I am feeling very short of patience these days.
I know I took many years to get over my H's affair. Sometimes I feel he is not over it. By that I mean he has never deal with it. He just walked away from the OW and OC. (Not saying that was right, just how he dealt with it).He pays child support, but has NC. His choice, not mine. He still feels guilty when I ask about it, he would rather"close the door on that part of our life and not talk of it again".
On the plus side, he has done everything he could to make up for it. When I bring things up and ask about them even though he gets a pained expression on his face, he flinches like I just hit him, he faces what I asked about and answers me as honestly as I believe he can. He always tells me afterward how stupid he was for his affair. If he could back in time and undo the actions that resulted in his affair he would. He feels his actions were dishonorable, and hates feeling he was a man with no honor.
Sometimes I get witchy and talk about what bottomfeeders men are that cheat. Hillary was a major vent, how could she have not known about Bill's affairs and what ever else he was doing with other women. She had to have put her head in the ground like an Ostrich. If I don't acknowledge it it is not there attitude.
Then I have been lurking on TOW board after I learned one of them hi-jacked a thread from here to there. Reading their posts about it was a real eyeopener.
Reading TOW Board I have found enlightening and frustrating. I decided that people are innately stupid and selfish. The Other Woman I find selfish and the men who get involved with them equally selfish. An affair is the most incredibly selfish thing two people can involved with. They do not think of how their actions will affect anyone else they are involved with or potential problems that might arise. The OW feels justified in her affair with a MM because it isn't her fault the wife can't hold onto her man. The wife isn't meeing his needs, so why can't the OW meet them. I find it incredible that they had a board discussing whether the wife was a stay at home wive vs a career wife. What business was it of theirs. That was a contract between the husband and wife. Again they are a third party intruding into a relationship they had not business in.
The husband whose needs are not being met, never stops to say
"Hey, Wifie Pooh, you're not helping me to love you. I need more sex. I need a sex kitten in bed. I want a thinner wife. I want 4 kids. " And what ever else they can come up with for an excuse to cheat.
Then the wife is selfish enough
to want to rebuild the marriage she may have invested one third of her life in, or her whole life. She could have spent more of her life with her H than she spent with her parents. She has several kids with this man who is their father and should help raise them. For whatever reasons SHE STILL LOVES THE LYING CHEATING SON OF A GUN.
So she refuses to give it up and rebuild her life with HER HUSBAND>
Finally, when there is an affair, ALL PARTIES INVOLVED ARE AT FAULT, but, in my opinion, the ones who shoulder the larger share of the burden are the cheater and his lover.
That said, the OW has no rights to the MM. She is a poacher. Why do they feel entitled to the MM and his time. Just by the word MARRIED, they are trespassing on a relationship they have no right involving themselves in. If a MAN is involved in a marriage, he is off-limits.
If an OW meets the man of her dreams and he is married, then Honey, give up that dream until he is free.
I heard a TV commentator on Fox news one day tell a young woman who was engaged, don't sleep with him until you have the ring on your finger, the wedding ring. Why should he marry you if he is already getting it for free?
So OW, if you read this, if you want that MM, don't sleep with him, tell him to come back when he is free to totally yours.
Married Men if you are unhappy, figure out why and give YOUR WIFE the chance to solve your unhappiness.
Wives don't bury your head in the sand. Deal with it. Hold his feet to the fire when it comes to facing up to your realationship. But be prepared to cut your losses. Some men aren't worth the heart ache. Let the OW woman have him, what he did to you, he will probably do to her, unless he grows up enough to learn he cannot always have what "makes me feel good". He has to meet his wife's needs to get his met and vice versa.
Marriage is a contract between two people, note two people. The husband and wife make a contract to love, honor and cherish each other (no others will be cherished here). It is a contract to support each other emotionally, sexually and financially. How they do that is THEIR business. If one of them is a stay at home caregiver for the children of the marriage, whose business is it, only theirs. (not 3rd parties.)
So to one and all GET OVER IT!!. OW stay out of a MM's life until he is legally a SINGLE GUY (SG in TOW parlance). Husband put everything you can back into your marriage like you told your wife you would, or get out. Just be sure when you get out you know what you are leaving behind is nothing you will look back and regret.
Wives work with your hubands to get your marriage on a new better track, but be prepared to kick him out if he doesn't meet the contract you made. You deserve better than a cheater.
Sorry this is such a long rant. But I am cranky today, had to get this off my chest.
