I have a friend, she read everything here, but she can't post, because of work computer & stuff. She wanted so advise on her situation. She was m and her mom died of cancer, 1 year later she had a D, then she was dig. w breast cancer.(the kind her mom had) so she had a radical everything gone now. While sick, her best friend and H started and A. While taking care of her! She got a D and then DHS said she couldn't take care of her D. So he got custody. Its been 11 years and her D said all they do is fight over my friend. They live ove 10 hours away? Why do you think they fight over her?

[QUOTE]Originally posted by sunnydale:
[QB]So he got custody. Its been 11 years and her D said all they do is fight over my friend. They live ove 10 hours away? Why do you think they fight over her?

Your friend's X-husband got custody in your friend's divorce due to her illness, right? The divorce was 11 years ago??? And your friend's daughter, who lives with her Dad and his affair partner, tells her Mom that "they fight over your friend? Who is "they"? Former husband and former friend???

If those are the players and the X-husband hooked up with the OW before, during or after the divorce, the OW is probably feeling jealous and/or threatened/insecure probably due to the X-husband lamenting his choice??? She might be picking up on his comparing them or something like that. She might know or feels that she falls short. Maybe. Just guessing...he probably realized the grass is NOT greener on the other side, just loaded with Creeping Charlie.

But, if it's been 11 years since the divorce, it might not be that so much as it is a lot of guilt, blaming and finger-pointing. He might be feeling guilty for betraying his W at such a horrendous and frightening period in her life or blaming the OW for all of it. Who knows? Without knowing the people it's hard to say what they fight about. Just know that if these are the same people who had the affair during your friend's illness, their relationship was not built on integrity or honor and it would have been better for them to build their marriage on jello for such an unstable foundation.

No couple can be happy if it took lies and deception and someone else's misery and pain to forge their precarious union. Usually these relationships are doomed.

Basically, it beats me. I'm just going with basic human nature.

<small>[ April 15, 2004, 01:05 AM: Message edited by: catnip ]</small>

The H and OW got M and have custody of her (my Friend) child. Who is 13 now. Oh and the OW tells their small children that the step D goes to see friends, when she comes to her moms. How sick is that. My friend doesn't call them, just her D. Living w/ this kind of guilt will drive some crazy. H got what he wanted, OW got what she wanted, and I think that makes my friend happy that she has her health, she chose to deal w/ her illness, than fight for her marriage. They may be mad at her for letting them get what they wanted. Goes to show things just are not what we think they will be.

These people are dispicable.

Your friend should try to regain custody now that she is well. Why allow her daughter to continue to live in such dysfunction w/ people who are so disgraceful.

I am really surprised though that thier marriage has lasted this long!

It takes lots of money to go though two states and XH has it and she don't. I think they stay together cheaper to keep her. OW has had 2 kids and he knows what kind of support he would pay. OW has never worked! XH just stays out of town! LOL but her D is 15 now and she only has a couple of more yrs and she can do and be where ever she wants to. By the time custody when though the court system she would be 18. I just thought it was an interesting story. Oh and the OW is now trying to get friends med records to have Step D tested for the cancer gene?

These OW just make me so made--you can't tell me they all get pregnant accidently--I know this case was different but I'm sorry I don't think the accidental percentage is very high--I think they mainly do it on purpose when they think that they can not keep WS--and yet they do not care that they totally bringing an innocent child into a very complicated situation--it all about them and not the child.

Sorry--just had to vent that!

Albany

Albany,

I try not to lump all OW in the same box, but I agree that I think most get pg. w/ no regard to the devestation & damage they will cause to the wife, BC's extended family & how unfair it is to the OC. They only think of themselves & their so called "new, never been tried before & unique" plan to steal another woman's H.

It truly pisses me off too.