Do you think I need to do anything about this? My husband (who currently lives in an apartment nearby) seems to think that somehow I am keeping our 17 year old daughter from seeing him. I have told him that their relationship is their responsibility, and I am NOT preventing him from seeing her. I think she senses this conflict, so the other night she agreed to spend a few hours at his apartment while her younger brother was also there (she refuses to spend the night at his apartment). The next day I got two messages from my husband saying that he wanted to speak with our daughter. When she came home from youth group, I told her she needed to call her Dad back ( I had no idea why). She did, and I overheard her conversation. The words that she used over and over with her Dad, were "they were inappropriate, and I didn't want them there, and so yeah, I tore them up and flushed them down the toilet". Then I heard her say, "fine, maybe I won't come over anymore", before she hung up. I pressed her on what she saw..and she kept telling me to forget about it. Obviously, there was something she didn't want me to know. I asked her what were they, pictures of naked women or something? She said no, but my son overheard us and said "they were just pictures of (OW)." (my daughter didn't want me to know because she knows how much I have been hurt by this woman) Well, this OW was a former best friend of mine - a woman who also knew my kids - my daughter had regularly babysat for her kids. She now lives in an apartment with her kids in the same complex as my husband. After a while, my daughter opened up and told me they were pictures of her taken in the mountains, and he had them on magnets on this refrigerator next to pictures of her and her brother. She said she did take them, tore them up and flushed them down the toilet. At first I wanted to cheer - but what I did do was say, I understand your feelings of anger on this - that was insensitive and inappropriate for him to have those pictures displayed that way. I have talked to her about affairs, and how so-called "friendships" with people of the opposite sex that you aren't married to is so dangerous. I want her to learn valuable life lessons from this ugliness! Is there anything else I should do? Do you think I should let my husband know that I know what happened? And what about my almost 14 year old son? I don't want him to buy the lie that it is no big deal - they are just pictures of OW. I haven't been as candid with him as my daughter because he is younger, but maybe I need to not worry about that anymore.
I am hoping and praying for my husband to come to his senses, repent and come back to us. I still love him, and I know that sometimes love is tough. Any suggestions?

Hi Trutuyo, <p>I myself have two daughters ages 20 & 22. I feel it my obligation to protect them from what their father has done to us as a family. This all started when both of them were 18 and under. I never had a custody or visitation problem with my H since I believe he was embarassed by what he had done at least deep down inside. My H has moved back to OW house 3 times so far. The last time was just a few weeks ago when I was suddenly served Divorce papers without warning after what I thought was 16 months of recovery. <p>My two girls were floored by this and have not talked to him since.He has not even called to see if they were OK. This makes them sad. They have seen him act like a devoted father and husband this past time and I think they have lost all respect for him at this point. They have no disire to ever see this OW and I wonder if their relationship with dad is forever broken.<p>I support and would demand that they not let OW enjoy their company. OW not a good influence on any child or adult child. They will only see their father alone and if OW woman walks in then they will leave. <p>I know at 17 and 14 not much can be done since the courts do not take vile, cheating behavior of WS in consideration, but you can teach them right from wrong and when they do get older they will still remember the pain the OP has caused. <p>My H asked for pictures of the girls through the years to be given to him. I had no problem with that, but both my daughters do not want pictures of themselves in OW home at all. I am stumped as what to do here. If I tell him, he will think I had some influence on their decision which is not the case. He will learn over time that he has lost the respect of his own children. <p>WS's give up a lot when they go off to OP. They think that it will blow over. I do not see that happening in my case. One of these days I hope my H comes to his senses once reality sinks in and comes home to repair the damage that he has caused.<p>You have every right to protect your children from this inappropriate behavior of their father. Your children need to know that they can not get away with such actions when it comes time to marry themselves. I have read and I am sorry I can't remember the source that daughters of cheating fathers can grow up to OW themselves.

