One of my H friends from college and his wife have been very supportive for me and the girls for quite a few months now. His wife and I are very close and they have 2 children the same age as mine. About a month ago the H has been talking to me about problems in his marriage. I have told him repeatedly that he needs to be telling his wife this stuff and not me. Well today I received an e-mail from him about how he finds me attractive and that him and his wife have nothing left in their marriage. You know....the kind of crap that they say when they are wanting an affair. He told me that he wanted a divorce from his wife and that he hoped something could work out between us. I thought I was going to die. I e-mailed him back and told him under no circumstances was I ever going to become involved with him much less a married man.<BR>Then I explained to him that I am still in love with H and that it will be a very long time before I even look at another man.<P>About 20 minutes later he e-mailed again. this time with a picture...........You guessed it......his "YOU KNOW WHAT". It seems he has one of those disc cameras for your computer.<P>I am shocked.<P>Then his wife calls me to see what is up. We chatted for a while and I wanted to tell her so bad. I did not.<P>What do I do? We, the children and I, go out to eat with them every Tuesday. How can I look at him again?<P>

Mental, <P>You have made a very wise decision to refuse this person's request. He obviously has some very serious problems. I personally believe that sunshine is the best disinfectant, but telling his wife is your call. <P>As to seeing him again, I would come up with whatever excuse you can to stay away from him. If his wife persists in knowing why, tell her, if she does not believe you, show her. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.<BR>John

WOW, he's a sick man....I would let his wife know somehow, maybe if you gave her a lesson on recalling his sent e-mails, you could let her know without being the one to tell her. This will take some creativity on your part, but I think you can think of something. I can't image you sending him a rejection e-mail and the arrogance of him sending his....what , was that suppose to make you reconsider. Oh my a pervert, just what I want in my life....ugh this makes me sick.<P>I would try to find a way to let the wife know, she deserves to know what a deviant man she is married to, besides you may be sparing her the pain of being betrayed...do you really think if he wants to mess around he will stop with you...it is only a matter of time, and with that in mind I would find a way for her to know.<P>Good luck, keep us posted.

I am so sorry you had to go through that! I am just beginning to find out what creeps men can be once they find out your husband has left you. I have a thread on here having to do with receiving a harrassing phone call from a neighbor. He called me and came right out and asked me if I wanted to have casual sex with him. He is married no less! I think I will be going to the court house tomorrow to file a restraining order. Then tonight I went to the store and ran into one of my friends husbands. He has always been a super nice guy and I was going to give him my e-mail to give to his wife. Well, he told me he would give me his. So, he gives me his private hotmail acct. Tells me to e-mail him there and that he will be on a chat program later tonight if I want to find him there. Just what I need. His wife is at work and he said he gets on the chat programs when she is at work or after she goes to bed. Gee, I wonder what he is up to??? I still can't believe that man had the nerve to e-mail you a picture of his privates! That is downright disgusting! I am beginning to think that the majority of men out there are pigs! I think my neighbor that called me thought I would just run right down to his house and jump in the sack with him. I do have morals! I have also led a very sheltered life. My husband is the only man I have ever had sex with! I am not about to run and jump into bed with the first man that asks! I am so not thrilled about this whole situation that my husband put me into! I guess if I were you I would steer clear of that man. He does not have your best interest at heart! He is just another selfish man who is thinking of his own needs! Take care of yourself! Watch out for those slimy sort of men! My husband has been gone a month and I am already running into them! They seem to be crawling out of the wood work! YUCK!<P>~Woozy

Nancy,<P>Yes, do tell your friend...<BR>If she is a friend... in the long run she will be most greatful!<P>If I had been told in the first few weeks of my W's infidelity (or desires thereof) I would have acted much more quickly. Building myself that is!<P>Give her this site, or the SAA title... if you can handle her being here.<P>Yes... there are many men who are slime... and unfortunately some of us good fish have to swim in the same pool with them. <P>Prayers to you Nancy... <P>Jim

Thank God I feel anything but vulnerable right now! Actually, I feel great and rather strong! But, you are right. I think they think that since your h just left you will be flattered by them asking and stupid enough to do it. Well, I am sorry but that is disgusting. It is like my friend said, he has probably done that same thing to a lot of other women and the disgusting thing is that there are probably women who took him up on it. YUCK! I guess that I would warn any of you whose husbands just left you to be careful about who you tell. REally careful!<P>~Woozy

Hi Jim,<P>I want you to know that I am not implying that all men are slime! I think there are plenty of wonderful men out there, yourself included! I am just saying that you sure find out who the slimy ones are in a situation like this. Did you have any women come on to you like that after your wife left or is it just a man thing? I wasn't prepared for it. I am glad it happened though because it was a very valuable lesson for me! It reminded me of how careful you have to be! <P>~Woozy

How creepy! You think you know someone and then look what happens. I would tell his wife. She may not be as shocked as you think. She may have caught him doing similar things with other woman on the internet!<P>Boy, I have the hebe gebbies just thinking about it.<P>Acacia

This is all the more evidence that affairs are not due to "bad" marriages - funny how these men never indicated their marriages were bad until they thought they had found someone vulnerable. I do think that in many cases affairs are the result of nothing more than opportunity. I am beginning to think that not all men, but a goodly percentage of them, are slime. And possibly a fair percentage of women too - though I can't say I recall any stories of a married women trying to solicit sex from newly separated male friends.

