Hi guys,<P>now I'm even more confused than ever...<BR>not hard in my present state of mind.<P>I'm still in plan b, but again, he won't stick to the timetable of phone calls that we agreed upon.<BR>He phd on Tues, in the middle of the day, to speak to me, and ask how I was. This is so rare. usually he only rings to speak to the children in the evenings.<BR>Today, Thurs, he did the same thing. The end result of todays ph conversation (no LB'ing from me - yaaayyyyy - finally !!!!!!)<BR>is the following:<P>1. he admitted he made a mistake with Kylie boil the rabbit. But this was after telling me that he had had thoughts of wanting to MARRY her. I could not believe my ears. Here was my H telling me that he had thoughts of marrying someone else, while still being married to me. I'm still in shock with that one. I guess the upside is that he now associates her with a mistake!!!!!<P>2. he asked if there was any liklihood of me moving back to Melb. I guess I may have LB'd just a little here. I replied, slim to none. I said "why would I move back to Melb. Your parents have shown me the level of support I can expect from them (none), I have basically lost all 'our' friends, and I would be leaving my family, who have supported me and loved me unconditionally throughout this sad and sorry saga. Why would I leave here." I guess at this point in time I was hoping to hear him say something about him/us. That didn't happen.<BR>This part of the conversation happened because I asked what was happening with his supposed move to here. Nothing on that front as yet.<P>3. I then asked him what he wanted from me. I meant the question to be in the context of how he saw our future relationship, ie, as joint parents of our children. As you all know, our relationship throughout this has been civil, cordial, sometimes loving, sometimes angry, but I have always tried to support him. I still believe that he has had a nervous breakdown, and 'lost his mind', due to 2 years of stress, and then being sacked. This behaviour is just not him.<P>His reply was " I WANT YOU". I was silent, I couldn't breathe, so consequently I didn't ask any questions. He went on to say that the support he had got from me was more than he expected or deserved, then his voice broke and he said he had to go. I don't know how he meant this, or what he meant by it.<P>That was it.<P>Is this a major breakthrough.?<P>He has an appt. with a psychologist next Tues (14th). He said he was going to see this person, so that he could be happy again. I said that no-one can make you happy, you have to do that yourself. I went on to say that while he was avoiding whatever the issue was/is, (I still don't know what it is) it would not go away. I said you can't sweep things under the carpet, and think that they have been dealt with and are gone. LB here? It was all said in a calm tone of voice, with no anger.<P>I'm not getting any hopes up here, and am still going to continue with plan b to the best of my abilities. I'm going to get a caller ID phone attachment next week, I can't afford it at the moment. At least that way I can avoid his calls in the middle of the day. I want to be there for him, so badly, but he still pushes me away... At least he's not pushing me so far away at the moment.<P>I don't call him, I don't email him, I don't leave messages for him, I don't send him cards, but again, he has been on my mind the whole day. I'm back at Uni now, and need to concentrate on this. I can't let him take any more of my time. I couldn't concentrate on anything today, how my children got fed tonight is beyond me. I was operating in a semi-haze, wondering what it all means.<P>Any insight here would be great. <BR>Thanks, and hope you are all ok.<P>Jo

Hi Jo,<BR> <BR> I think it all means he is coming out of his haze(warning...he might retreat back into the fog ).......have you given him the Plan B letter which spells out conditions for reconciliation? Do you want to reconcile? If you have given him the details, maybe you could briefly remind him of the conditions and then go back to Plan B....I think it is definitely working.!.....LU

Jo,<BR>We are at the same place almost. Ar least your H says he wants you mine just said he wants to write me a letter.<P>How are you feeling? I would guess by reaction that you have decide you are still in love with him. Now do you want him back? if so I agree remind about the conditions of the no ontact letter. That he has to give up all OWs and be willing to work on your marriage. Then I guess if he wants to do this you two need to sit down together and talk. <P>I think it is a good thing that he is trying to get help. To me that would be a major first step in getting his life in order again.<P>Mailman has come and gone and no mail. I thought maybe by the way he kept trying to reach me to get my address that he had the letter ready to be mailed. Of ocurse with our mail system in might take another day. I just keep thinking that he is asking for a divorce. At least no high hopes for me to fall from. <P>Keep me informed on how things go. Remember you can email me anytime same address. Got to get back to work unpacking. Just stop for lunch break. {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi Jo,<P>Sounds to me like your H is acting nearly the same way as mine did, after he realized what a huge mistake he had made. He is testing the waters so to speak. I think he is afraid of your rejection, & is fishing around to find out what it would take for him to get back with you. If you truly want to reconcile, then you will have to sit down and think about what you would like from him, & also exactly what kind of "new" relationship you would like to build together. Make it clear to him that things will have to change, and that the new relationship will entail WORK on both sides. I told my H that I could not and would not go back to the way things were. I also insisted he get some help, & also get a physical. Everything I have asked for he has done very willingly, so far.<P>And, yes, I believe this is a breakthrough! Now, the ball is in your court.<P>Good luck, and keep us posted!

