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I'm proud of you JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I knew you could do it. Just put your mind to it and go for it. When you are having a hard time then just get on the board and post--vent here--that's what it is all about.

You just made my day and it gives me more hope for my M.

Going to store after work to pick a few groceries. I'm cooking lobster tails tonight and having salad and french bread. I'm sure H will want to stop for dinner if he calls before dinner time and asks what I making.

Another thing I thought of to tell you guys about comment H made last night--he said he wanted to know if he could stack firewood from his work in the dog run--20x24 concrete pad. I said yes but it will get wet when it rains and he said we would cover it so we could use it this winter.

Hello--WE--supposedly there is no we--well I just digested it and believe me I didn't point out what he said--we all know that causes flight and we wouldn't want that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

JT--you are on the right track. Glad to here that it is looking up.

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I'm feeling a bit cocky right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think H is coming around out of the fog. He called me on my cell phone after his meetings at work to see where I was. He was at our house and I was not. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I just stopped at the store and I said I was hurrying to get home so I could cook lobster tails. He said why not tomorrow night and I said because I wanted to get them cooked and he said cook them tomorrow. Of course I asked why and he said he needed to meet with a guy them work about testifying on a union thing.

He then proceeded to say tomorow because he assumed I was cooking them for dinner for us and he couldn't make it tonight.

Okay girls--I really had to bite my tongue-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> a million smart*** comments ran through my mind and almost leapt out of my mouth before I could stop them.

I'm thinking I really have him. He was then all excited about the firewood and was telling me about re-stacking it all and to be sure and look at the new wood that was in his pickup that he wood unload tomorrow. Why is he so excited about wood for the house if he isn't going to be living at the house anymore???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

That's it for the update.

I most definately expect to hear an update from everyone--AD, BBYG, Sunnydale, JT2, KrisM, and KT

JT2--so glad you decided that you can do this--I have been where you were earlier today--you see no hope and it seems like it just won't work but it has always been everyone here with the encouragement that made me go on and fight for what is mine.

I hope the 180's that I reminded you of that AD so gratefully shared helps you. I see potential in our M. It is there but H has really hidden it--you will both find it again.

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JT and Albany - I am so proud of you two. Stick with your plan and keep being the best wives you can be. Show your H's what great women you are and they won't be able to resist coming home.

Tonight I went to H's softball game. That was one of his chief complaints - that I never came to his games to support him. So I am making the effort. He smiled when he saw us there. God I hope he comes around soon. I miss him so much - I miss us so much. One step at a time.

I agree with BG that if we push them to come home before they are ready that it will make things worse. It is just so hard with the OC. I just feel like if I screw up in some way, H has his second family to run too.

Have you all read the post over in Just Found Out titled Let Go, Let God? I read it a couple months ago and it really helped me. I made a copy of it and read it from time to time when I find myself trying to take control of this situation. It really does help so much to just surrender it all to God and let him take control. I will see if I can find the post and copy it to here.

Take care of yourselves.
God Bless,
Kris

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Here you go girls - I found the post. If you haven't read it - enjoy. If you have - enjoy again.


Let Go, Let God!

Effective immediately, please be aware that there are changes you need to make in your life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill my promises to you – to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. I know, I already gave you the 10 Commandments. Keep them. But follow these guidelines too.

1. QUIT WORRYING. Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST. Something needs to be done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can’t help you until you turn it over to me. And although my to-do-list is long, I am after all, God. I can take care of anything you put into my hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME. Once you’ve given your burdens to me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems, and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on my list. Problem with finances? Put it on my list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For my sake, put it on my list, I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE. Don’t wake up one morning and say, “Well, I’m feeling much stronger now. I think I can handle it from here.” Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It’s simple. You gave me your burdens and I am taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don’t you know that if I give you these problems back you will be right back where you started? Leave them with me and forget about them. Just let me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME. I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I’m in control. But there’s one thing I pray you never forget. Please don’t forget to talk to me OFTEN! I love you. I want to hear your voice. I want you to include me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your family and friends. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with me. I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH. I see a lot of things from up here that you can’t see from where you are. Have faith in me that I know what I am doing. Trust me, you wouldn’t want the view from my eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE. You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven’t heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT. I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes me a little longer than you expect to handle something on my to-do-list? Trust in my timing, for my timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND. Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for my sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please know I love each of you for your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF. As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only – to be loved and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes my heartache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don’t ever forget that!

