Dear MB friends,

It has been a long time since I posted on MB. I always seem to come back around holidays and anniversaries. I guess that is because so many of you are like family and comfortable old friends to me.

I would love to hear what everyone is up to these days. I guess it is only fair to start with me.

I haven't been spotted since September when DH and I held our memorial for the first anniversary of the loss of our beloved twin babies. It was a difficult time, but I did not fall apart. I have made my peace with what happened and God has given me the strength to move forward.

There will always be that space in my heart for them, just as there is for my other angels, as so many of you on this Board know from first hand experience. But, the pain no longer overwhelms me or feels like a physical blow -- the way it did during the first year. I truly feel that I have come out of the darkness of that tragedy and back into the light of living.

DH is doing well. I always worry that during the holiday season, he may become emotional and have second thoughts about his No Contact decision. I asked him about it and he assures me that he is still quite comfortable with his decision. For those who don't remember my story, my H would have liked things to be different. We tried contact, but his ex-OW caused so much havoc in our lives that he did not feel that he could have any type of relationship with her.

Work has once again become a joy for me. During the past year, I had so many bouts with depression, I felt that I "lost my edge". But I have thrown myself into a number of big cases lately and found that, although the justice system can still be frustrating, when it works it is still extremely rewarding.

Newbies, I am trying to catch up on your stories. Oldbies, please update me on what's been happening with you. Catnip, Zebra, Gem, Unsure, Flowersex (oops!, I meant "seed"), MJ, Ohbratti, Jenny, Babstr, Happy_girl and baby_abbi, cd, Tigger and big girl_abbi, Matthew, -- if I didn't call your name don't be offended -- there are too many to remember.

Just know I love you all. All of you have contributed to what I am today and there are not enough words to thank you. But tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I thought, at least, I ought to try.

Wonderful Holiday to all,
love,
heavenly

Hi Heavenly,
I was just thinking about you yesterday....so good to see you posting! The bad news for me is that I have gotten a divorce following several months of physical and emotional abuse. I currently have a PFA in effect (for myself only), although I do allow my ex-husband to have the boys every weekend. As far as I know, he has ceased contact with oc all together now, so I really feel as if all of my good faith effort were for vain.

The good news is that I am wrapping up my first semester at Widener School of Law in Harrisburg, PA. Finals start Dec. 11th. I would love to hear you tell me that they are not as bad as I think they are going to be!!! I'm more than a little scared, but also excited to have one whole semester under my belt. I can finish in 2 1/2 years instead of three if I take summer courses, but I'll have to see how my stamina holds up before I really make plans to do that. Also, I have just started dating again - he is an attorney that I have known for a while and so far, the relationship is progressing wonderfully. I am a little scared of jumping in too deep b/c of everything I have been through before, but I am also thrilled and feel like a schoolgirl in love. Very nice.

I'm glad to hear that you are doing better now. I have thought about you often over the past year.
Much love,
cd

Heavenly,
Plus, I just mentioned you in a post under K's topic called "Solutions." Speak of the devil, I guess <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
-cd

Dear Sweet HeavenlyBody,
Well your name certainly says it all!

Welcome back my friend.

I think of you often especially when I think back to 2 years ago and how your words would soothe my pain. For that I thank you.

H and I are really finally into the full recovery stage. Whew! Took a while didn't it?

I, like you questioned H about seeing oc. I never want to stand in the way but, oh well you remember all to well the spring and 1/2 the summer of 2001!

H's answer is always the same. He see's now in our case how ow definately wanted involvement with H only and how she relentlessly tried to persuade him into being oc's dad by pursuing H at anytime he was all alone, in public, at his office etc. It took a while, but now he said it would only mean disaster for all of us. I guess the day she came into a gas station and got out and surprised H with the question of "don't you want to hold your son?" was the final cut. So for us it's full steam ahead.

We are spending New Years Eve in Las Vegas with a bunch of other couples!

We've been on several vacations...child free! We enjoy each other so much now!

I am thankful things ended up as they did.

We do have an adorable Granddaughter! S and DIL doing great and still living here until they get a home!