Hi Lu,<P>thanks for responding. I haven't given him the letter yet, it would be the second one. I tried plan B a while ago, but kept falling off the wagon !!<P>I will gently ask him if he still has that first letter, and if so, could he read it again. That was the most beautiful letter I had ever written. It was quite open and honest about what I needed from him IE, to give up OW, but it also let him know I was there and willing to try and work things out. I wrote the letter with bits and pieces posted on here, (mainly WilliamJ I think), but when I sent it, I had peace of mind. The letter could not have been more supportive.<BR>I guess time will tell, but I'm nervously anticipating his appt. with the psychologist next Tues. All my hopes seem to be hinged on that....<P>take care of you<P>SDS - hey there girl. Did you get my response to you. It said almost exactly the same things you have just said. ie, that we are at the same point in time, and at the same stage.<BR>As far as talking goes, he seems to be starting to open up to me, but then closes tighter than a clam. I just keep waiting and waiting. I must have learnt some patience here, because I'm not pushing him.<BR>As far as your mailman goes, go out. Don't sit home waiting for him. Every time I do that, I get nothing, but guaranteed, if I go out, something will be there. Maybe your H hasn't even written the letter yet. I know my H would ask for my address, and then mail it 6 weeks later!!!!!! Don't torture yourself my friend. If it was me, I would also tell myself it was the worst possible news and have a plan for dealing with that. Then when it turns out NOT to be so bad, everything is easier !!!!!!<P>take care of you, I'm thinking of you. Hope the move went well, shame I'n not there to help unpack. I'm the worlds best at it, after the number of moves I've had recently!!!!!!!<BR>love and hugs to you.<P><BR>Sidney,<BR>thanks for responding. It's lucky I like fishing....<P>I keep hearing what he is saying, but I'm just too frightened to ask any questions, or let him know what I'm thinking or how I'm feeling. I need to have something a bit more concrete from him, before I commit my feelings again. I've let him know so often in the past that I'm here, and I want him. Only to be kicked in the head. I'm not putting my head up to have it kicked off again.<BR>How is your H now. Is this really the way he acted. I know from all the posts that I've read that they eventually come out of this fog. But, when it seems to be happening in your own situation, I guess I'm refusing to believe it... I don't want to get hopes up, I don't want to think about the future, I don't want to really think about him. I want him to let me know where I stand with him, and what he wants. I guess that's the ultimate goal of plan b.<BR>thanks for responding, take care of you<BR>big hugs for you<P><BR>thanks heaps guys<BR>Jo

just taking me to the top.<BR>sorry to be so pushy this morning......<BR>thanks<BR>Jo

Jo,<P>WOW, try not to read too much into it too soon. I did that once and was killed when it fell through.<P>I too, never call H, he called today and when I answered, said he forgot why he called. Whatever!<P>I don't even return his pages when he pages me unless he has the kids. I make myself as unavailable as possible.<P>It does sound promising though! I wish you the best and hope for the best to come soon! Will check back. <P>PS I just figured this out, when people post and say I am taking me to the top, do the replies that get answered, take you to the top?? I assume?? I never figured it out before!LOL<P>Someone else, said they hit refresh to see the latest threads, is that true to?<P>Well I am here lurking, just watching those that I follow and hoping for some good news soon. Doesn't anyone go into recovery around here, or are all of us (me too) in the middle of divorce?<P>Dana<BR>

Hey Jo, I wish you were here to help me unpack, too. I have done a lot of moving lately but no unpacking. i first moved out of my house and everything went into storage, then I changed storage place so I moved again. Then in Nov. I helped my parents move, and now thiw. ugh!!!! I hate moving especially since I have 21 years worth of junk to figure out what to do with.<P>I am not waiting for the mail man. He seemed to be in such a hurry to get my address so I thought he might have it written already. I figure it will be bad news. But he keeps me confused with his response to me saying I love you . Of course we never said that they made any sense did we. <P> I agree with Sidney that your H may just be testing the waters. Let him pursue you for a while of course you could call him Tuesday to see how the dr. appt. goes. I forgot you are in plan B. Now I know why I haven't moved to plan B I would blow it. However, H did give me his email address and I haven't sent him anything yet. Give me strength!!!!<BR>Hang in there. <P><BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

hey lonelymom,<P>thanks for responding.<P>As far as computer knowledge goes, I have none. I also assume that when we respond to a post, it makes that thread go to the top of the list. As for the refresh button, never heard of it, and there's no button on my keyboard labelled refresh !!!! I have no idea at all about that one.<P>I'm not getting my hopes up about my H or my situation - I think I just may have learnt a little patience from being here.<BR>thinking of you, and hoping you're well tonight.<P><BR>Hey SDS,<P>thanks. I know I have to let him do all the pursuing, and all the talking, and all the 'everything', however, for a person like me who is a 'doer', god that is so hard!!!<BR>He really does seem to have taken some giant steps forward lately, for him personally. That is good. All I have ever wanted is for him to be a whole person again. Even if that means he doesn't ;come back to me. Oh well, here's for some more waiting.<BR>hope the unpacking goes well, I'm thinking of you.<P>hugs<P>Jo

