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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 43
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It’s a long one but please read, need advice very quickly… Lynn?

Just a heads up on what’s been going on with my situation. OW due date 2/29/04 well this weekend a little birdie called and told me if I knew the oc was born on 12/30/03. My h lied again to me. I called him at work and told him does the name Reylyn (oc’s name) ring a bell and he stood quiet on the phone for a few seconds and he said yes, what happened how did I find out.
I was cursing and *****ing at him over the phone I didn’t care if he was at work, I was pissed!

He came home and I gave him a piece of my mind and told him to leave again b/c I couldn’t stand the fact that he keeps lying to me. He said he was sorry the reason why he didn’t tell me is b/c he didn’t want to hurt my feeling all over again. I told him BullS, I was going to find out sooner or later, is it better to have me hurt then or now that it doesn’t matter either way…

I asked him if he saw the oc and he said yes, again a major detail he left out. Man, I don’t think I could take any more of this lying!!! OW called h Mom’s house to give h her phone # to let him know she had the oc. He said he wanted to see what the oc looked like and I said well, h said she looks like the rest of the kids. I told him BullS the oc was only born a few days after you saw her how can you tell. He still insists that he does not want anything to do with them, then why did he go to see the OC?

And they name the OW gave her daughter is after my h minus Lyn, I know she did that on purpose. Not only was I pissed when I found out the oc name I was so upset, angry, hurt, crying b/c that is also my son’s name too who passed away of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome.) What a sick SOB OW is. I still can’t believe OW did that. I told my h that is my son’s name, why did she do that to me? He said that’s why I didn’t want to tell you b/c I knew you would be mad. Yea no ****!!!

The oc has my h last name but he didn’t sign the birth certificate, can she do that? Someone let me know b/c I can call the County on her and put a community complaint against her for doing that. My little birdie also told me the only way she can put his last name on the oc if they are married or he signed the BC and h said he did not.

Then OW tells my h that she doesn’t want to go through the courts for money, all she wants is $300 a month. I told my h the only reason the county will not give her money for welfare is b/c she’s a convicted felon and they don’t give money as a punishment to convicted felons. OW wants h to sign a notarized letter to keep this out of court if he promises to pay her $300. I told him first to take a DNA test. Will that notarized letter hold up in court for child support? I told him to have OW take him to court this way when she gets greedy everything is already set in stone. I also told him that the only reason why OW wants to keep this out of court is b/c OW had a very hard time with CS for her first daughter. She has gone back and fourth numerous times. Oh, yea this is all public on the website. I told him OW thinks your stupid if you agreed to her terms which I absolutely told him if he does he midas well go back with her. It’s our terms or nothing. So, it seems that I’ve convinced him to go to court.

The games she’s been playing since D-day, coming to my house to let me know about the A, tries to put a restraining order on my under false pretense, then she names oc after my h and son, now she only wants $300 b/c she doesn’t want to go through the courts, sounds like she’s setting him up for failure.

H and I are still getting a D, as a matter of fact h went to go sign the papers today. He doesn’t want to get a D but I told him he tainted this Marriage and with all the lies I can’t continue. I will still be with him but knowing I will not be married to him will make me feel I have control over some of this too. He wants to go back to church, marriage counseling and be a family. I told him I’m ready to move out of state and go back home with my family and he wants to go too. He said that when we get better we could get married again, NOT!!! I’m not sure I want to do that again.

I just don’t trust my h anymore, every time we talk I start crying or looking at him makes me cry. I’m moving on, the past two weekends; I’ve sort of had a spiritual cleansing. By that I mean I made about 2 trips to the Good Will center to donate about 6 huge hefty bags (each trip) of clothes, toys, etc. that I don’t need in my home anymore. I also made 2 more trips to the dump to throw away junk that was just taking up space in my home. No more junk draws, nothing under the kitchen & bathroom sinks, under the beds, NOTHING, absolutely no more junk in my home. It feels really good to have that freedom. I started back on weight watchers 2 weeks ago, lost 7lbs. I bought myself a heart shaped gold diamond pendant this weekend, sort of an early Valentines Day gift. I’m still going to counseling every Thursday for my lunch. I’m keeping myself busy. My h is surprised that I’m doing all this; I’m scaring him.

