Why does this have to be so hard i am in desperate need of a few encouraging words right now i can hardley see the keys here through these tears. he just stopped bye to talk he started out that he was leaving his wife and coming to be with me, and i stopped him and explained to him that this is it i will not have him come over to my house ever again i explained that we had to have no contact and that i would fade and he and his wife can mend there marriage, then i asked him to leave through lots of tears. he did as i asked. <BR>but now i don't know how to handle the work thing i will have to face him every day, and it is near imposable for me to just up and quit my career. someone please give me some advise. <BR>god give me strength.<P>------------------<BR>lost

I am SO very proud of you! I have a bit more than an inkling of how much you hurt right now...And yet you did the right thing, despite the pain. That makes you a hero .<P>There are so many things in life that hurt us badly. All that gets us through them is faith that God loves us and watches over us, and the kindness shown us by others. I am praying for you now that God will hold you in his hand, watch over you and comfort you. <P>I know that you feel very alone right now. You are not. I believe that God often acts through our fellow humans...watch. You will see that he will send you a smile, a kind word, a message of support when you most need it.<BR>Big hugs to you--<BR>Kathi

kam thank you so much for being here i needed that smile and bit of a boost right now.<P>------------------<BR>lost

You did a very selfless and good thing today, Lost ... Many marriages can survive infidelity and you have done the best thing for his marriage. I know that it doesn't feel too rewarding right now, but it restores my faith in humanity to see that you did the right thing. Someday you will feel at way, too.<P>From all of us wives who wish the OW in our lives would be as brave as you: Thank you, Lost!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P><BR>

Lost,<BR>You did wonderfully. God will heal your wounds. He is proud of you and gace you the strength to do what you did. Keep praying, He will answer your prayers.<P>------------------<BR><B><I>God Bless,<BR>Rob</I></B><BR> regilmor@swbell.net

((((((((((((LOST11)))))))))))<P>as Terri said, thank you from us wives...you did indeed do a brave and selfless thing...be proud of yourself..stand a little taller...you have done a great thing...<P>get the classifieds out f the newspaper, or find one of those headhunter companies....try to find yourself a new job...I reallize how difficult it may be, in fact, nearly impossible, but you must try for your own sake... for your sanity and peace of mind...<P>start the job hunt now.....and stay strong...<P>you are worth more than someone's hand-me-downs....you deserve a life of your own, and happiness on your own terms....<P>Dylan

Lost,<P>*hugs* to you. You did a VERY difficult thing and as cheesy as it sounds I am really proud of you. I know how hard it is to do something like that, especially when you are trying to do it to help him save his marriage. It would be one thing to do it because you just didn't want to see him again but I think the pain is much more intense when deep down you don't really want it to end, you are just doing it because it's the right thing to do. So pat yourself on the back for being the strong one!!!<P>As far as the job goes, only you know if it's truly impossible to find another one. I do know the job market is pretty good right now in most of the US but I can't speak for your specific area. If it is possible, I would certainly advise against staying where you are. That only leaves the wonund open with little or no chance of healing.<P>I noticed your last statement (or plea) was "God give me strength" ..... are you seeking (and hopefully finding?) Him? If so, double congratulations!!!!<P>Hang in there, it will get easier although I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes!!!<P>Judy

Lost,<P><BR>Thank you! For saving his wife the pain and suffering that some of us here have gone thru. I understand that it doesn't feel right now, but it was.<P>Please stick around. Let all of us help you thru this. This place really is a Godsend!!<P>Prayers,<BR>Mitzi

Lost11,<P>I feel so deeply for your pain, but at the same time I am SO proud of you for doing what you know to be the right thing . There seems to be a rash of such noble behavior these days on MB!<P>Definitely keep praying. Read the bible to find the many sources of strength there - I can recommend Ephesians. Nothing succeeds like success, and you can draw a lot of strength from knowing that you have done a great thing for yourself and the others (his family) who would have been hurt by his leaving.<P>Take care and God bless you.<P>

{{{{{{Lost}}}}}<P>You indeed did a wonderful act of kindness for someone you do not know, the wife.<P>I commend you and will pray that the good Lord will lift you up and make you stronger.<P>I only wish that my situation was that easy. For the OW to bow out gracefully. But due to the OC, it next to impossible. <P>But God is my witness, I did forgave my husband and I forgave the OW. I asked the Lord to shine his light on her and bless her to do the right thing.<P>Lord, you know our storm. You know that if we weather the storm, greater is our reward. Lord look upon all the sisters on this forum. Bless them and keep them safe. Help them to relize that you won't put no more on us than we can bear. Help to make our relationship stronger. Help us to put you first, H second.<P>Bless Lost, who has relize her wrong doing and is here on this forum asking for your help and guidance as she go from day to day. Strenghten her mind so that she will go to your WORD when in dispare and don't know which way to turn. Help her to find someone for her and her alone.<P>All praises to you. ITS

well here i sit, didn't go to work today because i didn't want to face the pain of seeing MM, i am having a pretty good day, but tomorrow i will have to go to work and face him. <P>i have signed up for a class and i am starting to do things to keep my mind busy and i am getting out a little as well.<P>i am so greatfull for all of you here at MB i need to hear all of this right now the bad and the good.<P>azhootie* well it is near impossable to just up and quit my job, but i am going to try my dam*dest to change positions so i don't have to work directly with MM. for right now do you have any advice on how i handle this, working with him. and yes i am seeking god and i am doing alot of praying latley, hopefully being heard. <BR>take care...<P>well you all keep saying i should be proud of myself and you are proud of me, all i feel is GUILT and HURT. <BR>One Day At A Time.<BR>thanx to all of you and my prayers will be with you all.<BR><P>------------------<BR>lost

