My first d-day was March 5th, 2004. My husband had been having an affair with a co-worker, which resulted in a ectopic pregnancy. She decided that she felt the need to fly to another state and have an abortion to the tune of $10,000, of which my husband verbally told her that he'd pay half. Well, when my husband decided to return to me and our daughter, this woman went off the deep end and started threatening us, etc.

Finally, my husband asked for proof that the abortion was done. We were promised numerous times that he would be able to look at the medical records. They were never produced.

I'm not going to go into specific details, but this woman has done nothing but try to destroy my life. She's done a very good job at it too, I might add.

Well, yesterday her brother dropped the latest bombshell on us. Apparently, the abortion was never done. She had had the fetus moved into her uterus and is now pregnant, according to him. This woman told my husband that she had killed their baby to save my marriage, told me that I was the one that killed the baby because my husband returned to me, told my my husband after the procedure was done that the baby could have been moved, but it was aborted.

Are you confused yet? I definitely am.

This was the hold that she had had over my husband. Within a week of ending their relationship, she contacted him again and they started seeing each other again, as friends, or so I was told. Since last week, he has stopped talking to her. She was originally going to move out of state, taking her other children with her, then decided to remain employed at my husband's workplace. Ironically, I work there also, but have had to give notice because of her threats. Human Resources will not do anything.

So, here we are....she now has this hold on my husband again. This baby is due in October and I'm expecting to be served with papers for child support. The child is innocent, yet the mother resorted to deceit and manipulation. I feel like a puppet on strings, and she's the puppeteer.

I asked my husband if he will seek visitation rights and he said yes. I don't know what to think about this. After all that she's done to me (I would have to write a book about it) and he wants to visit this child that I wasn't able to give him???

We are trying to put the pieces of our broken marriage back together, and everyday, this woman intrudes upon us. I once joked that I wondered what else she had in her bag of tricks. Well, now I know.

This little affair of theirs has cost me my job, has hurt us financially, and I can't help but be fearful of how much money he will have to pay in child support.

Does anyone have any advice for me, before I throw up my hands and file for divorce?

Arabesque
As far as an ectopic pregnancy being saved... it isn't medically possible at this time.
I have a friend that just went through this and I learned a lot while doing research with her.
And if its an ectopic pg, there is not a technical "abortion" but a "chemical treatment" that is given to "flush out" her system.

Check this site for information about ectopic prenancy and the risks Ectopic Pregnancy Facts
I wouldn't believe one word of that story.

Is there proof that she is indeed pregnant?

Why did it cost YOU your job? What did she do that caused YOU to lose it?

My first suggestion is read as much as you can on this site.. this board.. there are many suggestions for one just beginning down this road... The more information you have the better you are equipt to face what may come.

Do not agree to pay one dime until a DNA test is performed. There are cases where the OW has not been fully upfront about things and it has been proven by DNA that the child is not the Wayward Husband's child.. aka Get out of Jail Free Card.

Take back the power that the OW has taken from you. Regain your life.

Arabesque

It's tough for all of us here to "welcome" yet another Betrayed to our unique little group, but we are all glad you found us...you've come to the right place.

Your D-day is just a month old, so filing for divorce during this time is a bad idea. There are and will be too many changes over the next year to make any life altering decisions you may end up regretting because you will change your mind a dozen times during this traumatic period in your life.

You didn't mention how long you've been married, if you have any children or where you and your husband are in your attempts to restore the marriage. A little background information would be helpful.

I can tell you that there are things you can and must do to protect yourself right now and that is to get legal counseling. I know this might sound drastic, but if you have children, it is recommended that you hire an attorney and file for legal seperation for child support immediately. You don't actually have to seperate from your husband. This is just a very effective tactic in protecting your own children first by having the lion's share of the child support flow to your chidlren so they will not be so adversely effected when and if the OW files for child support for her child, if there is one. The rule of thumb, depending in which state you live, is whoever files first gets the larger portion of CS. And you have a duty to protect your children first.

