Here’s an update on me. My wife just had our baby 2 weeks ago. After many ups and downs over the holidays, she did allow me in the delivery room, I signed the birth certificate and OM was not there. We had a girl and she looks exactly like her brother who I know is mine. She does not look at all like the OM at all. She sent away for a DNA test today. My wife told me that if it were my daughter, it would be a miracle because at the time of conception, we were only together once or twice. She said that if she was mine, that she would have no choice but to work on our marriage, but if she was OM’s, it would be 50/50 between me and OM. She told me that the only reason that she is still with me is for the children and if our daughter is not biologically mine that the OM will want to see her at times and she would still rather be with him than me. He is still married and his wife still doesn’t know about their PA, only an EA. I am so frustrated. I have endured this situation for 9 months with still no change in her attitude. One thing in my favor is that OM will be working out of the country for 6 months, which may give her time to think. I know that right now she seems trapped because she has nowhere to go. She seems so resentful towards me at times. I know post partum is probably to blame for some of that but it can be unbearable at times. I figure that if I just hang in there, she’ll finally decide to give in and work on the marriage. Any advice?

anxious1,
I'm sure many will follow with advice. W is not herself!
You did the right thing by being w/her.

I'll pray for you.

Please K and pops give him advice!
love
Debi

anxious,
I am SO sorry. You have endured SO much.

(Your wife is living a delusional dream; OM hasn't even told his wife--her chances are POOR! MAJOR FOG!!)

K and other men-folk, where are ya?!

Hang in there!!!!
God be with you,
J

<small>[ January 21, 2003, 04:32 AM: Message edited by: Jenny ]</small>

Hello,
I do believe that your wife is in the fog still. And did MM said he would leave his wife? He still has not told her yet. Hang in there. OH yeah, it does not matter how many times you were together if it happen to be when your wife ovulate then you can very well be the father.

Dawn

<small>[ January 21, 2003, 09:54 AM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

update...Our baby girl is now 2 weeks old and healthy. We still haven't gotten our paternity test in the mail so we're still in limbo. The other night I wanted to have a frank conversation with my wife asking her what she would want to do after we know the results and she told me that she doesn't see us together at all if this is not my child. She said some very hurtful things to me, telling me that the last few times we made love (6 months ago) made her physically sick. I don't doubt that because she was with him at the time also. She also said that she feels like I am more like a father or uncle to her than a husband. I also know that they are still in constant contact with each other so I don't know how we can reconsile with him still in the picture. She swears that she is still working on our marriage by not leaving me but in reality the only reason that she hasn't left is that she has nowhere else to go and she has a 2 week old daughter, doesn't want to lose custody of our 2 year old boy and OM hasn't told his wife about any of this or divorced her. He did tell my wife that he would tell his wife and divorce her and tell his parents if this is his baby. I just feel like I am putting up with an awefull lot of garbage and my love for her is at an all time low. I keep telling myself that my 3 year old will thank me later on for doing everything I possibly could to save this marriage but I feel that I can't do it alone. My wife tells me that she just doesn't know how to be a wife to me anymore and doesn't know where to start. I bought us the book "Torn Asunder" last night and she agreed to read it. Any advice?

i am praying for you right now anxious1. not that you get what you want, but that God will be glorified in your actions and responses to what you get.

one thing i really never understood though. why do people concern themselves so much with the op?does it matter what the om is ever doing unless he's so bold as to confront you physically? the logic behind my question is this: your wife will make the decision to be with you or not. you cannot change the motivation she has at her core(only she can and will). you can show her a "new" you if you choose to, and that may influence her motivation. if she decides to be with you, i am sure she knows it is an exclusive deal. if she decides not to, why does it matter why she left or who she is with. she is not yours out of her own choosing. aren't you glad you have that choice right now? if you chose to leave her, why should it matter to her what reason you have. when it's over, reasons for being over on either side are only relevant to you for future protection in falling into the same trap...true? there will allways be another op out there no matter where or what you do. believe me, the om she is with is not anywhere near as unique as she is heralding. they are a dime a dozen, and i think the dime is actually a little too high for their true market value <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . i mean really, put yourself in his shoes for a sec to get my logic on that one. he has a family, cheats on his wife, with a woman who also has a family and then..... coup des gras..... he impregnates her. all the while telling her all the romantic things he can muster up to keep her mind off the fact that he hasn't even told his wife about the sex, n/mind the baby and therefore his commitment level is ..... if the pu$$y is good, i'll do what i can to keep it there and not mess up my family in the process.... to hell with hers though... who cares about hers, i am getting satisfied and if i am honest with myself, i am all that matters in this world anyway......right?

to me, that takes a morally bankrupt, socially blind and intellectually retarded man to perform at such a gutteral level and still continue to sleep. but, if you went to a personals site on the web and advertised as an average looking wife with 2 kids who is seeking a "discreet" relationship with a married man only; you'd be amazed at the throng of dolts who would scurry out of their holes like cockroaches and gladdly throw their dumpster diving hat in the ring with your wife's """" unique """" om. sad, but true.

Father God, please show anxious1 Your love. Your great, true, mercifull, everlasting, all healing, and fully sufficient love for him and to him. Show him Your Spirit and calm him with it's wonder and grandure. Pull him close to You and whisper, "I have it all here in My hand son. You can let it go to Me anytime you need peace.I will carry the load. For I am faithful in My promisses and just in My dealings. I have created the Heavens and the Earth for My Glory and they testify daily to My sovereignty and majesty. Will you trust in Me today my son? Will you trust in My Word today my son? When you give yourself to Me, I will make you a spectacle among men, a light among the darkest strongholds. They will wonder, how can this man love like this and show the awesome strength he does in a situation as this?" Father I pray that anxious1 drinks from the cup you have given him. For it is Your perfect and pleasing will that will forever "bind" him in your easy yoke, yet set him free from the worlds oppressive and sufficating load on his back.
In Christ's name I pray
amen

thanks
tim

HTD, Thanks for your reply. Especially, thank you for your prayers. I guess, what hurts me the most about this is that OM was my best friend and so I lost my best friend in whom I confided in and I lost my wife in one fell swoop. I used to be a very trusting person, believing the best in people. Now, I have allowed myself to be very cynical, questioning everything. I know the key words here are "allowed myself" but I am just being honest. The only consolation that I have is that if she does choose him then she will truely get what they both deserve...a relationship that developed out of deceipt. I don't know if they will ever end up trusting each other. Anyway, I have learned some very hard lessons this past year. I guess this could turn out to be a positive. I only regret that there are so many innocent lives that will never be the same because of two people's selfishness. I especially feel sorry for OM's 4 month old baby who will grow up to resent her daddy abandoning her at such an early age, depriving her of a full time father.