I haven't posted in a while.... but quick recap of my situation is that I'm the WS and am pregnant with the OM's child. I'm currently almsot 30 weeks pregnant and haven't seen the OM since I was around 7 weeks and haven't spoken to him since around 14 weeks. I have been working on my marriage and I was guessing that he was working on his as well (as his wife knows of my pregnancy).
Here's the thing. Today in my mailbox there was a gift. It wasn't a very extravagant gift or anything but it was something that could have only come from the OM. So I called him and indeed it was him. We talked for 5 minutes, but it was very awkward. You see...he lives over 3 hours from me and he drove down here to drop this thing off at my house. So that made me a little uncomfortable.
My question is: should I tell my husband? I've already disposed of the gift and am not planning on continuing any contact. I'm already disgusted at myself for calling at all.... but I was really wondering about the thing and how it got there.
Help.

e.

e29,

I am the WH and the OW is pregnant. My wife is still contemplating lettting me back into her life. I told my wife almost 4 weeks ago about this situation, minutes after I had learned. I can attribute one thing that has kept my wife talking to me about possibly staying married and that was my total honesty. The key is total honesty. At least that is what I believe and that is the only thing I can think of that keeps my wife talking to me about reconciliation. I hope that helps

E29,

Hey, I've been thinking of you, but just haven't gotten the chance to email you! First, I want to congratulate you on working on your M! How are things going in that line? Regardless on how things are, I say to tell your H about the gift, whether it was destroyed or not, your H deserves to know. Also tell your H that you called the xOM to find out if the gift was infact from him.

I hope that you are doing well, and I'll try to get that email out soon!

Love,

Tigger

e~

So great to see a post from you again. I've missed you! I remember how your bravery in confessing to your H really helped me, seeing as we began posting around the same time. How have you been, P going well? You say you have been working on your M...that is great! I hope you have experienced good progress so far. Is H working on it too? Unless I missed something along the way, the last I heard, H was still living away from you. Now it sounds like he may be back. If he is, that is wonderful <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and will make recovery a little bit easier!! Not to mention how good it is for the entire family. Also, I've always been curious if you attended your graduation? I sure hope so!

To answer your question...YES, I would tell your H about the gift and calling x-om. First and foremost, to continue the complete honesty, but also so H is aware of this guy driving 3 hrs. to put a gift in your mail box, and that you followed up w/ contact...I'm quite sure that was x-om's primary motive. I, like you would be uncomfortable, especially after 16 weeks of NC. If you're uncomfortable...think how uncomfortable, pissed, down right angry your H will be, BUT worse still if he found out from another source. I'm thinking it would be a good idea for your H to contact him and ask/tell him to stay away. Any plans for x-om to have contact and/or CS w/OC though?

Again, great to see you, even though as many times on here, wishing it were under better circumstances!

I hope and pray that you and your H are having more good than bad days, and that things are going as well as they possibly can in your M, for you, him, and your C's!

Hope to hear back, but if not, prayers, hugs, good wishes and all that good stuff on the birth of your baby!

~autumnday

You can inform your H about the gift by starting the conversation with a plea for his help to have the OM stop sending you any more gifts because you beleive that your pleas to him are going to fall on deaf ears. Then give your H the phone number and have him tell him to stop contacting you or he's going to get more than he bargained for.

Thank you all for the replies.
I haven't told him yet but will tell him tonight when he gets home from work. I am scared of the fallout it will create, as things around here have been going along so nicely.
More of an update...yes H moved back in two weeks ago and things have been great. I am still in agreement with H that we will have xOM on the birth certificate and get CS, but the baby will have our last name and will be every bit a part of our family. I have to admit that I'd rather not have xOM be on the birth certificate and I hate the idea of CS but I completely understand H's reasons and I respect them. (If that makes any sense)
My pregnancy has been going great. I'm having another boy, which I'm really happy about. Due date is Halloween which I know is getting closer because every store I step into now has trick or treat candy and Halloween decorations out!!

Thanks again everyone!

e

e29,
good luck with all.
fofatty1771

Will be sending good thoughts your way this evening. It is always scary to have to tell your H yet another thing re. x-om. I think if you do in the manner TMCM suggested, things should go well.

Great to hear your H is back home, you must be thrilled. Wow, another boy, I don't think I know anyone that is having a girl!!

Yes I believe it makes sense you not wanting x-om on birth cert, and no CS, all the while respecting your H's reasons for wanting the opposite. An OC is such an unbelievably difficult situation, no 2 people view all the decisions exactly the same. I'm finding the POJA to be tremendously helpful.

Take good care,
~autumnday

Good for you. Keep us posted on how it went...