It is Wed AM, I see you are looking at the posts, but not posting.
What is new with you?
TEXASGIRL

Thanks for asking about me. There is lots to say, so I don't know where to start. I am trying to move on but it isn't easy. Several months ago I was looking at Match.com and saw a guy that had ask me out over 30 years ago but I said "No". I e-mailed him and said I was going to be in town. He answered back, "after all these years you are going out with me. Sheez......" Well, he was exactualy what I needed. He is getting a PHD in counseling so he told me what I needed to hear. He told me I need to get on with my life. I could have another good 25 years with someone else who could treat me like I should be treated. He said that I was rare and beautiful! He thought I needed to bet rid of H and stop wasting my time on him. "There are men out there who can be interested in you, even me." He was an AF pilot, resturant owner, and now a Greek Arthodox Priest. He said for me to call him any time. "Are you going to call me at 3 in the morning?" "No" "I said anytime." He was what I needed. It showed me that there are nice men out there who can be interested in me. I want to know what I have been missing. When I got back home H had separation papers for me. He was a coward and left them on the table. He had them drawn up last summer. I went to a lawyer and he went over it and is changing things. He said H was generous which show how guilty he feels. I don't know what I will do. He said to just wait because he knows that I don't want a divorce. He even said "You don't want to do that." He was sympathetic to what I want. He said I can call his bluff and sight adultery get as much as I can, go after him. It might make him decided not to go through with it or it could backfire and I might not get as much. When I left his office he said it was a pleasure to meet me and he truly hopes things turn out the way I want it to.
I guess that is all for now. There is more to say but I am getting tired. Sorry it has been so long since I have written.

Angelstrength, Sounds like you got some good advice. He is right, you are a good, beautiful person. You deserve more than you have gotten from your H.
How long can you remain in limbo waiting for him to get his act together. My H was also career military officer. I remember asking him how he reconciled his A with his code as an "officer and a gentleman". He had no response. Later he admitted to being ashamed about his affair. He had always thought men who cheated on their wives as "scumbags". He didn't see himself as one when his affair was in full swing. In his fog, he was different from them. However the day I pointed out to him that he wasn't better than them, it was a major turning point for him.
You have come a long way, have a long way to go still, but you will make it. Cut your losses and get on with your life. You deserve some happiness. Maybe if you go into plan B and cut yourself off from him maybe he will realise what he has given up.
Stay strong,
texasgirl

My friend is so wonderful. He is my spiritual advisor, counselor and is such a nice person. I can call him just to talk, get advise or for help. He is easy to talk to and shares my pain. His wife left him 2 years ago. He says sometimes you just have to take it hour by hour. He has talked to my girlfriend, another person he hasn't talked to since High School, over 30 years ago. They want me to come back home to TX. He told her how sick my H is. Having 2 babies by accident is like accidently painting your house red. He wrote me this......Ask God to help you in all things....He will, without question, bring you through this terrible tragedy...In the end, you will be stronger than before and capable of returning love and affection to the right person. You have so much love to give... In time you will see what I'm saying...Trust me..I've been there and seen it happen to myself. You have so much to offer a man...and don't ever forget that...I'm sorry to hear that it was wasted on someone who didn't realize what he had....I feel sorry for him.
So, life is improving. I just have to go back to the lawyer and get the Seperation Agreement signed and move on. Enough of this sicko WH.

Angelstrength, I am glad to hear you are considering moving on. You must get on with your life. If your H is ready to give up what you had for what he has now, it is his life and loss.
As your friend stated, you have so much more to offer and there will be someone else out there who will appreciate you.
I'd recommend coming back to Texas. As they "Texas, a whole 'nother country" There is no place like it. In all of our travels with the Army, I never found another place I would rather call home, than TX My sister-in-law just moved to TX from a northern state. She wonders why she took so long to make the move. She loves it here.
Well have to go. Stay in touch.

Texasgirl