Lots of energy!

Heavenly I've updated you enough.
I want to tell you how special you are to me.

You keep up the work on your big cases. You are sounding like the old you! Go get 'em woman! You may just make a difference.

I know your loss was devastating to you and H.

I remember being so sad for days for my "internet" friend!

Your H's letter to us all endeared us to him!

He was truly aching then also and turned to us!
Amazing, isn't it?
I know at the time it may have only been words you were reading, but know how all of us here felt for you.

May you have all the love and peace you deserve.

Happy Thanksgiving old friend. Peace HeavenlyBody.

love
Debi

Dear dear cd,

Widener! wonderful school! I am so happy for you to finally have found what you were probably meant all along to do.

I hate to tell you dear friend but exams will be all they are promising <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> The good news is that you have the right mind for law and you are going to ace them. Although much is actually learning the jurisprudence, in order to grasp it properly you must have the correct analytical ability. You have that, most definitely, so you don't need to worry one bit. First year law was, as you said, a scary but exciting time. I never knew there was so much to learn about contracts...

I am sorry about your marriage, cd. Lord knows you tried and that poor little girl, we can only pray for her now that she will survive the awful family she was born into. Sounds like leaving was the right decision for you. Good luck with the new boy friend. I can imagine that you are quite gunshy at this point. But it is so much better to be going into a relationship now with wide eyes rather than blind ones.

Sounds like the boys are doing well since they have the chance to see their dad every weekend. Also, a great break for you. I know you must be exhausted trying to keep up with studies and the boys.

I am so glad that things are finally going your way. I have also often thought about you and how we started off on the wrong foot and ended up internet friends. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !

All my best to you and the kids.
love,
heavenly

<small>[ November 27, 2002, 06:41 PM: Message edited by: heavenlybody26 ]</small>

Dearest Gem,

Full recovery at last! Considering the point that you started, I believe your recovery has been amazingly fast. I am also glad that your H has come completely out of the fog and realizes that the ex-OW would most surely destroy all that you have built. It is too bad for the child, but I agree with you completely that your marriage comes first.

Las Vegas for New Year's sounds wonderful. I was just thinking how nice it would be to get away for a holiday. I usually spend them all at home. And, I have not been to Las Vegas in 10 years so I am way overdue for a visit. Enjoy it.

You know, I was truly touched by the responses that all of you sent to my H's appeal after we lost the babies. I was shocked that he reached out to my friends at MB and I almost remember every word of the letter that he wrote by heart.
I had asked him to write and let everyone know that we lost the twins, but I never expected him to ask for advice.

I really needed to hear those words from all of you -- that comfort and support, that urging me to pick myself up, dust myself off and keep going. And, it worked, I am back -- scarred but still walking.

My H is really a changed man and, just like the changes in your H, that has made all the difference. I can honestly say that I have completely forgiven him and we have moved on into a new and better phase of our lives.

I know the real reason you are going to Vegas is to put your "girls" on display. I am sure you are still strutting them around proudly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Dearest Debi, you will always have a special place in my heart because of the way we opened up to each other and helped each other through some difficult times. It feels so good that all that is past and the future looks so bright.

Keep up the great work on your marriage. Keep taking care of each other and loving each other and the blessings will continue to follow.

love,
heavenly

Ah my dear dear friend Heavenly,

So glad to see you posting with a "chipper voice". You sound so well and I imagine you glowing again.

I too was sooooo moved by your husband's letter and like what was said before each and every one of us felt geniune pain for you.

Oh but the joy I feel today knowing you are in a better place.

I'm also grateful that our newbies will now be able to experience the soothing words of Heavenly. Man oh man how many nights you wiped my tears and hugged me hard with your words. The board will be a true blessing to have you as a posting member again.

When Gem and I both came here that aweful winter we were both in such bad shape. So lost and so hurt. You were there to soothe us while Catnip slapped us around a bit. (love ya Cat)

What a great balance you two were.

Anyway ..... my update. Well as you know I was given a gift directly from God (negative DNA). But even before that my marriage was full steam ahead into recovery. Just like so many on the boards visitation gave my H the opportunity to see the real OW and get grateful for the blessing he had in me.

