the call log. One missed call from same number, one dialed call and one received call that I answered. More mental notes.

The next evening after I got off work I called the number myself and guess who answers? You guessed it SAH (those of you who chat off boards know that's the ancronym for my nick name for OW)

So I flat ask her why she called my husband. First she says she was trying to reach a friend with the same name and since both were saved in her cell phone she accidentally dialed my husband. <note: she said nothing about a page>

Then I asked what about the call at 12:30pm earlier that day. She says, "oh, same thing". I said, "how about you delete his number from your phone and never call him or this house again." She says fine... end of conversation.

About an hour later H gets home from work and I tell him I called the number and spoke with OW and their stories don't match, so he better come up off the truth.

He confesses that he had spoke to her earlier that day when she called. I asked what the convo was about. He says she was calling to tell him she's moving back to N.Y. <yeah!> And that she was wanting one more go around in the hay to say goodbye! <what the hell!> He says he told her he wasn't down with that and said he wished her farewell, end of convo. <yeah right!>

So he heads out to walk the dog. Of course you know the woman in me couldn't resist and I pick up the phone and dial the SAH's number. She answers and I ask her what kind of tramp can continually throw her pussi at a married man. I asked her if she had an ounce of self respect she'd crawl back under a rock.

Then she asks did H tell me that she called him. I said, "he sure did." She then says well he's lying to you again. He and I have been seeing and talking to each other for three years, even when he told you we weren't. And I can have him anytime I want because he never loved you and stays with you because of the kids and the money. She then says, "in fact he was with me three nights ago" <that would have been Monday night> I said no he wasn't, he was home with me. She then starts her rant again how they've been fuquing on and off and he'll keep coming back to her because I don't fulfill him.

She continued to rant as H walked through the door and I handed him the phone to hear what she was saying. He never said a word and just quietly hung up the phone.

Then I started asking him why she would say that they were seeing each other, and how could he be over there three nights ago. I told him something wasn't right and she was too comfortable and too free to spout off like that. She talked liked she had power and I could feel it.

After probing and yelling he finally came clean. This is his version of the story.

A week ago <from the time of this discussion> he was at the KFC picking up the honey bbq wings for dinner. They told him it'd be 15 minutes because they didn't have enough made for our order. I'm not clear on when he got the page whether it was in the drive through, or before he got there, but he said he answered the page and it turned out to be OW. She lives literally a block away from the KFC and somehow they agreed to meet out in front of her complex while he waited for the wings to finish cooking.

According to him they talked casually for a few minutes and he left to get our food and came home.

Then he says she paged him that day before the middle of the night phone call and that's when she solicited him for sex. He said he turned her down and then came the late night phone call.

Well ladies I was furious. Furious because he lied. Furious he went over there. Furious she keeps popping back into our lives for no good reason. Furious she thinks she can call him whenever the hell she wants to. Furious he hasn't slammed the message louder and clearer into her head that he wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. Furious that I'm now left with nagging doubt and distrust.

As you can probably see, I'm still a little pissed. Three days of fighting and praying later, I give in and let go and let God. Whatever happened between them so be it. I cannot control it. And I'll never know the truth.

He says he swears nothing sexual happened. He says that he has been happier with his marriage in the last year than he could have ever imagined and that he prays I won't disregard everything good he and we have done in the last year. You know I told him he was the one that tossed it in the wind and hoped it fell back in his hands.

He says he made a stupid choice to go see her and an even stupider choice to lie to me about everything. He says he never (even now) has had ill feelings towards her and now he realizes he was being selfish in thinking he could see and talk to her. <uh hello, POJA>

So I explain this is like another D-day. I have to start all over from stratch trusting again. He says he realizes that he has to put the work into earning my trust. <heck yeah, you do>

So guess who calls him AGAIN today. Yep, the snatch wants to tell him that she's pissed at me! <hello, you deserve it and more> That she wants to sweep us all under the rug and is grateful that in two weeks she'll be hundreds of miles from us. <I think she's deranged>

H says he told her good, because she doesn't ever need to call either of us again. Farewell, good ridance, nice life.

