Has any one read this new book yet by Dr. Laura?

It is a great and easy read. I don't think it is filled w/ anything most of us wouldn't know already but it is a good reminder of loving behaviour.

It also reiterates what many of us always say around here.........we women have so much power and it's all in how we use it(responsibly)!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My only regret and drawback about this book is that it was not written 8 years ago BEFORE H A, when I really needed it. If I had known then what I know now (and what this book says) I know that my H A would have never happened.

Any one else? Any comments or opinions about this book?

bump!

This book also makes an excellent point about how us women have declared ourselves so independant and treated men as not needed then get so upset that men take our cues and "abandon" children or that they ask for abortions.

That we have created this "idea" by how we have treated our men. If our men are so not needed then why would we get upset that they "take off"?

How funny to see this book mentioned here. I bought a few weeks ago and then put it up on the book case because I got mad that I was reading books on how to be a better wife when he's the one who had the A. I even told him that he should be reading the care & feeding of wives. I do know that he needed companionship because I wasn't meeting his needs, but it's hard to want to fix that until I let go of the hurt and resentment. BUT, I will have to read since you say it's good.

I'm so glad someone finally responded because I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!!!!LOL

Which is why I wanted to start a dialog about it. I am only half-way through it and am struggling w/ the same things. But I also know everything she says is totally true.

I figure, I am in the marriage to stay, pain and all (good bad & the ugly) so might as well do what I can to make it the best. I will benefit from it too!!!!

How far did you get in it?

Hey Girls,

I bought the book last week and find that I had been doing some of the horrible things that I've been reading about.

I am not even half way through it but I find it to be working out pretty good. Some of the behavior patterns and thought processes are really great. The idea that we have to be the stronger person of the two ( in the marriage ) is a trip.

But I am beginning to believe that we as women do have the power to get our H to do whatever we want them to do.

I think the key to this book is they ( H )want to be wanted, needed and cared for just as much as we want to; we have to just get up and do it.

If we want change it must start with us. I remembered the old saying you get what you give.

I have decided to give all of myself to my marriage and to my H. Being needed does not make me weak nor less independent. My H says that I pushed him out there in the arms of another woman and I must admit that I was pretty hateful at home,(angry outburst, violent reactions, and plain old LB) But he still made the deciding factor in cheating - I had no part in that!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

In reading this book I think I have gained insight to my shortcomings as a wife and have found that changing has brought my H back to his family. We now must get through this A and possible OC.

Any comments?

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>

It's all so simple really. It's nothing we haven't heard/read before.(sounds similar to plan a) At least not me.


It really pointed out the shortcomings I have had in the past and the bad attitude.

I just keep kicking myself for the way H and I treated each other way back when. I only find comfort in the fact that it was so long ago and we are no where near that type of relationship now.

H chose to have A, I take no responsibility for that whatsoever. Hey, I was very unhappy too but I didn't compound the situation and make it worse by cheating and creating another baby!

BUT I'd be stupid and naive to deny the part I played in why our relationship had gotten to that point to begin w/. Just like H can't deny his part in OUR relationship and his lack of effort on his part.

Any effort by him would have meant changing something, either by standing up and getting a divorce or making the marriage better. He chose to not "act" and be completely selfish by getting HIS NEEDS met somewhere else. He didn't even care about OW to divorce me. Those are just facts. OW didn't even care about herself to NOT get involved w/ someone unavailable.

It's all so sad. I want to buy this book for all my friends and newlyweds I know. A "preventive" measure, ya' know?

If someone can learn from our mistakes and our H's, and go on to have wonderful, loving marriages, BEFORE it's too late, isn't that worth it? Worth our pain to get them to heed our warnings?

Has anyone read "Intimate Issues"? It is a christian book for married women......it's about just what the title implies. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Maybe we should start an online book club? What do you think?

KT,

I think that sounds great! We definately need all the support that wee can get.

Although I am feeling a little bit down tonight. I just don't know what is going to happen to us. i sit and think about it and just cry my eyes out. This should not be happening to me and my children.

I feel like I'm having to do all the work. I don't know if I can hang in there.

You ladies are to be commended for your positive attitudes and willingness to be pro-active in improving your marriages. I read the book and cried through most of it because it touched so many raw wounds that had accumulated over many years.

Before I marry again my future spouse will have to read and agree to apply the principles in the book. I also highly recommend "Every Woman's Desire" for the husbands to read and apply.

God bless you all and more power to you!

bump for Albany! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I bought it and read it in one sitting. Then I gave it to my husband to read.

It really opened my eyes, and I noticed alot of my behavior in this book. I wish she had written it a year ago!!!

I've always been somewhat independent and since my husband works alot of hours, I would take care of the house (maintenance and all), the money, etc. I thought that I was actually helping him out by holding down the homefront. As a result, I was unintentionally robbing him of his need to be the head of the family. I had reduced him down to just being needed for his paycheck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

The woman that he got involved with was one of those needy, clingy types whose life was always seeming to be falling apart. So, I guess my husband saw himself as her knight in shining armor, coming to save the day.

After reading the book, I backed off a bit and let him take more control. It's been a bit rough, but I'm learning that I don't have to be as strong and self-sufficient anymore. I just need to find the right balance now.

I'm with you--I did that same to H he doesn't ever feel I need--because I do almost everything--but really deep down inside I need him so much--also doing all those things/having all those responsibilities make me grouchy with him because I feel like I'm doing it all but then I don't like to give up things because that would be losing control of things.