Secondly, read everything here on this site to familiarize yourself on things you can do to begin restoring the marriage. There are plans (A & B) and a Policy of Joint Agreement (POJA) that encourages couples to not act or make any decisions (such as Contact) without the other spouses enthusiastic support and agreement. There are the Rules of Radical Honesty and Rules of Protection, etc., that can help both you and your husband begin the rebuilding effort. Study these policies and incorporate them into your marriage together.

I don't know where your husband is in his desire to restore and rebuild the marriage, but I am fairly certain he is reacting like most MM-WS that have suddenly found themselves shocked into the realization that the fun and games have stopped and the hard cold reality of what they have done has changed his and his family's life forever. An icy cold water wake up.

Contact is not a good idea if the OW is a psychotic Bunny Boiler. For someone who sounds so unstable, bringing an innocent child into such trauma, drama and disharmony is selfishness beyond imagination. But, most do have and keep OC and make incredible demands. Eventually, most OW back off and cool down, esepcially if you have a restraining order. But, until the dust settles, Contact is a really bad idea. Your husband's FIRST and ONLY obligation is you and your children. Contact issues can be revisited after you and your husband have had the time to work on your own marriage and family and have made decisions together that you both can live with. A lot of husbands have misplaced guilt in the beginning and feel obliged to dive right into contact and then find that the OW is difficult or calculating, causing continued discord in your marriage. It's just not a good idea to jump right into contact for a lot of reasons.

Lastly, never pay a dime of CS or give the OW any money until DNA results are in as in some states it can be considered as an admission of guilt. Wait for the results.

During this time, your hsuband should have absolutely no contact with OW in any way or under any circumstances. ALL correspondence must go through an attorney or a third party. You don't need a third person in your marriage anymore and it is best if you both cease all contact and use a restraining order if you need to. This time is for you and your hsuband to begin the rebuilding of your marriage, to make it strong, to recommit and to move forward. Cross each bridge as it comes and don't project.

Get some marriage counseling, too. A good place to start is a Retrouvaille weekend as it is kind of a concentrated crash course that is extremely revealing and healing...a jump start, if you will. Check out www.retrouvaille.org. The only criteria for taking part in the weekend is that neither you or your spouse are involved in any affair and neither of you are chemically dependant. Follow that up with a marriage counselor that is dedicated to restoring marriages and finding workable solutions to bring couples back together.

I am so sorry for your pain and unhappiness. Everyone knows first hand the grief and rage you are feeling and going through. Many of us are several years past D-day and can offer insight into what to expect and how to get through the days ahead. Take care of yourself and stay strong.

Catnip =^^=

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She had had the fetus moved into her uterus and is now pregnant, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From what I understand this isn't possible. I believe she is just playing games with you. Get a restraining order aganist her if she continutes to harress you. Don't pay her a dime or anything until/if the baby is ever born.

$10,000 for an abortion?? She's trying to play a get rich scheme.

Ok, I figured that I'd give it a day to see if anyone had any advice, and actually you have helped tremendously. First of all, thank you!!

I had originally posted my story in the Recovery forum, so this post is not my first. I've been browsing this site for a few weeks and have ordered a couple of Dr. Harley's books. "Surviving an affair" has really opened my eyes. When I'm finished reading it, I'm hoping that my husband will find the time to read it also. With that being said, I might as well get to the point of my post......

My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have a 16 year old girl. In fact, I've been married for exactly half of my life. We were married pretty young, and despite this, our marriage has survived. I think that the most important rule that we have adhered to was not to go to bed angry at each other.

So, as I said, life took control, we drifted apart, and he had an affair. The OW, (I'll be nice) is a true piece of work. She does have mental issues and is on 3 types of anti-depressants. When I was first told of the affair, this was a couple of days after she had had the "abortion". Since she had lied about just everything in order to keep him or manipulate him into leaving me, he decided that it was better to come back to me. I didn't force him, I simply told him that whatever decision he thought would make him happy was fine with me. Well, obviously, the OW didn't care for his decision and started this vendetta against me. She was married also, with 4 children, each one by a different father. Her husband had had 2 children outsife of their marriage as well. Supposedly, their marriage was physically abusive, and I had been helping her to cope with it. So much for being there for her, right?