So here I sit. He's at his mom's right now helping her move some furniture around and I don't know what to think or feel. I'm kind of numb from all this.

I have doubts and insecurities. I have anger and rage. I don't know what to do or how to do it.

A part of me says that there is no way in hell he's been faking over the last year. He's been so loving and so attentive, nothing like he was during the affair. He's been so very active in our church and obviously much closer to God. He even mentioned how he knew that God was not looking down on him favorable for this whole recent mess.

But the other side of me says, I'll never really know what transpired between them. What really happened and if it happened at all like he said. This whole moving to NY thing could be a story concocted to throw me off.

Oh how our mind works overtime to keep doubt alive.

errrrrrrr. He says he wants to be done of her and this whole mess and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. But I'm here with unanswered questions, and quite frankly I don't know if I can believe him no matter how much he reassures me.

Everytime I think I can trust again he goes and does something stupid like this. What is the draw to her. It's like a moth to a flame. I even took a picture of OC and wrote on it "you play with fire you get burnt" and put it in his daytimer. Oh why can't he just learn and grow the fuque up! Selfish [censored].

I hate this mess. I hate that I even have to be dealing with this. Oh my wise dear friends Catnip, Heavenly, Tigger, Unsure, Jenny, BTDT and others what am I too think? What should I be feeling? What do I do?

Z.

edited for typos.

<small>[ September 06, 2002, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: zebrababy ]</small>

Zebrababy,

I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't have much advice to give since OW keeps popping up like a bad penny also. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and I'm here to listen if you want to talk.

With love,

Z... you said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Three days of fighting and praying later, I give in and let go and let God. Whatever happened between them so be it. I cannot control it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hold on to this. This is all you can do. Let God do the work.

Hugs and prayers,
Cali

<small>[ September 07, 2002, 05:36 AM: Message edited by: Cali ]</small>

Z,

Well, as Cali said, all you can truly do at this time is pray about it! It almost seems as if something is happening in this board, spiritually speaking! Look at what Stacia just went through! Then the stuff with Happy_girl. Now your xOW is trying stuff again as well! You know, I was thinking about your statement that you wonder how she could be so comfortable, well, she took you both for a ride about the paternity of the OC for over a year! She's got it in her head the you are easy to pull one over on and is trying again, but when your H turned her down, she's trying to go through you!

Look at how your H's been since the EA was ended. Has that changed at all till this specific time? I know that he lied about the phone calls, but when he did tell you the truth, was it stilted, or sound rehearsed? Or was it the truth?

I have to admit that one of the things that's making me anxious to get the he!! off this rock and off this ship is the fact that xOW #1 had emailed Sailorman on his work account, which I have no access to! Why does this worry me, well, he had claimed to have no contact the first time, and I find out 3 yrs later that they had still been writing and he had had lunch w/her the last time the ship was in her area!!!! So, it's always in the back of my mind(mind you, up until this last email episode the last contact was almost 7 yrs ago!) I'm not sure those feelings can/will ever go away, but you need to be the master of the feelings, not the other way around.

At this point in the game, you need to decide if you are going to trust H or not. You need to look at which person involved in this wacked out episode is the most reliable, and which would lie the most! And, above all else, pray and trust the Lord, that He will provide for you the answer, if you will only "be still and listen".

I hope that I have helped you at least a little.

Love and Prayers,

Tigger

Hello ZB,

I've been a lurker here for a few months now. I tried to post before but it was deleted because I am an "OW". If my post survives i will probably get flamed. I also don't know if your interested in an opinion from the other side but i wll give one anyway.

