My husband and I have had no contact since February of 02. This was ow's choice. She could not and would not allow oc to be involved with husband if I was in the picture. Fine.
Yet beginning about 8 months ago, my h and I started getting private calls on our cellphones.
They started out as hang ups.
About a month ago, we started hearing a young child's voice, but it was hard to figure out what the child was saying. Our OC is only 2 and half years old.
On Friday, my h got a call when we were out and the child said, "Daddy left me". When h handed me the phone, of course, the phone went dead, as it always does.
What kind of mother would torture her child like this? My h refuses to take her to court because her history has shown that she will not follow court orders anyway and we will end up spending a lot of money in court. But, somehow, I believe we should be doing something.
This is the only contact my h has with oc and I know it means alot to him just to hear oc voice once in awhile.
But, how much harm are we inflicting by allowing her to play this game.
Any suggestions, how do we handle this, because she is not going to stop and my h wants his child to be able to contact him if and when he chooses.
But, right now, oc is too young and exow is really f#cking with this kid! Help!

<small>[ June 08, 2003, 01:06 PM: Message edited by: tryin4sainthood ]</small>

This is child abuse. I would contact social services, the division that addresses children.

Your OW needs parenting skills. Classes are available.

Speak to an attorney.

Hope this helps.

ember

Hello,
I would talk to a lawyer. Call social services and see what they say. And maybe record when she calls and what OC says as proof.

Also, if there is a court order and if OW does not show up with OC it is called contempt and you call the cops and file it in in court and if she continues to do it then you can very well get full custody. I know that people can go to jail if they refuse to let the father see their child. So, maybe rethink the situation and decide if filing for joint custody is an option.

I figure if you have a court order then OW does not have choice but let you guys see OC.

Dawn

Hello Dawn, that's what I just said, contact an attorney; contact SS.

Do I hear a parrot here?

ember

Perhaps xOW has disqualified herself from having access to your telephone numbers at this point. If the OC chooses to contact your family some 16 years down the road, maybe you can cross that bridge once you get there, but I think I would change the phone numbers and/or get a restraining order, regardless if xOW decides to comply.

If it escalates, you could at least prove that steps have been taken by you to avoid this pattern of harrassment.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Too bad she is acting like a nut. This behavior must trigger anger toward your H for getting involved with the likes of her??? How are you coping with that aspect of it? Are you all right? Too bad some xOW are so immature that they screw up their OC's lives even more than they already are without a full-time dad...

At least the baby won't remember being put up to this, since he's only 2. Well HOPEFULLY he won't remember!

In the meantime, don't buy into the guilt trip she's trying to manipulate. It's not worth sacrificing your marriage any further than what has already been compromised.

At least you will be promoting health for the OC by cutting off telephone contact until the mom can GROW UP and OC can articulate his own thoughts, not what his mom tells him to say!! Sheesh! Her behavior is so unhealthy for herself and for her child. Why she can't see this is beyond me. Sounds like she is an unfit mother!

How come she can't focus on what the OC has instead of what OC doesn't have? Being a single parent was her choice!!?? Now why is it a big issue? The child never had a dad in the first place? Your husband belonged to you in the first place, not to her? How can "daddy leave" where he never belonged in the first place???

I say xOW needs to get a life and start behaving more healthy and adult-like now that she's a single mom! That kid needs all the stability she can muster. We should pray for xOW to find more peace and stability in her life. She sounds so very miserable. Don't let her antics make you miserable. I'll pray for you guys to withstand this harrassment and come through it even stronger and more bonded together. Good luck!

<small>[ June 09, 2003, 12:25 PM: Message edited by: BINthereDUNthat ]</small>

just a thought. If the OW doesn't know that you have figured out that it is her that is calling...have your husband call her in your presence and ask the OW how the child is doing. Then maybe just make a statement in a normal voice that he would love to be in the childs life if she ever changes her mind, but as for you he is committed to you and that isn't going to change. If she tries to start an argument just end the conversation. Maybe she has changed her mind but is too immature to call and say that. Maybe she is out for attention, or just wants your H to show some interest in the child. If the phone harrassment continues I would try to get some kind of restraining order...and documented that she is coaching a young child to do these things. How old is this OW?

Thanks so much for all the responses. My h and talked about it today. We made a deal that neither he nor I were going to be a party to this any longer. We will not answer anymore phone calls that say "private" on the caller ID.
We will be moving to another state next month so we are going to keep our current numbers until then. When we get to where we are going, we are changing our cell numbers.
As we agreed when we stopped all contact, we will have a published home number at all times if oc ever wants to contact us. Exow does know where we will be moving to, but she never calls our home phone so we will see.
To answer a few of your questions, h refuses to get involved with the courts, he is a conflict avoider bigtime!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Exow has pulled some sort of psycho game since day one. I do get frustrated that h was so incredibly stupid to get involved with such an unstable woman, but she did have an affair with a man she KNEW was married...so what else should we expect.
Thank you again for all your kind words and the prayer will help. I have been praying for God to soften exow's heart for the last two days and we haven't heard from her yet.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

T4S----

What do you expect from people from THAT part of the lake???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

From one fellow Louisianian to another...
OH PUH-LEEZE....

Mr.T asked how y'all were the other day and says we need to take you out to eat before you leave us.

(Thanks alot for leaving me here in this God-forsaken swamp-land to fend for myself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

I'll miss you, even though we were supposed to keep in touch and I lost your e-mail...let me know if you need it again.

Hugs,
Twiisty

Hello,
I can relate completely to your problem, because the ow somehow got our unlisted phone number after nearly 2 years of no phone contact. She called and pretended to be a new mistress of my H's, and I was beginning to have a panic attack when I recognized the voice. I just turned off the ringer, since she was constantly calling back. Unfortunately, the next morning, she put up a guy friend to call and pretend that he was with a company, and I answered the phone. When I told him I didn't have time to talk, he said, "what if I told you your daughter's dead?" I quickly handed the phone to my H, but the guy had already hung up. We changed the number immediately, and we no longer answer calls from unrecognized numbers. Voice mail is the best invention for dealing with this crap, because if the person leaves a message, then it's evidence of harassment. The ow only left one vm, and it was the 1-yr-old cooing and breathing into the phone.
I totally agree with whoever said to call Social Services, because using your children in this manner is abusive. At one point, the ow had her teenage daughter calling my elderly parents house to ask for "her father"--my h, who had just met the ow that year! I wish I had thought about calling Social Services back then (this was 2 yrs ago), because the ow had previously lost custody of her children after her divorce due to abuse.
There is always a rational, legal way to deal with unstable people, and I see a lot of good advice on this site. I hope that things work out for you with your move, because it helped me. We also moved out-of-state, which makes it more difficult for the ow to be a problem.
Good Luck!