Well, she started harassing my husband and I at work. Threatening to go to Human Resources about this, that, and anything else. She literally had my husband running around in fear. I have been accused of making harassing phone calls to her last weekend at work, and was written a $300.00 ticket. I have to go to court on the 12th to plead my innocence. Nobody at work believes that I'm innocent, they all believe her stories. My reputation has been ruined. Up until the other day, when my husband requested someone from HR speak to all of us, I have kept silent. Why add more fuel to the fire? And yes, I felt it was necessary, because of her harassment, to leave my job.

After 3 weeks of no contact (at our request), her brother contacts us by email, telling us that the abortion was never performed. Originally, the OW had requested that my husband pay for half of whatever was done. She had felt the need to fly out of state to have it done, to hide it from her husband, and me. In order so that their affair could continue without nobody knowing. More lies....

A friend of mine who has been helping my husband and I deal with this, took a look at the emails that were sent yesterday. He said that if you really wanted to convince someone that the lie you're telling is "the truth", you keep on talking about the subject. In each email, her brother reminds us that the baby is due in October. They want us to remain friends with the OW. Dr. Harley has specifically warned against this tactic....we all know that NC means just that...NC!!!! My husband had slipped a week or so ago and started talking to her again, for the sake of their "dead baby" that they would have had together. I found out, put my foot down, and finally now...my husband has obeyed my wishes.

We had requested numerous times to see copies of the medical records. My husband wanted to know why an abortion had cost so much. At first, the papers were at her lawyers. She was going to sue another doctor for accidentally untying one of her tubes, which caused her to get pregnant in the first place. I'm sorry, but I really don't think that a doctor practicing for over 30 years would casually make this mistake.

The copies were never produced. Then, we were told that the lawyer would send us the copies. I missed a class to stay home and wait for these. They never came. I was accused of refusing to accept delivery. We checked FedEx and there was no delivery scheduled. She then called her lawyer and was told that the papers were never mailed out. I'm sorry again, but I don't think that a lawyer is going to let important papers sit on his desk for a week. If he wants to keep his client, then he will do as she requests, correct?

Then she said that the lawyer will send her the copies and she will bring them into work for my husband to look at. That was almost 2 weeks ago. So far, no papers.

Either the abortion was never done because she wasn't pregnant (my theory), or she did indeed have the fetus moved. In either case, she did not want my husband to know the truth. That's why we were never shown anything. Originally, my husband was just going to pay her the money and she was going to move away. She changed her mind and decided to stay at her job. I was nervous about this, and my nervousness was well founded...they resumed contact.

I guess that all I can do is wait for a bit and see if she starts "showing". She will have to leave her job, because she has told everyone there that she had had an abortion, and that the baby was my husband's. Yes, she told everyone about their affair...and all of these people are friends of my husband. He has kept this out of the workplace, and she hasn't. So, each day, he goes to work embarassed.

We don't know what we want to do yet. My husband has specific plans, if this baby truly is going to be born. We have discussed his plans, and I'm unsure as to whether or not I can raise another woman's child, even though my husband is the father. After all that she has done to hurt me and destroy our marriage, I'm afraid that I would look at this child and be reminded of this. Besides, not that I don't love children, but I was kind of looking toward the freedom that I would have once my daughter goes to college. My husband and I could spend more time together. Yet, I'll be raising a young child all over again, and have to spend my middle aged years changing diapers again. I don't mean to sound selfish, but it seems to me that I would be cleaning up this woman's mess, and I definitely didn't deserve it. She's good at getting other people to come to the rescue when she makes a mistake. I guess some people aren't able to take responsibility for their actions.

I guess I'll just take this one day at a time.

Sorry that this post was so long. Thanks for listening.

Arabesque,
The more I read, the worse I feel for you. I truly believe that this sounds like she has been doing more than deceiving you and your H from the beginning. There was atleast one poster here that the OW lied from the beginning about being pregnant. She never could produce the proof of the pregnancy, then claimed miscarriage.