I know not all OW/mm/W and there circumstances are the same so I,m speaking from MY experience

In my opinion, i think your OW is calling for a reason. MM would always try to tell me not to call his W because he doesn't want a nasty Divorce. So sometimes OW will lie and try to stick up for MM and make up excuses why they are calling. Even though i feel very stupid and i know i tried to keep contact open with W. She knew my number i couldn't unerstand why she didn't call me. But i kind of understant that she wanted to believe her H. I feel you need to trust but verify.

<small>[ December 05, 2002, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: polland ]</small>

One more important thing. You need to act like a detective. If you don't already have it get his access code to all his accounts. I know how to get cell phone and pager codes. Check his cell phone bills. If they don't come to the house something is up. You can call your local telephone co. and get a call log of all calls, even local calls. Send him flowers to his job saying how great and sexy he is you cant wait for him to do that thing he does best. Don't have yr name signed. If he doesn't call you as soon as he gets it to say thanks, somethings up! I knew alot of people think snooping is wrong but infidelity if far worse. don't let him know you have all his info if you can so you can ask him out of the blue questions and see if he lies.

Polland,

I have a couple questions for you. First and foremost, why are you posting to this board at all? If your previous post was deleted, it was NOT just because you are an OW! We have other OW who post here, myself included, who stand by the MB principles on this site, and are either using them in our own M's or in our R's w/ single men. In your post to Zebrababy, you have shown none of the above, just your "justification" for staying w/a MM!

Second, what help was your post to Zebrababy? I am not trying to tell her to blindly trust her H, but you don't know her history, and I do, as I was posting here when she first arrived! She has been through he!! and back because of this xOW! I see this xOW as being desperate, because she lost her "cash cow" when she was proved to be the ulitmate liar! She milked that cow for over a year, when the OC wasn't even Z's H's!

When you come here, stating that your MM is "in love w/you" and "not physically attracted" to his W, how does that help anyone here?!?! If you truly wanted to end it, you shouldn't have taken his phone calls, or seen him after you called his W!!!

I have been on both sides of this coin, but I don't come across as "the other side", as you put it, because I have seen my mistakes, and have learned from them! If you don't want to be "flamed" or called out, then reply with respect, and compassion! I see none of that in your post, just you glorifying what you are doing! All your statements of "He loves me and not her" are what gets you flamed or deleted. This site is for Marriage Building, not how to tear one apart! You need to go back and read the agreement that you accepted before you registered, instead of skipping over it, and just clicking "I accept". Especailly the rules for posting!

Now, because I know Z pretty well, all this post is going to do is make her angry, but it won't drag her down! She's seen, and been through worse than you, so I'm not worried about her. It's those who are still new to this site, and the pain is still very fresh that don't need your type of post on this board! If you are truly sorry for what you've done, MOVE AWAY, AND LEAVE MM AND HIS FAMILY ALONE. And be prepared to do it on your own! Why, because if he loved you as much as he claims, why is he still w/his W and why is she also P?!?!?!

Enough said, take it or leave it, but respect what this forum is for, please!

Tigger

Tiger,

If you read my post carefully you would have understood i now know MM was lying to both of us. I was not trying to hurt Z's feelings i was just giving my opionion from my situation. I don't know her as well as you do but i do know of some of her situations from her past posts and know she tried to be nice to Ow/Oc before and after the DNA test. I am not her OW, and IM NOT YOURS. I'm also not perfect and i'm trying to learn from my mistakes. I'm also not a theripast to try to write a happy postiive post trying to make everyone happy. All I did was post my story and my opinion. Just like you have the right to post and not like my opinion. My other post that was deleted did not flame anyone. It was about why i left MM.

So once again i realize i am not welcome to post my opinion and continue to lurk and know that ignorance is bliss and the truth hurts.

I'm so sorry to hear this zb. I know you have to be really questioning who is telling the truth. Is the OW just wanting to break you guys up, so she's embelishing her story.... or maybe she's telling the truth, or something in between. It could be that he's talked with and seen her for a while and she's getting tired of you not knowing. She's obviously attempting to apply pressure to him.

