I have returned home to my wife of 16 years and 3 boys after leaving briefly to be with the OW. I have kept seeing the OW and she is now 10 weeks pregnant. She and I have been together nearly 6 years.
I don't know how to proceed. If I follow through with Harley's advice how do I have no contact with a woman who's carrying my child?
How do I leave her alone to raise a child by herself?
Relations with both partners strained and miserable. Both partners desperate. Any suggestions.
Why doesn't Harley cover this situation in his books? It obviously happens.

Brutus ...

6 years of deceit. Why? What benifit? What values? What lies?

Name one person in your family you have not hurt.

Do you want to be faithfully married? Yes or no.

PS.....

Why doesn't Harley cover this situation in his books? It obviously happends."

Yes, it obviously happends when people fail to consider the likely outcome of their behavior.

Do you think Harley should have a solution for someone's continuous and reckless poor judgements?

There is no solution. The fault lies with you, not Harley.

Do you want to be faithfully married? Yes or no.

Pep

So, after 6 years, and now that she is desperate all the sudden she's pregnant, AFTER 6 YEARS, 6 YEARS!!! Does this not tell you something about whom you have been cheating with? This just smacks of total entrapment. Is this the kind of person you want to leave your wife and 3 SONS for?

Your first and foremost priority is your wife and your 3 sons. She may be pregnant, but you have 3 children RIGHT NOW whose lives have been turned upside down, a wife who has given you 16 years of her life, 6 of those that have been a lie. Please read everything you can here. And for the the first time in 6 years, start doing the right thing, THEN you AND your wife can decide what you two will do regarding the oc. You need to take care of your family first.

Kristawny, excellent point! He is concerned about how he could leave ow alone to raise a child, but yet left his wife alone to raise 3 children!

Brutus, again, please read everything you can on here. There will be some wonderful people to come along to help guide you. The weekends are slow so just be patient and read, read, read. You have a family depending on you to do the right thing. Don't put them through anymore trauma for a woman who KNEW exactly what she was doing when she got involved with a MM and didn't have a problem with it for 6 years. She had choices and chose her own path, she is a grown woman and not an innocent helpless bystander.

<small>[ May 19, 2003, 07:55 AM: Message edited by: mshermi ]</small>

how do you leave her alone to raise your child? same way you left your wife alone to make it i guess! why not try thinking of her for a change? think of what she needs to feel safe with you, instead of what ow needs. she took the chance when she fooled around with a mm, she can pay the price when she lost her gamble.

and why the heck do you still have relations with the ow? they shouldn't be strained, they should be severed! what are you doing to your wife? or is that even a factor for you?

You are obviously very confused and have been to have been involved with someone else for 6 years.

I don't see the value in blaming your girlfriend for choices that you made. You chose to be with her while you remained married to someone else. Regardless, you've got a responsibility to all of the children for which you are the father. How you handle that responsibility really does depend on the choices that need to make about how to proceed with your life.

You need to figure out which woman you want to be with and stop this dance you have going on with both of them. If you're home but still seeing OW then you obvisouly unsure about what it is that you are doing. That is very unfair to both your wife and your pregnant girlfriend.

I think the first place you need to start at is to get off the fence; stop stringing 2 people you obviously care about along another day. Then go from there.

cm

There is no easy solution, but one thing that has been correctly pointed out to you, is that you can not have both women in your life. You either chose to be with one or with none of them.

Poor kids. I feel sorry for all of yours!

Infidelity: The Lessons Children Learn

Caring for Children Means Caring for Each Other

What are you doing? Waiting for something to happen to show you which way to jump? Why don't you make a decision and follow through? Your wife must love you very much and like someone else has said the OW sounds very manipulative to get pregnant after 6 years when you are supposedly back with your wife. You may be very confused but you also seem very selfish and immature. I don't think anything will make you feel "better" or "happy" about this situation and you need to stop hurting everyone around you including you 3 existing children who probably think their father is back to look after them and be their father! Is your wife willing to give you and your marriage another go? Why don't you give that a chance and grow up and just do it! I feel sorry for the OW too. If you were willing to cheat on your wife with her, what makes her think you won't do it again to her when the shine wears off and you have to live in the real world and support a new family and a sad and broken ex family? As someone else has said get off the fence.

Brutus,

R U sure the OW's supposed pregnancy is yours or do you have confirmed (doctor's proof) that she is prego?

NOTE: Some OWs are very manipulative in this area. I knew an OW who claimed to know she was having a girl when she claimed to be 5 weeks pregnant! Guess what? Turns out she was not pregnant. Then she went on to pull this stunt 2 more times. That OW got the name: PBR (psycho babble rabbit).

L.

You've made your bed now you need to deal the best way you can. I agree with another poster and get proof that she is pregnant. Then you should have only phone contact with her in the presence of your wife if she is pregnant. I would definately get a DNA test done to make sure it is yours. Once the child is born your only responsibility is to the child not the OW. I would take ALL the steps necessary to show your wife that you want to make your marriage work with her. Talk to your wife and see how she will feel about dealing with this OC if you want contact with the OC. You owe your wife some real honesty, and to never let her even suspect that you are having contact with the OW without her knowing.