I am 21 and got married last january. The day we got married my husband left for japan(military) and I was in california for 3 months. H went to a club brought 1 girl home I know of and had sex muliple times durring the 3 months.He enden up with a baby boy. It have alwaze planned getting married and being happy. I wanted to have children for the first time together with my husband, and go threw the experience of being first time parents together. He wants to be very much involved in his sons life, and was very exited when he was born. he even got a tatto of his sons name. This hurts me so bad because I was verry much looking forward to having our first born together.When I had gotten pregnant he asked me to get an abortion since he cant afford another child.....that hurt even more. I dont want him to have anything to do with his son except child support....Im affraid hes gona experience evry thing with his son first before we have children. Is it wrong that I want him to stop having a relationship with his son? we are on the brink of divorce and I cant get him to see things my way. He even pays the mom more child support then he suposse to. please let me know what you guys think.

Lacyrose as an ex military woman who has been through 3 unfaithful men. My 2nd was a military man, and I can only tell you that I walked away once I found out I was pregnant because I knew that I did not want to raise my son with a man that could teach him that type of lifestyle. Please think of how boys are raised today as well as girls, do you really want to allow that type of treatment to be viewed by a child not to mention the emotional devastation and repair that comes along with it. Starting over is hard but the payoffs are great. I wish you the best is dealing with your relationship!

Lacey,

First I want to say welcome to Marriage Builders. You have found the right place. Click on this link and go to SunnyD's welcome to pregnancy/child board. welcome

Unfortunately with the Holiday here and a long weekend, the list is very slow. You may need to wait a few days for more experienced members to come along. If you want to save your marriage, read through the site about Dr. Harley's concepts. You can click here to go to a link to take you to the basic concepts. basic concepts

I am sorry for the circumstances that bring you here. My brief story is I have been married 13 years. I had an A over 7 years ago that my H just found out about last week. My H has had two A's over the past 4 years, the second one has produced a pregnancy. The child is due the end of February. We are in intense MC and beginning to heal. At this point I have given all of this over to God and put my faith and trust in the Father. Putting too much faith in your H is not a safe thing to do, especially at this point in your life. In my opinion your H sounds a bit immature. You are quite young and do not have children at this point. I am not by any means encouraging divorce, but it would be simpler now than after having children. Did you end up having an abortion?

Anyway, please read before you make any decisions and post here. I will check in on you. I am in town this weekend though cooking my Thanksgiving dinner will keep me occupied most of today.

One more thing, if you are a believer do you have a pastor or priest you can talk to?

Laceyrose,

You have every right not to accept your WH's OC in your life, if you truly beleive that you can't. But by the same token, you cannot take away your WH's right to want to become involved in the life of his child IF that is his wish. Think about it, if the situation were reversed and it was you that had become pregant with another man's child, would your H have a right to demand you get rid of your OC? Of course not. So if you are absolutely sure that you can't accept your WH's OC in your life, then the only recourse you have is to divorce your WH. But I would encourage you to give yourself a few months time before you make a decision to stay married or divorce your WH, not so much because you are going to change your mind but to give yourself the time to let your rational side be the final judge in the matter and you can be at peace no matter what its decision might be.

TMCM

Laceyrose,

Just checking in to see how you are doing.

d

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:30 AM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

SO did you get the abortion? And this was after he already produced OC?

Since this is barely your 2nd post, I am curious to hear the complete story as I am quite outraged for you over this little bit you have shared.

It sounds as if your H has already made up his mind so get it through yours that there is nothing you can do to CHANGE him @ all. It is up to him if he wants to change.

What will you do if he chooses not too?

If he is willing then MC is a MUST.

[I[If he doesn't care about your feelings on the matter then why is he w/ you?[/I]

Was he remorseful? How did you find out?(confession or discoverey) Does he want to stay married?

It sounds so one sided of course but I would like to know more before I go 'off'.

Is this child in another country now & where are you 2? Does he already have regular contact w/ his son & how old is his son?

I know these are a lot of questions but I just want to know more before I can really offer any advice, for what it would be worth.

Hang in there.....we're here for you.

Read up on all of the Harley's concepts & familiarize yourself w/ them. They will be needed if your marraige is to be restored.

sincerely,
ooo
xxx
kt

Sorry it has tooken so long to reply, my husband saw that I had been on here and got very upset im duscussing info with other people.To answer your questions yes i did get an abortion..I could not bring a child into this marriage. Chances are it might not work out and im only 21 with no job experience..I couldnt raise a child on my own.I found out he cheated when he kept asking for my email passwords to see if any guys email me, so i asked for his since he seemed suspiciouse....I talked to the girl and found out they had sex in our bed multiple times, and talked to another girl he was planning to meet that next night.they didnt even use a condom and he wasnt even gona get tested for std....but i made him. His baby now lives in the states...He is a good person since he wants to be a good father...but i dont think i can handle this situation and accept the child....it was too important for me and him to only have children together....I had half brother and sisters and my fater favored my oldest brother so much since it was his first born...and i dont want that for my children. When i did find out he seemed more sorry that we were fighting then he was about hurting me. He says it was an accident but he hasnt allowed me any time to grieve...when i would bring it up or cry he would say if ima be like that then we need to end it now cuz he doesnt wana be around that. Latly I have tried to ignore it and hope i forget about the pain..but evry time sex comes up all i can think about is him and her in our bed. Im alwaze constantly reminded of the oc when peole ask how many kids we have or if we have children then he brings up his son...then they ask if its ours and that just hurts. I feel like he does to much to please the childs mother...she only want her son to wear the most expensive name brand cloths...so thats what he buys....its a baby so he doesnt know the diff between 20 dollar or 80 dollar shoes.When I ask for sumthing i need such as socks....deoderant or anything he makes me feel so bad about spending money...then turns around and buys his son expensive stuff....sorry for the long talk i just had to get out some anger, but i wana thank every one for there post and advice