Thanks for your reply, I am the one who actually asked my dr. for something, I figured after struggling w/ all this for almost 2 yrs. maybe it was time to get a little help.

I am truly tired of the up/down flip/flop of course H giving me false hope doesn't help anything. I still say you are remakable, I always have it in the back of my mind that H will get OW pg. again, I truly think I would snap & kill him if he did.

If by some miracle H & I stay together I will take you up on that email offer. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks again.

BBYG,

You are a strong woman - what have you all been telling me about getting on some meds? If you have a sript you need to fill it. thias is hard times and we all might need a little extra push and stability. But you know that i am here for you girl!!

just pray and take your time!! you will prevail!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


JT

Baby - Can I ask you a question? Did it piss you off royally that YOU had to be the one to go to the doc and get the meds? I know this is a weird question. But see, remember when I said I knew I needed help when I lost my sense of humor...well, in retrospect I know I needed help a long time before that - I know that my life could've been a lot better had my dh tried to help me. I harbored a lot of resentment that he couldn't pull himself out of his quagmire long enough to help me - because in essence I know that husbands are supposed to care and be there for their wives.

I dunno if I'm wording this right. For a long time I was SO PISSED that he didn't take care of me then and help me be better. Now I know that he couldn't even take care of himself at that time...but at the time OH BOY did I ever resent him! It was like why do I have to be strong enough to get myself help? Why am I the one to have to hitch up my britches and make my life right? He promised to take care of me, why can't he do it???

Of course, me knowing the whys of his behavior then helps a little - but it still hurts sometimes.

I was just wondering if anyone else felt like this....I tried to 'splain it to some people, but most don't even comprehend my situation, much less my feelings...you know?

- Kimmy

JT,

I have had the pills since last Thurs. I was waiting to take them cuz I knew I'd be drinking over the weekend. I guess I am a little afraid to take them, not sure why. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am gonna start today though, thanks for your support.

Kimmy,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did it piss you off royally that YOU had to be the one to go to the doc and get the meds? I know this is a weird question. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually at this point yes & no, it pisses me off that I am in this situation, in Oct. 02 shortly after the baby was born I told my doctor about the whole mess & asked for rx sleeping pills, at that time I had lost over 30 lbs., DDay was July 02 & H , fast forward to the present I have gained back those 30 lbs. +, I am tired, think of nothing but this situaiton & or how to get out of it, so I think it is time. I guess I am not pissed because I have kept myself in this situation this long for whatever reasons, my faith, love for H etc. So yes I could have gotten out of this while he lived w/ OW & I was 30+ lbs. lighter, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> but I didn't do I am somewhat pissed at myself.

I understand how you feel completely & only those of us who have lived & are living it can.

BBG email sent? Did you get?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Got it, sent reply.

Hope you are having a good evening. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi Babygirl,

Hope you are doing OK. I made a Doctor's appointment and will talk to him about Meds. My husband talked to me and told me I was letting Other Woman rent space in my head. What a way to put it. It is true. I need to do something before I run everybody away with my sadness. Good Luck to you Babygirl. I updated my story under my name. Keep me posted concerning your situation. I do care.

Genia - Your dh put it perfectly! I'll have to remember that one! Good luck and let us know how you fare.

- Kimmy, who's seriously considering changing her life's slogan to, "better living through chemistry."

PS - Told you I have a warped sense of humor.

Hey Genia,

I took my 1st pill yesterday, (generic prozac), I am still not sure if I need them, since I know what I need to do to feel better.

I didn't talk to H at all last nite, just hello last nite & bye this morning before he left for work. I am thinking of talking to him tonite when he gets in about the license suspension & what is going on w/ him. Mostly though I plan to tell him one more time that I want him to leave, we could exist like this forever I think if it were up to H. He doesn't want to do any work on himself or our M. I have no idea what is going on w/ OW & baby & he claims to still be waiting for a court date for visitation in our home. He is lying I know, has been for quite sometime, OW doesn't want the baby around me & he goes along with it to not rock the boat or who knows maybe he thinks I am unfit to be around the baby too.

It was funny this morning I started thinking about his cell being turned off & how his first cell phone was in OW's name, bought so they could keep in touch secretly at the start of their affair, but dummy gave the # to his family & job so I found out about it - duh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> It just pissed me off, maybe cuz the 2 yr anniversary of DDay is approaching too, I know one thing this July 14 will be a lot different than in 2002 & 2003, most likely I will be alone, but this time alone & in peace.

Baby -

I'm glad you decided to at least try the meds. Your cell phone story reminded me of all the little things dh did that I either didn't know about at the time, or wrote off to him being so busy at work. Believe it or not, you'll probably get to my point where something like that might cross your mind, but then you'll just say, "Yep - what a horse's [censored]," then get on with your day. That's how the meds helped me. Instead of getting mad at the stupidity of it all, I can drop it - he can't change that he was a horse's [censored] then, and neither can I - and the madder I get about it the worse it makes ME .

Darlin' if you're ready, kick his butt to the curb. You certainly don't need him being there - good for nothing but being a paperweight, and he sure as heck is sittin' there moochin' off you cause he knows what a good woman you are - he'd sit there till the second coming if you'd let him. Your heart's been through enough if you're ready, it's time to breathe a little easier!

Whatever you decide to do, though, you got people here to support you!

-Kimmy

Thanks Kimmy,

should I call you that or Nios? I guess I really didn't get truly pissed it was actually more funny than anything that he thought he could keep the cell phone a secret by telling his job & family about it?????? I will say it again - DUH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You are right though, God help me I still love him, but I love him enough to let him go & that seems to be the only way I CAN LET GO. He is draining the life out of me literally, & in a lot of ways I feel like he doesn't love me anymore, not enough to fight for me, for our M, for my right to play "step mommy" on a regular basis - NOTHING.