OK, OK, I’ll stop but please any advice.

Thanks,
Chris

Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 411
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Joined: Jul 2003
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Chris,

I am so sorry you have to be going through this horrible time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Will that notarized letter hold up in court for child support? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Xmm had me sign a paper stating he was the bio father and we had it notarized. It didn't hold up in court. If he does anything get it leagl. Use a paraleagel or something, better yet, go through friend of the court. I have a feeling she has something up her sleeve.

Joined: Apr 2002
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Chris - I have never been in your situation, so don't have any advice or experience. But I did want to offer you empathy and emotional support. Your H's behavior is devastating, and I simply cannot comprehend how he could be so cruel to you. The fact that you can even get up in the morning and keep going is a testament to your strength of character in my opinion!

Good move on convincing him to go to court, and do the DNA. Anything else is sheer folly!

I wish you all the best!

Joined: Aug 2002
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Chris are you saying the baby was born 2 mos early premature? Or was born 2 mos ago, and you are just finding out? Get a DNA test ASAP.

Joined: Mar 2003
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Chris,
I only have a little time here this morning but wanted to give you a reply.
First off, I am so sorry for what you're going through. I am sickened that the baby's name is so similar to your son's. That just breaks my heart that anyone could be so cruel.

I don't know what state you're in so I can only give generic advice. In my state the woman can give the child any last name they want. They can invent one even! It has nothing to do with genetics, marriage, or signing a birth certificate. The mother just automatically has the power to give her child any name she chooses.

As for child support. A notorized letter won't even begin to cut it! Any money he gives her that isn't through the state will be considered a gift. There are ways to negotiate private paternity agreements, but I wouldn't recommend trying that without a lawyer.

Again, I'm sorry for your pain.

Wishing you well,
e.

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Just based on what you have said, this OW is totally an unstable vindictive **tch. First and foremost, get your child taken care of first. Also, since ow is so whacked, do everything LEGAL. No excuse is good enough. Legal takes care of everything in the future.

As for your husband? Sorry, I have no words of advice, since this is a marriage building site. I bet he was scared to tell you. But, since he didn't, well he has to pay the price.

As for OW. Start documenting everything. And I mean everything. This woman is a step away from harrassment and you want this all documented for the day when you are going to file against her. The more ammo you have, the better chance you have of getting her [censored] in the fire.

But, do not allow that woman to receive one red cent for anything until things are proven legally. As for her wanting $300.00 a month and to stay out of the courts? No way. A good way to to it is to get your own laywer to handle your side and flood her with legal documents. Also, know that she is 50% responsible for any and all bills pertaining to child. And that includes legal fees. Haul her [censored] into court and such. But do not pay one red cent.

As for your marriage and your plans to move home, well, that is entirely up to you. It sounds like your mind is made up. You need to do what ever it is that makes you happy.

But, as for the legal side, get the laywer and do it all legal. Get your child support FIRST. If you are staying married, make dang sure that everything pertaining to oc is done legally and through the courts.

Joined: May 1999
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If you are getting a divorce and moving out of state and ending this M, then why do anything at all? You don't need any extra aggravation..you've been through enough. Move on, start over, leave all this tragedy behind. Let him deal with the felon...(boy, they sure can pick em, can't they?)

If you are contemplating staying and rebuilding the M, then follow Lynn's and others' advice through legal resources/recourse. To the letter.

Finally, if the DNA proves positive, then $300 a month is chump change...wish that's all we had to pay. But, get that written in stone through the courts.

It seems so ridiculous when the WS says something stupid like "I was afriad you'd be "mad"...." Mad? That's for something somewhat innocuous (in comparison) like breaking your Grandmother's crystal vase. The words for something THIS devastating are... deeply and irreparably hurt, outraged, soul-crushing heartbreak beyond words.

Why did he really lie about when the OC was born? What possible difference could this make in the big scheme of things? It seems like such a stupid and needless lie. Does the two months early birth show the A began two months sooner than he originally confessed to? And...who cares?


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