I have to tell you one of the reason's I come here to read is posts like yours remind me of the pain my A caused my H. It also shows me how bad it would hurt him if I continued contact and he found out. I need that to help keep me on the right course. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I bet you are just dying to whack your H upside the head with a frying pan! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Dumplin and Cali, thank you for your words of encouragement. Sometimes just the simplest phrase posted makes a person feel good to know someone read your post and thought enough to hit the reply button. Just like a quick cyber hug. I do appreciate it.

FindingMyWayBack, I'm glad that by reading our stories, trials and tribulations it keeps you strong and on the right path. Sometimes I feel stupid posting about my tragedies and bad days because I want to be thought of as a success story and a mentor to the newbies. But after thinking about it, I usually go ahead and post because all recovered BS's need to know the days aren't always sunny and bright. If I can make it through the worst days, so can they. We (my H and I) are human we both make mistakes. [censored] I've been guilty of love busting many a time. And he ... he's still got growing to do. With God's grace that growing will be bring him closer and closer to me. And God will touch my heart and heal it with time. He is faithful and a good God. Just as he continues to touch yours and keep you in a good spirit to prioritize your marriage!

Tigger, you are right. The man who I've lived with and loved for the last year and a half is no where near the man that had the affair. I know this to be true. I know in my heart of hearts that he doesn't do all the good he does to keep me at bay, or "for the kids", etc. The awesome team we've had thus far is real and true. When he's rubbing my face at night when he thinks I'm asleep ... that's not fake.

I guess my main worry is that he slipped up. Or was testing himself to see how strong he could be in her presense. I'm so angry that he couldn't jsut be a tad stronger. I'm upset that our newfound love couldn't pull him away from her. I'm so sorry he didn't pick up the bible he keeps in his car that afternoon and read it instead of prancing over there.

I know I'll always be on super sensative when it comes to her. You guys are right, I have to control that and not let it control me. So I will continue to pray on it. I'll pray for me and pray for his strength.

Thank you for jumping in with a response to Polland. I know ya'll got my back when I'm not around.

Now Polland, didn't I read on Glory B that your MM is now spending overnights with you? I remember you posting about how much you enjoyed having him sleeping next to you in your bed. You forgot to mention thatwhen you said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This time i decided to make plans for me and my child only. I told him i just want us to have a good friendship for our baby's sake. But of course the relationship picked up were it left off except this time i was making plans for me and baby to be alone. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Doesn't sound like you are alone with him laying in the bed next to you? I wonder how miserable his pregnant wife is sleeping alone? But you wouldn't care about that would you?

Funny thing is all these begging [censored] MM that OW claim are out there wouldn't be beggin' if they weren't receiving. Just say no - just like drugs. Had you said no way back when you wouldn't be in the perdiciment you are in now. But then again you are probably feeling on top of the world since you are "winning" your man away from his expecting wife and two kids.

And please don't give me that crock of [censored] about MM being so miserable in his marriage and his wife being so horrid. Even if she was/is the wicked witch of the west ... it still doesn't give you the right to be laying down with her husband. Not then and certainly not now even if you are knocked up with his child.

Perhaps your post was intended to be helpful. It was not. I am quite aware of the double lies that many MM tell to continue hiding an affair. And I'm very well versed in how to be a professional snoop. Yes the cell phone comes here to the house. I check it every month and all calls are legitimate and accounted for. The email password is accessable too, a bunch of fantasy football dominates his received and sent mail. I am quite aware of the tangled webs MM and OW weave. Did you ever think that if they were trying to come up with lies together they would have came up with the same lie? And if she had went renegade on him, she certainly could have chose to tell me about a day he wasn't home instead of using a day he was with me.

Bottom line is, they both lied. His lies were to cover a stupid [censored] mistake. Her lies were to get under my skin and cause trouble.

