What if the OW told CPS she didn't know the father of her child? I was just wondering what would happend if the OW refused to tell, said she didn't know, but received assistance, what would happen?
The OW tells the MM when she learns she is pregnant and he says he isn't leaving his wife, that's OK, I'll go it alone. Could she really pull this off?
I was just looking at how much his affair and the resulting child have cost us. I know he didn't get into bed with her anticipating another child.
I know if anyone deigns to respond I will probably get roasted by OW, but I was curious.

AFfairs are all about broken promises aren't they.
The WS breaks the promise to be faithful until death. The OW breaks the promise to go it alone, not involve the MM, betrayed wife and children. I am not sure what promises the betrayed wife and children break. Anyone care to tell me?
Well I will be looking for answers, hope not to get flamed, but I probably will.

Take care,
Texasgirl

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What if the OW told CPS she didn't know the father of her child? I was just wondering what would happend if the OW refused to tell, said she didn't know, but received assistance, what would happen?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my state, to my knowledge, if an unmarried woman applies for assistance but does not reveal the father, her child will be covered under medical benefits and such, but she herself does not receive assistance (medical, food, etc), only her child. I have never had assistance, but I remember reading about it...

I know if she names the father later and gets support, the child support she receives will be taken back by the state until the amount of support she got is equaled..i.e. if the state has given her $5000 worth of assistance, they will take back $5000 of her CS, except where pregnancy related medical expenses are concerned...
(they don't take back that amount, but they DO charge the father at least half her "confinement expenses", and make him repay that amount to the state in addition to his CS...YES, I think it's screwy, and some states are moving to change that...)

The state makes every effort to see a child is receiving CS, I suppose because they figure it will lessen the burden of the state where benefits are concerned.

<small>[ January 23, 2004, 02:03 PM: Message edited by: sofaraway ]</small>

texasgirl it does really stink to feel like you might be flamed for asking a genuine question. I don't think I have the answer. But I have a friend that worked in that department in our state for awhile. I am sure every state could deal with it differently. But in our state they wanted to actively persue the father...even if the woman had to write down 7 or more names that could possibly be the father. Otherwise these woman would not get benefits. But I don't know what happens if the woman purposely doesn't put the MM name down, and they don't find the father. I think it would be interesting to know if a single woman could go through that without naming the father. Not that I think it is the correct thing to do for the child if it means the mother and child live off the system for the rest of their lives. But I don't think you were looking for a debate on whether it is right/wrong. Just curious about the scenario...I think it is interesting.

Thanks for your reply. It seemed like a reasonable question given the situation.
I am not spoiling for a fight, ( and you answered in a positive way), but I was just wondering what would be the penalities for OW, single with child, and honoring her promise not to go to the MM.
We pay CS, and will until she is 18. The OW had said she wouldn't make any demands and, except for the money, she hasn't.
thanks again for response,

Texasgirl

Where I am if the mother doesn't reviel who the father is she loses the assitance. For both her and the child. This is why Xow went after H. It also happened to a friend. She refused to tell who the father is and lost all assitance. She got stuck with some big medical bills from it to.

I am not sure what you asked that would get you flamed. seems like a honest question to me.

but in the state I live in if a woman is receiving assistance, she has to give the name of the father or lose all assistance.

I dont know much more than that as we have never been to court over this. but I have a friend who received assistance, and when she filed for support, they made the father pay the state back for any help she received.

I would guess she would be made to pay back all the state spent if your really curious call attorney generals office and ask them. They are more helpful at the main state office than local ones.

When Xow named my H as the father & the state went after him, H had to pay for all the medical cost, attorney fees, and child support from the day OC was born. Even now with OC on H insurance he still has to pay what ever medicaid OC uses

Crazy you have insurance on the child and the child in on madicaid? Can she do that? I would think the state would make her use the insurance provided by your h.

Yes. the child has both. Medicaid pays for what the insurance doesn't cover. Bascially co-pays.

You know what sounds insane to me is that if the woman doesn't tell, and receives assistance but reveals it at a later date, she not only loses assistance but she has to pay it back, thus depriving the child financial assistance!

