Last night I asked my H if he had been talking to the ow (she works with him) he said about work related things. I said well I believe that your talking to her other than that, checked his cell her number was on it. <P>He finally admitted that he had been calling her. He said he was confused about everything etc etc. I said "thank-you for being honest". I asked him to please please read the Surving an Affair book, he said he would..... I told him that withdrawl is hard, your not the only one etc etc.<P>I stayed home from work today, we went to the gym, after we got home the phone rings, guess who it is!! Well she starts saying something about work, asked if I would write a message down for him. I said just a min. I'll let you talk to him. As I was walking into the bedroom I said "Baby, the phones for you". IS THAT A LB???? If it was OH WELL. First I am happy that I answered the phone and she knew I was home with him, 2nd me calling him baby. From what i've heard, he told her we were seperated thats when it began with her. So she will have to think about BABY. <P>He told me a quite a few times today that he loved me. Told me to miss him when he went to work. BUT, he did go in early. Oh well, no other LB's on my part. I THOUGHT we were in recovery, we are not, so back to plan a big time. <P>Asked him if he wanted to go to this car show after work, he said yes, we never do anything so we need to start doing stuff. I PRAY this is not "wishfull" thinking. I PRAY he reads SAA!!! <P>Usually when I call his work (she is the receptionist) I ask for him by name, I think I will start saying "May I speak to my husband please"!! Too much?? Opinions please!! I want to rub it in her face! No need to let her know what I am feeling!! Or is that a major LB?? <P>Thank-God he did not talk about moving out again. Hes been back 2 weeks. I'm going to keep my mouth shut this time!!! I've learned so much here, and I thank-you all so much!! <P>Feedback on these LB's please!!!! So I don't go sticking my foot in my mouth!!<P>T

T,<P>As much as you would like to (and as much that I would like to) don't say anything about the OP that would cause your H to want to stand-up for her or sympathize with her.<P>I read an email that the OM sent my wife calling me an @$$-hole and old fart (gee he's three years older than me), etc. Since my wife knows that I've read this letter I'm sure that she has been waiting for me to respond in like manner. I'm not...I'm trying to show my wife that I love her and I'm not even mentioning the OM. She knows that I'm not ignoring their relationship, but I'm working on our relationship.<P>Don't give the OP any ammunition to use against you. Also, don't give your husband any reason to see you in any LBing modes.<P>It ain't easy so I'll be thinking and praying for y'all.<P>Ed<p>[This message has been edited by EdB (edited March 10, 2000).]

I think by you saying, "May I speak to MY HUSBAND" intstead of your usual, she will KNOW that she is getting to you. Don't give her the satisfaction! Just keep it going as usual, and don't let her clue in on anything. You changing your ways to get to her is giving the OW to much power over you.

EdB and Trying,<P>THANK-YOU. I will take this advice to heart. I don't want to do anything to destroy his feelings for me. I've got to remember what he said when he came back, he couldn't believe the night he came over to get some stuff and I left for the gym. He said he thought "wait, this is me, why aren't you following me around, talking" . <P>I am determined: no talking about US, no SELF-PITY, I need to get ME back, the one he used to know and love. I'm in there some where and I will find her again. <P>Thanks for the quick response, im cleaning the house but wanted to call and say the h thing so thanks!!!<P>t

Some thoughts....<P>How about when you call H at work, greet her by name, then ask for H (shows he talks about her with you....but she won't specifically know how, hmmm).<P>Another little surprise that might work to your advantage...send H some flowers, telling the shop to NOT put your card in an envelope, so she can read it when it's delivered. Request something like "Last night was the greatest. I adore you." Send, of course, when actual circumstances permit (after you DID have a great night). You don't want him on the defensive, just pleased with your gift. And SHE will wonder what's up too, but no lovebusting on your part at all.

Lucks,<P>Had a good chuckle on this one thanks!!! I have to admit when she answers the phone my voice is cold as ice. I will work on this. Hmmm let her think!!!!!!!!!!!!!1<P>thanks<P>t

I agree. Be very careful what you say about or to the OW. Your H may really have her on a pedistle given that most affairs are about fantasy. Your comments are sure to get back to him and may anger him. He may want to run to her to protect her and she may decide to make up a few things about you that he may believe while he is dressing her wounds!<P>Be very careful here.<P>Acacai