We started attending church regularly the spring after d-day and have since gotten very involved. In fact we started a children's church and teach every Sunday. Fulfilling, but exhausting.

Work is the same, but different. I was promoted last summer and now am the "big dog"! I am much more conscious of time spent at the job vs. time spent at home. I'm much better at balancing. As you remember that was my contribution to the breakdown of the marriage.

Anyway life is good. Kids are growing and I continue to be in God's good graces. And am glad you are the same!

Love,
Z.

My dear dear Z,

Congratulations on the promotion! I know how hard you have worked and you are so deserving. It is so easy to get wrapped up in work, especially when it is something you enjoy, and forget that quality time with hubby and the kids is equally important. So, I am glad that you are keeping that in mind and keeping your perspective.

I think that is absolutely wonderful that you have started a children's church! God answered your prayers and gave you such a huge gift, it is wonderful to see you giving so much back.

I was afraid after losing the twins that my sadness would turn to bitterness against God. But my faith would not allow it and I am so thankful for that. God always has His reason. I have accepted that and my faith is stronger than ever.

I never made a big issue of my loss on the Board. At any given time there are so many other pregnant women posting and I didn't want to frighten them. But, like I told Gem, I think my H showed me with that letter just how far we had come in our recovery. He is a special man, but just that -- a man. Z, I had made him bigger than life and that was never fair to either of us.

Now, I see him for what he is. A good man, who takes care of his family, tries to do the right thing and falls down occasionally. A saint is just a sinner who fell down, but he got back up. My life is much more realistic now and I am very happy with it.

Those were wild days, weren't they, when you and Gem came to the Board? So much pain, anxiety, anger -- every emotion in the book. Yet we managed to keep each other on the right track. We laughed and cried, we shared and we supported. I don't think any of our recoveries would have been as quick and smooth without each other.

I will try to stop in more regularly. It feels good to talk with all of you again. Keep taking good care of you, Z. I have to figure out that instant chat on the internet so we can talk in real time one of these days. (I am hopeless when it comes to the many special features on the computer).

So good to hear from you. Your happiness was hard fought for and well deserved. Enjoy every minute of it. Count your many blessings and remember that I count you among mine, dear friend.

love,
heavenly

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When Gem and I both came here that aweful winter we were both in such bad shape. So lost and so hurt. You were there to soothe us while Catnip slapped us around a bit. (love ya Cat)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I laughed so hard at how you said Catnip slapped us into shape,Zebrababy! I can't believe I can laugh about something as pathetic as we were, but that sentence made me laugh!

HeavenlyBody when I had difficulty deciding whether or not to open my heart to my H after all I found out he'd done during our counseling,(no honesty policy there, just lack of admission on his part) it was you who told me to listen with my heart. I'm glad I took your advice!

I'm thankful for friends like you that I've found through such sadness. All of you reading this, who ever helped me along the way, thankyou from the bottom of my heart.

I almost forgot to tell you Heavenly that the girls are doing fine, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and yes what a place to take em huh? Never been to Vegas. Can't wait!

love
Debi

<small>[ November 28, 2002, 09:53 AM: Message edited by: gemini1 ]</small>

heavenly,

you must be an introvert to process so much on your own. I'm so glad to hear you're doing well and still have your faith!! Losing children is so hard on our relationship with God. I'm proud of you! And your hubby!

I gave an update not long ago when MaryJane asked.... H and I made the decision to go no-contact due to XOW's unbelievable behavior. H's been deployed most of the year, still 2 months to go, which is hard on the kids and I. We started attending a different church this year. We still plan to adopt in 2003, God willing.

So nice to read about "old-timers." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Thank you for posting!
J

Heavenly,

Hi there dear old friend. So glad to hear that you are doing better and that your life and marriage are a success. You truly deserve happiness and I hope you continue to move forward in your recovery from the A and the loss of your little angels. Your strength amazes me, your faith amazes me and your kind words to others and heartfelt advice has always amazed me.

