Hello,

I thought that you might want to start a new thread. I hate to say welcome!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Originally post by jafujay
" Hello everyone,
I'm a newbe. New member on this site however old and worn out from my H affairs. I've read all of your coments and responses to other comments. I decided to post because so many of you have displayed a true Love for God.
Some of you have been here for a while and display growth in your marriage. For that I am encouraged. Others are still growning making daily changes to create an even greater relationship with your H. For that I have hope.
I read so many of your comments and wondered was it my marriage you were talking about. I'm going though many of the same things. Married for 10 years to a man that I belive is my soul mate. This is my second marriage and my husbands first. I have 5 children from a prior marriage and none from this one. 3 children are grown and 2 are still at home with me. My H raised my children and for them he is Dad.

left my H 8 Mons ago because of several affairs he had that resulted in 3 outside children. 2 children born to one woman and 1 from another. Both women did not allow my H to see their children unless he visited them at their home. He was not allowed to bring them any where near me or my children. So my H didn't.
One OW harassed me constantly.(the one with 2 children). The other drop out of my H life because he refused to leave me for her. She told him that she couldn't understand why he stayed with a woman who children did not belong to him. My H said he told her that he was still in love with me and that my children were indeed his children.

( Please bare with me I need to vent )

In reading your comments I'm under the impression that your H are the father of your children and prehaps your one and only marriage. Meaning none of you are in a second marriage with children from a prior marriage. I ask this because I need help. I think because of all that I have been though I have lost my self esteem, self respect and a love for my self. Sometimes I find myself wondering is this the way I should be treated. Does no children mean that I should be treated like I'm the other woman.

I'm on this site constantly reading postings, reading Dr.Harleys books. My husband is also doing the same. He has asked me to come home and start a new. He has also said that he is willing to do whatever he need to do to correct his wrong. I ask myself:

That's what bought me to this site. I need some work done on myself as well. I'm scard as He_ _! The pain of it all is still so much alive. What about the lies. All the lies? How can I trust, what do I belive? Who's telling the truth? I'm scard yet I'm still in love with my H. This site made me realize that I am not alone. So many W have been though the fire and still press on. You guys old and new please keep sharing. You help me even if you don't know it.
End of [QUOTE] </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, do you want H back?
About the OCs the Harley's say no contact is best for all involved. Does your H have contact now?

Dawn

<small>[ September 09, 2002, 03:39 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

I have a question on the No Contact for OC? I am familiar with the MB principles, but I am not familiar with what happens in cases like these?

What of your spouse wants contact with the OC? I understand the no contact with the OP, but not the OC. Can someone elaborate?

Hello,
No contact is best because it will be easier for the BS and the marriage to recover and because you run the risk of having the A start up again!

Dawn

<small>[ September 09, 2002, 03:39 PM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Jafujay,

As it has been said, Welcome. It saddens me to welcome new folks, but I rejoice that you have found a wonderful place to find information on how to rebuild your marriage. And a great group of people who will listen when you vent and lend a shoulder when you need to cry.

We are here to help and provide support to anyone trying to rebuild his or her marriage after an affair that results in a child.

I have a stepson who is going to turn 18 soon. Our relationship used to be very loving, but since he has gotten mixed up in things he shouldn’t have, it has become very volatile.
He resents me for staying with his father and he is jealous of the time that H and I have with Lil Bit. It is difficult to say what has brought all his anger to a head, but it seems to be worse than a volcano.
I love my stepson as if he were my own child. I would love to regain my relationship with him, but until he removes himself from the mess he has gotten himself into, I don’t see any way that can ever happen.

It is hard to trust the WS when there have been so many lies that they have been caught in.
It takes Radical Honesty and POJA. There must be full honesty or the BS keeps catching the WS in lies and is never able to fully recover.
I have been through quite a bit in the past couple of weeks and I have to say that RH and POJA, with prayer, have been what has sustained me during this latest DRAMA in my life.

Hugs to you Jafujay…
You have come to the RIGHT place.

Vee,

As far as contact, it must be based on POJA.

Both the WS and the BS must agree on this.
If there is not an agreement then there will be animosity between the spouses.

Contact is not an easy choice to make.
The WS and the BS must weigh all aspects of contact.
What is contact going to do to the BS?
How far off the deep end is the exOW going to go?
Will she attempt to cause more trouble?
How much can the Marriage stand?

Only the WS and the BS can make that determination.

When deciding to have/not have contact, remember to be fully honest with your H.
He must know how you feel about contact.

One thing that helps me in regards to contact is that I am as involved as I can get. I am at most of the exchanges and that drives exOW nuts.
She looks at me as if I am the OW and I stole H away from her.
To quote one of her old emails, "You broke a promise to me because of something your grandmother asked of you, and that's not right."
Ya know… this really shows her true colors...
H made a promise to me before God, “To Love, Honor and Cherish...”
I think that should take precedence.

Just remember whatever you decide to do.. both of you must have full agreement.

{Hugs}

WELCOME

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Sometimes I find myself wondering is this the way I should be treated. Does no children mean that I should be treated like I'm the other woman. .
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've often felt the same way. I felt more concern was place on marriages, that have children oppose to marriages with no children. Especially if divorce was an issue or infidelty and not only that.

I hear quit often at least you have no children by him like it soften the blow of pain, betrayal. Your situation is not major because there are no children involved.

You are not alone, I felt like I was the OW because H and I have no children. I felt like more interest was place on that fact.

I also know on certain sites, women that have children, by H going through problems they recieved help. While the women that have no children with H. have few replies or there post laid dormant for a very long time with no assitance .

I just kept scouting around until I found a site
this is a little better. I just wish more people would answer my post. I go up in my head wondering is this because I have no children by H it makes me feel my marriage doesn't matter.

You are not alone keep posting anyway.

<small>[ September 10, 2002, 02:55 AM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

Hello,
It sound not matter if you have childern together or not. You took a vow of marriage and that is sacred. There are a lot of married couples that don't have any childern together.

Dawn

By the way yes my H has contact with 2 of the OC.
The OW1 who has his two OC. This OW1 was in his life when I married H. I knew H had a relationship with OW1 years ago. I didn't know it was still in effect until OC#1 was born. H tried to say OC1 was concieved durning our engagement. However I don't know of any pregnacies that last 15 months. So he came clean with it.

OW2 has no contact nor does OC2. How ever OW1 calls, rings my door bell and has also played a trick by getting a male friend to call my H and say that I was having an affair with him. It just so happened that OW1 girl friend exposed the truth to my H. These are the things I go though with OW1. H put a stop to the harassment and said that she was upset that he married me and not her.
OW1 remains unmarried waiting for H to come to his senses and marry her. H will never do that even if he wasn't still in love with me. He says that she is a door matt and allows and accepts anything he does. Any way I've said enough.

God will lead you to
No waters He cannot part;
No brink He cannot cross;
No pain He cannot bear.

These words are so comforting! Thanks