Polland, like Tigger said ... this is a marriage building site. You are not currently working on building a marriage. You are actively involved in destroying one for your own personal gain. Take note of the beloved former OW that post here. Notice how they are focusing on their marriages. Notice how they have distanced themselves from the MM and his wife!

So now I have a question for you Polland, you said: </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm also not perfect and i'm trying to learn from my mistakes. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What exactly have you learned from your mistakes? And what corrective measures have you taken to rectify the situation?

anxiously awaiting your response,
Z.

ZB,

I'm glad to see that you are feeling a little better. I don't normally post because I don't feel that I have much to offer anyone since my M is in such a mess. I just had to post to yours because it hit me (too close to home).

Polland - Not trying to flame (I don't know your whole story), but your post didn't help me much either. I too have heard the lies H told OW and it hurt to be reminded of them again. H also told OW the same things that your MM is telling you--like he wasn't having s#x with me when we were having s#x every other day. I feel sorry for you that you have to steal someone else's H and don't feel that you are worth enough to tell him to shove off. Maybe you should get some therapy and build up your self esteem. That may get you to the point where you can find a SINGLE man to be with.

ZB, take care of yourself and remember that I'm always here "lurking" and here to listen.

With love,

Hi ZB
I was reading your post and was feeling everything you said. I know for me it's bad enough to be on the emotional rollercoaster not knowing whether to trust or not, thats a nightmare within it self.

I don't know your story i'm new here, I just feel
you are going to be OK. At least your husband has made a big effort, from what you write. My H. is still in limbo.

TO Polland
One thing i would like to know how do you get
email passcodes and cell phone pass code. Polland I have a friend that is in the same situation you are in. One thing we both agreeded on my friend and I we both said it has a lot to do with self esteem.

Someone did this to my friend long ago she never recoverd. Instead of learning from this she became reckless, hurting anyone she can. Her self esteem was determinded on someones pain the more pain the person was in the more she got a rise.

As long as her WS spouse was showing her attention feeding her the lies of him leaving his wife this boost her ego. I can remember her braging to me saying he's going to leave his W for me. I look at her and said you are a dam fool if you believe that one.

WS never left his wife, my friend was devastated
this was a lesson she had to learn. WS will piss in your face and call it rain sorth of speak.
He's only telling you things you want to hear feeding you with faulse hopes and dreams.

A person with low self esteem would only put up with this. A person that cheats with you will cheat on you. My husband had to be shown that one.

MALC,

tooooooo funny

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WS will piss in your face and call it rain </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">man, i almost spit wine all over the screen!

I am going to be OK Malc, thank you. I know and have for a while that I'll survive with our without my H. I mustered that confidence a long time ago when he was in the middle of his EA. I knew that the possibility of us breaking apart was very probable and I was O.K. with it. Just as I am now.

It would hurt like hell, don't get me wrong. But I know I am a good woman and a great mom. I can hold my own and I always have my God.

There are women who I admire and respect like Broken Wings who have walked through the fire of a husband leaving them and have stood tall with diginity to raise their family and keep keeping on. If God sees it to be so, I will follow their footsteps in awe.

But listening to my heart and my gut, I feel like he was reckless and was getting near the flame to see what would happen. What his intentions were, I'll never know. But I trust that all will be resolved one way or another.

I'm not blind. I have my eyes wide open and probably will for the rest of my life. Like Catnip said, we are still loving and warm people after this affair business, but we are different and more "aware" of the world around us. That naivete and blind love is gone forever.

Thanks again for the kind words. Eh, maybe Polland will grace us with some answers. Who knows?

Z.

Zebra,

I'm so sorry to read of the latest turn of events. Like Findingmywayback, I too, keep reading and posting here to keep myself on track and sticking to NO CONTACT. I see now more than ever why that principle is so important.