As for us, we are doing wonderful. Our marriage is happy, we still have our little disagreements but what couple doesn't? We have learned though to communicate and accept eachother for who we are. That is a big step forward and has helped immensely. I no longer doubt my H, and am thankful that he put up with my doubts a few months back. My post pregnancy hormones were running wild and I was quite the crazy woman. Very emotional, not just with that but everything. Thanks for your advice at the time, it was very much appreciated. I knew in my heart that he wasn't being unfaithful, but my mind just couldn't stop imagining things and I wasn't being rational.

Abby is growing so fast and is just the sweetest little baby. She is the light of my life and the light of her daddy's life too. I always knew he would be a good dad, but he is more than that. As soon as he gets home he takes her from me and talks to her and plays with her. She gives him the biggest smile when she first sees him. I just love to watch them interact, my heart just melts.

Having a baby has been so wonderful for us. It has changed our lives completely and it has been great taking this step together and becoming parents. She is our life now and we are really enjoying parenthood. I am staying home with her and love it. I was going to go back to school in November but just couldn't do it. I will hopefully go back in May, she will be a little older, less dependent on breastmilk!! and eating some food by then. That will make it a little easier. I think it will be harder on me than her since she will be with daddy while I am at school 2 days a week.

Financially we are just making it. But that is fine with us. We have eachother and our beautiful daughter and that is all that matters. Material things aren't important. If we have a house someday, so be it, if not, so what. A home is where you make it, be it a house you are buying or one you just rent. Plus, in 13 years the CS ends, but of course we will still be about even with the back support since what we pay on it is just about what the interest is every month. They charge 10% here. Oh well. We can just pay it off in a couple of years after that if we keep paying the same amount.

I too have asked H about OC, if he wants to see her now that he has a child of his own. He says he still doesn't, that he knows that the OW will only try to cause problems. He says that seeing Abby does make him wonder if OW loves her daughter as much as we love Abby and if she is okay. With OW's obsessive behavior though, still leaving songs on his voicemail from time to time, etc, he wants nothing to do with it. He doesn't want to hurt our family and OC will just have to understand that. It is sad for her to miss out on such a wonderful dad, but in my heart I truly believe that OW chose that life for her daughter, just as I chose to wait to have children till I was married and at least give them a chance to have both parents.

Anyways, so glad to hear from you and also to see that CDCollins, Zebra, Gemini and Jenny are doing so well as well.

Peace to all of you and your families and hope that you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Love,

HG (now I really am a happy girl, when I first came here and chose that as my user name, it was more of who I wanted to become, now it has become reality...) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Dear Heavenly

It seems you have arrived in the nick of time! There is much going on here lately and several newbies, too, searching for a way out of their nightmare. Luckily, your advice over the past couple of years is archived for future reference and I was thinking it would be a wonderful thing to have your story, threads and advice chronicaled (sp?) for posterity. Seldom has there been anyone here that has been able to give consistently extraordinary and compassionate advice while having the ability to avoid flame wars. Some of us (ahem) get sucked in and lack that capability. But someday with God's grace, I will get better...progress, not perfection, n'est pas?

Yeah. It is obvious we miss you. But enough about you, now let's talk about me, hahaha

This is my anniversary week from hell and for some reason, it has turned out to be nothing of any consequence. The anticipation was far, far worse than the actual week. I dreaded Thanksgiving but now,it is over and I am too exhausted from endless cooking to care much about anything.

My two sons came with their kids, and Bipolar and I had a wonderful day until we discovered he is allergic to cranberry relish. About 5 PM, after a couple of hearty servings, Bipolar's sinuses closed completely and he was officially a "mouth breather" by 6 PM. (I hate that)

One son had the good sense to leave around 7 PM but the other one must have really, really missed us lately because he arrived at noon and stayed until 9 PM. Bipolar was miserable, my kitchen looked like a frat food fight and I was fighting narcolepsy while my 5 yr old granddaughter insisted I scan the FAO Schwartz catalog endlessly..."I want that" "I want that" was her mantra. I told her to say it in French and I would get it for her. (hahaha)

Bipolar and I looked at each other and do that tight smile thing people do when they are exhausted and want their company to LEAVE.

