<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Xow contacted by children today ; asked them if they wanted to meet oc, we were not home they were home with a sitter, H and i talked about it and i thought we had agreed no contact with xow or oc till paterntiy was established. He Called her in my and my sisters presence to find out what was going on. She wants him and our kids to see baby=oc before paternity is established and H agreed that he is taking my sister along.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Why the hell should i sacrfice our kids on a possiblity , I worry about the emotional and psycological damage it would have on them. I think we should stick to our agreement and have no contact with ow and no contact with oc until paternity is established. One phone call and he changes his mind??!!!! Help what do i do!!!!!

Hi Angel,

I am up because husband and I had an argument. I am not sure how to answer but I feel for you. My husband refuses to stop talking to OW even though he does not call his other kids or see his other kids very often. His sister keeps his other kids. She told me this was true.

PS: I had to think a minute. Here is my answer. Your husband should not allow his kids to be exposed to OC or told anything about other child till paternity is established. How dare OW call your house. She is a manipulator. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ August 03, 2004, 01:40 AM: Message edited by: Genia ]</small>

I feel like my worst fears all came true, what do i do,she says baby looks like H, he want's to see it,Help <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ August 03, 2004, 06:00 AM: Message edited by: angels1966 ]</small>

angels~

Do you have some time before he plans to do the visit? Read up on the Policy of Joint Agreement, (poja), if you have time.

You need to be VERY firm and to the point here, but also calm, loving, and non-LB'g. Not so easy sounding, hey? You can do it though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Let him know in no uncertain terms that you are dead set against him making the visit, and most especially with the inclusion of the children. Remind him of the afore mentioned agreement without being redundant and whiney. Remind him how wise it is to wait until DNA is established.

X-ow is a class A manipulator, calling the way she did and speaking to your children the way she did is damn nervy. Trying to play on the childrens' and H's heartstrings! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Your H is falling for her crap, and in doing so, he is telling her she can get away with it...her games work!! Give an inch, she'll take a mile kind of thing.

Again, approach him calmly, look him straight in the eye. Tell him exactly how it is. Exactly what you need in order to be protected as well as protecting your children.

If worse comes to worse, and he still says he is going, then you must insist you go along, and the children do NOT go.

He needs to be reminded of the legal implications his visit(s) could cause, as in acknowledgement of paternity. It's happened before, and it's a nightmare.

Never ever go on appearance of OC, and emotions. Sure to steer you wrong. You are also correct in worrying about what this can do to your kids. They need to be protected from this drama, ESPECIALLY when it's NOT yet a fact your H is the bio. Wait till DNA!

Prayers being sent your way.

~ad

Angel, your H must be pretty sure the OC is his. Your choldren are about the same age as mine. We where going to tell her about the possibility of the OC being my H and that she MAY have a bother/sister. But we havent yet. So I don't know what to tell you. The OW is a real bytch for calling your home and talking to your children about that. Did your H ask her why she did it? She sounds like our OW calling my family to tell them. (Or someone-she said she didn't do it) But you and your H HAVE to get on the same page! I'm sure he does want to see the child. Many people are like that. If I could see it I would know if it was mine. And I think the men are just so sure that the OW is not this type of person who would sleep w/ different people at the same time. (Yea-right) I still stand on the OW knew what they where doing and can't tell me different. You may tell him that how can he not be angry about someone who is tring to distroy your family, and the life of the children yall have together. Because you and H know that if you where to get a d the children would be upset. And do you have a MC that you are seeing or just a C? You may ask them. So its not just you demainding. I have you and your family in my prayers and keep us informed. But you and your H are a team, and if she sees you are not then she will use that against you. So talk to your h and ask to help you with this and what does he expect you to do or how should you feel. Have you gotten an attorney yet? When are they going for test?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

OH MY GOSH.... She addressed YOUR KIDS directly?

Did you H seem even remotely upset when he talked to her? did he tell her to NEVER call there again?

You need to call her and TELL HER in a firm voice that IF SHE EVER CALLS YOUR CHILDREN OR YOUR HOUSE AGAIN you will file harassment charges.

Oh boy-- you HAVE TO put your foot down! Please do NOT let your H take your kids anywhere near her !!! And when there is contact, it really should be done between just H and baby and you at first... kids come once things have settled down, in my opinion.

You are in my thoughts.. stay strong and hold your ground. You MUST not let this @$#%$ call your house again- change the number or block hers, for real.

