fo8,,,,,, i was curious about how things were going for you.

HI Pops,

Thanks for the interest.

I just typed a lengthy reply but lost my connection and lost the lot.

It's real late now. I'll catch up with you maybe tomorrow night.

Fo8

Hi Pops,

I’m doing ok. I have most of my kids most of the time. That really keeps me going and I enjoy their company. Kids told me the other day that my cooking has improved. Well after 3yrs it couldn’t stay the same. I’m putting more time and money their way now. The house renovations etc can wait. They ( the kids ) won’t always be this age.

Working about 32hrs per week average and I’m glad that I kept my job. They were very good to me. The cash has enabled me to give my kids a lot more than they’d get if I was a beneficiary. ( SAHD ).

Kids generally are pretty good and pretty secure I’d say. That’s been a big priority of mine to keep things as stable as poss for them.

But as far as my WW is concerned, I know she’s seen her lawyer but I don’t know what she’s planning there. I’m in no hurry to start selling assets and splitting our family. I just wish she’d see what a dead end she’s heading towards and turn around. But I think that she’s enjoying having weekends off, and the new motorcycle and all of that, too much to step back into full time motherhood and marriage not to mention facing my side of the family, old friends, church folk etc.

I don’t really have a heart to spend time with her now. For 16 yrs I never tired of her company and enjoyed being with her. Now that there is no loyalty it’s like, if I get closer to you, I’m just going to get hurt more… so I just back off. I’m polite but some real reconciliation would totally change things. I’m still cast as the culprit for a lot of what has happened. Yes, I accept some of that, but I’m just through with beating myself up over it. You get to an end of that and realise why marriage is “for better or for worse”.

It’s also pretty hard to be a joy germ when your guts have been ripped out of you and you can still feel the scars constantly. That doesn’t make me all that attractive but to me the marriage bond is not just about attractiveness. There is a place for acceptance. That acceptance makes it easier to love. I don’t feel accepted by her... and yes it’s hard to love her like I did.

Having said that, I’d sooner have her than any woman in the world, but there has been a lot of change in her thinking. A lot of disrespect, a lot of pain. You can’t just sweep that under the carpet. Also, I’d want OM right out of the picture. She can’t handle that and hasn’t given ground on any of my requests in that area.

She has a lot of pain from past dealings with strongly religious (lawful ) Christians. OM has done a good job convincing her that Christianity has a lot to answer for in her life. I don’t know where she’s at with God and it bothers me, but it is her business I guess. For me, I’ve seen the blessings of being in places where God has done good things in my life and others lives. I can’t deny what I’ve seen.
But I’ve got to admit, that if in some way this is Gods will for me… it doesn’t make a lot of sense. ( To me ). I do trust tho’ that good will come from it in some way. I also accept that she has to be allowed to get to a turning point ( if it ever happens ) in her own time.

Late again now. We’ll catch up again.

Fo8

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Fatherof8:
<strong>... Kids told me the other day that my cooking has improved. Well after 3yrs it couldn’t stay the same. I’m putting more time and money their way now. The house renovations etc can wait. They ( the kids ) won’t always be this age...
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like you are getting your priorities in order. What we can't control, we must let go of. You may not be able to control the actions or reactions of your WS, but you can control your role as a loving father to your kids who really seem to need you now more than ever! Good job! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

fo8,,,,, glad to see that things seem to be falling in place for you and the kids. and you are actually making new meals that they ALL enjoy. that in itself sounds like a miricle to me.at our house with so many different likes and dislikes, fh and i could get jobs as short order cooks.

^^^^^^I don&#8217;t really have a heart to spend time with her now^^^^^^^

i know how you feel here. the hurt that i felt with fh's A caused me that same feeling. it has taken me a tremendous effort to get those feelings back. i don't think i am there fully but i can see them creeping into my life a little more each day. it's just the simple things such as daydreaming. used to do it all the time about getting away alone with her someplace special. i don't do that much anymore and when i do it is usually similar to when i was single and i think of something i would like to do with the kids. i know things are changing it just will take a little more time.

^^^^^OM has done a good job convincing her that Christianity has a lot to answer for in her life^^^^^^

unfortunately it sounds like your w is really confused about things. because she has had problems with PEOPLE who said they were Christians, does not mean that Christianity has problems. she either believes or she doesn't.

anyhow like btdt said you seem to have your priorities together so go get yourself a thrifty ice cream cone.

keep those kids at the top of your list for now and God will keep you at the top of His.

pops

<small>[ October 06, 2003, 09:42 PM: Message edited by: pops ]</small>

Thanks for the comments Pops and btdt.

I appreciate it.

Fo8