With all my heart, I love you

God

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Thanks KrisM

Sounding more positive on your end. Glad you went to the softball game--that was a good thing.

Glad to see someone else is up and on the board tonight--you are either up really late or you are PST time zone also as I am.

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Albany - I am just up late. I live in Indiana. I only have the chance to post after the kids are off to bed. That's mom's time.

So glad things seem to be going better for you. Remember this is a roller coaster and you will have those down days. Just keep your eyes focused ahead to the good days coming - because I trust that they are in your future.

Isn't it funny how we can see such hope in each other's futures, but always doubt our own? I think I read someone else posted that earlier today. It is just so hard to trust that things can be better after all that we have been through. But you know what? All of us here are tough - we will survive this. How many people do you know that would continue to put themselves through what we do on a day to day basis? I think most people would have just walked away when they heard about the A, let alone the OC. That still blows me away - my H is having a baby with OW. I don't think the reality of that will hit until the baby arrives. Anyway, we are all fighters and have the faith to sustain us through this fight for our marriages. That I believe!! We will be stronger and better people for this experience - that I think is part of God's purpose for all of this - to make us stronger people to do his will. I think about that alot. We are going to be such good Christian examples for our friends, family, and our children. We are trying our best to be that example for our spouses right now. They need us to lead them back to God - not just to lead them back to us. God wants them back in his fold and that is my focus right now. Sorry to get preachy - this is just what I have been reading alot about lately and I know in my heart that as my H's wife's that I am responsible to help him back to God. He has been living without him too long already.

Just my thoughts for tonight. I hope you saw my post above (Let Go, Let God). It is worth reading. I think we were posting at the same time and I didn't want you to miss it.

Talk to you more later,
Kris

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hello ladies

KrisM, I am SOOOO glad that you went to H game! Keep up the good work. The guys love to ahve their own personal cheer leaders! (and from what I've read, they love the uniforms too! LOL)
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Things are "ok" on my end. Feeling a bit anxious and on edge because OW said OC is still having "emotional problems". I call them behavioral problems but w/ us OC is totally fine and acts normal......so anyway OW wanted to take OC to counseling again so we are going to the same therapist we went to last year.

The thing that has me on edge is that I find out today that it will NOT include OC. It will be us "adults". I am not looking forward to this because then it can open up the door for the topic to change to A rather than OC.

So Tuesday will not come fast enough for me. The mere thought of it makes me physically nausious.

It's not a big deal---just stupid really. Who ever heard of a BS going to counseling WITH H AND OW? This is stupid.

But, I know I can't complain because we CHOSE C w/ OC, as I have been reminded of so much lately. It's just stupid that it will not even be w/ OC.

In the long run it will be better because we can discuss OC behavior "freely" w/o OC being there and discuss whatever else may come up.

And I DARE OW to bring up ANYTHING else!
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Otherwise the future looks promising w/ us. Still moving on and ahead. Survivor is over so nothing to look forward too on Thursdays anymore! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'm here to offer encouragement when needed.

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Hey KT--snowcat143 could use your wisdom.

You will do great at counseling--just don't let OW get the better of you. I really envy you for where you have gotten too. I hope to get there too--and hope one day to be an (oldie) here. Don't think I would be maing it work still if I hadn't found this site and gotten support from everyone here that it is all possible.

So just wanted to say thanks again for the continued help. Somedays I think you oldies must get tried of hearing us newbie whine and cry and muddle around--you must wonder when we will get it together.

Well I know you are up because you are PST--and a night owl I venture to guess. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

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KT how do you face OW in counseling? Is it tough on you/H to be in room together with her? Of course you have been doing this for awhile, but I have yet to have to face OW. I have talked to her once on phone, but to see her face to face. Wow, I don't know if I could handle that. I would like to think that I could handle it and do what is right for OC - try to get along. But wow, that will be so tough? How do you get through it without backsliding?

Just curious about things to come.

Kris

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I practically backslide mentally a lot.

We have worked our parenting agreement so that we hardly ever see OW anymore. I can't stand to look @ her and I rarely can look her in the face, much less in the eye. It's like I am ashamed to look @ her.

I don't know about this counseling thing. (like I said the idea makes me sick and I have just about stopped eating again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ) I imagine my self just blowing up @ her! But the therapist is there so I try to be very calm and contolled, which I usually am plus the fact that I don't want OW to know how she gets to me.