Does that make any sense.

It makes perfect sense. I bet a LOT of women can relate.

I used to ask my H to dress the baby (the almost 2 yo girl) being a girl, she had TONS of cute clothes and I would already have one in mind. He would put her in something totally different and what I thought was not as cute! I would ask, why didn't you put her in THIS one? He would respond that he thought the one he chose was cute & he liked it.

He would get so upset w/ me. He quit getting her dressed, which meant he quit helping me. Then he pointed out what I was doing and I was like!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> Duh! He had a different opinion of what was "cute". no big deal.

I mean, how PETTY could I be? I knew way better too. I apologized to him (I think) and I don't comment on anything he chooses now and he helps out a lot more. Now the problem is getting her to wear what we choose! LOL

We just got to let go and let our men be MEN!

I'm glad you brought this back to the forefront KT. It is an exceptional book it is helping with me with learning to care for my H which I have not been doing since we married. I am frustrated with him rioght now and am tired of the pain, but the book is great.

I must remember to calm down and take it slow but how do you get an impatient person to do that? I am not use to waiting for anything. I ususally go after what I want and get it. But unfortunately this is not one of the times that I got what i wanted, but yet I got something else instead. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Needing help today girls!

ok, so now, go after what you want---your marriage! do what you need to do to get it back and back on track.

YOu can do, just focus your energy on that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I just bought it last night.... looks like a good read.

I'm 6 mths pregnant, and my H told me he thinks it would be a good idea for him to move out. He says he's not cheating, but then, don't they all say that at first?

He absolutely insists he isn't, and I don't know if its the pregnancy hormones that are making me paranoid, but again, last night he went out with his buddy to watch the Calgary Flames / San Jose Sharks hockey game, and came home at 2:40 am. I asked how the game went, and what the score was, and he said that they left before the end of the game because Calgaray was losing so bad. I found out today Calgary won 4-1. It just makes me suspicious all over, but if I don't trust him, how can I fix our relationship?

Going to try reading more of the book today... glad to hear there's others out there.

Niki

KT~

You are so right in saying that this is a great book. I see myself in many ways and I'm only 30 pages into it.

My only thought is what about us--they need to feed and love us--but I guess sometimes we make them not by what we--I guess I'm saying it is not all about me doing for him but he has to do for me and I assume the more we do for them the more they will do for us.

Like I said have much more to read but it is fast reading.

KT~Great book--see myself and H in this book. i think it is awesome but it doesn't mention our needs really--almost like we don't have any. I'm only 30 pages into it and I'm assuming that we breal the cycle and do the little things for H etc. and he will then reciprocate and fulfill our needs. All I'm saying is if I give and do all those things right I had better get something back because then that is a one-sided relationship and I wasn't put here to only serve. Don't get me wrong--I want to please my H it is just that I need something back.

What really hit me is the nagging and not comparing H to my Dad and telling him good job about something--I always doubt if my H can fix something and then say well I can have my dad look at it or fix if you can't. Okay hello, not the right thing to say what an ego crusher-I can see why they might go outside relationship to find what they aren't getting but I want you to know I have always thought the world of my H but I don't have a good way of showing it I see now.

So KT thanks, I will keep reading it--it is very fast reading.

The thing about this book is.......it reminds us that the only person we can change is ourselves!

Discountignany extreme relationships (ie: abusive) most men will respond positively when they are being treated w/ respect and their most basic needs are met.

Then they will WANT to give you whatever you want. That's what it means by 'having all the power'. I have seen this in my own relationship w/ my H.

He will give me whatever I want when he is happy, he wants me to be happy and I want him to be happy.

That is loving behavior. Why wouldn't you want your spouse to be happy? If you love someone you do what you can to make them happy.

But remember, this is talking about normal relationships not an extreme one like A or abuse. Those things would have to be dealt w/ first, of course.

Dear KT,

GREAT BOOK! I actually read this during my h's A period (5weeks) while I was in turmoil over "what was wrong with our M and him" before D/D.

I gained so much insight of myself....I was like a lot of the women she talks about in the book. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> and like you .....wish that it would have come out (the book) sooner....Of course may be then....I wouldn't have looked at myself as closely as I did while in turmoil.

It is an easy to read book. Dr.Laura is so right on. Men are an easy read. They need respect, loyalty, love, admiration, a feeling of being a man.

Honestly, the changes I have made have not only been pleasing to my H, but it has relieved me of a lot responsibilities. I thought "I could only do this and that!" WRONG!

May not be the way I would do things...or the way I like things....but MY WAY is not the ONLY way! ( WOW how long did I think this??? )H's ways are good too.

It's so wonderful to feel like a supportive loving wife instead of a cranky old bioch!LOL
(excuse the language!) Didn't know how else to relay the feeling....

Anyhow....great BOOK!!!
I also suggest the Five Love Languages by Chapman

Both of these books are great references for me....I go back and re-read often!!!

Hang in there MBers! We can succeed in rebuilding our lives and our M's!

Blessings,
Atruheart

Just wanted to say that 5 Love Languages it an excellent book and both H & I have read it. It was great and easy reading as well. It really showed me I knew 1 of H's languages and wasn't fulfilling it because of some personal issues that I needed to get over that H didn't care about, but I didn't know H's second and still don't because we never got to discuss that with MC because we quit going once I knew about OW/OC.

Anyway also a great book.