H just sent a nice basket of fall flowers to my work. He said that he has another surprise for me later today. He also stopped into work to say hello. He was with one of his co-workers who has been very supportive of he and I getting back together. I am glad H has someone like him, it's something he has not had in the past and I think it will help him. His friend is very nice and was very happy for my H and impressed by my meeting with OC.

Anyway, I got my flowers today and one of the girls at work came running in to see them and wanted to know who they were from and said she hoped they were not from H. I told her they were. She is someone that I have spoken with briefly and knows of some of my situation. She knows NOTHING about OC but does know I moved out.

Anyway, she asked if he was persuading me and I said yet but it was more than flowers. She said that she thinks it's all words and that I should distance myself from him and even divorce him and if our marriage is supposed to be it will. She said I need to find myself and decide what I want out of life and a husband and she does not think he is it. She too, like many of you here and like my C, feel that he is abusive toward me. She said maybe this is his abuse again. Like the DV situation when they hit and the say they are sorry. I don't think so but I have been wrong so many times before.

The other thing that is bugging me. H did this last year, shortly after he moved out. He felt he made a mistake and then sent me flowers. I worry that it's just more of the same old same old. I don't know if it's that red pointy eared man talking or not.

I was feeling so good but this brought me down and I am not sure why. I guess because I feel like I look like a fool and weak. I guess I should learn to keep my mouth shut and not tell so many people about my life, that way they can not comment.

I have a feeling my counselor is going to say about the same thing. She thinks Tony is abusive and I should not even consider the marriage again. I guess tomorrow will tell where she stands on that.

I am feeling lost again.

Tony did say that he has another surprise for me today.

I think you need to do what you want and ignore co-worker, counselor--I don't know but just take babysteps--see where they lead to and hopefully if these babysteps keep going maybe you to could start MC.

My H and I started MC when we lived apart--you do MC living apart and see how you feel it goes.

I would say may a list of things that you need and keep them in mind and have them ready if you guys do MC because if H can't handle those requests or needs then go no further.

I must say that I'm totally excited for you and hope that it works--be cautious but don't close the door yet.

HUGS and Prayers

Luv,

Ditto. Ignore people. Do what you feel is right in your heart but only when and if you are ready. Counseling is good.

Luv, its nice to get flowers, ENJOY THEM!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> After all the crap-o-la you have been though. He needs to send them everyday! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I've said in the past those of your friends that choose sides will be the least supportive of you reconciling. Thats their problem. Take it day by day, if he is ready to make M work, you will know in your heart, not because someone told you. Is your C a MC or a christian C? If he has an abuseive behavior, then going to C together will help him see that. He is so use to treating people the way he does, because they let him. He may not even see the behavior as abusive, just as being the man of the house kind of thing? Just enjoy the flowers today, cause like so many things in life, it may not be here tomorrow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Have a great day!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

Ladies, thanks.

H just sent me an email, he is worried because he said I did not seem like myself. He is worried that he upset me. I told him I was fine but truth be told I was a little nervous. I worry what others think sometimes.

Sunny, my C is a regular C but is also a Christian counselor. She was referred to me by my priest and she believes in what the Bible says. However, she thinks I should divorce.

H really wants to start MC. He keeps asking me if I spoke to mine yet. He is also having a lot of other revelations that are making me happy. I so want to believe in him, that this is an honest attempt and he wants this M and me.

Albany, I think you are right, I should not close that door yet. Time will tell if I should close it and when. My co-worker said we should divorce and then 1-2 years down the road see what happens. I don't think that is realistic at all.

I guess I worry that others are seeing things more clearly than I am and I am the blind one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Ignore the co-worker and do what you need to do for you--close door or open it back up the rest of the way when it is right for you.

Babysteps and MC would be excellent--not sure if you should see that same counselor or see a neutral one--maybe others have thoughts on that.

Does H know that C might mean him seeing alot about himself or having to here alot about himself?

Albany

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does H know that C might mean him seeing alot about himself or having to here alot about himself? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think so. I think he is slowly realizing a lot about himself on his own.