$10,000 is very high for an abortion... or any "normal" treatment... Now, as far as an Invitro Fertilization, that sounds about right. But, then someone would have to have provided the "fertilization."

I urge you to get an attorney and get yourself protected from her harrassment. There are too many parts of your story that sound fishy. Get yourself and your family protected.

These are terrible things this woman is doing to you. The MOST important thing you can do right now is to JOURNAL, JOURNAL, JOURNAL every single phone call, e-mail, occurance and gather every kind of evidence possible.

Growing up, my Grandmother gave me the worst advice imaginable. She said that "Class will tell." and to "ignore the slander and don't respond." While this might be true in another place, era and time, I don't believe this holds true today. While this attitude does elevate you above the fray, it also opens you up to scrutiny and to people believing lies being told against you if you refuse to defend yourself...like the harassing phone call you are being forced to disrupt your life and go to court over...and leaving your job, for God's sake!

You're going to have to "gird your loins' for battle and hit this head on and not be so complacent or you will end up emotinal road kill. Be loud and draw a crowd and don't let this incredibly nasty woman destroy your life. Challenge every single word she says and be relentless. Journal every move for evidence. You might be able to sue her for fraud and get a restraining order. I would even write an open to letter to your former colleagues at work.

I hope you get very proactive in this and not let this person get away with this.

<small>[ April 03, 2004, 01:40 PM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

According to Ectopic Pregnacy Trust there's never been a successful instance of moving a baby to the womb.

Beware. If this woman has any chance of snaring your H at all she WILL try to get herself pregnant. Does he know this?

Dobie

We've received a couple of more emails from her brother and his wife. They keep trying to persuade my husband to remain friends with her. I'm not even mentioned...it's as if I don't even exist. I guess I'm disposable? Not to sound selfish, but does anyone even care about how their affair and this pregnancy news affect my feelings?

The latest email I received quoted a letter that she had supposedly written to my husband on the day that "the abortion" was completed. It said that she's sorry for everything and that it's going to kill her for having to lie about the abortion, but she's still pregnant. I find it very odd that this letter just now suddenly appeared. If she didn't want my husband to know that she was pregnant, then why write this letter? Was she ever going to give it to him?

Most of my friends who know about our situation believe that there is no baby. My husband has been doing research into this, and wants to be 100% positive that a fetus cannot be moved. Honestly, like someone above said...perhaps she kept some of his sperm and had it implanted...that would explain alot of this $10,000 price tag.

I'm just so tired of this....sorry.

There is no way to move a pregnancy. In order to be pregnant it has to implant. It is like pulling a flower outta the ground and moving it without its root system. It cannot sustain life without its roots.

The other little story about the tube being mistakenly untied, is just about as outta this world as another gallery. In order for a tube to be reanastomosed, it requires microsurgery. No one can do this by accident. It is costly, requires great skill, and no one would just "untie" one.

This supposed brother is probably her emailing under a different name. You need to clarify that you and your husband are on the same page before you involve yourself in untangling this web of lies and rebuild your life.

Arab: I can tell you right now there is NO way she could have the fetus moved. It is not medicaly able. I tubal pregnancy is lost before it's even known that your pregnant most of the time. This woman is lying to you and playing games. OMG!!...I can't even believe she would come up with that kindof story. She is grasping at straws and don't let it work. I'm sorry your going through this....But don't listen to her and if need be call and get a RO order cause this lady sounds nuts. Moving the fetus? Pleeezzzzzzze. Either she is pregnant and never had a tubal or abortion, or is lying about the whole thing. Also, if it was tubal there is no need to hide this as it is not considered an abortion persay...but a medical procedure because the fetus is dead or will be dead soon. It can't live in the tube and it can cause the tube to explode so they have to go into the tube to remove this fetus...it's not just like a d & C.

<small>[ April 03, 2004, 06:59 PM: Message edited by: needtomoveon ]</small>

Well, yesterday my husband decided to contact the OW. He's been digging around to make 100% sure that this little procedure of hers can be proven to be false. Being that everything that this woman has done/said is so bizarre, we have to have a bizarre mindset and come up with off the wall scenarios. I kind of feel like a child again who likes to fantasize about the impossible.

