I don't know why I bother, but I posted a very, very valid post on another board (real stumper)... However, my post was instantly delted. I actually answered questions that a pregnant girlfriend of a married cheater asked me. But I hit the back button and saved my post.

I am putting this here for all the girls who read here, and POST here who are FREE to correspond with us- unless they are downright NASTY. I really do not mind it- because as with ALL situaions regarding BW/OW-- the BW proves over and over that SHE is the one to be respected. SHE is the one that the H runs back to because most of these STOW are absolutely off the chards ridiculous and rude. They are showing once again to us here, that their antics do include deleting any posts that are even IN FAVOR of the OC if they come from a FBW... its childish at best.

Here was the topic: a former BW who is BEGGING the OW there to help her learn how to further coddle the OW. OW will NOT give any visits w/H unless it is WITH HER.. oh so original. The thread goes on and on about how NOT to upset POOR OW. Yet this BW is already dealing w/the H who works alone w/xow, who has 5 children and who has COMFORTED this xow as well as been OVERLY compensating.. and has allowed HER own 5 children to be in OW's company when H was living with OW!! SHE STILL got blasted out of the water by (many) OW there for PRESSURING the OW... for STICKING her nose into THE H AND OW AND CHILD'S business.... for having the NERVE to beg them for ways to get the child meshed with her kids-- for the ALL THE CHILDRENS' sake! She even offered to LEAVE HER OWN HOME when the OC was there!!!

These OW absolutely are cut from some pattern- out of a bad dollar store fun book????? They dont see WHY they make contact impossible! Why can't these mothers see that if they are acting THIS impossible-- how the HECK would they act if they were in our shoes? WOW !!

They scream AssDad.. they cry H0RRID man when they have NC... and then they BLAST an accepting BW and they BASH an xmm who wants time with his child WITHOUT the OW there! Its like a Ripleys exhibit to me.

They also believe that their childrens' father ONLY deserve rights if they PAY PAY PAY.. how can you put a pricetag on your child's foot like that?? My dad was a rotten, aweful husband and a cheater-- and he paid NOTHING to my mother's household expenses.... but these women cry and gnash their teeth and they are getting HOMES, LARGE SUMS OF MONEY, etc!! WOW.

Okay ... I really try to be fair and diplomatic with everyone regardless of title-- but I am just plain in amazement ... I have to show you what got deleted -- amazing...

Here's the questions I was asked by the nastiest, most green, bitter, hateful ow I've seen:
HER
"Maybe I am wrong, but aren't you the wife of a cheater who has NC with his child?"
ME:
You are partly incorrect. I am not the wife of a cheater, nor a BW. You are right in that my husband has NC w/his OC."
HER:
"Don't you also post on the other site and applaud the others who have no contact?"
ME:
You are right in that I post on another board as Giovanna123. You are wrong in that I absolutely do not "applaud" anyone for NC. I find it to be a very sad situation- I don't applaud any child's misfortune. I *do* applaud and support anyone who finds a way (with or without contact) to get past such a nightmare with any sanity left, and who also manages to find joy again. I do also applaud any former BW who accepts and handles C. Its wonderful.
HER:
"How are you a "former" wife? Are you now divorced?"
ME
I'm a former "BW". My H's betrayal was in the past- we are very much past that part of our lives and the title of BW has no relevance anymore.

My H's past betrayal, my former title, nor the NC situation has anything to do with my view on this thread. I do not agree with keeping a child from a parent. I also do not agree that any BW should be the one to decide NC. I also did not control or decide on NC in my own M, my H and OW made decisions that led to that. As you mentioned yourself in this thread- the OC is H and xow's child and the outcome is solely the burden of OW and H. I had no hand in creating the child, and the child is not mine.