One time the therapist actually reprimanded me (in front of OW & H)because of a face I made and it literally took every ounce of self control I could ever muster not to say, "I don't have to put up w/ this!" and walk out! I had to bite my lip soooo hard. I just shut down after that and didn't say another word. The therapist kind of apologized to me later (on the phone) and said that I was hard to read (I kknow this)and she was trying to figure me out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> whatever.

If I get a chance to speak w/ the therapist before hand myself I am going to ask her WHY OC is not included and let her know how unneccesary I think this is.
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I am not strong, I am not great, I am not a "good person", a "better person" or anything like that. But I am realistic, honest, upfront and have a great sense of humor, some of these things work to my detriment(like making jokes @ the most inopportune moment and about the most serious issues). I can be crafty (like the serpent not the glue), I am very skilled @ manipulation, I can be very catty and argumentative and it's extremely hard for me to admit that I am wrong. I am quick witted and impulsive w/ my words and language. In case you haven't noticed I talk A LOT and it takes me a ton of words to make a point!

So I HAVE to try very hard to keep myself in check knowing how I am. I can also "read" people very well, (body language and stuff) and have a tendency to almost read people's minds because of it but I am hard to read myself. I waste too much time worrying and wondering what others are thinking so much that I sometimes can't recognize what I think about a situation.

So with all that in mind I wonder how I can be the one you guys can seek advice from. I mean really, what do I know?
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I am struggling w/ this entire crazy-making situation, just not as much anymore. I try to reach out to get support or advice on how to handle things when they are not going how I thought they would or things are going negative w/ C W/ OC and lately, I am only reminded that I CHOSE this(one step away from saying stop whining, I think).

So I think it is best(for others not already having C) if NC is chosen. Best for all parties involved.

If I handle this in any way correctly or @ all it is only because of my Lord Jesus Christ. You guys know that. How else do we all survive something like this? I know of no other way.
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And my "other" secret weapon? I write long, wordy, tell-off emails to OW that I never address so they NEVER get sent!!!!!!! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

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Good Morning,

Boy I missed a lot last nite around here too busy watching Idol & The Bachelor.

Albany, my dear it looks like you are on your way to having H back home soon. I am so proud you didn't LB or anything else when he made the smart comment about dinner, this is what he expected I bet & it may have led to an arguement & tearing down all the progress you had made so good for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Kris - thanks so much for sharing Let go... I didn't even read it all, before I was in tears. You are so right about us W's leading our H's back to God. My H was saved before me, grew up in church & has been on a helluva back slide obviously, but he is still a son of God even when he acts like a son of a b*&%#! Refer to that often when you want to rush things or get down about the situation, God is in control.

JT - Put the boxing gloves on & do what cha gotta do, work on yourself & show H you are the woman he wants to be with, the woman God chose for him to spend his life with, his helpmate!

KT </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So with all that in mind I wonder how I can be the one you guys can seek advice from. I mean really, what do I know? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How could you not know what an inspiration you are to us, even though you have up & down days still you are a testimony to those of us hoping to get where you are in your M, & you remind us that it takes time, & lots of PATIENCE. What to you know? --- You have experience behind you for one thing and especially for those of us considering contact w/ OC you are a great help. You have helped me keep the faith on more ocassions than you know, & I know I am not the only one who feels that way. You are truly a blessing to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I pray all goes well for you w/ the counseling & that OW will give up her childish ways & put her D first in all this & be thankful that she has a father who wants to be in her life as well as a stepmother who cares for her.

Well for my update - I changed my hair & it drove H crazy, he was really sweet to me last nite, caring & attentive, we even made plans to celebrate our anniversary on the 25th, not going away like I wanted but it is something. I am still not happy about Mothers day but it is over, gotta let it go, Lord willing he will do better by me next year. Do I dare plan for the future w/ H????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Obviously I am up today, but cautious, I know one evening promises nothing. The last few days I was so convinced that this was the beginning of the end, of course I have felt that way most of the year, & now I feel like fighting again & not giving up. I just hope I am not setting myself up for a fall.

Hope everyone is having a great day.