And the ONE thing that the courts are all expounding on is that the child needs financial assitance... Why are they only interested in the well-being of the child when they have a source of income to garnish but not interested in a child's well-being if the taxpayers have to foot the bill? Isn't forcing the OW to repay for assistance received ultimately hurting the child they claim to champion?

I believe the OW or single mom or whatever would not be the one paying it back. The "father" would be the one who has to foot the bill, tacked on as "arrears" with INTEREST.

I think the only way a female could "get away with" not telling was if she claimed sexual assault by a stranger. That would be believable. Wrong and horrible but believable. The state (at least mine) gives compensation (up to $70,000.00) to crime victims, which that would qualify under.

Or, better yet, to "keep her promise" of leaving MM or "father" alone, she could just live with family to lower expenses and get a job.

Also, I have personally known of cases where female was FRAUDULANTLY receiving welfare and the FATHER STILL had to pay it back!!! In one of those extreme cases, the father had FULL custody, was STILL being forced to pay CS AND then was getting sued to pay back all the fraudulent assistance received by mother. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ January 23, 2004, 09:17 PM: Message edited by: ktbunch ]</small>

Ditto--mother must name a father and pursue cs to get ANY aid where she is. In fact, THAT is how DH ended up with court-ordered support amount (after XOW repeatedly said she "didn't want anything from" him).

Texasgirl,
Well ow here said not to worry also. Her H would be gone, but she would do it on her own, valiant lie.

a few months into this she began to harrass H on if he told me,,,,he had not,,,,then when she and H secretly counseled with our former priest, she wanted H to be a real dad...be there everyday.

Ok... then there was "poor believe anything he tells you wife"
Ow called and left message about 3rd party and after that all hel* broke loose. She hated that.

We got letters saying why she was after cs support, if H couldn't be there each day then he damn better pay!

Perfume scented ,begging ,letters to ask him to please be a dad.

In the meanwhile we set up a private phone for ow to call ME to set up visits my friend, remember?

She would call to give me affair details and recommendations on leaving my H ,all the while being married and not leaving her backup studmuffin. Who bailed to Florida during all of this,,,leaving 3 kids!!!

When I didn't leave H she still married pursued CS and health insurance and our surname!

Poor lady lost on the surname....quickly gave in to our wishes that oc NOT share our name....afterall ow was and still is married if only in name <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ... Her H was arrested a few days before NewYears for DUI having a concealed weapon and a machete and cocain and marijuana...need I say more?

Court date is months away.

Even though she lives a 1/2 mile away we have not seen anything of her since this! And I saw her 2 x's a week before.

What goes around comes around Texasgirl...maybe not in our lifetime...our money cannot fix a woman with 4 kids and no dad.... so be it....you reap what you sow if not sorry in earnest for things that happen...

then again...all of you suffering remember... Jesus suffered untold measures of cruelty....it is waht weighs us in before we see the Lord as he takes all suffering into account.

So if ow lied or not....it wouldn't matter after all of this time...after I thought she was the winner cuz she had H's baby,,,,,nothing at this time can be further from the lies... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
love
Debi

Hello,
I know here in Wisconsin if you don't tell who the father you will be denied services. You are expected to name the father and if you don't know you are suppose to work with the child support agency to find out. You are expected to give all the information you know about the father and you have to sign something stating that this is the truth and that you will try to find the father. I believe it is a crime to lie about it.

Also, my SIL who lives IL had a friend go down and appllied for state help and when they asked who the father and she would not tell them and got denied services. She wanted help from the state but did not want child support and that did not work. I believe in most states if you have to name a father.


Dawn

Well so many responded <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
It was just a thought. In some cases the OW has no choice but to come after the MM for support.

I am not sure what I expected, but the responses were informative.
MOF - My concern was that someone would assume I was looking for a way to get out of CS. That would result in posts about the BS trying to get out of the CS issue.

I think we have seen that not all of our MM who stray are stellar characters and some OW would just like to get far away from them.

Then there are the OW who milk the system for all it is worth and set out to do as much harm as they can to the MM, his family and sometimes their own child (the OC)

It seems to me if the OW doesn't want the MM to have contact with the OC she should give up CS. If she doesn't want to have the BS involved she should give up CS.
If a man is meeting his obligations to a child and wants to be involved the OW should go the distance to support it.
this means the OW and the BS should make an effort to be civil and keep in mind the needs of all of the children. Because that is where it gets tricky. We have two women wanting what is best for their child/children and trying to create a normal life. But what about this is normal?
There would never be an expectation that the OW and the BS would become friends, (or stay friends), but that they become adults.

If the situation is that the OW doesn't want contact with the MM and his family, then since she doesn't have the choice of non-support to sever that connection, maybe she should take less money. Sometimes the demand for exorbitant amounts of money, causes one to say "If we are paying for that child, then we will exercise our rights to see the child" then intrinsicaly doesn't this do more harm than good?

Of course, that means one has to keep the government out of it.

Well I have just rambled along here. Just trying to throw out some ideas.
I am your classic middle child. I am always looking for a way to resolve a problem without strife. This situation is totally striferidden.

In a perfect world we would all be perfect and children would have 2 perfect parents and be perfect themselves. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Texasgsirl

Hey TXGirl,
I'm in TX and I can tell you that the OW has been receiving support since the OC was born. My h has continued to see her because she would occasionally threaten to file for CS and he knew I'd find out and divorce him (didn't happen yet, dumb man!...affair continued way past his feelings for her out of fear). She filed for support within days of the NC letter despite the fact that she has repeatedly told him she wanted nothing...except this past November when she asked him for $20 for her CHIP payment (OC's state sponsored health insurance). It is my understanding that if the DNA comes back positive, the state will take back CS for the states expenses and he may have to repay medicaid costs for the pregnancy and birth. It really stinks considering she kept telling him she wanted nothing (just him apparently and knew she'd lose him if she asked for $$$ or if I discovered the A....what a loser).

Does he have proof of child support? Have you consulted a lawyer? You need to get that proof and everything els just to protect yourselves.
I don't know how Tx deals with this. My H OW lives in N. Carolina and we had to file in N.Carolina. I insisted we do it all legally to protect us as well as his rights to his child if he ever wanted to exercise them.
He pays CS, but he also has visitation rights protected. He has never taken that option, but he does have them.

It is a heck of a situation isn't it?
Texasgirl

Hi, I have been a lurker for a while, but this post I felt warranted a reply.

To my knowledge, if a Mother knowingly falsifies the application for public assistance, whether by inluding false statements or omitting info (i.e. father's identity) she can be found guilty of welfare fraud, except in the case where revealing the father's identity would lead to physical harm upon the mother or child (i.e. domestic abuse).

Regardless of what one feels is best for BS, WS, BS or OW, the state is going to look after the needs of the child for which assistance is being requested, unfortunately that may not be in the best intersts of the adults (and betrayed children) concerned.


i hope this being my first post it is not taken in the wrong way. i am very curious about what the laws actually are, my statement above only comes from my past observations, things may have changed since years ago and may vary state to state.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ January 26, 2004, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: leila ]</small>

leila,

Your post is fine!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Welcome to Marriage Builders and keep on posting!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey TXGirl,

My h didn't pay support, she was getting state support. Apparently she wanted him more than the money, and knew that asking for money might lead her to lose him....apparently he never gave her an indication that he wanted to end the marriage and he went to great pains to protect it (he claims he wanted to end the affair over two years ago, was working up to it and she told him she was PG, he claims that he continued to see her out of fear of her filing for CS, my finding out, and divorcing him). She must have known her hold on him was tenuous, because everytime the time between visits grew, she'd bring up CS and he'd come running. What I've learned so far is that if she was getting food stamps, WIC or anything else, the state will absolutely award back CS so they can take the money. Unfortunately, my h doesn't know for sure. He thought she may have used Medicaide to have the baby, but when I asked again last night how she qualified when she worked for a hospital system that paid most of the employee's health insurance (a fact I know, because he was a Security Guard at that hospital when they met). He told me he wasn't sure. All he knows for sure is she qualifies for state insurance for the OC (because in Nov she asked for the money for it, again claiming to have filed for CS and then withdrawn the papers). For someone who has spent 3 years with this woman, he is clueless!