It is my duty to control major life decisions relating to my children and to protect them from harm. It is also my duty to afford my children the right to be loved and cared for by their father no matter how I may feel about him, ever. [/QUOTE]

So there you have it-- pure, sheer confirmation of WHY the BWs here are posting about OW so much-- this is the REALITY of an xow and how they are 99% of the time!! If they WERENT this way-- we'd be talking about OTHER THINGS! But these womna are in our many of our lives-- how can you NOT talk about such CRAP that you have to deal with as an ADULT!! ITS unbelievable!!!

**Saying this in my Jack Nicholson voice**

"They can't handle the truth".... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

LOVE your response-- Angel! LOLOLOLOLOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Of course you KNOW I heard Jack's exact voice because me and H LOVE that movie- I laughed so hard!

A few of the OW were speaking the same theories as me w/much harsher words.... but oh well those particlar fow GET it... so titles mean anything to me, its deny truths to be brought to the light.

LOVE your response-- Angel! LOLOLOLOLOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Of course you KNOW I heard Jack's exact voice because me and H LOVE that movie- I laughed so hard!

A few of the OW were speaking the same theories as me w/much harsher words.... but oh well those particlar fow GET it... so titles dont mean anything to me, never have. Its denying truths to be allowed to be brought to the light - whether you are an ow or bs... that drives me nuts.

<small>[ February 03, 2005, 06:33 PM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

I read that thread and the one about Lynn, both of which put me in a particularly foul mood. I can't stand people being so purposefully obtuse and selfish. If you read both threads together you can see the stupidity so clearly. In the one bashing Lynn, they are all for C and how NC is so terrible that those who are in NC are going to burn in h*ll. Then as soon as someone wants C, then it's poor little ow , she shouldn't be expected to share HER child. Give her time, SHE'S in pain!! Funny thing is it takes them NO time to get c.s. At one point they tried to make that woman feel guilty for being m'd. Then advised her to leave her H! It was all so incredible and ludicrous.

It was therapeutic though. I'm now POSITIVE that NC was the best choice. My ow would definitely fit in with the crowd who doesn't get it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by happymom:
<strong> I read that thread and the one about Lynn, both of which put me in a particularly foul mood. I can't stand people being so purposefully obtuse and selfish. If you read both threads together you can see the stupidity so clearly. In the one bashing Lynn, they are all for C and how NC is so terrible that those who are in NC are going to burn in h*ll. Then as soon as someone wants C, then it's poor little ow , she shouldn't be expected to share HER child. Give her time, SHE'S in pain!! Funny thing is it takes them NO time to get c.s. At one point they tried to make that woman feel guilty for being m'd. Then advised her to leave her H! It was all so incredible and ludicrous.

It was therapeutic though. I'm now POSITIVE that NC was the best choice. My ow would definitely fit in with the crowd who doesn't get it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I posted on both those threads....and I'm for nc. I have my personal feelings about it, and have voiced WHY I feel that way with also adding it is my own selfish feelings. One thing we need to look at here though is that just as your board is for your purpose and you ladies do allow me to post (and tolarate me) you also vent and have that right. It's your board to do so. Just as the ow over there are in there own stages as well and have that right to vent over there. You know Gio you did exactly what someone else did over there....brought it over here as she did over there but both of you did it in a way that was respectful to the other board. Gio your asking to be zapped everytime you go over there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . I don't think it's fair, but it's not my place to stop it. We need to understand that we have both these boards and they both serve a purpose. We are all in different stages of the healing game sometimes it is hard to accept what the other is saying and it could be that because we are on different sides of the fence and have been betryed in different ways is why we are so passionate and emotional over what we feel KWIM? I will say this........the post that Happy is talking about 6 months ago I would have blew a gasket over here on that but I was able to just bypass the whole thread. Not to say I'll always do that but I've come along way in my healing over all this and it just takes time.

Don't act stupid and post over there, and then whine about it here. You really should know better than that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't act stupid and post over there, and then whine about it here. You really should know better than that </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">K- I dont appreciate you saying I'm stupid. I'll refrain from any further words for you.

