Good thing I lurk, huh?<P>My insight comes from the fact that I have worked with the OM since the affair ended, and have thankfully, been able to avoid rekindling the fire for nine months since it ended. That is not to say that it hasn't been a kind of hell on earth, that I haven't at times been tempted (especially when my H had a revenge affair in January, and the OM expressed an interest in beginning the affair again), and it also doesn't mean that it's the best way to go on with your life. I'd wager that it will be the most difficult thing you do! Far more difficult than ending the affair in the first place!<P>As a disclaimer: If I could have, I'd have quit my job. If there is no way for you to do it, like me, then read on...<P>How'd I do it? Well... here's a list!<P>1. I took ICQ, private email, and any other means of private commuincation off my computer. I deleted him from all friends lists. The only way we communicate is personally or on work email... which is monitored. <P>2. I stopped going ANYwhere, even staff meetings, with him alone. I took others with me when there were retirement parties, etc. Even walking out to the parking lot at night after work became difficult, but I planned my days so that I stayed later, even 5 minutes, or left earlier. Some days I ended up leaving at exactly the same time, and on those days, I literally put SPACE between us... I walked behind or in front of... never next to. I have to say that now, after all these months, I can walk out to my car with him... but I purposely park on the other side of the lot, so that we seperate immediately after going downstairs.<P>3. I talk about nothing personal/marriage related. I admit, I've slipped, and so has he... it isn't easy. But for the most part, it's work-related only.<P>4. He's been told that if my office door is closed he CANNOT ENTER- UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES- EXCEPT DIRE EMERGENCY. This is so that if my H or children come by, they won't have to see him in ANY way, or if I have a personal phone call of any kind, he won't hear it.<P>5. I tried to be not-so-flirty, funny, cute, sexy... all the stuff I flaunted in his face before... not that I was loose or a whore, but just that I was interested before, and there was no doubting it. I changed the way I dressed a bit, toned it down, not so tight skirts, etc. Again, not that I came to work looking like a hooker, but that I looked darned near perfect, and smelled really good too... so I also stopped wearing "his" favorite cologne, stopped using "his" favorite lip gloss (the smell of it reminded me of him) and threw them away, actually.<P>Again, I am not the queen of recovery, and I don't pretend to have been HUGE SUCCESS at this, but I do understand, and I do stand by what I've written here.<P>Hope this helps...<P>~Sheryl<P>