Lost,<P>You have been on my mind even though I haven't had the opportunity to post recently. Wondering how you are doing?<P>I thought you might create a post to new_beginning. She had to work with the guy she was having an affair with. She could probably provide you with helpful insight. I do see the MM on business but it's only once a month or so and unless we choose to, we are never alone together so I can't really help you with that problem. I can only imagine how difficult it must be.<P>Let me know how you are doing!<P>*hugs*<P>Hootie

You should be proud of yourself! You did the right thing...<P>The first week is the worst. It gets easier. Enlist family and friends to help or to come stay with you. That helps a lot!<P>Remember to vent! It helps! MB is awesome and we will all help if we can!<P>Hang in there! <P>Prayers!<BR>TB

Dear Lost11,<P>Thought you might need some encouragement today.<P>I know you're hurting and you want to feel better 'now'. The reason you aren't is that the 'you' of today is paying for the bad choices the 'you' of before made.<P>Whether you can see it or not, you have gone through a lot of changes in these last few days. You've also made many good decisions. In time, I promise that they will bear fruit.<P>One of the keys to your getting better as quickly as possible is to act based on the truth, not on what you feel. Feelings can so easily deceive us, as you know. The truth is constant and unchanging. As long as you make your decisions based on what you know to be right, and not on the feelings of the moment, you will avoid further mistakes that prolong your suffering.<P>If a person made a mistake (say, smoking in bed) and their house burnt down, it would take time for the house to be rebuilt. Even if that person were truly sorry and learned from their mistake, the house wouldn't be replaced overnight. But true change would prevent them from destroying their home in the future.<P>Your past mistakes wrecked your old emotional house. You are now rebuilding, on a much stronger foundation (the word of God). This new house will be SO much better than the old one. It just takes time to build.<P>When painful moments come (and they will) continue to make right choices. Pray. Post to your friends here. Each of us has learned to face pain, and we want to help because we genuinely care.<P>We can't make it go away over night, but we can help you through it day by day. And, like the others who responded, I'm proud of you, too. <P>Don't give in to feelings that you know are wrong and I promise you will find more contentment than you ever dreamed. There's an old saying, "You can't outgive God." And right now, your standing firm is the sacrifice He wants. <P>I know He has a beautiful plan for your life.<P>BrokenButNotCrushed<P><BR>

well i am having a hard day tday, i took this week off work so i could get my head together before i have to face MM. i am not quite sure on how to do it. one day at a time, but i still worry about what tomorrow will bring.<BR>MM keeps calling me to see how i am doing and he is only making things harder for me and for himself, so i told him i was not answering the phone anymore when he phoned, he told me he loves me and i was being irrational. God give me strength. <P>BBNC: you are a wonderful person and i thank you from the bottom of my heart for your encouraging words. your prayer i say every day, i am going to be alright. prayers to you<P>Azhootie: thanx for that info and i will ask new_beginning.<P>TB: thanx for the encouragment and i sure do hope it gets easier it certainly doesn't seem to be. my family is wonderful but this is something that i do not wish to share with them, but i do seem to be on the phone with them alot latley.<P>well i guess thats enough out of me for now.<P><P>------------------<BR>lost

Dear Lost,<P>I know that these days are hard for you, so I thought I'd check in and see how you are doing.<P>I was so glad to hear that you decided to pray the prayer I shared with you before. <BR>The bible teaches us that our personal relationship with God starts the moment that we pray that prayer.<P>During the months following their prayer for salvation, most people experience major changes in their lives. Sometimes they start right away, in other cases, God is working in the background to line up the circumstances necessary for the changes He wants in your life. But whether you see changes right away or not, you can be sure that God is working!<P>A new believer needs spiritual nourishment, just like a new baby needs mother's milk. You can get that nourishment in a variety of ways, and it is important that you experience all of them. <P>Pray. Tell God what you are feeling! Tell Him how hard it is with the confused jumble of emotions that you are feeling. Tell Him how grateful you are that your sins are forgiven, and that He loved you enough to die to pay for your sins. Pray also for others, including the family of the OM.<P>Read the bible. The bible is God's instruction manual for our lives. Because it is a large book (how could it not be?), it may seem daunting at first. I recommend that you start with one of the gospels, such as Mark or Luke, and read through it, pondering each passage as you read. Now that you have a relationship with Almighty God, He will begin to speak to you through His word, not with a 'loud voice' but with a 'quiet knowing on the inside.' <P>Purpose to have a 'quiet time' alone with God each day. He will honor your faithfulness to him.<P>Now that you are making these changes in your life, it is vital for you to be around other people who want to put God first in their lives. Visit a bible believing church this Sunday. Before, during and after, ask God to confirm in your spirit whether that is the church He wants you to attend.<P>If you are like me when I first came to God, you will have lots of questions! Questions are great; they mean you are rethinking things. I and others on this site who know Him will be overjoyed to help you grow spiritually.<P>The more your focus is on God and becoming the woman He wants you to be, the less important the OM will become. In time, you will meet a man who also knows God, and together you will experience true love. Don't look back, only forward!<P>Wishing the best for you,<P>BrokenButNotCrushed<P>