I just read your thread. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am sitting at my desk bawling like a baby....I am so sorry for the pain you're going through!

You've given me some very good advice over the past few months....I'd give anything right now to have something wise and brilliant to say, but I don't. I can only share my tears. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm so angry for you, and sad, and completely in shock!

Please remember to take care of yourself and your baby. I was pregnant with our first child on D-Day and I remember how I didn't eat for nearly two weeks - I just couldn't stomach food. It made me very sick, I went into pre-term labor about ten times throughout the pregnancy. I scared my OB nearly to death. Do take care {{{honey}}} - that tiny little life inside of you is very fragile and needs you to treat your body very well.

I can't give you enough {{{hugs}}}!!

Rest, eat, drink water, take a bath, anything selfish - for you and the baby....

You and the little one are in my thoughts....

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

AVNL-Thank you for your kind words, I'm sorry if the situation brings up painful memories for you.

H came to work yesterday w/ roses, chocolates, and protein shakes. He wanted me to have the shakes for when I didn't feel like eating. He gave me a hug and thanked me for being his best friend. He cooked dinner last night. He told me he bought OW flowers also. She took a movie to work and left it for him- "Serendipity". She left him a note telling him "If it was meant to be, it was meant to be." He took it back to her and told her he didn't want to watch some dumb movie and what did the note mean? (I kind of laughed at that one.) If she wanted to watch it w/ him sometime to let him know. She said she needed time. She is having a hard time knowing that I will always be in the picture now. She says that it will always be her, him and me. I said well, the difference is that I won't sleep w/ him if ya'll are together. She asked him what he will do if I call and need something and they are together. He said if it was something for the baby, delivery, etc...He will be there. She turned around and walked off. She's upset he wasn't there for her pregnancy. She tried to tell me last night that he is doing all of this for me out of guilt for not being there for her. I told her "No, the difference is that he has always been here to do the things that are important for me." He told her that I wanted to be at the hospital w/ him but he thought it would be too stressful for her. She said she was selfish and wanted her and OC to always come first. He said "I can't believe you just said that. This baby will be just as important to me as OC." (He thinks she really could be good w/ our baby also, but the thought of turning my baby over to this woman makes me sick.) He told her there is a part of him that will always love me. (She of course didn't like that either.) He told her I had always been good w/ OC and he didn't expect her to be any different. He keeps telling me she is a good mother and he enjoys seeing her w/ OC. I've called my doctor about the stress today. They told me to relax (I just don't know how to do that.) The doctor is suppose to call me back.

{{{{{WIFE30}}}}}}}

I had to respond when I saw your H sent OW flowers. Wife30, I know you have to know that you deserve so much more than a H who is buying you and some OW dirtbag flowers at the same time. That is insane.That just breaks my heart for you. I would want to (doesn't mean I would in your shoes, because it is always different when it's your own H doing these terrible things) throw his roses, chocolates and shakes in the trash in front of him because he is trashing your marriage. I am so sorry.

Adgirl I completely understand your opinion. I felt like that the first day. We are not discussing a reconcilliation. Actually, I am trying to let him do things for me (proably out of guilt) because I am depressed and I was getting so stressed I was cramping. For whatever reason having him around is still calming. I am taking advantage of the calm to try to further my pregnancy and in hopes that as parents we will still be able to communicate effectively. He just sent an e-mail that he had not contacted OW (like he said) but she called and asked him to meet her after work. I can't say in the back of my mind I don't have hope for this marriage (and he said the same thing last night). He knows I'm still calling the lawyer (waiting on a return phone call). He's being honest, and I hope that will help me to be able to move on- hearing things I guess I should have faced a long time ago. Who know, maybe if he works through all this there is still hopes for our marriage since we can't divorce until at least Aug. or Sept. But, I'm not counting on it. It would take a lot from him to do that.

Wife, please take care of yourself ... easier said than done, I know ... but you and your baby ARE the most important thing right now ...