Am I nervous about this renewed contact, even though he says it's only for trying to get information out of her? Oh, you bet I am!! My husband told me that I'm just going to have to trust him on this....but I told him that trust is not automatically restored overnight. It's not like turning on a light switch, you know. He doesn't really understand, I guess. But, I will not push the issue. I'll just keep my guard up.

He's acting very happy and loving towards me again. He was acting this way a couple of weeks ago while he was secretly talking with her. I can't help but feel doubt that the way I am being treated now is sincere. I think that since they're now talking, the pain of his withdrawals from her have diminished, because he has his fix again. If he thinks he's going to have his cake and eat it too, at the expense of my feelings, then he is sadly mistaken.

I don't know why I am dwelling on all the hurt that they have caused me. For some sick, twisted reason, I'm hoping that I see her cell phone number on the bill, or a chat from them that he says that he still loves her. I want to print out 3 copies of whatever it may be, slip one under her windshield wiper of her car, give one to her husband, and then stick one to my husband's dashboard with a knife.

Maybe it's because I had thought that we were really starting to build our marriage again, and then I saw that they had chatted on March 24th, and it was like being betrayed all over again. I don't know if I can go through that again.

Boy, do affairs make one cynical or what?

Well, he has promised to keep nothing from me. I demanded total honesty, and I pray that he does so. I have also demanded that these little emails and whatnot from these people be limited to one day a week. I told my husband that by sending a couple each day reminding him of this baby, that they are forcing us to focus on that, when what we really need to do is focus on reconciliation. It's as if they don't want us to do this. So far, my husband has not sent an email back telling them to cut it down to one day a week. Hopefully, he'll do it today. If not, then I guess I will have to do it.

I truly believe that the assault on our marriage is not over yet, that this is just another tactic to undermine everything.

In the meantime, I will help my husband gather information, and I will sit back and watch. It's all that I can do.

Arabesque,

I have refrained from posting to you until I read the last half or your last post. You said that he is going to contact her to get more info? I recommend that you are either on the other line, or if it's a "face to face" you are right there next to your H. This "woman" is having a blast pulling your strings, and as for her family members, how do you know for sure it's them, and not this OW? Why even accept ONE email from her "family"???? Block their addresses as "junk mail" or "spam"!!!!

I say to keep any and all correspondance, especially something that she or her family sends to you or your H! Then, file for the restraining order, and get an attorney of your own! This woman is full of lies, and each one that either you or your H believe, she will just continue down that road! I say let your attorney handle any further contact! You could have a pretty solid case for slander with this woman! Look into what YOU can do, legally, to get this woman to stop!

Look out for you and your marriage's best interest, and that by no means to bow to OW's demands!

One thing that I'm not sure on is did or has your H given this OW any money for the "abortion" or anything else pertaining to the "pregnancy"? If so, you need to have him stop that immediately!!!! Especially in this case, she shouldn't recieve a dime from your H UNTIL DNA is proof that you H is this "child's" father! And for those who would like to attack me for the way I wrote "child" it is because I don't believe for a second that there is a child, and if there is, it's most likely NOT her H's considering this wacko story of "moving a tubal P" "$10,000 for an abortion" and many other factors!

Sorry if I jumped around a lot, just wanted to give you my $0.02 on your situation, and hopefully help you in the rebuilding of your M.

Tigger

<small>[ April 05, 2004, 08:54 AM: Message edited by: tigger4jdt ]</small>

Why are you even engaging in all this bogus drama? Why have any contact at all...in any form? Why not turn all this over to an attorney?

In order for your marriage to move forward in the recovery process, ALL contact (telephone, cell phone, e-mail, snail mail, pony express, carrier pigeon, Western Union, messenger service, mental telepathy, etc) MUST CEASE!!!! Don't encourage her.

NO CONTACT! NONE. NADA. ZILCH. END OF STORY.