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Hey everyone ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sounds like most are doing good. I'm hoping more of the WS come out of London (FOG LAND) They should realize Jack the Ripper lived there, its not a safe place to be. LOL I had one of the best nights we have had since finding out about OC! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> We talked like old friends again, and made love like newlyeweds! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> It was great! Had a friend over Tuesday, he (H)was going to work late, but didn't,
but she comes over and we get to vent together. But H came in and she cornered H w/o me ( I went into the house for a min) And told him again how lucky he was to have me, most people would have walked by now. H called this friend the whole 8 mnths we were sep and begged her to call me and take him back, he loved me so much BLAH BLAH. She reminded him of that. She told him OW should not be an issue w/us any longer and OC will be welcomed and loved by me and he better not mess up again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> See I have friends that LB for me so I don't have to!! But he must have been thinking about it Wed, because he said he just missed me sooo much and never wanted me to leave him again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I think we are both stressing thinking the other might leave, so we just need to enjoy each other while we are there. Told him that he would be the one that would make me leave or the OW and H. I didn't plan on going anywhere, but his actions would let me know if I needed to. Called several times this morning, woke up early to be w/ each other for awhile before work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It was great also. Cant say we are out of the fog just yet, OC is on the way in 9-04. I am tring to get ready for the stress of it all, but I think we will be so strong by then, that its not going to be what my mind thinks it's going to be.

KT - So you want us to think you are human? NAH, You are so much more than that! You have given all of us Newbies so much encougagement, its not even funny. You are a strong person and God gave you a gift of helping people. And you use it well sister! I know you will have your mansion on main street and more crowns you could ever wear when you get to heaven. If it hadn't been for you and Lynn ( which I miss, where is she) I would have packed by bags a long time ago. Your words of encouragements have me a much stronger person and thank God he brought me to yall. I was afraid before that the OW might know of this site, but realized, who cares, she needs to know how I feel and now how good my M and life is. But I could never thank ya'll enough for the words of wisdom that you gave.
Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny

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albany~

You are indeed having a good week. I couldn't be happier for you. It's so easy to sense your joy, and see the burdens being lifted. However, (you knew there would be a howeve, didn't you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ), at the risk of sounding like a repetitive pest, I want to urge you to remember to continue doing as you're doing, no matter what he does. He's responding really well right now. But, remember he's the same man who tends to go back and forth, up and down a lot. Your job is to be consistent and constant, no matter his responses. Don't allow anything he says or does shake you, ok?

Continue to tread lightly, and do as flawless a Plan A you can muster, even if you come across a bad day, or the smallest of bad moments--do not get off the Plan A path. It's a good idea to read up on the Plan A concepts once in awhile, so they are embedded in your mind.

Ok enough of the reminders--for this post anyway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Take good care, my friend.

~ad

***edited to say--Actually, I could be happier for you--when H comes to his complete senses, moves back in, and commits to the restoration of your M, (but you knew what I meant). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ***

<small>[ May 13, 2004, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

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Hey you guys! I'm just going to vent away.

H called and left me a voicemail at work and said he couldn't come until around 7:00pm for dinner. He asked me to call him and let him know if that was okay.

I called him back and said something came up and he said yes he had to help Kevin from his work. I casually asked what he had going on and he said that he was helping him till up his garden.

Okay this set me off because I always had to pratically threaten to cut him off to get him to do that kind of stuff for me or when my Dad asks for help--mind you H doesn't offer he kind of is turd about it.

So I LBed a little bit--I said Oh I didn't know it took two people to do that. Of course he made some noise and was pissed--he then went on to say yah it will be me. I asked why Kevin couldn't and he said because he hurt his shoulder at work--well no one told me that.

Anyway I never said what time to come over and he gingerly said that he would be over arond seven. I'm really pissed at H right now--I almost told him not to come over at all but then that would not have reaped the results I want and so I bit all the way through my lip AD & BBYG--I'm sure it bled like crazy.

He has changed plans on me two nights in a row and personally I know it doesn't have to do with OW--nothing has since I found out she was Pregnant in 12/03.

I think the things are legit and I think he feels like he needs to do this because he is slipping back too much too fast--it is like a struggle of wills sometimes between us--I swear.

I know that I shouldn't be pissed but I was and now I'm feeling better--it stems from feeling shi@?* again today--still sick and letting myself get too excited with him coming over--haven't seen him since Monday I think.

So shame on me for LBing but it was only liitle AD and I promise not to any further tonight--so I'm just going to act completely nonchalant about things when he comes over and I will go home fix my make-up, start a load of laundry, drink a glass of wine and water my plants and of course start dinner somewhere in there.