Hi Jo,<P>Not much time to write this morning as I gotta get to work. Couldn't resist taking a moment tho'.<P>This sure is an encouraging turn of events. Lu said it well when she talked about haze/fog. <P>What will happen next? Who knows? Take it a step at a time. Keep to your plan. Show him strength.<P>Gawwwwd, I can imagine it's gonna be tough for you to be patient right now. He's got a ways to go before he can be dependable for you. One step at a time. But... nice to see a few steps being taken in your direction.<P>Best!<P>DMac<P>------------------<BR>I'm just a pilgrim on this road, boy. 'Til I see thee... fare-thee-well. Steve Earle

Wow.<P>I remember those days. You're doing great, Sweetie. Everyone's right. The ball IS in your court now. Take it easy, take it slowly. Be prepared for a backslide. We all get them. But there IS some reason to have a bit of hope.<P>Love you,<P>Lori

Jo,<P>I don't know how I missed this.<P>Like everyone else sais, this could be the start of your break.<P>I have to get to work now, I'll try to write more later.<P>Bill<P>------------------<BR>BB<BR>

Jo,<P>On your computer do you have Windows 95/98 ? Or what progam do you have that makes your computer run? On my program at the top of the screen are symbols that tell me things I can do. One of those is a refresh button. Other things are back, forward, stop, and home. There are others but I won't list them Do you have any of those on your screen just about the address? If you do you can hit the refresh button and it will bring up a more uptodate MB if you have been letting your computer set on the forum. However anytime you read a post and return to the menu of the post it will refresh the screen automaticly. <P>Dana, everytime someone reply to a thread it will be taken of the list. Threads are inorder as to the time of the last post. hopes this helps.<P>Jo, one thing for sure we are learning a lot of patience. I use to ask God help me gain patience but htis isn't how I wanted to learn it. LOL. Iguess the moral of this is be careful of what you ask for you might get it! LOL.<P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Hi dMac,<P>I was wondering where you have been. I was actually going to email you, but I wasn't quite sure of the etiquette betw. boys and girls !!!!!!!!<BR>Thanks for responding. This patience thing is wearing a bit thin!!!!!!! But, I'm learning. and waiting. and waiting. and waiting...........<BR>I haven't spoken to him since this conversation, I'm beginning to think I made it all up just to get a bit of excitement in my life !! He seems to have vanished off the face of the earth. He didn't even call for the girls for 2 nights running, which is unheard of. And he also didn't call last night (Fri.) What is going on in that little moshpit he calls his head?<BR>Oh well, back to learning how to walk again and taking those baby steps.<BR>How are you anyway. Hope well, keep your chin up.<BR>hugs to you.<P>Lori - how ARE you? I've been thinking about you, and wondering how you are. I'll have to go back and get your email address. Is it still a bit hard to post?<BR>Thanks for your words of wisdom and encouragement, yet again. I must admit I have feelings that things are going to be OK, eventually. I always have had these feelings that this is just not right, it is just not him. I know that is the case with most of our spouses, but we really did have almost a connection betw. us.<BR>Thinking of you, and missing you. Big hugs to you and H.<P><BR>WilliamJ - thanks. I was wondering where you all were. This time difference is an absolute killer sometimes. How are you going? I feel ok this morning, a bit hungover. I had some girlfriends over last night with a few bottles of wine. Bad move. However, we had lots of laughs. As far as H is concerned, who knows. I really am starting to think that I must have misheard him, that he didn't really say he wanted me at all. Oh well, I'll let you know what happens.<BR>big and bigger hugs to you<BR>

Hey there Jo,<P>Just checking in before going to bed. I've been away at a conference in Boston for the last couple of days. Work obligations have taken up a lot of my time lately so I've not been participating as much.<P>As for emailing...feel free! No worries here. Suse and I email regularly with some of the old-timers here. The only protocol we keep is that we both copy the other on everything we write. Not that there's any worry between us. Not one iota. Weird, eh? Who would have ever thought it 2 years ago?<P>Anyhoo, if it helps to have someone with whom to explore ideas or...whatever...give a buzz.<P>take care,<P>DMac