Nellie,<P>I would have to say that my h's ow is slime. She is married and she chased my husband and hounded him relentlessly at work. Of course my h is weak and he fell for her tactics which were disgusting and as slimy as any that these men did. Now my h and the ow who are both still married are living together with her 16 year old daughter. What a lovely example that mother is setting for her daughter. So, I would think it is safe to say that there are married women out there who are slimy! <P>God, I am so glad I have this place to come to for venting! I love it and I would be absolutely lost without all of you! <P>~Woozy

It probably wasn't even his privates, he probably has a complex and when you turned him down the first time he figured he would send you a larger than life photo<BR>to make you want to say yes!<P>AS IF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<P>Some people are just so sick... <P>------------------<BR>Peg

Hi Mental,<P>you poor thing. As if you want to look at that, after what you have been through.<P>I would be tempted to send an email back laughing !!! Just joking, I really would leave well enough alone, however, to laugh would hurt him where it hurts the most. His male vanity and pride. It seems he has quite a lot of that.<P>What a pig. I don't know what I would do about telling his wife. I think I would find some way to do it, but I don't know how. For me, it's one of those situations that I don't know what I would do, until I was in it!!!!!<P>Take care of y ou, and keep being strong.<BR>I'm shaking my head, what a pig.<P>hugs to you<P>Jo

I just thought of something.<P>Maybe you could send the wife the picture<BR> and a note telling her "look what your husband is sending to women on their e-mail."<P>Be sure you wipe the paper and envelope of your fingerprints, can't be too careful these days.<BR>If it's his she should recognize it right?LOL<P> oh well just a thought.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Peg

He sent another e-mail asking me what I thought of the "one eyed spitting man". LOL Well I e-mailed him back and asked where he got the picture......at some "midget sex" site. Told him it didn't do a thing for me but make me have a good laugh. Thanked him for putting humor in my sad night.<BR>Nancy

(Need to put my shades on; maybe it will dim the mental image, no pun intended)...<BR>Tell him thanks for the mug shot, and you hear they're doing wonderful things with rhinoplasty these days... Yuuuuuck!!

Nancy,<BR>You should tell his wife, this guy is just a sleeze. I don't understand how he get the nerve. Is there anyway you can forward the emails and picture to his wife. There would be a wake up call for her. I still have regrets to our mutual friends who knew about my W affair and didn't give any hints. I guess sometimes solidarity is more important than honesty, but dosen't pay in the long run. It is better for his wife to find out now, than later (after affair). If he is hitting on you, I bet he tries to hit other women too. I think is time to choke "one eyed man".

Dear Mental:<P>I am writing this from a man's perspective. Just wanted you to know that not all men are 'jerks'. I am sorry for what you endured with this 'sick-o'.<P>Anway, I was separated from my wife for almost 4 years. I stood for our restoration and was faithful to her. I did not date at all during this time.<P>Then in December, because of a lack of contact with her...guess I just gave up. Anyway, we will be divorced the 14th of this month (married for nearly 34 years).<P>My wife is the only woman I have ever slept with, in fact we were both 'virgins' when we got married. <P>I began seeing another woman a few months back and though we kissed (at times passionately)....we both agreed sex was out of the picture unless we were married!<P>We both agreed if we yielded to our 'feelings' for a night of pleasure, we would hate each other in the morning and totally lose respect for one another.<P>I feel sorry for women because most men are total jerks and do not know how to treat a woman or love her as Christ love the church!<P>I am asking the Lord to give me a second chance at marriage so that I can have a chance to be the man I should have been with my wife.<P>I am sensitive, deep, romantic and old fashioned and one who believes women should not be treated as 'sex toys or sex objects'.<P>I have been sharing about a book I heard about (haven't read yet) called: SEX BEGINS IN THE KITCHEN.<P>The basic premise is, most men don't realize that if their wife had meaningful touches all throughout the day and had kind and encouraging words spoken to them all througout the day...then they might be more in the mood to make love at bedtime.<P>So many men wait til lights out and then suddenly want to have sex. I have learned that a woman needs to slowly be warmed up and that is why I liked that title.. Sex Begins in the Kitchen.<P>I really do not know why I responded to your post except to encourage you, not all men are jerks. There are a few good ones left.<P>Hang in there for your marriage and God bless you!<P>[censored] from Texas<P><BR>

Nancy:<P>What a great response!!!<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>He sent another e-mail asking me what I thought of the "one eyed spitting man". LOL Well I e-mailed him back and asked where he got the picture......at some "midget sex" site. Told him it didn't do a thing for me but make me have a good laugh. Thanked him for putting humor in my sad night. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Your answer sure made me laugh!

Sorry to hear about your situation. You must stop all contact with this man. Even though you think by your responses that you are telling him "NO", he will continue to hit on you as long as you allow it. Don't respond to his e-mail at all. He is taking any response not as a "NO", but a "maybe sometime." The only response you should have to him now is that if he contacts you again, you will send his e-mail to his wife. Remember, whatever you put in e-mail is a paper trail that can be used against you as well. His wife could interpret your earlier response with an attempt at humor as leading him on. Sorry to be so harsh about this. Good luck.

Hi Mental,<P>I did not read all the replies, because I just have a few short minutes online.<P>I think that just happened to someone else this week, similar anyway. It was either Woozy or Mitzi. Our stories are so similar, I mix us all up sometimes! But, I do have some advice.<P>Well, not advice, its something my crazy H told me. He told me that men pray on women who are vulnerable. If they are looking for an affair, and want sex, they target a woman who is unbalanced or vulnerable. This is the easiest because they believe what you tell them. He told me this because he is worried someone will target me. I feel this is how he targeted OW. Either way its a snake giving me his insight, so take it as you will.<P>I think that is horrible, these people are your friends. I can't say I know what to do. I might try to let it go first and save the evidence. You really don't want to tell the wife do you, she will be crushed. You already know how she'll feel. Plus, if the kids are friends. same neighborhood, etc. <P>I can't believe the world right now. Nothing but affairs, betrayers, and pain. I am so disappointed , I had big plans for this year.<P>Talk to you soon! Dana<BR>