IS it wrong to get annoyed by little things like that??? I don't know why it upset me so.

I hope he isn't just coming over for dinner and then heading out. I want him to hang out but I'm not sure if he will.

What do you guys think if he just comes over eats and leaves after a short while??? I'm I being used or is it just what is expected of H and the need for baby steps so he isn't feeling threatened????

Let me know--I'll check the site again tonight.

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Hey you guys! I'm just going to vent away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

H called and left me a voicemail at work and said he couldn't come until around 7:00pm for dinner. He asked me to call him and let him know if that was okay.

I called him back and I said something came up and he said yes he had to help Kevin from his work. I casually asked what he had going on and he said that he was helping him till up his garden.

Okay this set me off because I always had to pratically threaten to cut him off to get him to do that kind of stuff for me or when my Dad asks for help--mind you H doesn't offer he kind of is turd about it.

So I LBed a little bit--I said Oh I didn't know it took two people to do that. Of course he made some noise and was pissed--he then went on to say yah it will be me. I asked why Kevin couldn't and he said because he hurt his shoulder at work--well no one told me that.

Anyway I never said what time to come over and he gingerly said that he would be over arond seven. I'm really pissed at H right now--I almost told him not to come over at all but then that would not have reaped the results I want and so I bit all the way through my lip AD & BBYG--I'm sure it bled like crazy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

He has changed plans on me two nights in a row and personally I know it doesn't have to do with OW--nothing has since I found out she was Pregnant in 12/03.

I think the things are legit and I think he feels like he needs to do this because he is slipping back too much too fast--it is like a struggle of wills sometimes between us--I swear.

I know that I shouldn't be pissed but I was and now I'm feeling better--it stems from feeling shi@?* again today--still sick and letting myself get too excited with him coming over--haven't seen him since Monday I think.

So shame on me for LBing but it was only liitle AD and I promise not to any further tonight--so I'm just going to act completely nonchalant about things when he comes over and I will go home fix my make-up, start a load of laundry, drink a glass of wine and water my plants and of course start dinner somewhere in there.

IS it wrong to get annoyed by little things like that??? I don't know why it upset me so.

I hope he isn't just coming over for dinner and then heading out. I want him to hang out but I'm not sure if he will.

What do you guys think if he just comes over eats and leaves after a short while??? I'm I being used or is it just what is expected of H and the need for baby steps so he isn't feeling threatened????

Let me know--I'll check the site again tonight.

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Sorry for the double post--I hit the stop so I could fix a few things but I guess it had already posted even though I still had the message screen displayed on my monitor.

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Hey Albany - I hope this post isn't too late. Don't let it bother you if H leaves after he eats, or at least don't let your H knows that it bothers you. Just take things as they go. Some nights my H leaves just as soon as I get home from work, other nights he stays and we spend time together. Yes, it does bother me - I think because I take it too personally. Sometimes it seems H wants to just see kids and as soon as I get home he is free. But sometimes I think I read too much into his reactions. I want him to stay and spend time with me, but you can't force them into doing what you want. I know there are nights when H has things to do at apartment - laundry, etc - and his leaving has nothing to do with me. On the other hand, it bothers me alot because he is some place he should not be. He should be living with his family. I just have to keep reminding myself to be patient. And if I find that these things bother me, I just come here and post or I find something to keep me busy. I tend not to dwell on it so much then.

Hope this helps.
God Bless,
Kris

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">so I bit all the way through my lip AD & BBYG--I'm sure it bled like crazy.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">lol...Ok, I said flawless Plan A, nowhere did I suggest risking life and limb!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As far as the topic that produced the LB, I can relate. I've had similar situations arise with my H--I'm sure we all have. I used to always ask my H, "How is it you aren't able to say NO to anyone but me?" I would sometimes be a real smart a$$ and show him how to mouth the word "NO", you get the picture, not very attractive of me, but...ewwww, I would get so frustrated!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I know that I shouldn't be pissed </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No albany, it's perfectly fine to be pissed. Who wouldn't be after he changed plans on you, two nights in a row? As Kris pointed out though, the difference is, don't let him see you're pissed. This is so tricky, because I don't advocate you being a doormat. It's not that he should get the impression he can be inconsistent, and it's all honky dory with you. Boundries can be set by you, it just needs to be in a non-LB'g manner.

