Are there any of you with NC that WOULDN'T want your H to terminate rights if OW married and her H wanted to adopt OC?

It seems only logical to me that such a scenario would make the married couple HAPPY, so I'm trying to understand WHY someone WOULDN'T want to do it...

Thoughts?

Oh yes!! H would definately sign off but thats a pipe dream for us cause it will never happen.
I think there is more to that story than meets the eye if thats the case.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think there is more to that story than meets the eye if thats the case </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Like what? I guess I don't really understand what you mean...

Why do you think in your case that it would never happen? I mean, you never know...(you can always hope!!)

At one point in time H was willing to sign off on his rights. Xow had approached him saying that her H wanted to adopt Oc and that they would stil let H have a relationship with OC. H filled out his part of the paper work but Xow never went through with it. She even wanted H to pay for it.

This past summer she did it again, wanted H to sign off on his rights. He told her no this time.

I think with everything going on now, she wishes that she had gone through with the adoption.

I mean I find it wierd that a man who is NC with a child would NOT sign off and not have to pay CS anymore. What reason could he have to deny an adoption of the Child he is NC with.
In our case I know it would never happen for 2 reasons. 1. xOW would never let that happen and
2. xOW would never let that happen. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

If we had never met OC, EVER........
Then I think H would have easily....w/o a second thought...& w/ blessings to boot. It would have been great for everyone involved.

But..IRL...we have met OC so......if that was ever presented....We'd be getting an attorney real quick......@ least that is what I would think

oh wait, I forgot. OW DID request that...after we were about 18 months into our relationship w/ OC. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

It was all about CONTROL, not OC best interests.
Of course, there was no other man involved either.

KT,

Oh, I can totally understand not wanting to if you know the child, but when you don't, and have no intention of it, it seems a terrible thing to do...

Part of the problem is that not all MM and their BS don't want to know/have contact with the OC. The contact is too difficult due to OW demands and wanting to be in control of too much, so they throw in the towel and back off.

This is not always the case, but there are many examples of it on this board.

FMWB,

I'm not saying that doesn't happen in some situations, but I think it's a minimum...

So it still really doesn't change anything. I mean, for whatever reason, the couple has NC, which is their choice, so if that's their choice, why stop a child from having a full and complete family elsewhere??

meNtheboyz,
///I'm not saying that doesn't happen in some situations, but I think it's a minimum...///

I beg to differ but in most of the cases I know of that is THE MAIN reason there is no contact. The OW cry and scream about how the father needs to be involved then make the most unreasonable and stupid demands that the MM and wife figure it just isn't worth the hassel.
As far as your question, my H would sign away his rights in a minute if he thought it would make a better and more stable life for oc.

I agree with you ME.
It would be cruel to NOT let someone else adopt the child if the parent had already decided not to a part of his/her life.
I've read something about this happening on an"other" board but I know there is more to the story than what is being told too.

I am quite certain my H would sign his rights away if OW was to marry and the new man wanted to adopt the child. We have NC and my H said he is okay with this and why. He told me he IS concerned about OC, but he is pretty sure that OW will be a good mother and he sends the child support, bought good health insurance and a life insurance policy on himself for OC. He says he does feel some guilt about the OC, but he said he tried whatever HE could to get OW go for adoption. He felt is was best for OC since the two of them were not going to be together. BUT he did not have any control over whether OC was adopted, aborted or kept. She could do as she wished regardless of what he wanted. So he felt like when OW made her choice to keep OC, it was going to be as if she had adopted OC ....with child support.

On a more cynical note, OW and new hubby could legally change OC's last name to new hubby's and continue on as a family and still take the child support. Why wouldn't they?? They could still be one happy family with one name and money in the bank, especially if there is NC. They don't have to share OC at all.

I do hope that our OW finds a man to be OC's father. I don't think there is a single BS on this board who wouldn't wish this for any OC. A dad living with them every day and loving them. Even if you are sharing custody. Is it bad for the OC to have two loving father's?? My kids have a couple of extra "grandparents". They love them all because the adults love them.

Hello,
I think that if OW is getting CS and has NC why would she want to stop the money coming because once you terminate your rights there is no more CS. I think a lot of people see it that way.


Dawn

I think some of y'all are a little confused about what happens when the father signs away his parental rights.

Signing away his parental rights does NOT mean he will no longer have to pay child support UNLESS the xOW's H adopts the child.

Without another man standing ready to become the child's legal father, signing away parental rights means only that...the biological father will have no say-so at all in regard to the care, well-being, or parenting of the child, but will still be liable for child support.

You're right, LC, but I'm speaking specifically of adoption by another man.

Dawn, money isn't everything...many would give it up for their child to have a "real" father...of course, in the case I'm speaking of, money isn't a factor...

It sounds fishy to me, I mean if exmm is in nc and has no plans to be in oc's life...then what's the problem? Have you asked him? Does he hold out hope to be part of oc's life when the child is grown and is afraid to give that up? I'm sure you could reassure him that oc would still know who his/her bio dad is and would be free to contact him when the child is old enough. IF he's just being spiteful...can you sue to have the adoption processed without his support on grounds of abandonment?

Hello,
Well, I was just speaking of people that cannot survive without CS. Especially, if they have more than 1 child. I know of three people that got pregnant in high school or soon after. The fathers pay CS but don't see their kids. They got pregnant again and married the 2nd child's father and went on to have a couple of more kids. The first child only knows the husband as their father but they need that CS to survive. So, they really can't adopt them. So, I do think that money plays a big part of it.


Dawn

Dawn

We have NC with oc and in a heartbeat would let someone else adopt him if they loved him enough to do that. Only then would we not be responsible for CS. So being the greedy ow that she is I am sure that will never happen.

I know that in my case my H would gladly terminate rights--he thinks it is the best given the circumstances. In Oregon you can get rights terminated sometimes without them being adopted by someone and I think in this case would be the best all the way around.

I say even though it looks like H and I are getting a D--OW is not in the picture and hasn't been for a long while but H is still convinced that he doesn't love me etc. anymore--anyway I think terminating rights is best--it is best because dealing the OW is so difficult--they make it horrible.

JMO

Albany

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lady Clueless:
<strong> I think some of y'all are a little confused about what happens when the father signs away his parental rights.

Signing away his parental rights does NOT mean he will no longer have to pay child support UNLESS the xOW's H adopts the child.

Without another man standing ready to become the child's legal father, signing away parental rights means only that...the biological father will have no say-so at all in regard to the care, well-being, or parenting of the child, but will still be liable for child support. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">not necessarily.... UNLESS there is some variation from state to state. I had my son's father's parental rights terminated when I divorced him...on grounds of abandonment. My son cannot receive CS, social security benefits or inheretance when his bio father dies.
I have the court certified documents sitting right in front of me.
I was a single parent at the time I did it as well... was not plaaning on remarrying.


Now perhaps you are confused and thinking about termination of VISITATION rights... that's something different. OR if the father is an abuser or something, they can lose the right to have any contact with the child but in that case they would still be obligated to pay CS

<small>[ November 18, 2004, 06:27 PM: Message edited by: nycmedic ]</small>