I have not been on the site for a couple of weeks. I had the flu could not shake it, and my grandmother was near death last week, and have turned around. So please keep her in your prayers.

Well, it has been two months now. I have not drop a tear until Thursday, and I just came apart going to work. H still does not want to talk about this at all. I just get so sick when I have to write out this D*** child support check. Why can't he write the mess out? Am I support to be happy because h still loves me and don't want me to leave him?

I told him how could he let this happen. I gave you 29 years of my life, and you cheated on me one time and now have a oc. He could not even cheat on me the right way. I do want the marriage to work sometimes, but I just dislike him still. I have a hard time looking at him.

I don't think my love for him will ever be the same again.

I guess I am venting out a little. Don't even know if I am making any sense.

Well, I am back with my friends who understand what I am going through. I still have not told my best friend, and I probably will not, because she thinks I have such a great h who would never hurt me. I just wish this whole thing would just go away.

Why do women sleep with married men? I know it is both their fault, but I would never sleep with someone else's h. Why can't we as women have respect for each other.

This ow what did she get out of this. A child and h paying CS, but no father for that child. Did she really think that he would spend time with this child. Why do they think that the h will leave their family.

I hope to hear from you all soon.

Married 19 (dated for 10)
four children
d-day 12/02
oc born 9/00

The problem is...neither one of them were thinking with anything but their own neediness at the time of the conception. They weren't thinking about spouses or existing children and families, they were thinking about getting off and getting over. It's all about THEM in the moment and no one else.
Did your H have paternity established by DNA proof or did he cave in to her allegation that the kid was his? Does he see the kid? You're right the OW had a sperm donor and now a monthly check...what a woman. Won't her illegitimate kid be proud of her.

IDMHVM,
You are on target with your feelings.

Two months is a drop in the bucket.

Have you two counseled at all?

Perhaps an account w/auto deposit can be set up. It's what we have. CS takes it electronically each mo.

Our lawyer told us to "get over" the cs issue. It won't be for life and we needed to go on with our lives. He was right.... It takes a while though. You are right, it's resentfulness that invades your mind. Especially after all your years together and now this mess!

Prayers to you.

Just know a lot here have been through this too. And survived.....Thrived....again.

love
Debi

Tyme and Gemini 1

He states that he did take the DNA test, and that they only used his sample and the oc sample, but not the mother and it came back 99.9 that he is the father. I have asked to see a copy and he said that he was so upset and scared that he throw it away. I asked him to go to the FOC and get a copy, but he has never done that yet. I asked for this the last week of december.

I even told him I want him to get fix. I guess that is a little to late. What is do you think?

I have been crying since this evening because a letter came in the mail today. It states that he is behind in payments. He did not pay for a year, because he assumed that they would take it out of his check. He is supposed to have paid 112.00 per week, and the letter states he must pay 260.00 per week that is 1040.00 per month. I just don't see how we are going to keep up with our household expenses and our daughter college.

This witch has the good end of the stick. She is working and will be getting 1040.00 per month until he is up to date. GOD how are we going to make it. I just cannot stop crying.

He came home today, from work but did not notice that this was a letter for cs, because the payments are to be mailed to a department company.

I have asked him over and over how did he let something like this happen if he loves me so much. He tells me that he don't know how it happen and that he just was weak. I want to know how did you get so weak that you forget about our marriage and children. He tells me that we will never be able to make it if I don't just let it go. I just need to know how did this happen. I asked him was he drunk did she give you something what happen.

I just don't feel like I want to be with him anymore. He wants to make love like everything will be alright. All I do is see them.

If I leave him my children will not get alot of cs because the ow file first. I have not file the income tax, because she will get that too.

I just hate what he has done to me and our marriage. I just don't think I can go on with it.

He gave me a card for valentine day, but I did not give him one because I just do feel that way toward him.

What am I going to do when June 18th gets here. We will have been married 20 years. I don't want to do anything with him.