I do have to say I am not mad as I used to be about all of this, it just saddens me that H can't see that the very best woman he will ever have in his life is about to be gone for good, & that after 2 yrs. it has come to this. So maybe if nothing else the meds will help me deal w/ the last leg of this journey.

Hang in there BBYG. You will make it and the meds help so much--they just allow you to let things go. Big ((((HUGS))))

Thanks Albany,

I am a hanging. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Thanks Kimmy,

should I call you that or Nios </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Either is fine. Nio is my dh's nickname - I've used it as a screen name since...oh I dunno...since forever. My online mommy girlfriends call me Kimmy - we've all known each other since ttc (trying to conceive) our Nov. 99 babies - it's kinda a working mommy club. Both are habit for me... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You are right though, God help me I still love him, but I love him enough to let him go & that seems to be the only way I CAN LET GO. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, believe me I totally understand. I'm to that point right now. I think dh figured that out because for the past month or so he's been tops for me. He's had a complete turnaround. You know what did it? Unknowingly, I began doing the steps in Plan A. It was unknowingly because I hadn't even visited this site yet. How weird is that? All those things that it said not to do - talking about the future, telling him I love him, I just cut it out and began visiting the beach wit the kids every weekend, taking them to the library, in essence not waiting around for his sorry butt to get up off the sofa. Now, even as of this morning he was talking about buying a house, what we're gonna do on bacation (that's what my 4 yo calls it), making plans. I love that man to pieces - but you know we can't change them, we can't change the past, and we sure as heck can't make it "better" for them.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> just saddens me that H can't see that the very best woman he will ever have in his life is about to be gone for good, & that after 2 yrs. it has come to this. So maybe if nothing else the meds will help me deal w/ the last leg of this journey.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, there's always Plan B, and maybe you doing what you have to do will open his eyes up. You are so right - it IS so very sad what they do to themselves. I think we all get to a point where even tho it might hurt, we know that our lives would be a heckuva lot more peaceful without this drama. Drama is exhausting, you know? I don't know about you, but one way or another, I'm gonna have peace in my life again - I swear it!

Whatever you decide, tho, I'm behind you 100%!

-Kimmy

Hi Babygirl,

I feel for you and wish you strength to do what you need to do. In my near breakup over the weekend I had mixed feelings. I hope staying together was best. If not I will be where you are soon.

BBYG~

Just checking on you. Wanted to see how the battle goes. Thinking of you.

BBYG,

I hope everything is going better for you 'cause I am having a bad ady and a bad life! Please tell me your H is doing better than mine about the M. I hope he can really wake up to see what a wonderful person you are. Talk to you soon gotta go back to work.

JT

I got sick with a stomach virus from the time I left work on Tues. & still not feeling too hot today, so H & I didn't talk at all. He has been very attentive & helpful, even called to check up on me yesterday, but it doesn't change anything.

Kimmy- </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, there's always Plan B, and maybe you doing what you have to do will open his eyes up. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can't see myself doing PB w/ H, I should have done it while he was gone for 8 months, I have endured 2 separations from H, won't do a 3rd. Don't want to be concerned w/ what he is doing & whom, do that now, do that now, it would be worse if he didnt live here again. Me throwing him out again I am sure will wake him up, but it will be too late.

Genia - </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I feel for you and wish you strength to do what you need to do. In my near breakup over the weekend I had mixed feelings. I hope staying together was best. If not I will be where you are soon. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks, it is sooooo hard to come to the conclusion that your M is not going to work & you need to live separately, I hope you don't get to that point either, but you & only you will know when you have. Until then pray & fight for your M.


JT </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I hope everything is going better for you 'cause I am having a bad ady and a bad life! Please tell me your H is doing better than mine about the M. I hope he can really wake up to see what a wonderful person you are. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I wish I could tell you my H is treating me better or at least making some strides toward meeting my needs. He will think it was a great accomplishment that he called me yesterday & was concerned about me being sick, like a few hrs. of caring will wipe away all the rest of the crap. I really don't see him waking up anytime soon unfortunately, too childish & stubborn.

I have a deadline in mind of July 14, 2 yr. anniversary of DDAY, as good a day as any right? I am still gonna talk to him tonite, & I know he will get upset about me going thru his pockets, oh well, tell the truth! Not to mention fathers day is coming & I has asked him about the 3 of us spending it together. I know he won't have his D that day either, maybe OW is taking him out, & why do I care anyway. I may as well spend that day with the only man who has ever truly loved & cared for me - my Father.

bbyg,

I AM SO SORRY. YOU SOUND SO SAD. I WISH I COULD JUST SLAP SOME SENSE INTO YOUR H FOR YOU. IF I DID HE WOULD DEFINATELY HAVE A DIFFERENT ATTITUDE BECAUSE I PACK A WALLUPPING PUNCH <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !!

NO SERIOUSLY I HOPE THAT HE DOES BETTER IN THE NEAR FUTURE. I CAN NOT BLAME YOU FOR THE DEADLINE EVENTHOUGH YOU WOULD PROBABLY ADVISE ME NOT TO RUSH THINGS. BUT OF COURSE YOU HAVE THOUGHT THIS THROUGH AND ARE NOT ACTING OUT OF ANDGER. YOU WOULD TELL ME THAT GOD HAS HIS TIMEFRAME IN MIND AND YOU SHOULD WAIT ON HIM, BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO STEER YOU AWAY FROM YOUR PLAN JUST REMINDING YOU OF SOME WELL APPRECIATED ADVICE A FRIEND ONCE GAVE ME (THAT WOULD BE YOU!)! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


TAKE YOUR TIME,

JT