I'm tired right now, and feel I'm not making a lot of sense. Do you know what I mean though? I don't want you to be an emotionless Stepford Wife type of person, and I'm quite certain he doesn't want that either. It's ok for you to be hurt, pissed, disappointed--just not LB while trying to convey those feelings, you know?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IS it wrong to get annoyed by little things like that??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No it's not...see above paragraph. I'm the last one who should be telling anyone their feelings aren't valid. It's one of my pet peeves--when a person doesn't see another's views as valid. Just because one thinks it's something little, doesn't mean it's little to the other. These type of issues will be something for the two of you to tackle once you are back together. Him going off and helping a friend, you not seeing the point, and being frustrated because he doesn't do the same for you, w/out much persuasion, is a matter that can easily be ironed out through POJA.

Right now you have bigger fish to fry though. Which reminds me, is there anyway you can ask him to move home? This has been weighing on my mind. I really think he needs to be there. Remind me again, why the separation? He's not seeing ow, right? You're not in Plan B.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What do you guys think if he just comes over eats and leaves after a short while??? I'm I being used or is it just what is expected of H and the need for baby steps so he isn't feeling threatened???? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">On one hand, I think it sucks, because it does appear on the surface as if he's using you. You have a good attitude though, to think of it in terms of baby steps. I like that! On the other hand, he may just be enjoying your company. Ever thought of that, Miss. albany... huh? You have a great sense of humor, and your more relaxed state this week is probably very apparent to him. Ahhhh, and not to mention, you sound like a fabulous cook!! If you were doing the "old albany" type of behaviors, do you think he'd becoming for dinner at all? Give yourself some credit, and don't sell yourself short! Keep being lighthearted, he won't be able to resist.

albany, you know what I've noticed about you? Here, you have an OC on the way, but you are allowing all the issues that surround an OC to sit on the back burner for now. You are putting your M first, and giving it your all to make it work. You are giving things their proper priority. I'm so proud of you!

Oh, and I'm so glad to hear you're keeping busy, even if it is laundry and watering plants, or whatever. Do some "me" stuff too. Busy is good, busy is good. Well, idle is good sometimes too, just think on productive things when you're idle. Hey, like re-read Plan A concepts, and memorize the 180's!!! I've mentioned that before, haven't I? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Have a great rest of the evening!

~ad

<small>[ May 13, 2004, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: autumnday ]</small>

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KrisM--You couldn't have said it better--I take it way personal--more so then I should.

He came over a little earlier than he said he would and dinner wasn't quite ready but we had a great dinner--loster tails, artichokes, salad and french bread. During he said he had a horrible headache and needed to take a vicodin--I asked if he had left any at the house and he said not and then he would go home shortly after we got done eating. He asked it that was okay--I said yes--I offered for him to take a bath to relieve the tension--he doesn't have a tub at his apt.--he declined but layed on the bed while our son took a bath and I put the dishes in the dishwasher.

I rubbed his back for him and we just layed on the bed and watched TV for awhile. He left at 8:30pm and gave me a nice big hug before he left.

I was telling him that tonight would be hard night to get our son to sleep since H had been their during his bedtime--our son never wants to go to bed when he is their--I think that is because he not their as much of course as when living together.

AD--asking him to move in would send him running--he moved out again because we just argued about trying to get things resolved with OW with OC--and he stated that we weren't doing anything but fighting and arguing and that their was a reason he left before and cheated--and that basically maybe he shouldn't have came back but he wanted a family---FOG TALK--anyway I think I need to keep up what I'm doing for ahile longer.

Here is another good thing--He called me at 7:45am when I was at work--he said what are you doing and I said working--I asked what he was doing up--he a sleep in person--always has been. He said he got up and was hungry so he was driving to McDonalds to grab breakfast and then going back to bed--still sick also--he had a lung infection. He said he called just check in about picking our son up from daycare at 3:30pm.

We discussed that last night but HEY we know why he called!

Got to run and get busy--want to go home earlier because I him still so sick and I have stuff to get done at work.

Everyone else want an update.

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Well after Wed. nites activies, last nite was dead as a door nail, I was in a coma when H came in so we didn't talk at all, he didn't wake me up.
Maybe for the best, since I may have started to stray from my 180's again & ask questions I shouldn't. Going out w/ friends tonite, he doesn't like that I am going out on a regular basis either, oh well.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We discussed that last night but HEY we know why he called! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes we do! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I wouldn't worry about the little LBing you did the other day, you are human, keep up the good work - its working!!!!!

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