You and your husband are in the midst of "make busy" crap that is creating this bizarre interaction that is a huge time waster and is severely threatening any possiblity of recovery if either of you continues contact with this crazy person. An attorney can field all this stuff for you while you and your husband concentrate on each other, learn and practice the marriage saving solutions/policies/prianicples on this site.

If you do not make yourself available to this woman on any level, she will become frustrated by not having an audience, she will see that she is not an important component to your lives and eventually just fade away. Then sue the ***** for fraud and take the proceeds and go on a cruise or something.

Detach, detach, detach...do not get sucked in and turn this over to an attorney. Good luck.

<small>[ April 05, 2004, 10:29 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

^
^
^
UP

Well, last night I let my husband read the responses that you have given me on this thread. He has been doing some research into finding out if this procedure that she's claiming to have done is truly "impossible" and so far hasn't found any cases saying it can be done.

He's going to remain quiet for now, and not stir up trouble between her and us at work. The reason why I was falsely charged with making harassing phone calls to her at work........only because I had his cell phone number changed!!! So, rather than do something to set this woman off, he will work behind her back gathering information and evidence.

Yes, I have kept everything. E-mails, letters, Yahoo messages and chats. The only reason that he hasn't told her brother to stop sending these "updates" on her condition is to simply keep adding to the pile of evidence.

Both of us agree after reading all of your replies that we may be in over our heads with this situation, and to seek an attorney. I had tried to do this earlier, but I was told that my case was too bizarre to be taken, and nobody wanted to touch it. There were so many variables, that I would literally need a team of lawyers to handle each one of the issues.

Being that she kind of coerced us into taking out a home equity loan due to fear, rather than paying her half of this money that she says my husband promised....we will use some of this money to hire an attorney. I could always stop the loan process, but I'll lose the funding fee. I might as well go through with it...besides, I think that I deserve some remodelling on my kitchen. Besides, a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, right? I bet dinner would taste better if it were cooked in a brand new kitchen. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Both of us are keeping our guards up against this woman, and doing some fervent praying. I am not ruling out the possibility that by some miraculous occurrance that she may indeed be pregnant, so I am trying to prepare myself for it, just in case. Do we seek visitation rights, or do we sue for custody, or do we let her brother and his wife adopt this baby? In any case, I need to be prepared to make a decision. I have a couple of months, in which I will be seeking counselling. My husband is aware of my thoughts on this and will follow my decision.

I did receive an email from the OW yesterday with an apology and requesting a phone conversation. I politely declined and told her thank you, but I would rather not talk to her. She keeps telling us that she's sorry, probably in order to get back into our lives, but we're not buying it.

I wrote my husband a letter yesterday going into detail on how all of this has affected me and left it with two roses and a teddy bear in his car at work. I told him that our arguing must stop because it's only taking us backward, and we must move forward in order to survive. Yes, I have ordered Dr. Harley's book "Surviving an affair" and both of us are reading it together.

In the meantime, I'll probably be living on this board and learning as much as I can from those of you who have been down this road.

Thank you very much for the good advice that you've given us....it won't go unheeded!!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Arabesque:
[QB]
Being that she kind of coerced us into taking out a home equity loan due to fear,

=^^= In the future please remember that the "best defense is an offense". You two come out strong and swinging, she will be the one to crawl back into the woodwork.."due to fear". For God's sake, Girl...don't you and your husband wimp out like that again or you will be fodder for every con game.

rather than paying her half of this money that she says my husband promised

=^^= Do you mean that you two never paid her any money yet? That's wonderful! Don't pay a dime...not one dime. I thought you had already succumbed to her extortion/blackmail/fraud. Wel,, this is good news.

....we will use some of this money to hire an attorney.

=^^= get a GOOD one...no cut-rate bargain attorneys or this could get even more convoluded. Remember, you get what you pay for and you need iron clad protection against this nut.

I am trying to prepare myself for it, just in case. Do we seek visitation rights, or do we sue for custody, or do we let her brother and his wife adopt this baby?

