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For some reason - not sure why - I've been reluctant to tell this story. Guess I thought I'd made peace with W's affair and the fact that she's moving out on me come this summer. I have to get it off my chest.<P>Anyway, last week I was going through one of her carryall type bags and found a bunch of sheets of paper with passionate poems to the OM on them. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] I read them all with a very mixed reaction. For instance, they had lines that said things such as that she felt like leaving everything behind for this man. And they described his effect on her sexually, which I have to say is more than strong. She does have an obsessive passion for him, no denying! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>In one sense, it was good to have confirmation of her affair IN HER OWN WORDS, since she'd been denying it to me. On the other hand, even though I already knew for certain that she was having an affair, actually reading in her own words how she feels about this guy.... That's the most devastating thing. I still don't understand why I feel like I do. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>But I guess that's what hits harderst - either overhearing your spouse talking to the OP or reading something that he or she has written to the OP. That's what really kills you. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>--Wex

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Wex, my friend, I'm so sorry. I felt the same way when I overheard W talking to OM a week ago last Thursday night when she said "Well, you know by body pretty well, don't you?". It's a real killer. I wasn't even trying to eavesdrop, it just happened.<P>Like you I thought I had started to make peace with the situation and then this gave me a very sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's good, though, that you got it out. Now you can start recovering.<P>Here for ya, bud...<P>--DeWayne--

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wexwill:<BR><B>For some reason - not sure why - I've been reluctant to tell this story. Guess I thought I'd made peace with W's affair and the fact that she's moving out on me come this summer. I have to get it off my chest.<P>Anyway, last week I was going through one of her carryall type bags and found a bunch of sheets of paper with passionate poems to the OM on them. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] I read them all with a very mixed reaction. For instance, they had lines that said things such as that she felt like leaving everything behind for this man. And they described his effect on her sexually, which I have to say is more than strong. She does have an obsessive passion for him, no denying! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>In one sense, it was good to have confirmation of her affair IN HER OWN WORDS, since she'd been denying it to me. On the other hand, even though I already knew for certain that she was having an affair, actually reading in her own words how she feels about this guy.... That's the most devastating thing. I still don't understand why I feel like I do. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>But I guess that's what hits harderst - either overhearing your spouse talking to the OP or reading something that he or she has written to the OP. That's what really kills you. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>--Wex</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wex,<P>Truly sorry for your discovery. Perhaps now she will admit she has not been truthful with you. I don't know your story, but you should feel stronger once she knows she cannot hide reality from you. Not that it will chance the curicumstances. I read somewhere in MB that an affair soon ends when the light of day lands on it. It will not be so much fun. I know it is hard, but do not think about the poems. She will regret every single word one day. You know this OP is not giving her all she needs, probably cannot. She will have to find this out someday. And boy, then those poems will sound silly! She will be embarssed at her foolishness. Hang in there.<BR>V.

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Wex,<P>Well, you finally know and have the proof you need. I'm sure you had some doubts as she was very good at concealing the affair.<BR>I'm so sorry you had to find out this way although I don't know if there is a good way.<P>What are you going to do now ?<P>I won't tell you my gut reaction as you need to decide what is best for you. <P>Hang in there man!<P>God Bless.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wex}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger

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Wexwill,<P>I am so sorry! It hurts like hell, I know! My husband moved in with the ow on Valentine's Day. I tell you what though, I am feeling great! I am not going to let that man get to me any longer! I have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow and I am going to see what my rights are in a divorce! I will not be treated like crap any longer by a man who doesn't even deserve me! <P>I know you are in pain right now and I know what that pain is like! It does hurt! I think I am at a different place than you right now though. Just hang in there and keep posting here. We are all thinking of you and we care. <P>~Woozy

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The truth really hurts, but the truth can set you free.<P>I'm sure you'd rather be in pain with the truth than in pain with suspicions, huh? It is really devestating, I know. <P>I thought I was truly prepared emotionally for disclosure. But, when it happened, (finally) - it about killed me too. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>But, Wex, this is as low of a point as it gets, in my opinion. You can make it through this, and you can manage about anything.<P>hugs.<BR>TNT