Your OW is definately a twisted, mean-spirited person who obviously has no life. I'm sorry you have to deal with her. I'm sorry your husband continues to deal with her. But hopefully, the moth got close enough to the flame this time to remind him what a mistake ongoing contact with her is.

I'm glad she is moving away and really hope that puts an end to it - once and for all.

God bless,
noplacelikehome

P.S. Polland, end it with your MM. Take care of your unborn baby and go to no-contact. Do not call your MM's wife. Leave them alone. For them, for you, for your baby. No good is going to come of this. I know, I've been there. You are only going to cause and receive heartache if you continue on this path.

I am apalled at polland's response to you, it goes against what this board is set up for. She is still actively involved with her MM. I'm glad you seem to be able to take it with a grain of salt.

That being said, I can tell you even thought there has be some contact between me an my exMM, there has been nothing physical. We seem to have this curiousity to check up on each other from time to time. It's been lessening with time. Just because they have talked, does not mean he has been "carrying on" with her.

I'm glad to hear you are handling this so well.

Z,
I'm so glad you're feeling better and got some support. I feel honored to be mentioned as your friend <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You've done so much good work in your marriage and on this board. I am shocked that your H could be so stupid as to risk more contact after what she's done to your family! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Men <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> --ya can't live with 'em and ya can't just shoot 'em LOL Keep fighting the good fight, Z. Your family is worth fighting for.

We're on family vacation this week <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> so I won't be here much.

Prayers for all,
J

Hi zebrababy,
Gosh, I am shocked by this news... Not so much the news of the OW trying to get back with your H but the news of how he agreed to meet her! This must have been devastating news for you especially after making so much progress...

Wonder if they just needed to get their own type of closure to everything? After all, he sounds like a caring person and he probably still genuinely cares for her as a human being whose life is completely OUT OF CONTROL and someone who genuinely NEEDS HELP!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

THAT probably doesn't make you feel better either because you are his wife and he chose this person to be with in an affair! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Still, and from a wife to a wife, I don't know if I could believe he actually told her "good (you're moving far away), now you don't need to contact me anymore." It doesn't make sense that if this was his attitude, that she would feel free to continually call him at such odd hours hoping to reach him without your knowledge. I don't know. I hope I'm wrong.

I hope it's just that because your H is a caring person, he cares for this human being. I remember when he struggled with your "Christian-like behavior" in this whole situation. Well, being a Christian doesn't mean you shouldn't recognize TOXIC people and stay the heck away from them!!!

When will the WS's get this?????

<small>[ September 09, 2002, 07:00 AM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

Hello ZB. I hope you are doing better. Please, please my advance apologies if my lurker's
2 cents create more harm than good. That is not my intention.

Considering the recency of your new pain - I think you were unbelievably cool and mature with the way you have handled Polland's post. But in my own opinion - despite what you or some posters think that Polland is polluted source of advise - she did say a couple of things there that you could learn from.

One is that - she made a clear point that WSs are the biggest liars in As.I know that part of rebuilding our marriage require that we learn to fully trust our spouses again but remember, lying is deeply ingrained in people who have had or continue to have As. What Im saying is - and this is not to rub salt against your wounds - that - painful as it is - you should recognize too your husband's full and true role in what seems like a dead A attempting resurrection.

Second - is that she gave you very good spying technics - from the POV of the OW (the
sending of the flowers with provocative message is a classic - i might try it myself!!).

Polland is giving you clues, tips and pointers - which you might hate -- but could be so useful.Since she might as well be your own H's OW, you are at least in a position of knowing thy enemy -- cant you see, having a window in OW's mind can make you defend your marriage better.

Overall, I think Polland is trying to come clean, trying to help out some BS is an effort to wash herself. For the other posters, please let us not cast stones on this woman. ZB while you may not want to accept help from an OW who is still very much into it, please see that this is a woman and (soon to be)a mother like yourself whose only fault is loving and catering to the needs of a very selfish man.

Now to Polland. I saw that you wanted to reach out and help. But boy oh boy - why this thread? ZB's washing very fresh wounds here and you come here detailing MM's declaration of love and sacrifices for you and how his "clueless, uncaring,unattractive" wife is behaving oh-so-indiferent. God, talk of sensitivity!!!!

I know at 5-month-pregnant, you are only thinking of things that could rectify your situation and give you that fresh start that you so desperately seek - for your self and for your child. Guess what - it will never happen - for as long as - you keep choosing by your own hands - the very thing that broke you as a human being.

Next time you try to "help" - spare the details that could do more wounding than healing, OK?

My prayers to all of you. ZB please forgive me. Polland too.

Xtreme

[QUOTE]Originally posted by XTREME:

" I know at 5-month-pregnant, you are only thinking of things that could rectify your situation and give you that fresh start that you so desperately seek - for your self and for your child. Guess what - it will never happen - for as long as - you keep choosing by your own hands - the very thing that broke you as a human being."

I've never heard it said better Xtreme. You sure hit the nail on the head as they say.
I hope Polland reads this and hear this. Only she can change the path she is on. Her MM sure isn't going to help her get her life together. He is too selfish for that. The guy has 2 pregnant women in his life, he can't give either of you what you need or are looking for, and he sure as heck can't be a wonderful Daddy to both of these children. Rise up Polland, get on both feet, brush yourself off, and please hear what Xtreme is saying. Only you can decide to stop being a victim of whatever or whomever destroyed you.
I know its scary to change your life. Its the only way I see yours getting better, is to leave this guy behind you.
CM

Hello everyone,
I'm a newbe. New member on this site however old and worn out from my H affairs. I've read all of your coments and responses to other comments. I decided to post because so many of you have displayed a true Love for God.

Some of you have been here for a while and display growth in your marriage. For that I am encouraged. Others are still growning making daily changes to create an even greater relationship with your H. For that I have hope.

I read so many of your comments and wondered was it my marriage you were talking about. I'm going though many of the same things. Married for 10 years to a man that I belive is my soul mate. This is my second marriage and my husbands first. I have 5 children from a prior marriage and none from this one. 3 children are grown and 2 are still at home with me. My H raised my children and for them he is Dad.

I left my H 8 Mons ago because of several affairs he had that resulted in 3 outside children. 2 children born to one woman and 1 from another. Both women did not allow my H to see their children unless he visited them at their home. He was not allowed to bring them any where near me or my children. So my H didn't.
You can imagine how this made me feel.

One OW harassed me constantly.(the one with 2 children). The other drop out of my H life because he refused to leave me for her. She told him that she couldn't understand why he stayed with a woman who children did not belong to him. My H said he told her that he was still in love with me and that my children were indeed his children.

( Please bare with me I need to vent )

In reading your comments I'm under the impression that your H are the father of your children and prehaps your one and only marriage. Meaning none of you are in a second marriage with children from a prior marriage. I ask this because I need help. I think because of all that I have been though I have lost my self esteem, self respect and a love for my self. Sometimes I find myself wondering is this the way I should be treated. Does no children mean that I should be treated like I'm the other woman.

I'm on this site constantly reading postings, reading Dr.Harleys books. My husband is also doing the same. He has asked me to come home and start a new. He has also said that he is willing to do whatever he need to do to correct his wrong. I ask myself:
What about the OSC and their mothers?
Are my children outside children as well?

That's what bought me to this site. I need some work done on myself as well. I'm scard as He_ _! The pain of it all is still so much alive. What about the lies. All the lies? How can I trust, what do I belive? Who's telling the truth? I'm scard yet I'm still in love with my H. This site made me realize that I am not alone. So many W have been though the fire and still press on. You guys old and new please keep sharing. You help me even if you don't know it.
God had a Ram in the Bush for me and that Ram was all the caring and sharing done in this room with these postings.