Thanks for the reply. Two days after this happened with the pictures, my husband called, talked to my daughter and apologized. Apparently, during the first conversation he told her she couldn't come to his apartment anymore, and that is why I heard her say "fine, maybe I won't". So that is what he apologized for. I don't know if he apologized at all for the pictures of the OW being displayed. But I am so proud of my daughter - she is diplaying tons more maturity than her father. I will still encourage my children to speak up for truth and righteousness. I have talked to them about my love for their father, although I reject the things he is doing. So far, I have seen a lot of unconditional love towards their Dad from them, and at least on my daughter's part, she can still speak the truth to him. I have told them I expect them not to compromise what they know to be right. My son confirms that there has been no mixed interaction - when they are with their Dad, the OW and her kids are not around. I asked my son just this last weekend - and he says that no, he never sees the OW or her kids. I think it is correct to support no interaction - I have told my kids that I expect them NOT to accept this (the affair) and pretend it is OK. But they need to love their Dad. It is a fine line to tread -I hear your pain betrayed beyond belief. Your children are adults - they can make their own choices in their relationship with their Dad. Sometimes it may be necessary for them to communicate their feelings of loss and anger with their father - the men try to hide from the fallout sometimes. If they can do it in a loving and honest manner, then the ball is in his court. Your situation is tought because your husband is living with OW in same residence. Maybe your daughters can talk to him and suggest a neutral location or activity away from his place. My daughter did this for awhile until she finally agreed to visit her dad's apartment.

I have 3 daughters (32, 29 & 22). Two of the daughters are married. One lives in a different city and the other in a different state. The daughter that is living at home is in graduate school. She is taking this the hardest. Her father has not even spoken to her about the affair. He keeps saying that he will call and doesn't call.
My WS is living with the OW and all daughters refuse to call their father. They expect him to call them. My WS has no intention of calling. He just thinks that if he forces the OW on his daughters they will begin to accept his new life. He has taken OW to visit each of the married daughters.
The youngest has seen my wild mood swings, depression and sucidial thoughts. She refuses to call her father at the OW house. I am worried that she will be deeply affected by what has been going on. She may never trust her Dad again.
I am so thankful that this daughter is at home with me otherwise, I'm sure that I would have ended this pain before now. The lies, deception, empty promises and hateful attitudes are turning her against her Dad. I have not said anything against him other than I LOVE him and I'm so sorry that I have caused him so much pain that he would seek OW.<p>On Christmas one married daughter told him that she did not EVER intent to accept or like the OW. My daughters had a wonderful relationship with their father growing up. Dad was placed on a very high pedistal and always respected, loved, trusted and could fix anything. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

I can sympathize with all of your daughters. I am 20 years old who is going to college 300+ miles away. I found out that my dad had an affair in Sept. Two months later i found that he changed jobs by calling the place and being told he doesn't work there anymore. Plus, i found out that my mom had gotten pregnant, then miscarried the next day. This all really affected me. However I did not realize what was going on until i came home for break. I had been seeing a counselor and was told that i had to tell dad my feelings and how he had hurt me. <p>After Christmas i talked to him. THEN, later i find that the next day that he went to visit the other woman (I am not sure what the abbr. is). Made me feel like what we had talked about didn't even matter to him. I got really mad and told him that even though that i love him for who he is(my dad) i hate him for what he has done to my family. <p>I am very protective of my family, and i will stand up for it if i have to. I realize that it is my parents decision but the whole fam needs to be involved. I have talked to my mom too. I can't believe that she has put up with this for this long. He continued to see this woman and tell mom that he f***ed her for the last six months. Grrrrrr. <p>Anyway, i realize what your daughters are going through and the only thing that you can do is to always tell the truth and let them know that you still love them. Talking about it helps me. <p>I am still coping with this and would be open to any suggesting. I this is just a summery b/c of lack of time.

One thing I can say BLue, is at least you are expressing your feelings to him and not turning it in on yourself. My daughter went through several months of scary suicidal comments - I think she was turning all her emotions on herself. Thankfully, those comments have stopped, but her self-esteem is very low. After a few months of seeing her Dad at his apartment, she won't go over there at all now. She won't tell me why. Perhaps my husband put up new pictures of the OW. She told me that because he was unwilling to modify whatever it was that bothered her, she told him that she wouldn't be coming over anymore. This is what I get so angry about. That he is so deceived that he can't even see that he is putting things ahead of his own daughter - whatever it is. I told her that if he was doing something she just found annoying, she may need to learn to be more tolerant. But if it is something inappropriate or dangerous, she has every right to refuse contact with him. She says it is something inappropriate. So now I am left to wondering if I need to worry about my 14 year old son over there. O Lord, when will you move? I admire you Blue, for realizing at such a young age how you deserve to be treated as a woman. I am sorry that you are learning these hard lessons at the hands of your father, but we are all human - and have the potential to fall into the Enemy's hands by our choices. Continue to love him, but stand for truth and don't accept his sinful choices.