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Hi Wex,<P>yep, been there too.....<P>I found a letter my H wrote the OW, and I can remember trying for hours to make that letter 'fit' me.<P>I rang my closest girlfriend, and she tried to make it 'fit' me too. Offered all sorts of words, of support etc. But deep down, I knew the letter was not meant for me.<P>I felt like he had physically punched me as hard as he could in the stomach. I still get that feeling today, if I allow myself to think about that letter. Until then, he had only said that he was 'friends' with her. Only when he was confronted with that letter, did he admit to 'feelings' for her.<P>I have no words to help you through this. These sorts of things are what we must all deal with, in our own ways. But, you know you have friends here, and people who understand. And mean it. It is not just empty words from us here, we KNOW.<P>I'm thinking of you, and saying a prayer for you. Be strong, keep strong, and know that you will get through this. Somehow. We all do. But it hurts like nothing else. These are the people we love, doing this to us. Let it hurt, let yourself cry, and know that you finally have the truth. I have always said that you can deal with what you know. It is what you don't know, that you can't deal with. Now you know. Now you must take some decisions, for what is best and right for you, and your situation. <P>We're here for you.<P>hugs to you<P>Jo

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Wex,<BR>I'm so sorry for you! Hang in there. If wife is staying until summer, it could easily turn into fall and then winter. You need to decide how long you can Plan A. If you run out of the ability, go into Plan B before summer. I know. Right now no option looks good. (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

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<BR>Wex,<P>My God, I am so sorry to hear about these poems. You'd sought evidence for so long, and now you've held that evidence in your own hands.<P>I'm not going to second guess your sense of devastation here - maybe it had to do with some vain hope that she was sexually active with the OM but didn't really love him. I don't know, and it doesn't change the pain of it either way. I am so sorry.<P>Hang tough, Wex. As weird as this sounds, I'm still not sure she'll move out this summer. But you've got to make some decisions about what you're going to do now. Keep us posted.<P>Bystander

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Hi Wex,<P>I'm so very sorry about this. I know the shock of seeing what you knew or suspected to be true written there in front of your face. Maybe one knows, but there is still an almighty whack to the gut. <P>I wish that I had some lovely uplifting thoughts for you. I haven't. Do what you must for yourself and I'm sure you will consider any action carefully.<P>Take care.

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Wex --<P>I'm with TNT -- It's better to know the truth, painful as it may be, than have those lingering suspicions.<P>It hurts, I know. But, use it as your motivation to regain some confidence and self-esteem. Easier said than done, but try to use this discovery not to LB but to rebuild yourself. Only then might she pursue you with the same attention you've applied to pursuing her forthe purpose of rebuilding your relationship.<P>Hang in there --<P>--keystone

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Oops. One more thing.<P>I, too, discovered e-mails between my W and the OM. E-mails that signed off with "I love you". E-mails that talked about she hoped to "steal some time away with him for his birthday", which was the next day. This guy was her best friend's husband!!! <P>How about sign off an e-mail to me with "love", or "steal" a moment away with me? I can't even get her out for a movie on a Saturday afternoon for Christsakes! <P>Of course, she maintains that it was simply a real good friendship with somebody that just happens to be male. Sorry, I don't buy it.<P>Well, I discovered these e-mails on a weekend, when I was home alone with my son. Needless to say, I went off the deep end. Once my W got home, I left -- and went directly to confront the OM at his home. Talk about a major LB! <P>I was short and sweet. "If I find out that you're ever at my home again, or have contact with my wife and kids, or find out that you're having an affair with my W -- I'll kill you." Yes, you can quote me.<BR>I turned around, walked to my car, and drove away. I was so ticked, I could have killed him then and there!<P>The interesting thing was his reaction. He never said anything like -- "I'm not having an affair with your W". Instead, he got his wife from the other room, and asked her, "Did you hear that? Do you believe that?"<P>At no time has he called or talked to me about this. Never once denied it. I pointed this out to my W, who laims that all of her friends think I'm an a**hole for doing this. How about seeing what's happening, "friends". <P>I even asked my W if her "best friend" -- the OM's wife, knew of her involvement with her H. She claims she did, but I would think there would be some questions asked if she knoew the full extent -- like those e-mails.<P>If I had only known of this site beforehand, known about the forum, I would have confronted the OM's wife instead. It would have been more constructive. Instead, it's probably forever destroyed any chance of getting back our marraige.<P>Another note: My W did admit that the OM was filling emotional needs that I was failing to fill. But, she outright refuses to accept the concept of an EA. She just doesn't see how damaging an EA is!<P>Thanks for the chance to ramble, and good luck--<P>--keystone