Let me share this, by the time I got pregnant, I had a feeling that H (at that time) was with another person ...
I had my pregnancy test done on February 8, 03. Then the weekend of V-day (I remember it was a Friday), we made plans to go out for dinner ... when I got home, he had leave a note saying that he was taking the weekend for himself and needed time to think how he felt about us and about the baby.
I cried the whole weekend and was so sure that he was with OW ...
when he came back, he was calmed and told me that he loved me but he was not in love with me, but that there was not another person (yeah right!)...
The first three months of my pregnancy were horrible, I even lost 10 pounds, I was feeling depressed and sad. what should have been a very special time in my life, was not ...
At that time, I chose to enjoy my pregnancy no matter what, I didn't want to find out if there was another person or not, or deal with any of that... I'm not saying to you to do the same, but please stop talking to OW, she telling you all those things, she just wants to hurt you more, not help you ...

You will soon feel the baby moving inside you and there is no feeling that can describe that ... concentrate on that, eat well for your baby. Sleep well for your baby ... live for you and your baby...

I understand she is telling me things to hurt me, I'm sure I've said things that hurt her. What I want is for all the lies to be over and for everything to be in the open. It does hurt,but in a strange way it is helping me to move on and look toward a future where I may be alone. I think I am getting in survival mode right now.

This is all too INSANE.

I don't understand any of it. WHY is he bringing you flowers & @ the same time letting you know that he bought OW flowers too & telling you all the things OW is saying & that he wants to watch movies w/ her ect?

I completely understnad that you need to stay calm & relaxed ect for yourself & for baby but come on!

Your H is acting this way to feed his own ego! He's telling you what she says & probably telling her what you say & he is seeing who will fight for him or get the most hurt by him ect. HE is playing you both AND playing you off one another.

Don't give me that crap about him bing HONEST & you appreciate it!

Like a dog to his own vomit! A dog will appreciate a kick to the gut too just becuase it's attention!

YOu do NOT have to hear about this CRAP! I htink you can be jsut as calm AWAY from him & avoiding these stupid conversations w/ him.

There is NO reason to act like all of this is OK w/ you. I don't care if you are doing it to 'get used to the idea'. IF you really want to get used to the idea then AVOID him & DO PLAN B!

YOu are a WOMAN NOT a door mat. THis is disgusting & immature behavior that your H is displaying & I, for the life of m,e cannot fathom WHY you are putting up w/ it.

This is ABNORMAL! YOu are still his WIFE & shoudl NOT be putting up w/ this. It's disgusting & insulting behavior.

Stand up for yourself. THis is not the tiem to be squishy!

I don't want to make you feel bad. Please forgive me if I do. It's jsut so frustrating to see women put up w/ this JUNK & these 'men' are able to jsut get away w/ it w/ NO consequences. THey can destroy lives & marriages & bring candy & flowers to their WIFE & OW & not even blink twice!!!!!!

Give me a BREAK!!!!!!!!!! Someone please!!!!

where's gio? I need an amen!!!!!!!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
kt

KT, I can understand what you're saying. I don't think he brought the flowers to me to try to win me back, etc.... I think it was because of obligation and the fact he knew I would be hurt if he did nothing. I am hammering him w/ questions because they are things I've been wondering for a long time. I honsetly don't think I see a future w/ him right now. He is so depressed because he wants to be w/ OW. I don't really want him under those circumstances. I've asked him to be honest w/ me because I'm tired of the lies. The sooner that stops the better. If he wants to be w/ her, it's better I know than for this charade to continue. OW wants little or no contact w/ him during my pregnancy since he was not there for her. She told him that this evening. I've told him to go be w/ her and I can take care of myself. He refused. We are in no way discussing a reconcilliation at this point. He is trying to do some things to help me because he is worried I will have complications and it will be on his shoulders. He told OW he refused to not be here for me. If he left me right now to be w/ her, I think she would want him. I told him then why doesn't he, I can handle myself. He refused again saying that he put me in this position and he wants to try to make things calm so that I hopefully do not have anymore complications. I called the doctor today and they told me if my symptoms continue or get worse to go to the ER. I live an hour out of town, am I suppose to drive myself if that's the case? We will still be parents regardless of the outcome. I am still contacting the attorney. I am trying to do what I can do to calm down to take care of this baby. I have not regained the weight I've lost. I have other things to worry about than who H wants to be with. That is the least of my worries right now. Does it hurt? Yes, but it might hurt more if I was in the ER losing this baby. I post here because people IRL don't understand how I possibly stayed w/ him the first time. Now, my goals are just to survive day to day until the courts will allow us to get a divorce.

Wife,

You know, no matter how much you eat or how healthy you eat during this time, you won't gain any weight. I only say that because I went through the SAME thing and ate healthy and ALL the time yet still lost 9 pounds. I did tell my nurse the situation so they would know and make sure to take extra care of examining me. So you might want to let your nurse know so they understand a little more. My blood pressure has been a little higher since I have been pregnant and they kept an eye on that. To this day being 24 weeks and 4 days pregnant, I have only gained 3 pounds. They aren't too concerned because I'm a little on the "fluffy" side and the baby looks good.
As for your H, I'm sorry but he is just playing games. I know you love him and it is hard to look past that. Trust me, I've been in similar "feeling" shoes like you. You want to believe that it is just going to blow over or you are going to wake up from a dream. Its SO HARD! Especially PREGNANT!!! You need to realize YOUR value and realize that HE isn't worth that right now. Yes, let him do things for you around the house because he deserves to be doing all the dirty work for the rest of his life, but be out of the house or something when he is there. Make he realize that you aren't going to be waiting in the wings for him. He is VERY confusing. He wants to be with OW but she doesn't want him??? Then why do men still try and pursue something like that? It blows my MIND! You are going to be ok and so is your little one!!! Just think, March 14th will be here FASTER then you know and you will FINALLY be able to put a name to that little one kicking inside you. In the last few weeks, Cayden's kicking is getting stronger and my friend during class last night got to feel my stomach and he kicked. I was SO EXCITED!!!! Take care!

Wife, I think I agree with KT. I understand your wanting to know, well, now you know. He wants his cake and to eat it to.

I would stay away from him as much as possible. Tell your friends your getting a divorce, see how fast they run to your aid! You need a support network to go through this pregnancy and divorce and he doesn't need to be it. YES, I'm sure someday he will wake up and smell the coffee and realize what he did/is doing, but it probably won't be for a while (after the divorce and after he's lived with OW long enough to realize she wasn't "all that"). Ask your friends and family for help and get away from those two. You don't need to know every detail of their relationship. He wants to "help" you to relieve his own guilt. Not your problem. You need someone to go to birthing classes with you, drive you to the hospital and you obviously can't count on him. You haven't been his priority for some time. Show him you will be fine w/o him (even if you don't yet believe it), don't just tell him. Good luck Wife! Please reach out to people who can/will help you during this time. You CAN do this w/o him.
I'm sure he does love you, but he has hurt you and for you to make HIM feel better by participating in this birth is not your responsibility. PLEASE reach out to other people and don't get involved in their chaos anymore! HUGS

PS Also, I don't remember the details of your situation concerning the OW, but if she's filed for CS already, I wouldn't even worry about filing for D right now. You don't need that added stress. As long as he's supporting you financially. See a lawyer and find out your options, but if this is the case, don't worry about going through al of that stress right now.

Of course if she hasn't filed yet, go do it! So you can get the better "deal" with CS. Or if he isn't supporting you, you need to get that taken care of. If this is the case, file ASAP and worry about reconciliation later. People have been known to remarry after D, but now is not the time for Reconciliation. Take care of you and this baby first! Good Luck!