Tori: you cracked me up w/ the little bonbon & butler rants!!!! LOL LOL That's what MANY people think about SAHM married or not!!!!!! LOL LOL I don't know how many people have asked me, "WHAT do you do all day?" uhhhh....let me tell you!!!!!!!

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I think 4t&ns was trying to do the saem thing WE try to do on TOW---point out that we are not a stere-type & don't fit the 'generallization' of the 'other side' BUT we BW get cencored ALOT more over there so------you gotta see that right?

We know that NOT all OW are thesaem, they are NOT all on welfare but we really don't care---we dont' care what other OW are like----all we know & care about is the one who is affecting OUR lives.

On TOW they tell us to go & 'whine' on our own board so don't take it personally if you get the same response here. As g123 said, it's not YOU personally it's 'her', out there, being the thorn in g123 side.

I think the point g123 is also trying to make is that it is a lot of pressure for the BW to be PC ALL the time. Treat OC fair & jsut like yoru own or else you might be accused of 'harming' them, treat OW w/ respect because she is OC mother, be on yoru best behavior or else OW will use it against you, be accepting of YOUR place becuase you have no legal say so dont' complain about that because it was YOUR choice & H choice & blah blah blahb alhb alhbalhglhlbhalfbhlahglsdjh;ajdsfhdh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You get the idea. Yah we have private places to vent but so what----if we wanna vent here then feel free! Remember--PUBLIC board.
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I know 4t&ns is really trying in HER life to get it back together just as we are. She was just trying to dispell a 'myth' I think, maybe just chose the wrong thread to do it or felt a little more sensitive @ this moment & so felt it necessary to respond.

And even if it seems like 4t&ns is being supported by 2 men, it should also be noted that her H is a BS & should not be REQUIRED to support those 2 OC uhless he CHOOSES too! If he wnats to great but he has NO obligation too!
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I am a SAHM & have been working part-time for the past 2.5 years since---yep you got it-CS that was ridiculously high @ first so I HAD to start work just to cover it. @ the same time I KNEW just as g123 did that it was an exhorbament (sp?) amount that I don't spend on my 3 kids combined! I know what children need & it doesn't cost $500 a month!

So YEP!!!!!! that stings. BUT things are down to a more reasonable level & we are @ a place where our budget has adjusted (call it a miracle! LOL)BUT if OW ever comes back & tries to raise it------we will let her because any amount is worth OW being OUT of my life for GOOD! Call it hush $$$$$$ if you will I don't care & I'm willing to pay whatever it takes. This is my last month working & I can't wait. Our budget will probably be even tighter but......like always we will make it through.

And just for the record, MY OW is also supported by 2 men, my H & good ol' Uncle Sam! Yah isn't he such a great provider? And NO she is NOT working her butt off. Oh & the resentment she had towards me for being MARRIED & being a SAHM--I'll tell ya'! I think she quieted down about that once I reminded her that I HAD to get a job to pay the CS!!!!!

Our bills were the same & now we had to take a major DECREASE in income---can ANYONE afford that? I don't know anyone who can! The $$$$ has to come from somewhere right? She gets an 'increase' from MY home to hers!

Yes you bet ANY BW is gonan be upset about that! Dontcha think?

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g123--what are you talking about? you haven't even emailed me yet!!!!!! Did ya' lose my email? you better get in touch girl!

You know you are right....this isn't a thread about ME. I was trying to be polite and show that it isn't all roses on this side of the fence either. Since I only know of one other MOW that gets CS from XMM I probably took her comments too personally. I tried to keep it nice but I felt she personally put a jab at the end of her post just for me about not having any sympathy because I got pregnant and had two men supposedly supporting me. Yes, I took it too personal. I appologize and I don't want you to feel attacked during this hard time. So I am very sorry.

WoW! THAT was REALLY nice 4t&ns! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


(i think we posted @ the same time w/ my previous post LOL)

sincerely,
kt

Tory, YES of COURSE my posts *seem* to be taking my irritations out on you- because I *am*. If you come to a place where SO many are emotinally and financially tapped out emotinally and financialy w/this crap....what do you expect?? This is a board where for me and others -- is the ONLY place to do so. It does pile up, you know!!
You "do" represent that irritation to some degree. Its the same for the BW who is received with fangs and hate unless she is in C w/oc.

As I have already said-- the BS DOES have every reason in the world to feel irritated and sick over this money - YES I AGREE MY H OWES THIS!! YES YES YES.. but that does not mean it does not KILL the me or the women around here to see this taken from OUR home!!Its something I can accept- but still DO have a need to VENT OR CRY ABOUT IT here!!

I am NOT judging you Tory- not at all. I'm LIVING with a man I LOVE who is guiity of the same stuff you were at one time. But YOU are here-- and just because I cannot sympathize w/you -- does not mean I "hate" you cause you dont work or am judging you. I'm not. And don't ever accuse me of throwing around names like "whore" cause I don't.

I'm a BW who is still trying to find her way. Trying to forgive, trying to undersand.. etc etc.. but I am not rid of all of it. Beware!

I will GLADLY agree with you when I do, but not today.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The nanny wants me to spend quality time with the children before nap in 10 min. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Those damn nannys can be such a nuisance, hey?!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'm glad to see you have your humor intact. Lord help us when we lose that.

Kt and I don't always see eye to eye, but I must say, we almost always find the same things to be funny! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Tori, I wish you could be recognized for the fact that you are the FWS trying to recover your M, moreso than you are recognized as an OW, but with exchanges like occurred today, it's probably easier for some to only see you as an OW. I'm glad you apologized though, that says a lot. People like you and I tend to have to eat a little more humble pie around here, sad, but that's the reality.

Gio123...
You are hurt but why attack? I am a BS with C. I also had a son 20 years ago with a man I had known since childhood. Guess what? He bolted when I told him I was pregnant.

So, I have kind of seen both sides. The child support I currently receive (bio dad VERY VERY far behind) is miniscule compared to what he makes. I have NEVER taken him back to court. I am sure there are women who hope to make some cash. But I firmly believe there are more who only want to make the best of an awkward situation. Do you really think most women would put themselves before the needs of their children?

IMHO...for a person to truly move forward in healing..whatever the situation maybe...you have to empathize (sp?) with the other person. We All have made mistakes. You can learn alot if you take the time to listen.

ent

It is hard to hear the OW side of the story, but it is helpful for me. The posters on the other board seem so negative (mild) about BS. OW who post over here seem to be honestly trying to give information. I think you are all right that we internalize any OW statement and apply it to our own OW. I am glad everyone was able to sort this out on the thread.

My OW gets $1200 a month from us!! She also gets the same from H#1 and alimony from H#2 totaling about $3000 tax free. And she still complained that it was not enough for her!! Maybe her butler asked for a raise. LOL

Labelle can I be your OW? Geez my baby's father doesn't even cover half the cost of daycare never mind anything else.

Court days are terribly hard to deal with, for all sides. This is Gio's place to vent afterall. Funny I don't see him as the "mm" anymore...just the jerk I have to deal with for cs. I empathize with the BS about the money, they shouldn't have to watch their kids suffer through financial hardships because of a decision their H made. In my case, he forced her to go back to work to get out of paying more CS, he even said that out loud! Makes me wonder why she doesn't murder him in his sleep...but that's just me.

Gio...take comfort in the fact it is over...at least I hope for your sake it is.

I believe some of us (BS) have had to give up way to much for what our spouses did.
we had a beautiful home. (my dream home) I had worked my [censored] off to help buy that house.
My h was blindsided in court. OW had told him she was dropping the case. So he went in without a lawyer. She lied. So the judge ordered my H to pay $800. a month.
We couldnt afford that. siad they didnt care he should have kept it in his pants.
So we had to file bancruptcy. We lost our home. couldnt afford child support and morgage payment. We also lost our van because we couldnt afford the payments on that either.
The bancruptcy court also put a lein on a settlement I will be getting sometime in the future, to be used to pay off all our creditors.
I agree that we are responsibible for our debts. I do not think I should be responsible for my H's part of the debt. This settlement I will be getting is for damage done to MY BODY. I should only be responsible for half the debt. not the whole thing. So I will probably end up with nothing. So I get screwed and screwed again.
OW on the other hand is a SAHM. she gets the child support plus $2300. a month from the VA. disability. You want to know what her disability is? she has panic attacks now. Since my H chose to end things with her it devestated her so much that she became an alcholic. when she stopped drinking she started having panic attacks so they discharged her from the navy and give her disability. cuz she says she cant work. My brother was in the vietnam war. He was shot 3 times. you know how much disability he gets? $80. a month. What is wrong with this picture???
this crap really pisses my off.
Today is just not a good day for me. My house that I lost now has a new family living in it. It hurts. I guess i had hopes of somehow getting it back. Now that dream is gone.

G123
I am glad things worked out for you. I am glad your H listened to what you and other people had to say. instead of being like my H and believing in the OW.

<small>[ October 21, 2004, 06:31 PM: Message edited by: Tylorsstepmom ]</small>

oh Taylorstepmom.....

I am so sorry. You didn't deserve any of this. I can't figure how this OW sleeps at night!

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And tori is very lucky she was able to blow off like this on this thread..I guarantee you, had this been reverse and done on her boards..trust me when I say... they would osterized you and deleted the post.

TylorsstepMom,
Your story is one I have been following.

This last post is the reason I have said in the past the courts should look at each child support hearing as an individual case and not just use state guidelines and impose a sentance on a man that usually ends up hurting his actual already crushed and pained family.

Whatever happened to reasoning?

Can the judges not read?

Your family from being in the war deserve far more than the *ow* does just because she can have babies without the fathers consent and then demand a lifetime of support for said child. It is truly a travesty.

Your story makes me cringe.

I tell my H now that I know what I know that I'd go out and have a few kids w/ a few wealthy men around town if I knew how much money I could get from having a baby..lol! It is a crying shame, but then so are a lot of other immoral things going on in the world, right? I wish we could choose which immorality we want!

Of course H gets all blown out when I talk like that. Deep down I couldn't do that to someone knowing all it would do was cause a hardship....hey if I was 1/2 of the affair, why should only the man have to pay? It is the revenge factor, after all...if they married these guys who they bed down with and made a baby with, there would be no child support/revenge factor.

Argue that one, won't you, ow who come here so much arguing YOUR points of CS?

~ugh~ I get so riled up reading about women who lose things due to cs....after working so hard to build what you have and then to have another woman snatch (sorry no pun intended)it away is truly sad.

Giovanna,
You rock woman!
You are the new light of MB!
Like your spirit along with LynnG.

Hey LynnG, Your H and mine have the same lack of feelings for oc. Mine just wants to "pay his dues" and forgeddaboutit.(borrowing fom another thread)
Then again, we moved and ow is back for more....huge lawyers fees...and she is just pe-oed because we moved and she can't harrass us daily.
Guess we have to put up with yearly harrassment now.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
But guess what guys? She called h's cell, he hung up and called our lawyer...we'll see what comes of that "contempt" of cs order from back in the day 2002.....

love
Debi

Good for you!!!! 50% is 50%. The courts are over worked with these cases and try to take the easiest way out. Stick to your guns!! The worst is now behind you.

You may want to check into a legal separation to get spousal support and child support on the books before he goes back to full pay. CHECK WITH A LAYWER on this. Address changes, etc.


Also, educate yourself. Speak to a financial attorney about future increases. Can they be diverted from income?

Do not pay her with a check. Use a money order or work with the bank. We have money withdrawn from our account and deposited into hers as a cash transaction. No need for ow to know where you bank or what your account numbers are.

As for insurance. Make DANG sure she can't get a single copy of anything from YOUR policy. There may be confidential info on the statement such as SSN or employee numbers. She has no reason to have those. CLEARLY stipulate that those come to YOU.

If she starts harrassing you in anyway, deal with it immediately. File formal complaints. She will learn to leave you alone and soon she will slither off and live her own life and so can you.

The worst is over. You are now in control of everything!! Want to see OC? She can't say no. Don't want to see OC? She can't force it.

Go and live your life and enjoy!! But keep a sharp eye. She may be a game player (what are the odds????) so keep a heads up.

I am so happy for you and proud of your husband!!!

OMG.. this is another thing I forgot....OW screamed at the last hearing out loud when she got mad.. "HE'S MARRIED!!" soo...
The judge told H he MUST SUE me for spousal support cause H and I claim to be seperated for tax purposes and OW purposes. We are not- so he then accepted a workers comp settlement so I did not have to be "sued". Then they could attach her payments from comp. LYNN, can you BELIEVE that pile of dung???? How rotten to think I should have to pay him!! ha! Otherwise, xow is very much out of our lives and we've heard BOO from her since she slashed H's tires 1.5 years ago when he said he wanted NC... he said he'd get a restraining order if she EVER came near us or our property again.End of that - so I thank God cause some of you are dealing w/HELL AND I'd explode if I had to deal w/an OW in that way-- oh my she might have to go down. LOL!!!!

Tory, its ALL GOOD. Your apology is not necessary but appreciated. I *can* agree to disagree,calm down and thats that! Its going to happen sometimes w/high emotions.

I feel very peaceful. My mother said you know thats from God! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and I agreed! I do, however feel a little shaky still since the prospect of arguments about "money" scare me right now. I get worried that resentment may well up over the large bill that is coming- and I JUST PAID OFF the exact same amount for my car... darn, topped off w/bills again! But I am, as KT said- willing and happy to have this last end tied.. and go on w/a good spirit. I'm actually becomming a "good sport" w/H and we are very affectionate all day!

Tory-- by the way!!! I do NOT believe a woman w/twins is eating bon-bons- it was not my point at all! Sure I envy you - its just natural, kwim? Hey, my boss' wife stays home w/8 month old twins, AND has a nanny, a dog walker, a cleaning lady.. and she is STILL stressed LOL!!

<small>[ October 22, 2004, 12:08 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

Gemini-- what you said about me was sooo sweet. I feel so much better and normal again that I am now able to TRY to give a little bit of the good stuff I got- back. I didnt have the energy or time to post or get involved. Now that I do and now that I'm back to being ALL THAT- as we ALL HERE WILL.. LOL.. I am coming out of my shell.

Tylorss--- you are a HECK of a woman. To stick by H through SUCH a devastating blow.. you WILL be rewarded here,and in HEAVEN.. don't forget it!Just hold on for the blessings, my dear- you deserve them!

J2- you still there? KT how do I get on SBF- can you email me and if lost my mail, let me know here if you can. I wanna see the pictures - was it your vowel renewal or just an anniversary party?

I'm going to throw my .02 cents in here in regards to child support...

Just giving an overview of my attitudes and experiences on the issue...

My exH is my older child's father. When we split, I took almost no child support because he was saving to buy a house and pay off debt...both of those things were in my child's best interest. After he bought his house and was doing well in his job, we agreed to raise it to the court ordered amount. (this was after about 4 years)and he still contributed often to little "extras". He also has life insurance which will benefit my child if something ever happens to his Dad (God forbid!) and has set up a college fund. He also has EXCELLENT health coverage for our child.
After a couple years he came to me and said that he wanted to join an apprentice program which would drastically reduce his income for several years until he finished, but ultimately would be a much better job and more money. He knew if he kept paying the support amount, he would be unable to pay his mortgage. I agreed to a drastic reduction for the time he was in this program...five years. yes, this made things difficult for me, but the end result was better for my child in the long run. The time period is nearly over now, and soon he will pay again based on CS guidlines here and I will have a large increase. It's been about compromise, give and take, and most importantly what is in our child's best interest.
Support is about more than money...it's 'support'. Having a father who has regular visitation allows me time to refuel as a woman and a mother. Having a father with whom I speak on a very regular basis and is very involved in his child's life makes a healthier, happier child, and also eases the burden of child rearing because I'm not doing it alone...and so I'm far more willing to be flexible with the money.

Now take my younger child father, who has NC and has been ordered to pay a failry large support amount. He is not "supporting" his child in any of the way's my exH is supporting his. My younger child's father will make no provision for my child's education (as I'm sure he will for his other child)or for my child in the event of his death...he will not buy things from school fundraisers or split the cost of a Halloween costume or after school activity as my exH does...
So yes, I will take every dime, and it won't ever be NEAR the support my older child gets from my exH, even though the written dollar amount is higher...

In the grand scheme of things, "support" comes in many forms and the flexibility of it's amount can be related to support in other ways...

Your family from being in the war deserve far more than the *ow* does just because she can have babies without the fathers consent
Why would you say that he had no say in the matter? He had at least as much say so in it as ow.

Chris-CA123,
I am not going *there* with the old arguement that has been around here since I joined, about how "he should have known that the sex act creates babies sometimes."

Notice I said without consent.

Most WS here did not want a child. Lord knows the BS sure didn't want one either.

You know what else? I don't think you've ever said a nice thing to me, or supported my opinion ever.

Am I reading you wrong? JMO... Or did I have too much coffee today?

Giovanna I meant what I said. Love the way you capture the right words and thoughts of a lot of BS in this predicament! Keep on posting the encouraging posts.
love
Debi

<small>[ October 22, 2004, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: gemini1 ]</small>

Notice I said without consent.
Yeah, I did notice that.

Most WS here did not want a child.
And most ow didn't want a child either (before the got pregnant).

I don't think you've ever said a nice thing to me, or supported my opinion ever.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I don't actually recall having ever responded to previously.
My comment was not mean (nor was it meant that way) and likewise, it was not nice. It was just a factual statement.
It is the same as the statement, "you are posting on MB". It's not mean and it's not nice. Just a fact.

I think every BS/WS/OW should have their own attorney. I have a friend and yes she has been w/ me since DAY ONE! Told me what to do when and what "I better not do" (whiched helped more) I am w/ lynng & others when the first things they tell a newbie "GET an attorney!" Dont go by hear say, or what I did or got to do. All states are different, even the judge for that matter. And yes the better the attorney, the better off you will be. I am covered from front to back to all around this merry-go-round. We will have C w/ the oc and it is our LEGAL right to do so. Just as people here dont have C. Its their LEGAL right to do so. And for the record (to OW out there) We offered her MORE than the state allow! Now there is one you dont hear too often. Dont hide anything, if you are covered, you dont have to.
My H and I may have sucked at being M, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (We dont now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )But we have never sucked at being parents. And we have and do plan to work w/ the ow on everything this child needs / wants. Is it fair to MY D to suffer, no, but she's not and never will. I am thankful God blessed me w/ a brain and the ability and want to take care of me and mine. (Not to say anyone here doesn't)Which I think everyone here has done to make sure theirs are taken care of. He has blessed me a great deal.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D