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by keystone:<BR><B>Wex --<P>I'm with TNT -- It's better to know the truth, painful as it may be, than have those lingering suspicions.<P>It hurts, I know. But, use it as your motivation to regain some confidence and self-esteem. Easier said than done, but try to use this discovery not to LB but to rebuild yourself. Only then might she pursue you with the same attention you've applied to pursuing her forthe purpose of rebuilding your relationship.<P>Hang in there --<P>--keystone</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Wex,<P>I frimly believe recovery cannot take place until you deal in reality. You have found reality. Good. Let her know (without LB - is that possible by a mere human?) that you know. If she denies, show her the poems, and then move on. Do not linger over the poems or read them to her. She will probably be angry (because she has lost her mind right now). Pay no attenton. Try to not have a long discussion when you let her know. Really for now all you want is to let her know you will be dealing in reality from now on. This does not mean you have to vent at her, ask her to leave, or anything else. Just that you are an informed person. Keep trying not to LB, but also let her know this is not acceptable. Give it a day or so with her knowing you know. Don't discuss options, plans, etc. Let things settle down first. She will be very defensive in the beginning. Let that be ok. Don't react. It will derail you. But I think you will feel better in the long run working in and operating in reality. you will feel stronger. This does not mean you beat her up or anything. This is just for you and your sanity. I will say a prayer for you.<P>Victoria in Texas<P><BR>

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Wex,<P>I know how you feel!!! I had to read about how my H missed OW's smooth body, beautiful blue eyes, their "sweettalk". I actually threw up. This was last May and is still ongoing, although H has moved out now. He had gotten pretty good at hiding it all. It hurts worse than any pain you'll ever have. But it does dull somewhat over time. I still cringe when I think about it though. <P><P>------------------<BR>Blessed be.<BR>****************<BR>Keridwen<P>Keridwen_7@yahoo.com

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Wexwill Offline OP
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Thanks everyone for sharing your similar experiences. Interesting how this kind of experience seems to be the worst part of a spouse's affair. Actually hearing or reading their feelings for the OP in their own words. Getting support from you also helps a lot, believe me. Wish I'd posted about this sooner!<P>I also realized that one of the most disheartening things about reading these poems is that they show that my W's passion for the OM is just getting more intense. I guess I'd been hoping that just the opposite was happening and that she was trying to get over him.<P>BTW, the last time I checked, the poems were gone from her carryall. I can't believe she would have been that careless, but we all make mistakes!<P>Keridwen - Yep, that is how it feels. But I have to say, I was also fascinated to read this stuff. And while she was away one night, I actually copied it to a text file on my computer and reread it over and over. Guess in some way I must like the pain.<P>Victoria - The problem is, I have confronted my W quite a few times over the past months with my knowlesge of her affair only to get angry denials from her.<P>What I shouls have done in this case, I just realized, was to leave her poems to the OM lying out on the table with a little note from me saying, "These aren't for me, are they?" She would have had a big outburst with me over spying on her, I know, but at least her affair would finally be out in the open. If I find more poems like these, that's exactly what I'm going to do. Also, the problem with confronting her is that it might make her move out sooner than she planned and I don't really want that.<P>keystone - Good for you! I feel like killing my W's OM too. That's exactly what I told a friend of mine the other night when I was talking about this. "I could kill the guy!" What I actually did was write a letter to his wife telling her about her H's affair. Just mailed it yesterday. We'll see what happens.<P>hanora - Thanks for the good wishes. It really is, as you say, "a whack in the gut."<P>Bystander - You know, I'm not absolutely positive she's going to move out either and I guess I'm kind of hoping she won't. It really depends on the OM, I think. He's married with kids and leaving his family behind for a woman who's 5 years older than him may not be his idea of living a successful life. At least that's what I hoping, though I'm not counting on it.<P>Derby - Thanks for the hugs. I hope you're right.<P>bonnet - Interesting that you tried to make your H's letter to the OW apply to you. I did exactly the same thing when I read and read my W's poems (which I copied onto my computer). I really tried twisting the words so they would be for me not him, and finally realized that they just WEREN'T for me, they couldn't be, because if she did feel that way about me our marriage wouldn't be the wreck that it is!<P>TNT - Old friend, yes, it is the low point. The only thing worse, I think, would be to actually see them together hugging and kissing. (But at least then I could go up to the guy and punch his lights out!) But yeah, I seem to be getting through this and it is true, painful as they are, I would rather have found those poems than not found them. At least now I know where my W stands.<P>Woozy - I only hope that I can get to where you are. Part of the problem in reading my W's poems to the OM was that they remind me of the way she USED to feel about ME! In some ways, I think its better when the betrayer moves out, that way you're not constantly reminded of your feelings for them. <P>Bob - Thanks for the hugs. I can sure use a few. It's interesting. I did already have proof of her affair but in the face of her angry denials, I'll admit there were moments when I doubted it or at least felt she might have given it up. Boy, THAT sure isn't the case!<P>DeWayne - Thanks for sharing your experience. It does help to know that other people have been through this kind of thing. I guess the other hard part for me was that there were four or five poems (hard to tell where one started or left off), all VERY passionate and two of them pretty long. In a couple, she actually describes their lovemaking scenes.<P>Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex<P>

