Think about this. In the huge gigantic world teeming with billions of people, our particular situation is unique unto ourselves.

Sure, affairs are fairly common happening to a third of the marriages, according to some "experts", but out of those affairs, how many result in a child born outside the marriage? In the big picture, the big scheme of things, not many.

If we cruise over to GQ, most of the hundreds of people over there dealing with the unspeakable pain of an affair, do not have to face this terrible component of an OC.

People say that there is nothing on this earth more painful in a marriage than an affair, but I add the addendum to that by saying that an affair that produces and OC is the pain of discovery of an affair SQUARED. Nothing comes close to it.

There are absolutely NO resources or justice in the legal system for the victims of this horror. We have no where to turn except here, and thank God for MB. There are no books on this subject, there are no advocates for the spouses and children of the people who produce an OC, there are no support groups, there is nothing. We are basically ignored, dismissed and discounted at every turn, and expected to just suck it up and learn to live with it, cope and move on....and pay for it! We are forced to alter our lives and make unpleasant decisions because of other people's actions. The unfairness of all is outrageous and it has us all reeling for months and years to come.

The people here on this site are true pioneers because they are the first people who have modern technology to reach out to others experiencing the same situations and dealing with the same problems and bearing the same kind of pain...others who understand completely what each of us is feeling and going through.

If not for this site, we would each be thinking we were the only people on the planet who are experiencing this. I for one know no one else in my circle of friends, family and acquaintances who are going through this..do you? We would all be so alone, so isolated if this were ten years ago or the many decades preceding technology.

A couple years ago, we had a member who posted here regularly who went on to specialize in psychology and made it her personal crusade to research this rare phenomenon we are all living. Her handle was "Popeye" and the wisdom and compassion she dispensed was invaluable to me and many, many others here on this site. She was instrumental in my recovery.

Now she is writing a book of case studies of people like you and me. This effort just might begin a desperately needed awareness of what the victim lives through and eventually, perhaps some deference will be afforded us in the legal system along with a myriad of other possiblities.

I enocurage any brave "pioneer" out there who craves justice and desires change within the legal system to e-mail her immediately at OCResearch @ yahoo.com. You may remain anonymous. There may be a talk show. And any MEN out there willing to offer their story to give hope to other men suffering, please e-mail her as soon as you possibly can. Your situation is even more rare within this unique little club and your stories are crucial to this case study and will offer others like you resources that have not been available to you.

I can't stress the importance of this project enough. It's time to take the first step in making changes in the injustice of outrageous and punitive child support orders, to offer a resource to those first experiencing discovery and an awareness of special issues surrounding visitation and contact, just to name a few.

Please e-mail OCResearch@yahoo.com and submit your story to help blaze the trail. We gotta start somewhere. Please.

Catnip =^^=

Thank you!!!

And she's looking for input from all sides, just not the BW's side. She has gotten stories from OW, OC and also MM/xMM. I've had discussions with her about it, and she seems to be putting together a very informative collection of stories.

Absolutely, Joshmom. However, we are short MEN and this is a crucial part of the research so I hope K and Too Much Coffee and Pops and some of the others will submit their stories.

Unfortuantely, there will be many other men out there like my husband, who are computer illiterate and will not have this resource and nowhere to turn. This project, this book is something that will be enormously beneficial to them.

So, please Guys....e-mail "ocresearch@yahoo.com" as soon as possible...the book is in the final stages and desperately needing male input.

Ladies, she still needs your consent and stories...those of you who iniitially entered into this and abandoned the project, please reconsider re-upping.

Thanks again

Catnip =^^=

Yes, I wish I could get my OC to tell his story but he doesn't have time for emotional stuff like this... At least not right now. We'll see what his future holds. Will he be a faithful husband? Will he be a wayward spouse? Will he remain single? I can't say?

His life is in his own hands now. I pray that OC has focused on what he had and not what he didn't have (contact) and is able to appreciate his blessings.

Cat could you fill me in on the details....are another child by the other man the requirement or is about affairs in general?

Stunned-dad,

Well, I'm not Catnip, but I have been "involved" with this research/book and believe that it's geared towards the situation when the A produces a child. They are doing this because there has been so little done on this specific situation. If I were you, I would go ahead and email to see what the specifics are.

Tigger

Also, here is a website that gives the basics:

OC Research