NTMO- when Stormy, yourself, JM, even CLO when she behaves, posts--- I post back in a way that is PURELY about the MEAT of the thread. I am objective and fair with everyone regardless of title. I replied because I felt, just as those free to do here, that I was able to have a "conversation" with adults.

But again, as Happy said-- I am always reminded and have reaffirmation of the type of people we, here, would be opening our lives to if we had contact. That is useful to a degree, beleive me.

I dont care how much pain I EVER was in- or whos place it is here or there.. I NEVER as an adult and a human being have felt it was my rigtht to P*SS on people because I was angry- to be a "RACIST" of sorts towards people who did nothing to me or who are memerly a different "race" (bw/ow)... but thats me- and I'm glad I have the tollerence and kind nature that I do to be able to accept people not just for where they come from,etc.

Gio I agree! What a way to put it racist. Never thought of it like that. Really. But yeah, you have a point. As I said, I don't agree that you are zapped as soon as your seen. I don't have any choice in the matter over there though. I still post over there as I feel I have something to offer to people there, but to be honest, because I post here some take what I say with a grain of salt. Some listen to me. I think some has to do with where they are at in the healing. Yes even us ow have to heal from this. Plus also I think because of who I am I can see the other side (even if I agree or don't)more. I think it because I'm a libra <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And yes Gio, I've seen you be nice to us....and even join in a joke and reciepes with us.

Gio, what post are you referring too? I saw your post although I did not read the whole thing and it looks like you were kept in tact except for what you edited? Was it on another thread?

Gio:

I didn't say that you were stupid. I said you were acting stupid(ly).

If I were to stick my head into a beehive full of angry bees and then complain about getting stung---what would you think?

What gets me more concerned is that when we have posters from over here post on the OW board, and then complain about it here---well, the bees follow you home. I don't like bees. I'd prefer to leave them alone in their hive.

OK?

Mary- you didnt see it because it was completely removed in its entirety.

It was in response to the EvilOne's post over there (as I call her in my mind).. but oh well... I wont be back anytime soon, and have posted about 3 times there in 6 months.

In fact I need to stay off the boards completely-- I get more work done lately that I don't post much! LOL... I get distracted at work so easily, limited my time around the boards is best.

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 09:59 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

AMEN.......K!!!!

What a great analogy!

ent

Oh gee what a nice suprise.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Hello Ent.

Lol....Here they come out of the woodwork <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hi Gio <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I posted on both those threads....and I'm for nc. I have my personal feelings about it, and have voiced WHY I feel that way with also adding it is my own selfish feelings.

ok mary, sure, so WHY is it OK for an OW to choose NC for her 'own selfish reasons' but a man who chooses that is an ***dad?

See the hypocrisy?

WIll ANY OW ever admit OUT LOUD that there are VALID reasons to choose NC or as many ow call it; 'abandon your baby' whawhawahwah!

NC, abandon baby, whatever, you can twist it however you want but it's still straight out NC.

WHy isn't an OW who makes C difficult to the point of NC being the ONLY viable alternative considered a HORRIBLE mother?

Sure, jump all over lynn for a position her family took & stood firm on & she's considered evil. get real!

Why can't a self-absorbed, selfish beyond comprehension, OW, be ok to be considered evil?

I mean keeping a child AWAY from it's father? Isn't that evil? Is that ANYthing but SELFISH?

No mary, I am NOT saying that YOU kept your child away from thier dad BUT you are admitting, on some level, how it is BETTER for YOU. And Lynn stands up for how it was better for THEM & I'm saying how it is better for US.

And gio, I'm w/ K, quit playing on the wrong side of the tracks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> & bringing 'home' that nonsense. Haven't you learned yoru lesson yet?

xoxoxo
kt

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 04:05 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ktbunch:
<strong>
ok mary, sure, so WHY is it OK for an OW to choose NC for her 'own selfish reasons' but a man who chooses that is an ***dad?