Now I sit here counting my blessings in an quiet house, Bipolar snoring loudly (charming) in the bedroom and I am drawn away from the overwhelming mess in the kitchen to connect with you instead, Heavenly. Life for me has become blissfully ordinary and kind of normal...and I am not sure when it was that it began feeling like this. There wasn't a drumroll, or a trumpet from on high proclaiming a shift in daily dynamics but some kind of a peace I hadn't felt for five years came over me. I am not sure if life changed or if I changed. It feels like I am changing a lot lately. My anger seems to be subsiding even if I have to keep working on my zero tolerance on some issues, but by and large, I really think I am changing for the better.

I rejoined a gym and resumed work outs after being away from it for three years. With the amount of "a$$" time spent on my computer and sitting at a desk three days a week, I'm getting fat. That 30 pounds that comes and goes I want away permanently. I have sizes ranging from 6 to 16 in my closet and all of them feel tight. My cheekbones have vanished along with my waist, my bra has become my enemy. Bipolar calls me "luscious" when I get like this...patronizing shythead.

I hope your Thanksgiving was as blessed as mine was. I admit I am glad it is over (next year we go out) and uneventful and trigger free. I think of you and the obstacles you have overcome, the incredible healing that has taken place in your life, juxtaposed with the profound pain of loss, and the spirituality that is such a part of you and something to which I aspire. I don't know how you did it...and so quickly. It must be your personal relationship with God and your natural ability to rise above it all, despite the pain and struggle.

I don't want to put the pressure on...I know you have a demanding career and a recovered marriage you nurture, but I hope you will come around a little more whenever you have the time becasue you have been sorely missed.

Love to you and blessings, too....

Your friend

Catnip =^^=

<small>[ November 29, 2002, 01:44 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

catnip,
what a FAB-u-lous update! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thank you for making me smile!! I feel like a fly on a very unpretentious wall. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Bless you and Bipolar too,
J

Dear dear Jenny,

The one thing I associate with you, Jenny, is that you never gave up writing to me when I drifted off the board after losing the twins. You and Catnip would send out SOS messages and prayers. Once you wrote something like "Your H thinks the sun rises and sets on your post-partum behind" to try to get me out of my blues. I laughed so hard at that one and it did lift my moodiness.

I know your ex-OW is as much trouble as mine. I remember her blaming you for no contact and the messages that she sends which are a mixture of updates and rants. Sheesh! What we have to put up with sometimes.

Sorry hubby is not back yet. I know it is hard on you and the kids, especially during the holidays. Keep strong and keep busy. Adoption is a terrific idea. I thought of it myself. There are so many children out there who are in need of good homes and I could love any kid if given the chance.

Thankfully both my H and I believe that it is love that makes the difference, not biology. The person you love most in life -- your spouse -- is not a blood relative.

We were always able to share our strong sense of faith and spirituality. As two souls who have suffered tremendous losses, it is an amazing thing that we have both kept our faith. I love the prayers that you send for the most troubled on this Board.

The OW/OC drama is so odd because life seems so normal for us and then occasionally something comes up having to do with the OC and we are catapulted back to that place in time, even if for a moment, when everything went so wrong.

Thankfully, I have now learned how to turn those feelings off as soon as they strike and they happen fewer and far between as the years go by. But, there is no doubt that we are changed and you have to be willing to roll with the punches to accept those changes and live inside your new skin.

Thanks for the update on you jenny. Happy to see that everything is on target (just missing hubby). But, soon he will be home...
Much love to you,
heavenly

<small>[ November 29, 2002, 02:49 PM: Message edited by: heavenlybody26 ]</small>

Oh Happy_Girl!

I am so glad to hear from you! Thank you for keeping me on your update list about Abby. I love seeing her photos -- she is a gorgeous baby <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am also glad that you are spending quality time with her. You will get through school, you are right not to worry about the timetable. And, like you said, it really doesn't matter where you live, as long as you have your family.

Something about the experience of having a child together really solidifies a couple. You share so much together, the physical changes as well as the emotional changes and the dreams for your child. I can't tell you how happy I am that you and your H are finally experiencing the joys of parenthood.

Like jenny and I, I know your H's ex-OW simply cannot be in the picture because of the behaviour she has shown in the past. I am glad that he is standing firm on no contact -- you need to concentrate on your family.

I remember your raging hormones, but that is part of the magical experience <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> We all figured it was a false alarm but I know the suspicions felt very real and probable to you.

You have finally reached your dream of being a happy_girl. That says it all! Keep taking care of that sweet little pineapple and your hunky hubby. But most of all, keep enjoying life and being happy.

love,
heavenly

Well, well, Ms. Catnip,

I thought you would never stop by this thread ... and I was so disappointed. Of all the wonderful people I have met on MB, you and I always seemed to be the most in tune, and complemented each other.

I also loved the way Zebra said you "slapped the newbies around" and I would come behind you, bandage them, and hug them.

Your Thanksgiving sounds just as it should be -- normal. I know this has always been a bad time of year for you. I never had the heart to tell you before, but today is my birthday. Now maybe you have a better association for this date!

The gym is definitely a good idea that I think I will adopt. I have even more pounds that I don't need to be worked off. I just had to buy all new suits this fall -- everything was getting too tight and looking ridiculous. My H tells me he loves me the way I am, but I really would like to scale down for me.

That is probably the biggest change in me since this whole OW/OC ordeal began. Now, I do things because they please me. I used to do everything to please someone else. My feelings have now become important and it is a wonderful feeling.
Thanksgiving did not help. It was a piece of cake ... and a piece of pie ... and a turkey leg ... you get the picture. I seriously overate, but had a heck of a wonderful time.

Like you, I also managed to start the Holiday season without any major triggers. What a blessing! I was not moaning for my angels, I was not worried about the OC, I was not anything except happy to be alive, in love with my H and my family. Felt good.

You are amazed at my recovery. There is no secret. I am no stranger to hardship and I have had my share of setbacks throughout my life. Although I must admit the OW/OC setback really knocks you on your rear end. Like you, Cat, I am a fighter. Early on I came to despise the way the ex-OW was taking over my life and I was allowing it. I was giving her power of me by worrying about her, thinking about her, second-guessing my H. And, I finally said "stop", put myself and my marriage in God's hands and did my best to be normal again.

Pretty soon, I did not have to "act" normal because I truly was normal. Oh there are times, as you well know, when the triggers rear their ugly head, but I have learned to turn them off. I have learned that the momentary lapse into bitterness doesn't hurt anyone but me. It upsets my kharma. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> (Sounds like a disease doesn't it?)

Sounds like you are getting there, Catnip. Although I can't picture you as "mellow" (those claws don't retract very well...) perhaps you're getting more balance in your life. I pray that the calm continues and that you have seen the last blue November.

I do intend to come around more because I truly miss so many of you. The newbies need some hope from those of us who have weathered the storm -- been tossed in to the ocean while our boat gotten smashed to pieces -- but managed to swim to shore.

Don't you be a stranger either. You used to e-mail me from time to time. But, I take your silence as a great sign that you are happier now, that you have many more ups in your life than downs, and that you are moving forward. That moving forward has been at great personal sacrifice, I know. That is what makes it so special and wonderful.

Sending huge hugs and love to you,
heavenly

I rejoined a gym and resumed work outs after being away from it for three years. With the amount of "a$$" time spent on my computer and sitting at a desk three days a week, I'm getting fat. That 30 pounds that comes and goes I want away permanently. I have sizes ranging from 6 to 16 in my closet and all of them feel tight. My cheekbones have vanished along with my waist, my bra has become my enemy. Bipolar calls me "luscious" when I get like this...patronizing shythead.

I hope your Thanksgiving was as blessed as mine was. I admit I am glad it is over (next year we go out) and uneventful and trigger free. I think of you and the obstacles you have overcome, the incredible healing that has taken place in your life, juxtaposed with the profound pain of loss, and the spirituality that is such a part of you and something to which I aspire. I don't know how you did it...and so quickly. It must be your personal relationship with God and your natural ability to rise above it all, despite the pain and struggle.

