My husband of 23 yrs moved out[reminds me WE ARE SEPERATED]we have been for yrs,even before the move.he bought your book on his own,but 6mo's ago.never reads it.
my biggest fear,it makes me want to faint.that he'll come across that female,at work.Then they all hang out to.he never has any any time for me .not even a few phone minutes. Im in trouble..

I can see that this is really bothering you.

What are you asking for? There's lots of good info on this board in this section and others, but w/o a question, it's hard to know exactly what you're looking for.

thank you for your reply.It's been a bit since I've been back{doing lots of reading] But,Thank you !
Mostly,peace of mind/heart,is what Im looking for.I know ,now .how very different we are.It's now been a month,since he's moved out.It does get easier.and ,I do see my self moving on,looking forward to a future[any]just to have some peace.My h lives in a secret/independent life{even before.He seems clueless,and unable to talk to me.doesn't seem to see anything I say.without anger,for me.He says he wants to be the kind of h I need,and he's working on that..in secret/independently of-course.I guess he's going to do that alone,as he always has.Thats how we grew apart in the 1st place.he pushes me away.he still is.I just wish he could talk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Well, you have my sympathy, but it seems like a couple things are happening here. Your H, is still exersizing a "power-over" type mentality over you, keeping you offbalance, and in the dark. In essence controlling the flow of information, and setting the timeline for recovery (at least in his mind).

You'll have to decide if you can cope with this. I would hope that whatever decision you make is based on looking out for what's best for you, and having enough self-respect to choose wisely.

But you can't make your H change. No matter how badly you want it. You can only address your own issues, and hope that your H wants to partner with you in it.

Yes,I do believe you are correct.And,I did need to hear it put like that.it hurts,but true.
Since he has moved.I do have more time to reflect,on things/me.And,alot of prayer & Gods word.I have been forced[as I would not have seperated,by choice]even tho,the past 5 yrs has been totally,miserible & very depressing .I felt as tho God had forgotten me,then.
Now,Im facing my fears.One at a time.Each day,and its not as bad as I thought,it would be.
This really is a good site/group, for help.Ive been helped so much by reading over these things here.I feel so bad for all the people, that are struggling.I find it so strange how marriage[even christian]aren't as strong.As I once thought.

The statistics for Christian marriages are just as abysmal as those outside the church.

I think one of th emajor issues is the inability of most Christians to separate themselves from living apart from the world. So they fall into the same traps of lust and greed and sin, and hence there is nothign to differentiate them from a secular marriage.

I don't think God has forgotten you at all. YOu have this God-sized hole in your being, and it's going to take a God-sized God to fill it. Meaning turning over your life 100% to seeking his will for your life. For seeking his guidance and healing of your brokenness.

There is a Bible Study from Beth Moore titled "Believing God", that is pretty amazing. My W just finished it, and I vicariously through her, discussing much of what was in it.

It's geared to women, and touched just about everybody.

Another resource that you may find helpful is a book titled "The Courage to Be Yourself". Can't remember the author's name. She's a bit out there in her spirituality, but ignoring those few pages, the rest is pretty good stuff, and can really be a self-esteem booster.

If you're looking for a resource to help you understand how to deal with your H, then the Patricia Evans book, The verbally abusive relationship, is very good. (It's about far more than speech, it's about all kinds of manipulation and emotional abuse and mind games, and power-over mentalities, and all sorts of other amazingly good stuff. Although the statistics from the book are a bit disappointing, as most of the relationships end up failing anyway. But not all do. Mine was one.

I do believe .I think so....[about christian marriages] I know one reason I tolerated and denied so many things,and my shock/hurt,now.Is that I put so much faith in.That my H believed as I do in God and who Jesus really is.I truely believed.my H to seek him and his will/ways But,I allowed myself to let my H turn that around,too.Ive fallin away.The world is a very powerful place .
Im quite surprised by your insight about whats going on with my situation.God shows me things[that have been my voice of reason]in the most unlikely ways lately...I do appreciate it more than you know.I am going to look into those resources.Right away.thank you for replying again.You really have been so helpful
I am happy for you ,that your marriage is what it is suppose to be.I get more advice from the failed marriage,or 2nd.So you really are quite refreshing & uplifting..