=^^= Many of the BW's and their WS's on this site have attempted Contact and Visitation in order to "do the right thing" with absolutely miserable results...especially if the OW is mentally unstable or vengeful...like your OW. Out of all of us here, only about three people have had success with visitiation/custody, but their circumstances were much different. It can work, but in YOUR case it certainly sounds like it is an impossibility. My advice to you is to avoid any and all Contact and Visitation....especially during the first year after the birth. Let things calm down, concentrate and focus on your marriage, get stronger (and smarter) on how to deal with her and take the "alpha" position and learn how to avoid HER running YOU. Learn to turn the tables so you don't have to deal with a lot of hystrionics and drama. That kind of stuff just is needless "make busy" stuff that disrupts your life and makes the OC miserable, insecure and unhappy...sometimes (most of the time) No Contact is best for everyone in terrible situations like this. I will pray that you and your husband get your "get out of jail free" card.

I need to be prepared to make a decision. I have a couple of months, in which I will be seeking counselling. My husband is aware of my thoughts on this and will follow my decision.

=^^= Sometimes we can't afford to take on an altruistic attitude and sacrifice our marriages and our own kids for a child that should never have been born to our spouses. In cases such as this, it is a good idea to just pay the Child
Support and let the rest go, leaving the door open for other possibilities down the road. But, if you are dealing with a game player/bunny boiler bent on making your life miserable with all kinds of strange and desperate claims, you need to put distance between you and her and avoid any and all contact indefinitely. It's amazing to me the kind of women these men get involved with. What are they thinking? Easy and available pieces for fun and ego. What a price we all pay for that.

I did receive an email from the OW yesterday with an apology and requesting a phone conversation. I politely declined and told her thank you, but I would rather not talk to her. She keeps telling us that she's sorry, probably in order to get back into our lives, but we're not buying it.

=^^= That's good. Don't be lulled into a false sense of security with her seemingly "nice" and calm disposition because it sounds like she can turn on a dime, especially if she senses a soft underbelly. Keep your guard up...you handled this round well.

I have ordered Dr. Harley's book "Surviving an affair" and both of us are reading it together.

=^^= For a couple hundred well-spent dollars, it would behoove you to call Dr. Harley for an hour counseling session. A lot of people get so much out of that one session, it often sends them on the road to recovery with a clear head and clear objective, pushing aside doubts and questions. I'd take part of that kitchen money for that three way call to Harley, if I were you. Priorities. It will save you some time in your recovery process. Your husband will really appreciate and enjoy talking to Dr. Harley and things will seem to make more sense if he does.

In the meantime, I'll probably be living on this board and learning as much as I can from those of you who have been down this road.

=^^= You've come to the right place.

Good luck

Catnip =^^=

Even though this post has had quite a few of replies with great advice, I figured that I'd post an update, of sorts.

The OW in question was fired from her job on Tuesday. Another woman who works there started to ask questions of the OW as to what went on a few weeks earlier, and the OW got upset, started an argument and was told to hand in her keys.

I really don't know why she got upset...after all, she felt the need to tell every one of my husband's co-workers about their affair and that she had to sleep with my husband in order to keep her job (that's a lie). So, it's ok for her to run her mouth, yet it's not ok for someone to ask a question about it? Ummm...alrighty then.

She called our house right after this had happened and was crying on the phone. Yes, we both spoke to her, yet we kept our guard up. My husband "promised" to see what he could do. Ironically, he was in a meeting all day with the man from HR, who is the only person able to re-instate her job. My husband gave him a copy of her letter to the DA, stating that the charges of me making harassing phone calls were false, thus proving that I was innocent. Yep, my husband really tried to get her job back, didn't he? LOL

Yes, I'm happy that she got fired, but in a way, I can't help but feel sorry for her. Call it forgiveness, I suppose. But, that doesn't mean that I'm going to be friends with her, or let her control my life anymore.

I guess I'll have to wait to see what's next in her bag of tricks. I have a feeling that this may start her off on another tangent, especially when my husband tells her that there's nothing he can do to get her job back.

He did tell her on the phone that she brought this upon herself by running her mouth down at work. Both him and I were not given the opportunity to defend ourselves, so we simply sat back and waited for this to happen.

Just thought I'd let all of you who have read this thread know. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />