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<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:44 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by baba2:
<strong> Here is my advice take it or leave it.

LEARN TO LIVE ALONE! Develop a plan TODAY to live alone and raise your child or children.

YOU CAN DO IT. You can live alone without a man. You need to learn how to do this for many reasons....
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was the type of person that would not take abuse from anyone. I swore when I was single that I would never find myself in a situation like that. My husband didn't start being abusive. I don't know if there were signs, but I guess I must have missed them. At first on one of his anger outbursts, I thought it was a one tim incident. They didn't come every day, his outbursts. Sometimes I felt I was exageratting. When I tried to defend myself I felt I was doing the right thing. After a while I went without notice of the abuse. It's kind of like a dog that has an attitude and as soon as you start hitting it, they just put their head down and let their owner hit them, nevertheless they stay there. I don't know why. I often told myself, I didn't use to be like this - I always stood out for myself, but I felt I had to give in to save the marriage.

My mother in law use to tell me that I should pick my battles when I was with him. Pretty soon, I stopped picking battles and just let him go. I did lose my sense of identity and that's when I felt out of control. You are right. I am out of control with my life. At this time I have not asked him to take me back. The letter that I posted here, the Plan B letter, that didn't look like a plan B letter at all, I had just put it here to get your input.

I may have been dependent on my husband, but I also had wishful thinking that he would change. I truly do love my husband. I know the relationship may not be restored and it deeply hurts.

The way you have put me on this looks like a woman in desperation, hopping to bed just with anyone. It wasn't just with anyone, but just one. It was a big mistake I know. I admit I am out of control on my personal life. I am trying to get help, but right now everything is very difficult, as I had to leave my good paying job back in the other state. I can't work in this state as a teacher yet since they don't have positions available for what I teach. Everything has been disrupted in my life. Therapy costs money and it's something that I feel I have to put on hold.

I have medical bills from my delivery that I have to pay. I have my lawyer to pay who is charging me so much since it's an interstate custody case. I have to pay my last minute flight back to the persons who paid for it. I have to pay to get all my documentations again since I left the rest back home. There is also the car that he refuses to give back, but that I'm still responsible for paying. I have asked for a forberance for my student loans, but that's pretty much it. As you see I'm paying in more ways than one. The financial, and emotional aspects in my life are all piling up, and it's hard to gain control once again.
My life WAS out of control and CONTINUES to be out of control. I feel i'm slipping away, and I can't get out of this hole. It seems hopeless right now.

Eacl,

Is there a way to get the local police from your old state to help you get the car back? I am afraid for you it sounds like your H may not make this easy for you. I cannot advise whether a plan b letter is appropriate I hope someone else can. Just know someone is praying for you and your baby.

FF

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithful follower:
<strong> Eacl,

Just know someone is praying for you and your baby.

FF </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank yo so much for your prayers. The car hopefully I'll get it when the house gets sold. We already have a buyer and the contract has been forwarded to my attorney. Maybe that'll make my husband happy long enough and will cool him off enough to let me have my car. You guys are so nice...even though I don't see a light at the other side of the tunnel, with you guys I see a little candle flickering through guiding me. It's still hard to breathe....I'm getting so tired.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It's still hard to breathe....I'm getting so tired. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Keep breathing...focus on your little one. That is who really needs you right now. You will be ok.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithful follower:
<strong> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Keep breathing...focus on your little one. That is who really needs you right now. You will be ok. </strong>[/QUOTE]

That's who keeps me going. I am so sad all the time, but when I see his little face, I forget about everything else that's going on. At 3 months he giggles and smiles so much. He's such a happy baby. I wish I could see his little smiling face all day, maybe I'd forget about everything once and for all.