Last night we had this conversation about the devil. H had been saying that he was feeling so much at peace and happy. I told him it was God standing next to him and he agreed. I also pointed out that many people feel that when you have doubts about your M or recovery it's the other guy talking. He said that made sense. He even realized that when he and OW started their A that he thought it was fate and meant to be but now see it was the devil in her clothing. I was so happy that he saw that.

I just hope he is not telling me what I want to hear and not what he feels or truly thinks.

I'm sorry to hear your co-worker rained on your parade. I've regretted telling certain things myself to people like that. I'm pretty private now about my M when it comes to friends or co-workers.

It's okay to be cautiously optomistic at this point. Stick to your guns on what you want, you are out of the house now and can afford that luxury. You've taken a very tough step in the direction of healing yourself. See if your H is interested in going on dates with you. It would be good for the two of you, let him see you in a different light for a change. Have him actually pick you up at the front door and take you to dinner. Just an idea...

Anyway, with that said, I wish the best for you during this confusing time.

ignore the co-worker & her UNsolicted advice. People just don't know until they are there themselves.

AND some people are just NOT pro-marriage. She sounds JUST like some of the 'friends' of many WH---telling Them to do what they need to do for themselves & be happy for themselves & just go get a D--they deserve this & that. THINK ABOUT THAT.

What if someone was giving your H the same advice---while he was'unhappy' or 'unsure'? You can bet that someone WAS & now that 'someone' has a baby!

I don't agree w/ your counselor @ all-the more you say about her-the more I disagree. But who am I? IF she beleives the bible but is PRO-divorce?
I don't get it. It's either one or the other.

I see nothing wrong w/ having hope..it's all about faith.......the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things NOT seen.

I don't want to sound condeming either--but shut out ALL of these outside voices & listen to GOD......what does GOD want you to do? NO, He does not want you to be a doormat BUT he also HATES divorce.....just take it slow. You will be ok---you already are-you know you can make it on your own so no worries or anything to prove there.

Enjoy the flowers----enjoy him wooing you & encourage him & let him know you like it. Keep the cynisism to yourself & give him room to prove your hunches wrong. Wouldn't that be great? isn't that what you really want?

Yes, it's confusing & they have obviously let us down majorly before & how could we ever be so stupid as to believe a word they say ever again? You can think like that or you can go balls out & jump in & so what if you get hurt-----you can't feel the depth of love w/o the depth of pain! YOU'Ve already been hurt----& what happened? YOu LIVED-----you're world didn't crumble-sure it felt like it was gonna but it didn't-life moves on the earth keeps spinning.

You can go on in life & love or you can shut yoruself up & never take a nother risk again. You can meet a new Mr. Right(for-now) & he can do the same thing-so what are you gonna do?

That's my 2 cents.

I say just go for it.

Yah, you might get hurt---hello-that's called LIVING----and you might NOT get hurt. The ONLY sure fire way NOT to get hurt is to die.

You could get hit by a bus walking outside your job. There are risks everywhere.

Think about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sorry, but I still believe in LOVE & am not afraid to risk it whether I look stupid to some or not, I don't care. I still LOVE w/ ALL my heart-----@ least MOST of the time! lol I jsut can't help it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Great post KT! Amen!

KT thanks so much for the inspiration. You are right, I need to live and I need to keep on trying until there is no reason to try.

I love the fact that my H has a new friend that has been so supportive of him and our M. I just found out last night that this guy is D and his first wife had an A. I like the fact that despite what happened to him he can see past that and be friends with my H and encourage him to do right. I don't know his whole story but I think his wife choose OM over him. This guy is such a nice person and I feel that maybe God is working through him for my H. I need to surround myself with people like that. Unfortunately, all my positive support is on this board or an email friend I met on the MB Boards. None of my friends here understand.

KT, I was trying to post a response to your good news on SXF but because of my email address it was not accepted. I just want to say congrats. and that is such wonderful news. I wish you two the best of luck. I think you guys are a wonderful success story.

Thanks you ALL for keeping my head on straight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Luv,

I see positive changes in your husband. You do only what you feel comfortable with.

wishing you well LUV--keep us posted. Go for it girl--do what is right for you.

Luv, how r u doing?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D