Maybe I missed a post of yours, but I wondering how you are doing. I know you were going to talk to a lawyer today. I was just wondering and worrying about you.<BR>Hope all is well.<BR>Cat

Lonleymom:<P>I was wondering too, how you are. Haven't seen you around today. Hope everything is okay with you.<P>Chin up! Let us know how you're doing.<P>Thoughts and prayers...dana<BR>

Same here - just trying to see how you are today and let you know you are in our thoughts and prayers. Keep your faith and stand your ground.

Hi to you all three! You guys have made me cry just now. I signed on and was going down the list and there is was, a thread just to me. It makes me feel like there are people out there who care and that I am special. You don't know how good that feels on a day like today. I am crying now so I will try to keep my composure and reply. <P>I am usually on this site all day, every day. It has been my coping mechanism these past 3 weeks. I still feel like if I found this site a few weeks earlier, I would have prevented that awful divorce filing, but thats too late now. <P>I went to the lawyer today. At nine. I was there two hours. This is the fourth lawyer I have seen. I have taken 2 free consultations from others and paid for one. This gentlemen was ever so sweet and kind. He was so patient with me. He wanted to know my "emotions" before going into this so he could help me get the best result. This is a first. I was so impressed with him.<P>I had to relive the entire 2 months of my life (going back to the last happy moment of mine with H so I could trace a pattern). He was very distraught at what I endured. He said I am a very strong person, although, sitting there I felt like a cry baby. I think I used his whole box of tissue. <P>Well, I decided that I am saying NO to divorce. I am not ready and its that simple. I still love him and am not ready to walk from my marriage. He will not force me, but if the other lawyer and H get super nasty, I have to stand up for myself so I can be protected. But our tone is starting off, calm, cool , and compromising. I don't even want a legal seperation just yet. (your one year starts from that date). I am going for custody, *which I have sole for first 2 daughters so I am asking for that on new baby , since I have that, child support, health insurance for me and the kids, life insurance and daycare, will automatically go to me thereafter. The house, is not splitable, I bought it before I was married. The only thing in question, is who can sue who for their attorney, but I have a good shot at getting mine back from H. Also, attorney is going to get in this week to court, getting me some money for child support and bills ASAP. So that will help too. So if H then can decide, does he want to go to trial to prove I am cruel, or he might very well back off. So basically, he wasted how ever much he paid so far. Financially I will be much better off than I thought. He is also filing a domestic order where H pays at least half of all bills that he created. (if he does this, I will be living much better). So after that, visitation will be set up and then there will be nothing for us to fight on for the moment. <P>I felt much better after the meeting. I am to offer H a day visit with the kids, no overnights, it is NOT advised by lawyer, or counselor, or doctor because on Jan 27 he told me he was coming home. By him filing for divorce 2 weeks later, it makes H look irrational. and he is!!<P>I was a little embarrassed having lawyer read our private emails, but I have a lot to help me in court. A lot of emails telling me how sweet and kind I am and not the cause of his relationship with IT (thats what he calls OW). <P>The only real trip up is H found out I kissed someone else once since this started. I admitted that I did it out of curiousity and think I temporarily lost my mind. It is not enough for him to divorce me, as H left me, at that time, but thats his only evidence on me. I admitted I did it to see what the big deal was. I told H though that I loved him and wanted him home in every email so I will be safe.<P>I am five hundred dollars short right now and don't know how I will get it, but I will. <P>H called here today, we talked about the kids for a few minutes. We were calm, civil, even friendly. He said to me , what are "we" going to do to help the kids with this. I told him that they are OUR kids, he and I ,and that OW would not be a part of counseling, filling out school forms, anything any more. I think he was listening. For some reason, he was cooperative. I think because my lawyer called his lawyer (who is known as an ex judge with no matrimonial experience, so not good for h), so my lawyer was calling to tell his lawyer the real story. <P>My H asked me if I love him so much, why won't I let him see the kids. I said, you CAN see the kids, everyday, just not with OW. I am trying to be fair here, but think of the kids. I told him if he loves me he will NOT bring OW to my driveway again,.<P>All and all, it was OK. I feel I am more educated today. I feel like my H wasted a ton of money like a fool, but OH WELL.<P>I just want to say to you all, THANK YOU for caring enough about me to check on me. I truly would not have gotten through my life these past weeks without you all. Even those of you who don't necessarily write back to me, just reading your stories, and hearing your compassion for your spouses, makes me feel I am not crazy for loving my H. Sometimes I feel all you guys are the only ones who understand my need to save the marriage. I say a prayer every night for each of us on here. When I read peoples good news, I get so excited, it gives me hope. <P>Thanks to you all again, and I am here as well for any of you who want to email me personally, just let me know, and I will get you my address. <P>Dana<BR>

Dana!<BR>I am *so* glad to hear from you and that you are now informed and protected!<BR>That is what I was worrying about.<BR>I realize on your post about your children before I may have came off as harsh, but I was going on the basis of he *was* going to get visitation no matter what, and my only concern then was the kids and how they handled it.<BR>Anyways! I am sure you have a weight lifted from your shoulders and what a relief it must be to have someone on your side who can help you.<BR>You are strong and your kids are going to see that!<BR>I am so proud of you! and I think you are right in not filing if you don't want it. Good for you! <BR>I wish you the best, and the last lawyer sounds great!<BR>Good Luck Dana!<BR>Hugs and Prayers!<P>Cat

Hi Cat,<P>Thanks for replying and thanks for the compliments, it helps when you are down in the dumps.<P>I have a strange yet peaceful feeling right now. Not numb, but not miserable, just calm. Almost eerie. Is this part of the process, probably, but it is new for me.<P>I just got done talking to a good friend of mine who is going through a lot. He is a special person and we share a lot of pain in different circumstances, but in many ways the same. I find myself thinking about him from time to time during the day.<P>I am sure its because of what my life is dealing me. I am sure of it. I want to make my marriage work. I know I am curious, cause I am lonely. I have to be strong and keep my cool here. This friend is somewhat of an x boyfriend type thing. Feelings deep down. Never ended really, we just lost track of each other. But we recently ran into each other too. He talks to me like I am human with feelings. He is a nice guy. (i feel a lecture coming).I have no intentions of anything happening. I love my H. But I like my freedom in a way tonite too. No pressures of cooking, h's laundry, etc. <P>Am I falling out of love? Am I numb again? I don't know,but today is one of my better days this week. <P>Thank you all for helping me get through it! Prayers and hugs to you all.

Dana,<P>Not much to say other than I'm glad you have a plan of sorts and are getting things organised.<P>I am in the position of haveing to contemplate doing somethings that could be construed as ugly by my W.<P>Hang in there. I am.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Lonelymom,<P>The simple act of actually doing something instead of letting the spouse run things really does wonders for the psychi. Start doing things for yourself and the kids and try not to think about your H. The more you try to "handle" things yourself, the more problems you will encounter. Let the lawyer do all the work inregards to the custody-support items. Just tell your H that the laywer is handling everything, make him the bad guy.<P>Work on yourself and you will start feeling better.<P>God Bless<P>Bob

Hi Lonelymom,<P> I'm so glad to hear you're ok.... you sound much stronger.... you are taking some control. I know when I went to the attny.'s I felt such a weight lifted and while I made it clear that I didn't want a D , getting affairs in order felt so much better than being at the mercy of my emotions. <BR> <BR>Like RWD said, keep taking charge and doing for the kids and yourself , you will feel so much better...... Lu