OH MY GOD !!!!
How dare she contact YOUR children !!! That bytch has lost her mind !!!!

we have talked to my sister, our pastor , and a lawyer, all say kids to have nc until paternity is established, and he agrees that it would cause serois emotional and psycological damage to our children so the kids will not meet oc till peternity establishes if H is f. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> She Xow says oc looks just like H, I said it when i saw oc. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
H doesn't want to miss 1st months of oc life just in case oc is his. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> We have come up with this agreement he will see oc tomorrow , with my sister going with him, h will be at one end of park and Xow will be at other end(there fore no contact with xow) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> my sister will take oc from Xow to my H so he can see oc . Yes , my sister can be trusted 100% <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .if Xow has a problem with that they will leave and there will be nc with either. He said he would wait till paternity test to see if he is h , before contact. I wanted to be fair to innocent oc , end came up with comprimise. Also h Called cs to see when pt will be they are working on the case currrently so hopefully p will be established soon. I did paperoutes and he was waiting to talk to me says he will do what it takes to keep our marriage strong, that made me feel good to know our marriage is his top priority <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 03, 2004, 03:11 PM: Message edited by: angels1966 ]</small>

Good for you. I'm glad you kept your head and you are being reasonable enough that H saw it your way. In a puuurfect world we all could do that all the time right! Anyway, I am proud of you and also of H for meeting half way. Shows something good of your M right now!

As far as OW calling w/ that crap, though, there is no meeting half way w/that!!! yuk.

Good luck !!!!

Yeah...not to look a gift horse in the mouth or anything, but I'll bet it pissed the heck out of your h! What an lb for HER! (evil grin) Shows him just what kind of manipulative you-know-what she is.

- Kimmy

went to my counsling , came back and talked to h, finall desion is h to cancell meeting with xow
we have decided to go through legal channels,h is very supportive <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> but hurting where oc is conserned <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> WE are going to email her and tell her she is not to contact us in any form, until p and visitation are established <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . Autumn you're right she is playing on h and our childrens heartstrings and that stops NOW, with her not wanting me there she was/is trying to get me out of the picture. She can guess again!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
I'm going to start recording what she is doing to h, our kids and myself, someone here told me it's emissable in court. Any ideas on how i can help H threw this he is really hurting about oc situation. We are establishing our selve W/ lgeal aid as we cannot afford a lawyer; h called today.

Angel I'm so glad that H & you are making this a team thing. I knew if you talked to the C or Pastor they would be the ones to tell him NO this is not a good idea. OW is a case! But if H gets things taken care of in a timely mannor, he wont miss out on that much w/ the OC. What to watch the OC sleep, eat and crap. Thats all they do right now. (that sounds kinda cold) But it is what is best. Then again MAY not even be his, so what does not seeing the OC save him from? Sounds like she needs to get a grip on you not being around this child. She can't boot you out, you are the step mom and will be. She can just get over it. I wouldn't start the visits w/o you. Don't start anything you don't plan on doing for the rest of your life. And you need to write down every little thing she does and keep a record of it. Even when you start visits. You know she is not going to act right for most of the time so, keep up with everything. And an attorney will tell you to BE NICE! Don't give her any reason to think you will hurt the OC. (Which you and we know you wouldn't) They can use the slightest of words and turn it around like you are the wicked witch of the north. Keep us updated and keep up the good work in rebuilding your M!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

This is excellent news, angels!

It's also great to hear you all have a plan of action and even better you and your H are a team. x-ow can try as she may, but if you two are a united front, her tactics will NOT work.

As far as helping your H through the pain of potential OC, just be there for him. Spend as much one on one time together as possible, and also lots of family time. Go do fun stuff, it's still summer afterall <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> ! Your life has not stopped, and although it may seem in a holding pattern, it doesn't have to be that way.

Let the lawyers do their work. Let them handle the nitty-gritty, whilst you guys enjoy life.

I'm totally serious about this! Yes, it will all have to be addressed at some point, but not till DNA comes back. Until then, work on your M, love on your H. Let him love on you.

Someone a few posts back suggested you change your phone number. This is good advice. I'd also change any cell #'s she may have and also any old email addresses. There is absolutely NO reason for her to contact you guys. You need to protect your children. BTW, how old are they? Did they even know about the situation?

Take good care.

yes children have known about situaton about possible oc. Just wish Xow would get it h doesn't want her,DUH
When he talked to her monday her kept telling her i love my wife, the meetings/vistitation will be with me ,my wife and our kids.
It's amazing how Xow are really STUPID!!!
I,h and everyone who knows us/ and situtatoin is praying oc is not H's.
When we find out and if oc is not H's I really want to give her a peace of my mind, but until then i will continue to keep the peace.

Hi Angel,

I am so glad thing went well for you. I wish mine would see the light. I feel there is no hope for him but I am not supporting him another minute in his blindness.

some times we must use tough love w/o lbing though.
I think some h's have to hit rock bottom and realize what they are losing before they wake up out of the "fog".
Keep doing what your doing and hang in there,ok.
on another note our financaul situaton got worse yesterday; h got liad off from his job, hopefully he can get unemployment, that and we are going job hunting.

Hi Angel,

I am sorry about the financial thing. I am so glad your husband is being supportive of you. I hope he finds a job. I wish I could figure a way to get the message to my husband to stop contact with OW. I guess I will just tell him and if he does not listen then I will give him my plan B letter.