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Wex, <P>It is so difficult to read and/or hear those words of endearment between your spouse and another........I listened to recorded phone calls for 4 months before I had the strength to go to Plan B..all the time he was telling me he had cut off all contact with her......the pain and deceit was just too much for me to continue in Plan A. We all hit that point where we must do what is best for us, whether that is continuing to work on our marriage or to move on...I understand your pain, as many of us do. Just know that you are a good and loving person, and you will survive this!<P>------------------<BR>Susan<P><BR>

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Wex,<P>I am very sorry to hear what happened. It has been awhile since I have posted and can only say that things are not much better. A couple of questions since I have not been keeping up with your story.<P>Does you wife still say she loves you? Does she still kiss and hug you? Are you still having sex? I am yes to the first two and no to the last one. I will post more later and give you some of the details. Take care of yourself.<P>

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Wex<BR>The paper trail! Ickk!!!<BR>You know how I feel about those.<BR>Bonfire? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR>It always made me feel better. Think of all those times I imagined the bimbo in the middle of the flames. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Seriously Wex, this hurts like h**l.<BR>Remember that this "passion" is for someone she shares her company manners with.<BR>Last night when we were in bed watching TV, my H started laughing so hard he snorted, then passed some gas. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<BR>The first thing that came to my mind was that he probably didn't ever let the bimbo witness that!<P>Do I have a point? Yep. Give you a little chuckle and remind you that it ain't real love if they haven't shared those lovely little habits. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Fantasy land, never never land. Whatever you want to call it. That "passion" you read is not part of the real, everyday, boring world.<BR>It isn't as good as the real thing. Maybe some day she'll figure that out.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{WEX}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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Wassi - Rotflmao from the story about your H passing gas. W and I used to "have fun with farts" this way. We'd be lying in bed together and she'd tell me that she let loose what we called one of her "silent killers." Then we'd frantically tamp the bedclothes down to keep it from escaping all the while having great fun. I'll bet she doesn't do this with the OM either! And thanks loads for the hugs. <P>Zip - The last time we had sex and slept together was New Year's Eve and the next morning. We still hug occasionally (though I have to initiate) and I'll give her a little goose now and then just to keep my hand in, so to speak. Yes, I'd be interested to hear what stage you're at in this whole painful process.<P>Susan - Wow, that's a long time to listen to conversations between H and OW! I can imagine how that must have hurt. But sounds like Plan B is definitely the right thing for you at this point. I'm starting to feel the same way, especially after discovering those poems. Problem is, it's still hard for me to keep my hands off my W. I trying real hard, but, unluckily for me, she still seems incredibly attractive to me, just as much as during our courtship. I've tried and tried to talk myself out of this without much success.<P>--Wex


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