They say GOD have a reason for the things that he put upon us, and that we should not question him. But why would he let my h cheat on me and bring oc into this world and know that we was having money problems from the start.

I don't even know how we are going to pay the mortgage.

I feel like the ow is doing so much better than me. I am hurting so bad because of a ONS.

Why can't her a$$ get married and the man will want to adopt the oc.

I just don't know what to do. I am typing this and cannot see for crying so hard. I don't even know where I have put my glasses. This is really breaking my mind, heart, body and soul.

I guess I will be crying myself to sleep tonight, and he will get upset with me. He states when I cry it makes him feel bad and that I am just making myself sick. NO, he has made me sick.

I have loss 15 pounds over this s##t. I need help real bad.

I must go now talk to you later. I just don't know what I am going to do. Any suggestions.

IDMHVM,
You only need a sample from alleged father and child for dna. Getting a copy would be a gesture of compassion for you and your H should do that.

I know it's like he's a stranger to you now. He probably can't take the crying because his actions caused the crying. My H was like that at first. He's since told me he couldn't believe what had happened and my crying was a reminder of his actions.

I have no answers to the cs money. Can a lawyer set up reasonable pay back? I don't know.

As far as your 20th anniversary, we celebrated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> our 27th just 3 mos. post d-day. I didn't want to do anything either. H got me a card and I don't remember the gift. I remember crying in the store reading cards because none of them said, "To my husband who cheated, thankyou for all the misery you have given me this past year" It wasn't something I wanted to celebrate either.

Two months is a short time to begin to feel better.

Try counseling. Try getting an honesty policy through counseling. H must begin to help you through all of this.

Believe me when I tell you most of us have been through the same types of things you are experiencing at this "time frame". It can get better with some outside help.

Call your church to see if they can help.

Prayers.
love
Debi

<small>[ March 04, 2003, 08:25 AM: Message edited by: gemini1 ]</small>

IDMHVM,
Do you have anyone to talk to? How are you today? Have tried going to the dr.?

As for paternity I have been told they should have taken DNA from the mother too. It is more accurate. 99.9% is hard to come by without the mother's sample too. I think your H should let you see the DNA results.

How about asking ex-OW to get another paternity test outside of the courts? I think that might ease your mind.

Dawn

<small>[ March 04, 2003, 09:10 AM: Message edited by: Dawn71 ]</small>

Gemini 1 and Dawn 71

I really have no one to talk to, and I started to tell our pastor, but I don't want him to know. H whole family belongs to that church, and his brother is like the pastor right hand man. I just don't feel safe saying anything thing, because I don't want anyone to know about this ONS and the oc. Do I sound crazy?

I was crying all night I just could not stop. I was asleep when h finally came home from work. I left him a note telling him about all this mess we are in and how are we going to pay that witch all of this money. I thought he would wake me up but he did not.

This morning before we went to work he asked me do I love him. What am I suppose to say? I started to cry again, and then he said that he was so sorry for hurting me and that he would be better off dead. I just cannot deal with him talking like this. I told him that would not solve anything. He actually thinks that if he just mailed in some money and not all it would be ok. I don't think he understands all of this court order mess. He wanted to hold me, but I just did not feel like that. Why do men think that if we make love everything will be alright?

I probably need to see a lawyer about the cs, but how can we afford that. Most lawyer don't even can about the man when it comes to cs anyway. I pray so hard that GOD will give me an answer soon about this, because I just can't see our way out of this mess.

I don't think the ow will do another dna testing. He has not seem her since the last dna testing in early part of 2001. He wanted to ask her to forgive the back support, but I don't think she would do that. I feel in my heart that she plan all of this and he was thinking with the wrong head. She probably is piss off because she wanted him to spend time with the oc and he told her that he did not want to do that.

I don't think about it to much when I am at work, because I am so busy. But the minute I get to the car to go home there I go again. I once felt safe in my home, but know I hate coming home. When will this get better? I don't even want to clean up the house, and it looks a mess.

Well, I must get my things together for tomorrow. Thanks for listening.