I don't want to put the pressure on...I know you have a demanding career and a recovered marriage you nurture, but I hope you will come around a little more whenever you have the time becasue you have been sorely missed.

Hello. I do not know you however I am one of the 'newbies' here on this board. I hate being here but I am here. I just want to tell you how much I appreciate you gals here!!!

Some of the ladies here have been such a help to me in the past two weeks. Some of them have answered e-mails privately when I didn't feel like posting - and some of them have posted for others to share in the answers.

I thought I was going to lose my mind but in such a short period of time I have come to realize that live goes on and somehow, someway, someday all of this will be easier. Our marriage can survive and this oc/ow will not have to be in our lives daily.
I just thank God for you folks! I wish you knew how inspirational and helpful you've been.
Again, I THANK YOU!!!! YOur stories are heartwarming, they are encouraging, they are real-life ups and downs. They are from your hearts.
God bless each and every one of you!!!

Angelia

First Angelica,

I just wanted to say I’m impressed with you and the way you are handling yourself. You remind me of me and if I’m correct sweetie you will explode in 3 or 4 months but maintain and remember you will survive. Please don’t take this as a negative post I felt nothing after D-day and I viewed my H as if he was someone else’s man because mine wouldn’t do this to me. When I read your words they remind me of how I used to be good luck and stay strong you can beat this girl.

Heavenly,

Thank you for remembering me! I’m doing o.k. like Catnip this time of year isn’t good for me. A few weeks ago my H and I had a big blow up I reacted in a way that’s unnatural for my character I totally flipped out. I told my H all the things that were inside of me for these last two years. He in turn asked me to explain in detail what was wrong with me, at first I was reluctant and then I did and he said I knew what was bothering you I just wanted to hear you say it, and it led to a deep conversation. One of my Sista’s from MB gave me advice and told me to talk to my H about it and not her and I did. (Thanks Z!) And it really worked it allowed me to see that although he chooses NC because of me and our family doesn’t mean he does feel or care. Being the person I am I respect him for being honest about his feelings to me. Did I like everything he had to say No but I respected that he was human just like me. Us talking led to him saying he wanted to please me and will do whatever it took to please me. I take pride in the fact that I never made him choose if you read some of these OW site they portray us wives as these bitter woman who forced our husbands to stay away from their OC but if you look at most of us you will see we truly feel like it’s up to them but no matter how things work out we are moving forward for us. And our H’s choose NC to keep their marriage in tact because of a bitter exOW. Anyway Heavenly I’m doing pretty well I’m happy and my family is happy. H and I having a disagreement led to him striving to do what it takes to keep me because he wants me and not because of CS or he’ll be taken to the cleaners. The one thing he said to me that hurt at first was a response to a question I asked him, I asked if he thought things would be easier if we had split up and he said yes…..shocked the heck out of me! Then he explained you would never keep our children from me, you wanted nothing no alimony or anything for yourself all you wanted was CS. This is after I quit a job with an earning potential of almost 6 figures with his consent because I wanted to be there for our children not knowing abut the affair or OC. So even though I was upset in the beginning I realize that he took the hard road and stayed with me through out all the things I went through the ups and downs. He took the hard road because he wanted me. He could have been a coward as they say on those OW boards and just paid CS to me but he didn’t he fought for me and our marriage. I hope my update helps and shows the newbies not to give up no matter what.

Unsure

<small>[ November 30, 2002, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: UNSure919400 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by heavenlybody26:
[QB]Well, well, Ms. Catnip,

I thought you would never stop by this thread ... and I was so disappointed.

=^^= I know! Tis the season, I guess. You know, I thought TG was going to be difficult so I immersed myself into the four day circus surrounding it by announcing I was going to have it at my house. Now I remember why I prefer to go to the lodge for Thanksgiving and why will will be going there next year!
Day One is spent shopping for food (using endless coupons) and driving all over to get the bargains which probably cost me far more in guzzoline, coming home and cleaning the house and chasing dust bunnies, Day Two is spent baking, Day Three is Thanksgiving which means I get up before I want to and prep the bird for torching, cooking side dishes and cassaroles and making fruit salad and Day Four is cleaning it all up and dismanteling the extra tables and chairs and dragging them back into storage. I mean, let's face it...it is a lot of work! I saw your post right after you wrote it and didn't want to just slam something together and waited until I had fifteen minutes of peace.

Of all the wonderful people I have met on MB, you and I always seemed to be the most in tune, and complemented each other.

=^^= Awww, thanks, Heavenly. It's true. We do share the same POV on many issues, however we have different approaches to it, your being much more mature...hahaha. We lost contact when your "ivillage" e-mail kept bouncing back to me. I hate IM's and refuse to do them, prefering e-mail or communicating through this board.

I also loved the way Zebra said you "slapped the newbies around" and I would come behind you, bandage them, and hug them.

=^^= Yeah, we pulled off that "good cop, bad cop" thing pretty effectively. I like being "bad".

I know this has always been a bad time of year for you. I never had the heart to tell you before, but today is my birthday. Now maybe you have a better association for this date!

=^^= Happy Birthday, Heavenly! I did not know that! Thanks for giving me another thing to associate this time of year with the good things from now on like your birthday...and Z's eggnog cake. I made one Wednesday night after reading her recipe and frosted it with my special icing and it was goooood.

I also managed to start the Holiday season without any major triggers. I was not anything except happy to be alive, in love with my H and my family. Felt good.

=^^= I know what you mean now. This is my first year since this all started where I wasn't having an emotional meltdown inside. It took me FOUR years, though! But now I know that normalcy is attainable after trauma if you just give it some time.

Sounds like you are getting there, Catnip. Although I can't picture you as "mellow" (those claws don't retract very well...) perhaps you're getting more balance in your life.

=^^= Not to worry, Heavenly, I've spent too many years honing my combat skills to abandon them now just because someone rubs my furry little belly and makes me purrr...I just choose my battles wisely now.

It is so wonderful to have you back! When all the old-timers left and it was just Jenny and me crusing the board, I was embarrassed I was still here, thinking it meant I hadn't recovered enough or I was still stuck in the past or a big screwed up mess as implied by some OW's, but while there may be a small measure of truth to that, most of my posts were in response to someone else's drama. I also felt that since I had received most of my healing from this board that I felt it was my obligation to stick around and offer whatever I could to newbies. Instead it seemed I would just get caught up in the wars.
Bipolar said that if I didn't enter the ring to defend Betrayeds who didn't have the skills or energy to do battle due to their confusion, pain, whatever, the Opposition's words could do a lot of harm to wounded souls.
I'm not an expert by any means, but I felt it was my obligation to stick around and give back some of what I received. The people here have become family and what I find amazing is how much they have all come to mean to me. Even the mean ones...hahaha. We share with each other our most intimate and personal details of our lives, and I know I would just miss everyone way too much if I left altogether. That's why I am so glad you are back. Your leaving really left a great big hole here. We develope these bonds of genuine caring and love for each other. I think it is wonderful. I am very grateful for this site. It, along with God, is responsible for my healing and recovery.

There will come a time where we all have to leave here permanently and close the last chapter on this book of ours, but that time has not come for me yet.

QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Catnip =^^=

<small>[ November 30, 2002, 08:42 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

Dear Angelia,

I am so glad that our stories are giving you some hope! I would certainly not have chosen for my H to have an affair to improve my marriage, but the A was a real eye opener that made me take a good long look at how to meet each other's emotional needs better.

You will get there too, darlin'. Just keep focusing on the better days and finding the strength to deal with the raging emotions that you are feelings.

These are definitely special men and women on this Board. Some of them are closer than my own family members and friends. They have been there for me during those lonely nights when I had no one to turn to and those great days when I wanted to share good news with the whole world. That is why I love them so dearly.

You will be fine, angelia. You have the heart, the strength, and the right stuff to get through this thing.

love,
heavenly