See the hypocrisy?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'll step in and answer that one KT.

NC is BEST for OW and for xMM & his W.

NC is NOT in the best interest of the OC.

There is a "Child's Bill of Rights" which includes that a child has the right to KNOW BOTH parents.

NC takes that right away from OC.


We LOVE NC because the child is ALL OURS. We don't have to share them, we don't have to bicker about discipline, schools, doctors, medications, diet, sports, etc. WE MAKE ALL DECISIONS. We love that! It's so much EASIER for us, as single mothers, to have 100% say in how we are raising our children.
I can image that xMM and W LOVE NC because they don't have to deal with xOW, they don't have to deal with an adjustment in their home and with their children, they don't have to "parent" a child that is not "wanted" or "welcomed" in their home. It IS best for the M if there are no outside interferences of xOW/OC and the drama that tags along with ANY co-parenting situation where the parties are no longer a "family unit".

NC is GREAT for the adults.


We call them ***dads because they are not being fathers in the physical sense and this is not fair for OC. Once again, all children have the right to know their parents.


It's a Catch-22.

There are days where I say to myself "He's such an *-ing *** for not being a father." and there are days when I say "Thank GOODNESS he's not around!".

It's a very mixed emotion that accompanies NC. We adults (xOW & xMM) are taking the "easy" path of NC, but it's not the "right" path for OC.

So, yes, they are ***dads for not being around and we are HAPPY they're not around.

I think our gender reputation is enough to defend that hipocritical statement. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 04:07 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

I don't think that really answered the question.....

Why is a man who chooses NC a JERK but not an OW who chooses NC for the father?

And CLO you are forgetting that getting pg by MM predestine that choices would FOREVER be made that were NOT in the best interest of OC.

As well as MM getting his OW pg, predestined that choices would be made that would NOT be in the best interest of OC.

JUST AS having A in the first place was a choice that was NOT in the best interest of the children already @ home.

I am not here FOR the 'best interest' of OC, C may not be in the best interest of MY children, who already suffer & have suffered by their dad having A.

I consider it a no-win situation but we adults can accept it & HELP our children accept it as well, whatever choice we make.

Not ALL the children of the world, that don't know their bio-dads, grow up to be poor, hurt, resentful & angry adults. I know I didn't. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

xoxo
kt

KT,
I know you're not here for the best interest of OC, but we xOW's ARE looking out for the best interest of our child and THAT is why we feel the way we do. I'm just trying to help you understand where we're coming from when we call them ***dads. I'm not saying our children are more important than your children, I'm just saying EVERY child has the right to know their parents.

IF an xMM wanted C and xOW did not allow C, THAT would be unacceptable.

It is NOT acceptable for ANY parent to withold C with the other parent, whether it be Mother keeping child from Father, or Father keeping child from Mother. Whether it be xH, xW, xBF, xGF, xOW, xMM etc. - children have the right to know their parents.

xMM usually chooses NC and we as xOW's usually like it better this way because it's easier for everyone. We only frown on absenteism where our child's right to know their father is concerned.

We call them ***dads because they had the ***** to make the child but not the ***** to raise them.

An xOW who keeps OC from xMM on purpose would be an ***mom unless that man was a danger to her child. Once again, it's a child's right to know their parents and to have that taken away from the child is wrong in my opinion.

<small>[ February 04, 2005, 08:06 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

For the umpteenth time.

If a woman wants a father for her child, she shouldn't sleep with a married man. Find one who is completely 100% available.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

If I wanted a hamburger, and walked into a vegetarian restaurant, and then complained that I couldn't get a hamburger...well, that would make me...pretty dumb!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

If a woman wants to be a single parent, and take on all the responsibilities, I guess that is her choice.
But if a woman requires a father but thinks so little of her future offspring that she can't find a father who is available to parent...I guess that makes her an ***mom.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />